Emo Dojo™ Presents: John Emotions
Emo Dojo™ Presents: John Emotions

Episode · 1 month ago

Pillow Guy, SNL, Beavis and Butthead, Val Kilmer, and nostalgic hijinx

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

The My Pillow guy’s late night commercials; SNL on Peacock sucks ass without the musical artists … like when Beavis and Butthead got their videos recalled over music rights; Val Kilmer’s A.I. voice; Remembering a New Year’s Eve of debauchery; Only ride drunk with someone who cares about their car; San Francisco nostalgia; John punks Gary at Lake Tahoe during a blizzard; And now, back to the wall.  

I sound like I'm the like they soundlike I'm here in your laptop. Like I hear everything or tap on the laptop of my book. It actually don't know where it is, so we should be good. Now there you gothere. You Sound, like the my pillow guy, now fuck, that guy that you crazy, I'mcrazy, but that just crazier Holy Shit Dude. I was so they have my pillowcommercials like or late night overnight kind of stuff right well inthe TV Channel Grid. It puts my pillow right. Well now it says my pillowmattress I've been canceled shop and save big. Now, what that's? What it says he's actuallyclaiming he canceled yeah in the TV listing like you're scrolling down thegrid. You know you got Fox and C and just keep scrawling scires grown scrolland you find some fucked up channel with the my pillow mattress commercial.I've been canceled, smart, fucking Guy Dude, that's actually smart marketing,because then he'll shade her to his what yeah? What else you got to I meanhe's, got nothing to lose, but try no he's got no cancel all you other people.That think that you know this whole cancel culture thing is bullshit.Support. Make right right, he's got no other path to redemption, so you mightas well fucking least bail out pay for what he's already spent poor guy in poor guy feel fucking. I thought thatguy was fucking creepy since the old time. The very first time I saw himlike somebody was in a commercial and they opened up their medicine cabinetand he's on the other side of the medicine cabinet poking his head in,like I knew you would like you know, you know who he reminds me of. Hereminds me of Paul bear or the undertaker remember the worse. Yeahtakers holper a little bit of him, and maybe Dr Phil, with a rug, yeah sure frock yeah. Well, he is upher Midwest Minnesota, so he's Got Cobo do to do Ventura accent, yeah, it'sfunny that guys a mess that'll all that shit's a mess dudits like yeah, I'mgoing to prove to you why Donald Trump law or fucking was robbed of thepresidency. Sure you aren't dude sure you are it's funny w some people, justdon't catch on that the world keeps moving. It's like yeah, do think fuckingRussian shot JFK and like dude come on come on. I think it has to do do withthe them not thinking the world is not moving. It's just there they're solatched on to something that yeah. I I'm trying to figure this out. You knowbecause when you look at the whole trump thing in his snake, skin oilsalesman tactics of him showing he's just the bravado type guy, that's goingto get it done sure it are done. So when you look at that now, you know what I really think it isdude. I think it just became a pick aside thing like America has always hadmultiple fucking political parties right lots of different perspectives.The whole idea of like America is the you know, big melting pot, but now it'snot a melting pot at all. It's like left or right pick aside, you're eitherthis or your must be that, and so it well kind of is a melting pot. It'sjust that these people have the loudest voices. That's that's what it's becausethey're losing it's an! I likin it a lot of sports teams if you pick a teamthat, because for one reason or another, you know because your dad like thatteam or because they happen to live by you or whatever the reason you latch onto it right well- and you happen to lodge on to him because they werewinning that year, maybe even took the...

...penance. Well, then they start suckingyear after year after year, there's fucking people who still support losingteams. Twenty years later, you know what I mean yeah, that's part of thatwhole thing of like if you grew up in a bay area and the as were a losing team.Yet you still supported them, because you know it's Oakland and black, a andSan Francisco, the giant for a long time in the S and s, there's a wholephrase for giants fan wars. Nobody sucks forever. I mean that's pretty sadso and you can always have a winning team. It's not! It doesn't work thatway if you always have a winning team. What the fuck is the point of sportsright exactly- and I think what's happened now- is that politics is thesport that dumb dumps can play now. Twenty four seven all year round, it'snot just football season or baseball season, already have to jump from teamto sport and re decide or what's what now you could just fucking latch it allon one guy like Oh, that's, my guy, that's my fucking Teamo, so whatever's,whatever my team and my fucking teams fans say I'm going to Parit thatbecause I want to belong. Oh here's. Some fuck are y right. I'mlooking at the peacock APP on the old Roku scrawling a rot, go ahead, yeah!So I'm looking at all the S NLS, I'm like what they got. All the sands here,I'm like he got to get some good shit. I want like down to Pam Anderson withthe Rawlins band on it and I'm like fuck yeah. Let's check this one out.Skits are stupid, of course, right there's a couple gyms in there, like Iremember, that's where that came from and then no fucking bands, they didn't get therights to any of the music. Now the fucking episodes in the whole fuckingshit catalogue has any live bands on it. I could have told you that who lazy asit fucking NBC, failed to get that done. That's the main part of fucking S, N Lis like well the skid suck. Let's see who's playing well, remember that Bevisand bud head had all those videos you know when they were doing their littlevideo thing in between the cartoons, and that was the best. That was thefunny Shit Dude, because that's really what caught my eye to I agree did I agree, but the problem was that when they released the DVDs in the twothousands, they had to recall some of them sure- and I don't know if it hadto do with that. But that was the main reason why Bevis and butthead stuff wasso difficult to. I guess you could say distributebecause of the music, because it all had that copyrighted shit imbedded init interesting yeah. I mean, if you think about it, each episode had atleast two or three videos. They were fuckingwith. You know whether they liked it or he s recked on it good times ban, I loved it when Pateracame on and they just called Phil Pantera and Tara, get in your room andclean it up. Yeah angry yeah funny. I don't bet idiot here's a weirdthing. So we talked about the vow Val kilmer documentary a bit ago. Here's what's in Tin, you did. I stillhaven't watched it yet yeah it's! I can't get all the way through it, so Ican't really recommend it, but there are some interesting things that cameout of it. So his son, I told you narrates it and a sun sounds a lot likehim when he was young, so that's cool, but okay. Since the movie came out, oneof these voice over AI companies got a hold of him and cut together audio thatthey had found in the public domain or youtube whatever you know and just dida whole sampling of Val kilmer's voice. Now that dude could type any anythinghe wants and it will speak in his voice and it sounds pretty fucking good. What do you mean? So if VAL kilmercan't really speak other way, these Dan,...

