Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 1 year ago

New kid or stray dog/ The novelty wears off soon/ Now I am nothing

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Since my new podcast host (Sounder.fm ) transcribes the entire show anyway, my new epsiode titles/descriptions will be in Haiku ... just because.

New kid or stray dog/

The novelty wears off soon/

Now I am nothing

Transcriptions are available free at EmoDojo.com 

I'm ready to eat you going to have some Turkey I'm waiting for the mayors, but teaters. They don't forget that gravy love the Gravi. You got some beans, I take some beans go ahead and let them more than that. Don't care if that OES I'll mix them upanyway, theyall go to the same place. Little more Gravin,...

...that's a plawe, Gonto, stop and SayGrace Ol right now. I think it's TNTE to podcast for today, I'm just playing trying to do something to keep myspirits up, get my own spirits up. I feel like a stray dog like never a priority like if you see a like, if you want a pet you'll, go, geta pet and you'll take care of it right...

...and most of the time you don't reallypay attention to other animals. But if you see a stray dog running aroundlooking ridiculous and just pathetic, a lot of most people would try to findits home like. Where do you belong Noah, I'm that I'm the one that thatnever happens to so on the holidays? It sucks, especially because well for oneI want. I had kids and a family to have holidays. I like holidays, I thinkthey're. I think family's great and I like hanging out with family. However,ever since I got divorced, there has been no family like nobody wants tohang out with me. I'm nobody's priority. You know what I mean: Nobody, when they're putting a list ofpeople to invite to an evant or a holiday party, or anything like that,I'm not the top of anyone's list nobody's going like Oh fuck yeah. Wegot to invite John of course, yeah. Oh Yeah N. The whole room agrees like Ohyeah, yeah put hin first on list, it's never happening...

...not even on the list. I'm the guy whopeople find out did not get invited somewhere else and at the last minute,oh well, yeah we have room we'll make room O we'll have some leftovers. Thatkind of thing I'm the leftover guy and it's completely fucked up. It's afucked up feeling to be the leftover guy. Youever been the third wheel outthere. This kind of I got this feeling back when I was a kid in school,because I got moved from school to school sofrequently. I was always the new kid. Well, what are the things at top ofbeing bullied as the new kid, because you're, the lowest of the total bowl inschool when you're the new kid you also get picked last for most sports. Nobodyknows if you're, good or bad at the sport. The thing is they just don'tknow you you don't fit in so, of course, if you're, not their friend they're,not going to pick you. So it's kind of that similar feeling ifyou've ever been not picked for sports or pick last, it's the same thing withthe holidays. For me I guess fucking get picked last if at all a lot ofpeople, don't even think of me anymore,...

...which is fine and totallyunderstandable. In most cases, however, my own family, though, like up and downthe family tree my dad he's on the Shit List, because he embezzled my truck. He put it. Let him borrow my truck. Hetook it up to the mountains and registered in his name, which is thesame as mine except the middle initial is different and then, when I needed atthe very most when I was super out destitute, he wouldn't let me have mytruck to either drive it anywhere or to sell it for the money he's like. No, Ineed it and like fuck he fucking kidding me. I had to get the departmentof motor vehicles investigator on his ass and all this other stuff. So anyway,he's on my shit list and I would have thought my mom would have reached out to me orsomething like because when my sister died a few years ago that made me theonly kid left and I'm like. Well, don't don't youmiss me, I mean I fucking. I miss my kids. That's why I texted them thismorning. Like I love you happy...

Thanksgiving and one of the threetexted me back some Li okay and but then not only did I emailed my mom and I sent her a videolike hi. How are you doing happy Thanksgiving and Centor a text toremind her about it and still nothing? There's like almost nine o'clock atnight and NA nobody's nobody's taken any initiative to reach out to me, especially in including the people thatknow I'm alone, I don't expect like listeners or coworkers an things like that Caus, Ikind of keep my life compartmentalize, but my fucking family knows and justseems rude and unnecessarily mean because who am I being compared toanyway, because in this case you hear my own dad is in a bezzler and my kidsother GRANDPA fucking molested. You know their mom and all the otherdaughters back when they were kids, not my sons, but their mom and her sisterswere all molested by that GRANDPA who...

...spent time in prison for dealing childpornography. So those are the two other men in their family like who am I beingmodeled after as the bad guy like because they have mental health issues?That's it give me a break so anyway, this fucking hurts anddoing. Whatever Ican to stab trouble, I didn't drink. I didn't eat really much junk food.Today, wandered around loss for a minutetrying to find some place to buy anything, and I don't know just because probablythe pandemic. The fact that this is a conservative town to begin with, on topof Thanksgiving miner hard to find anything that wasopen. So I just kind of wandered around and looked like an idiot, sometimes not hard for me to do, will amon day six of the lifted tdcsmachine, that's the transcranial direct...

...current stimulation, the electronicdevice that Zaps my brain, my frontolobe there's a specific part ofthe brain up there in the fronto lobe that it stimulates. You can look it up, get liftedcom what it is like. I saidthey don't pay me not paying them just checking it out, trying some brainstimulation with electricity to see if it helps my depression- and I don't know it's kind of not fair,though, because I'm trying it through the holidays which are notoriously bad.So the only measure of the holidays is don't kill yourself. So if I don't kill,myself is the is it just because I normally do haven't killed myself yetor is it because that the machine works? I don't know it's hard to say, like Isaid it's fun to try gives me something gives me somethingto focus on for twenty minutes of the day since there's nothing else reallymuch to do, especially through the holiday weekend.

Ihope, you have'tg a great holiday. Ihope we having O I'm hoping you're surviving, basically and so far youhave, if you're listening to this podcast right now, chances are reallyhigh, it's after Thanksgiving, so you made it and I don't know not much longer prettysoon, we'll have a new president, not long after that will start gettingpeople inoculated against the pandemic and who knows by summer we might beable to congregate in the flesh with other humans again, so that would belovely so yeah. That's it back to the wall from me. Take Care, be love the on end, Tryno, to kill yourself today, Tigar Ol, that you've been missing,prescription an killer, caut your blessings, early...

...forthe Lato get the game. When is father, Lucky Livn, Yous, Stak, N killers and now back to the wall.

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