Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 4 months ago

Creative and mentally ill? NFTs might be for you / Matching your "best self" with your best moments

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions talks about how NFTs might be a great way for creative people with mental illnesses to escape the misery of day jobs, and how to set up an account using the Coinbase/Coin Wallet apps, Ethereum, and OpenSea. Then he talks about how difficult it can be for people with mental disorders to be their "best self" at exactly the moment social interactions call for it, and how this disconnect can create distressing patterns of isolation. G-Shock seemed worried that people stop leaving reviews after he showed up. John is taking a break from social media until the holidays. Please email john@emodojo.com, or call 1-405-44-3330

Hi and welcome back to Emo Dojo. I'm johnny emotions and today it's just you and meet so just kick backand relax. Today I'm going to talk about NFT's and how people with mentalillnesses might be able to leverage this as a source of income without having aboss. It's awesome. And then I'm going to talk about how having amental illness really throws off your timing, your overall timing and relationships throughout yourlife. That causes kind of a recurring downward spiral. So I'll get tothat at the end, but first let's talk about N F T's. Whatis NFT? No fuzzy things. Now I don't know, and ft youcould be a lot of things. You can make up your own in thiscontext. What I'm talking about is this new thing, new ish thing,called non fungible token. It's kind of a lame marketing term, whatever,we're stuck with it. Nft Is an nft that's a non fungible token.This non fungible token is a newer piece of the blockchain world. So inthe blockchain world you're familiar probably with blockchain money like bitcoin and etherium things likethat. Well, and FT's are block chained pieces of digital artwork, andso there are a lot of people with Bitcoin, etherium, all the typesof, you know, tradable blockchain money, because they started early and they gotlots of it and they're looking for an interesting, weird things to buy. So this is created an art market of NFT's which could be anything,anything you can imagine that's digital. It doesn't really matter much like in thereal art world, art is very subjective to the viewer. You go intoany art gallery around the world and you're probably going to find something on thewall or on the pedestal that makes you scratch your head and wonder what thefuck is this? How did this get in here? This looks like aI want to say this, and this looks like a person with no skillmade this. And I feel the same way about many nfts, and that'sokay, because that's the great thing about art. But the really interesting thing, I think, is here we get like in this zend diagram of andemployability and creativity. Well, a lot of people with mental illnesses have thosetwo, but we don't have the stability things. So we can't handle normaljobs for long periods of time because something will go off the rail and thenthe whole cycle repeats itself. With creative work or working for yourself, orjust if you're a designer, and particularly an artist, a photographer that worksin digital anything. I mean he could just anything you can get onto thatscreen and convert up into one of the platforms that I'll talk about in asecond. You can sell for whatever you want. It's like Ebay. Youcould be crazy because I got one a million dollars. Okay, well,probably going to sit there, but maybe it maybe gets sold. Who knows? That's the really interesting thing about nfts right now. And so a lotof you are creative and many of you are probably struggling trying to hold downa quote unquote normal job and you probably have this little creative creature inside ofyou just begging to get out and go, you know, live in a cabinin the forest or on the beach or something and make artwork and playguitar and, you know, just sit...