...like man, that fucking voice box thatalways that fucked up? I didn't know that yeah yeah, so the cancer is gone,but apparently the treatment fucks your voice box up permanently. So he can'ttalk for Shit and he likes to to an avid smoker. I don't think so. I forgot if theycovered, why and how he got that throat, cancer or asophychus cancer, yeah yeah.Exactly a SAPAGO cancer. No, but anyway he's fine, now healthwise, he just fucked up from the treatment and he hasn't a voice box,but they saw this movie and obviously you can't walk around with your kidreading your mind and spining out spitting out thoughts for you in words.He can now type what he wants and it just comes straight out of vocoder typelittle device in his real voice, hmm that they justsynthetically combined from samples after samples after samples. So whatI'm thinking about now? It's no the longer. I like this sounding no, itsounds just like fucking Valkuerie, the doors you know just stop: fucking, heyman, super cool like wow wow, so but that's a trip, because so what I'mthinking of, because I I listen to lots of voice over podcast and there is acompany, I'm checking out that I want them to make. I want to make my voice avoice that kind of voice, because they need apparently lots of people to makethese voices because they're way cheaper to create aaudio book out of a semi synthesized voice than it is to pay a reader toread. The whole book makes sense, wow so like they might. Someone mightpay me fifteen hundred lars to read a book I'll read the book. I get fifteenhundred lars and usually that's it. They don't they can't fuck with myaudio or anything like that. Well, you go to this other audio company, thatdoes it half and half and they'll say. Well, it's three hundred bucks. The cool thing is even though it's farless money for the like the Book Company, it's paid to have their book,converted to audio thenhiring the whole actor, to read the whole thing: The like that voice actor that createdthe synthetic voice. In this case, if I created a synthetic of myself, I could get royalties on that shit. Justthe same so they could be using my voice, tons of places all around theworld and I don't even know it'd be like a song royalties. So in other words, you just be gettingchecks all the time. Yeah you'd be getting pennies. You know what you'renot getting fifteen hundred dollars for reading a one simmons money, I think so.Well, I don't know if it's a lot of money, but I think the potential isthere much in the same way songwriters royalties used to be for them now, keepin mind. Fuckin Jean does deals for pennies man. He he's he's all about themoney, no matter what it is, yeah yeah, if you got all of that and multiplerevenue stream. So then you could like take your top to your voice. Like me,as my own name, could be the one that reads: full things or does announcements or does whatever,and then I can have johnny motions as the fucking Avatar ai voice that peoplejust fucking plug in their thirty thirty bucks. Well, I don't even knowhow much they're going to charge or pay, but the idea of having a voice alreadyset up of me does not creep me out at all. If it can make me money well, yeah I mean. Wouldn't that be Imean it'd be weird if you show up in a weird town like Minnesota and you hopon the on the tram or something and it's like Shit, that's my voice.They're like next stop is railway station you're. Like that's me. That'sme, like E, I wonder if I'm getting a check and you'll have some APP orsomething you probably could just check your bank account like yeah cool, butdon't you but don't you kind of think, though, in the years to come, it'sbasically just going to be automated voices in those things to a point.Here's the thing that the arguments not buck, I'm just talking about like liketransportation or or things like that, yeah, like so prisoler the system. Ithink that's robotic voice that you hear on...