...coconut drinks or whatever you do.But I just I know so many creative people that also have mental illnesses,that suffer daily because they have to go to what normal people call a dayjob. So nfts might be one path to escape that misery. So I'mjust going to tell you real quick and about five or six steps, whatI did and how I did it and the platforms I used. Ready forthis? Okay? First you got to get the coin base APP, allright. So coin base allows you to buy Bitcoin, the theorium, allthe different all kinds of different stuff like that. And in this case,for Simplicity Sake, I'm just going to tell you what I used and youcan dig into the details on your own later. But so I chose etheriumbecause it works with the simplest platform that I found. So I bought someetherium and then you have to download APP that goes with coin base called CoinWallet. I downloaded coin wallet, then I traded my etherium that I boughtin coin base over to the coin wallet. Pretty simple, so far, right. The next thing I did was I went over to the platform thatI had chose. In chosen that I had chosen whatever called open sea.It's open sea, like the ocean, open sea, opensee, seemed likethe easiest and coin based also seemed like the easiest APP to get etherium.If theorium works with both of these really easily. So that seemed like thesimplest way to go. Keep in mind if you use things that are simpleand thought out, well plan and that means they often hired better programmers andtherefore they're probably taken out a percentage or something somewhere in the way because you'repaying for that elegance. Okay, that's fine. I'm down with paying alittle extra for the elegance and ease of use. So you with me sofar? We put some money from our bank account on two coin base,transferred that etherium that we bought on coin base over the coin wallet and thenwe opened an account on open see. Now I uploaded the design, theartwork that I want to sell on open sea and I hit sell. Ithink I'm not looking at the screen right now, but basically there's a bigblue button that says a seller or post or something like that. Go aheadand click that. Now here's where. Here's the biggest catch that I foundright in this process. Once you say sell this item, it's going toask you three different ways to sell it and you chick choose whatever way youwant. I chose like a set price, like it'll just stay there, andso they'll somebody meets that price. You can also do like auction styleand one other one. Once you click that, you're going to get amessage to say, Hey, we have a few low fees and whatever.I'm like, okay, that's fine. Then you click a button and thenit connects to your coin and Wallet, the Coin Base App and they talkedback and forth. So the next step of the here's where I'm like af come on. So the dialog screen came up and said, hey,mining fees are a bit high right now. So gave you three different choices ofa minor apparently something has to be mined to set up your open seaaccount. Kind of makes sense to me. It's fine. You can't get aroundit. Whatever. The issue here was that those mining fees that,you know, the previous screen said were small turn out to be a hundredbucks roughly. I think there's a hundred...

...six dollar one, a hundred eighteendollar one and a hundred and twelve something like that. Those three different choices, they were all just over a hundred bucks. To basically connect. Whatwas the terminology they used? Something like initiate your account at Opensee or somethinglike that. It's fine, I mean that terminology I'm not too concern with. I just want to get the fucking thing up there so people can bidon it. Right long and short of it, I had to go backto my etherium on my coin base APP and buy more of it. Ihad to buy enough so I had whatever, a hundred and twenty twenty five dollarsworth of Aitherium, so that I had to then transfer the hundred andtwenty five bucks worth of Atherium back over to my coin wallet and then reinitiatethe sell this artwork button once that connects to your coin wallet again. Thereyou go. It's a sees that you have enough to cover the transaction orthe mining fee and let you post the item and now the items posts.You're good to go, and I think that mining fee covers the next itemsyou post to. I think it's just for your account overall. I'll knowtomorrow after I try to post more items and I'll update you on that.So, long and short of it, it's about a hundred and twenty,hundred and twenty five bucks. You'll have to spend. You know that muchon the etherium in coin base transfer. Roughly hundred twenty five bucks in thetheorium from coin base to coin wallet. Go on open see, start anaccount, put up your artwork, click the button that you want to sellit. Let them initiate to each other to your coin wallet and once itshows they have enough money to start the mining. That'll happen and then youcan post your artwork Tudda. How about that? Now the great thing is, or will be, I should hope, is that it's not a hundred twentyfive dollars to have to post each thing. If it is, that'spretty prohibitive. Obviously. If it's just a hundred and twenty five to startart one account, or one gallery, let's call it, that seems fair, because then just stuff that bad boy full of all your crazy artwork andsee what sells. Who knows what if somebody likes your stuff? What ifyou have like a whole series of matching characters or things like that? Thatcould be worth a lot of money to somebody, especially people that are collectingoriginal stuff. And the really neat thing is, since it's blockchained, ifthat person ever sells it, you can set it so that a percentage ofthat sale comes back to you. So if I put up a piece ofartwork and I say I want ten percent royalty. Every time someone sells thaton the blockchain to somebody else, I get ten percent. I can't explainwhy things you see on your screen are worth money, though. That partblows me away. Why don't you just take a screenshot of it? Thatit? I don't know. There's something to ownership, true ownership, andon the blockchain it's proven that you actually own the original of that piece ofart or the rights from the original creator. So that's that's kind of cool andI think it's worth a hundred and twenty five bucks to find out.So I will keep you posted and let you know if that's for the wholeaccount or for per item. All right, cool. The other thing that's beenweighing kind of heavy on my heart lately is this idea, and I'veseen it now that I've seen the patterns happen over and over again. SoI think some of these things, when you have mental illnesses, you canonly see in hindsight after you have many years of age behind you. Iguess that makes wisdom. I think that's what creates wisdom, just paying attentiontwo things year after year after year, and then after a while it's like, oh, yeah, that's the thing.

So one of the most damaging recurringpatterns I see in my own life, and I also noticed it with otherpeople who have mental illnesses, and you could relate to this too,I'm sure, is that we it never feels like I'm able to provide thebest me to those I love the most at the time I'm with them.Does that make sense? So, like sometimes I feel like, yeah,I'm the best me, right fucking now, this is me, like clearheaded,like, you know, full of hope and positivity, clear view ofthe future, you know, aid a good breakfast or whatever, took anice long walk, all the whatever, whatever. However, you feel likethe best you right, but invariably, when you have a mental illness,it seems like nobody else's ever around when you're when you're having the best youkind of day, and it just sucks because other people, and I noticedthis a lot with my kids. Right. So, when I got divorced,now I'm broke, basically because, you know, you got to liveon half your income and pay it back to the mom and because that youhave nowhere to live, and that triggers mental illnesses, right it'll fucking newtrigger your disorder hardcore and then you had then you're in a fucked up spot, right. So then, now that relationship is that, oh, wegot to go to dad's, but now they're not getting the best me togetting this deteriorated version of me that stuck living in a fucked up, tinylittle place or something like that. You know, I try to make themost of it and I'm always trying to be positive, especially when they wereyoung. I'm like, Oh, yeah, this is kind of be fun aboutit whatever, and I tried to make everything seem fun and like anadventure. But you know, they just don't. They don't remember things thatway. They remember I don't. They remember things differently. Like it.And this all struck me when one of my kids eat he recalled the storyand he said, Hey, remember when you almost let me drowned at thatone swimming pool where you lived, at those apartments, and like what?I'm like, that's the time that I saved you from drowning. Drowning.However, you say the word and it just it struck me as so bizarrebecause I'm like what, I was the one who helped you. But theyremember it backwards, like I don't know, like how does that all happen?Anyway. So each time in my life then I'd get kind of shutout, wholly depressed, lose a job or cause whatever, loseless, caught, lose a job, but normally I don't quit. It would be firedor some kind of weird Tangion, because I don't know, because I'm fuckingme right. I do the best I can, but anyway, depression usuallyis one of the job killers. Overall, I'm not quite there to where Ican qualify for any kind of disability, but it's enough to where my lifehas been a fucking hellish cycle over and over again, like every thousanddays. Cycle repeats itself. But the Times that I've been up, there'sbeen nobody around, because the Times that they've been around I've been at mylowest. Nobody can deal with that, understandably. And then the pattern repeatsbecause they they, like ever, not just my kids, but like everybodyin my past, almost that I can think of right now. HMM,yeah, they, they, they've been worn out. I've warned them outbecause they were. They've had they were around me when I was not atmy best for whatever reason. which is funny because when I'm at my worstand I need help, nobody's around either, but when I'm just barely getting bythat somebody might talk to me on...

...the phone or see me in personor something, and they're just not getting my best. Like fuck. Ifeel like I have so many opportunities to perform and be a fucking awesome personand I just let people down. and I wonder if you do you feelthat way, like Geez, I'm not trying to be a dick or anythinglike that. And like, for example, with my boys. Recently, I'vebeen thinking about them a lot. So I just miss them so andI'm just trying to figure out, like undoing my mind, what happened.But it's that whole thing. Like I was in a fucked up situation anyway. We're in like swamps of Louisiana, living in a house where there's gapsunder the doors big enough for like little lizards to crawl in. The weatherwas horrible. The man was just tough, and so then they came to livewith me there and there was so much tension to begin with that wedidn't even give a get like a fair shake to be father and sons andI have a really strong thing about justice and fairness, and that's one thingthat really fucks with my head a lot is that every time I get achance to be with my sons, it's in a really stressful situation. Oh, not only are we now in the swamps like covid starts. So nowwe're in covid and then we go to Oklahoma because my son's got into afight with my roommate in Louisiana. But I've told everybody it before. Youknow I'm not going to take somebody else's side over my kids, so Iwill always take their side. And then we ended up in Oklahoma and then, you know, we're in fucking the tiny one bedroom apartment, three ofUS grown size men, and I'm stressed out. I got to find ajob. Everything's fucked up. I don't get extended benefits, there's no extrayou know, unemployment for me. There's no employment for me anyway. SoI found a quick little job for a marketing company. Fine, then Ifound a normal job, but throughout this time I didn't know if I wasgoing to find anything. We literally left Louisiana in a suburban me and mytwo sons pulling a trailer. I'm like, what the fuck were we going?What? How? How is this even going to work? Entirely stressful, and I mean I'm highly sensitive person anyway, and it was just reallya lot to handle and I didn't handle it well. But I didn't try. I didn't beat anybody, I didn't curse anybody out, I didn't fuckingthrow things or break things. I'm just I'm not that kind of person.I have self control, come on, but I just you know, there'sTimes where I just got on my son because the bike store was closed orbecause we're looking at like a site for the business we wanted to start,and I got on because I didn't think he was up to speed with theplans that we had already made. So it felt like he wasn't paying attention, so I gottn't. I got on for that. But you know,that was enough. And we had a blow up about who owns my mytruck, which was a sore spot for me because my own dad tried tosteal it from me and I'm just tired of people trying to take shit fromme. It's so much, you know. But again, all of these thingswould not have happened if we were, if things were whole, like ifour lives were whole together, like if things just never got fucked up, we would have a full size house with plenty of room for everybody.Every whoever wanted a car would have a car. But things are so disintegratednow and I think a lot of people with mental illnesses feel exactly like this, because things keep repeating in cycles and just when you think you have everythinggood together, you find like, oh, things are going good, of coursenow there's nobody here to have any fun with, to like, toshare in the love, and then you get depressed after years, or orat least after months and months, but...

...definitely after years, you just getto press that there's nobody to share it with, and then when somebody comesback into your life, you don't know how to express how the fucking yourjoy and then gets all bent out of shape. And then my one ofmy other sons came to visit us here and I was tired. I waslike super stressed out about trying to get to a job and get enough sleepfor that job, and they were, you know, stand up on nightplaying video games and you know, just woke up and I was cranky becauseI'm like, I need some sleep, but now I feel like a Dickbecause that was my only chance to see him and now I felt like hetook that personally. Guys so much. You know what I mean, andI don't know, I just had to get that that part out, andso I appreciate you for listening, but you know, I feel it too. I mean, if you're, if you're suffering from some kind of mentalillness, whether it's bipolar disorder or borderline disorder, obviously anxiety and straight disorder, straight depression, then yeah, you probably start to understand how the cyclewill just take you out of the social game entirely and without any friends oreven family left. The older you get, it really gets fucking like lonely.You know there's nobody to give you a hug and you know how exhaustingit is to have to take care of yourself all day long with nobody around. I'm talking every single little thing, from fucking doing the laundry, puttingthe ice in the ice tray, to every little thing needs to be done, the things that you would normally as somebody. Hey, could you dothis for me real quick? Cool could you do this, share be happytoo. So when you got two people, that's like a little balance. Whensomebody's up, somebody's down, and you can, you know, share. When you buy yourself, it's either you do it or just does notget done, and a lot of times things don't get done and then youfeel like a fucking slab, like a slacker, because it's exhausting just tokeep up with the vacuum in that cleaning the bathtub and doing the laundry andgoing shopping and all that stuff. It's rough when you're alone. So Idon't know if there's some way that I could collect all my good times andput them in a collection and share those with the people that are used tolove me or that I love. However you want to frame that, thatwould be awesome. And if you hear this and you know me from thepast, then yeah, thanks for listening, because I have love for you aswell before I get out of here today. It's going kind of longtime. Sorry, had to fucking breathe and just get it out. Iwas talking to g shock the other day and he sounded concerned that we stoppedgetting reviews after he started coming on. He didn't say it out right,but I got the sense that he thought it was because of him, andI don't think so. I think it was something else. I think itwas when I tried to have a cohost. She fuck things up and made mestress out, and then we had like a slack channel that somebody elsewas like becky was trying to fuck around in there. There's two becky's andI love them both. Once a podcaster and one is she was like afan of the show and she kept talking about like this person that wasn't inthe group personally, and I'm like, oh, that's too much, thisis not appropriate, and I asked her to like take a break and shedid whatever, but now I feel like a Dick for for that, youknow, I'm like, Oh, well, there's you just being a Dick.Should let her go. So, Becky, that Becky, if you'reout there, I apologize. I'm not starting a new slack group, butyeah, I mean, I see, I know when I can be aDick and a lot, a lot of times just like a sneeze. Isthat make sense? If you have a...

...mental illness, sometimes your reaction islike a sneeze to a normal person. Let me explain. It's that youcan't control it. You know you're about to do it, you did it. You might have sneezed on somebody and you apologize and keep going. Ifsomeone throws some black powder and your nose and you sneeze on them, youprobably gonna say, what the fuck are you doing? Why'd you make mesneeze like in other words, we can be provoked. Yes, of course. There're many people in the lives of people with mental illnesses who love toprovoke us right and they get off on that. They're sick. A lotof them are basically narcissist who have not going gone to the hospital or seeinga shrink on any regular basis and just don't acknowledge the narcissist them. Infact, all of us have a little bit of narcissism, so it's importantto like check in on that Shit and make sure you're not being the narcissist, which is why I put such a heavy emphasis on apologizing. Sometimes,you know, all the time whatever, when it's they're fucking apologize every episode. But I sometimes I apologize in my head. Now work all these thingsout and think, oh yeah, cool, it's all good, but I neveractually call them or I never email them. We're text there and more'stold anybody. A lot of times I do, but not every time.So if you think I'm mad at you or anything like that, I've forgot. Yeah, I totally forgive everybody. Forgive you and you and you,and if you've apologized to me for something, yes, I accept your apologize,your apology. Man, I'm just trying to keep it all together.I feel like I'm going in this transition of life. I need to cleanup some past business so I can move on to the next thing. AndYeah, so, anyway, I appreciate you for listening and we'll talk aboutsomething, hopefully more uplifting, on the next episode of this show. Youknow, that actually doesn't have a name. We record at the EMO Dojo andI call this character Johnny. Emotions they're realized. Yeah, that doesn'tactually have a name because I wiped a buipolar style off because I didn't wantthe stigma right. Anyway, if you good thing of a good name forthe podcast, cool, Oh du got all distracted. So the pretter Garythinks nobody loves him because there's no reviews and comments. He's all I wouldeven take a bad review, but I'm like no, don't do that.I'd rather have no review than bad review. Fuck that, just honest review.Yeah, but please, if you're listening, I know it's a pandaass to leave a review, because I try to leave reviews and there's tonsof great podcast then think, man, I should leave a review for thisshow. I love this show and I just don't and I keep listening andI listen to all their podcast and I'm like, when the fuck is yournext episode coming out? And you know, I never returned the favorite new forI can hardly ever will do the review, except now. Now I'mtrying to start this new thing, you know, trying to change my life, and I'm leaving reviews and I'm emailing people that are here on their podcastand thanking them and stuff like that, because it's important to let people knowthat they're heard. I think so. To that extent, I would liketo know that this show is heard. So you can email me, Johnat Emo DOJOCOM. Pretty straightforward, John John, and I'm going to getoff social media until the holidays. Just need to break from that Shit.It's too much. But you can always email me there or you can callthe studio. Call Four hundred and five, four Oh three thousand and thirty threehundred and leave me a voice mail. I would love to hear from youthat way and I promise I will not exploit your call. Over thispodcast real quickly. Here are the other things I'm doing to change. Icut all sugar, snacks and drinks out...

...of my diet, replace them withwater and salad, and I started rowing every day. That's those the twoof the big changes. Anyway, and just I'm constantly doing the research onmy brain and trying to fix me, working on Cyposyde spit it out.Psyche. What is it? Psycho cybernetics, not to be confused with Dianetics,the scientology. Shit, it's not scientology. Look up sybe man,look up how to pronounce words. Look up psycho cybernetics and the power ofthe subconscious mind. He's the kind of books I'm getting back into and beenstarting a vision board. Yes, it sounds Corny, it works to try. Thanks for listening to me talk. I'm happy to be in your head. Hit me up talking soon. Goodbye, and now back to the wall.

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