...on the bus, yeah, shorter phrases andsentences, and things like that for sure it could easily be automated awayright. Definitely right right. I think they had a person read the bar ones.They don't there aren't that many commands on Bart and it sounds like areal human to me anyway. Really, you think so. I think it's a waycomputerized now a robot, the overhead, maybe but the I'm just thinking of theon train announcers and that's actually the driver, the conductor right and you kind of wonder whetherthey are still implementing that or whether you know they're, just drivingin that or they're just staring yeah I mean. Could they have an option in thefuture like to sit in the fucking office at Bart Headquarters, for twentyminutes and record all the phrases themselves? And now, whenever I'm onduty, all I have to do is push that button, rock rig station or Rock Ridge.I don't have to talk anymore. I just have to push the button with my samples.Remember that one time dude it was you me that chick and we went and saw the two punk rock bandsof the Germs and adolescence in Oakland on new years sure, and then like was that bar the Vera. I'm sorry was that her name Verdiere. No, it's nine o'clock, hmm, what the God than I actually do not remember her name,I'm I'm racking my brain right now, anyway,I do not recive we'll give her a name later continue with the story: Yeah anyways Yeah. We had a good time at that show.We got over M twelve thirty, maybe one o'clock, we stumbled our way to theseventeen ein't eighteen street part station, whichever that one is- and I don't recall you where I'm just likewhere's Johnny- and I just like I'm fucking- I guess he's just going tofigure it out himself because we can't find him. I remember where I was in your phone solike what were you I'm the wrong platformthat fucking station has like three levels? I was waiting on a platformwhere a train go in my direction back to the conquered. It was never going tocome. It just didn't come on that Ravel. It was down there for like forty fiveminutes, I'm like how fuck and then I sobered up a little bit went up star.You were annihilated to so yeah. I can imagine why you mayn't have missfinally got on the platform upstairs going back to conquered see, I thinkyou had made it a home and just passed out drunk in your car in the parkinglot of Bart waited for me. I think that's how that ended, but fuck dude I got no were no. We didn'tpass out. We know I SPEC. I specifically told the girl that willwait for Johnny, because you know it's fucking three o'clock in the morningand I don't feel like going home and having him take a tax or whatever we'llwait ill show up. That was so wrong to, because I remember I finally got on atrain you're welcome and I tucked my ass. You know welcome you know. Whenyou get on a car, you can just find the corner of a car that corner seat anycorner seat. Then man at the far corner of a car near the doors and it wasstill fucking, helicon, O drunk out hell a loud now dude. I fucking pull myjacket up over my fucking arm in my ear and like put my head down on the seatin front of me: leaned it there and just fucking. I fucking threw up like fourgallons all over the floor down through there was a match and dude. Ithink the people must have cleared out that car no way. Nobody else care thosepeople peeing. I think fucking and there's just a mess. Dude, it wasnarleyow yeah. It was crazy. Is Crazy! Car like us, that's what happens at twoor three o'clock Bart God, love for see we and we gothome at like two. So that's what was funny because I figured I was going towait for you till about three and I think you showed up somewhere. You knowbetween two thirty and three, just so...

...fucking annihilated- and I was justlike- Oh my God, I'm glad I'm driving here yeah, it's that feeling that yougot so wasted that you fucking puked at all, and then you had like a thirtyminute train ride to pseudo pass out like I wasn't passed out, but I hadnothing else to do but kind of be passed out SORTA. So I was God is it,but I'm like that thirty minutes went by and like about five minutes, I thinkit was like felt like three hours and five minutes all at the same time thatI remember a conquer as it. This is the fucking place right here is Scoun the fucking that stupor look,we kind of looked to the sky. It the shoulders, pull back a little bit goinglike a fucking Spaco I going yes cocker, fuck, yeah and and then then your headis just kind of going back and forth and your body is slowly moving for anmoving. Yet it's like well, the bare move is got cash up to my top is going stumble, stumble, say: okay, I got, Ithink I got it. Then you get about thirty feet in your Strad you're likeYave. Look at me, I'm walking fuck it got struck. It is yes, I think what happened was. I think I might have dropped her offand then came back. Do you recall her being in I recover being with us at thetrain station? When I got back to Bart this could have been a different nightaltogether, but I'm pretty sure it was that night when I got back to conqueredBart you or just chilling kind of sleeping in your car waiting for me andyet thank you. Okay, yeah, like I said, you're welcome and Yes for sure I don'tknow what you do with her hats, but that's what I do for my brows man,because I know that some of my brows are Dick wides and just would be likefuck him. He can find his own way. Yeah. Honestly, though, people that dothat kin why to drive everywhere, could kind of deserve it. Yeah, I was I'llalways tell people like find somebody, that's willing to drive drunk, becausethat way, they're still like they're, not trying to crash, and they don'twant to crash their car. So therefore you are as safe as you feel they arewith their own car. That's my theory. So I hey is mother. Fuckers, nevercrash his own car he's not going to start crashing it. Just because I gotin it like I don't get. I don't get fuck out of drunk. Anybody is he's good. I'm like this is just kind of like anexciting ride. For me, it's free like the crashes. This is just a story forme. I'm like yeah drunk cause, I'm a fucking good, drunk writer, I won't say a drunk driver because I'mparanoid about that Shit but yeah, I'm a good, do you're, definitely a funsloshy drunk every time. I've been around you when you've been annihilated.We've had we've had a blast. I mean especially in the city dude, that Istill I still say my favorite story with you is us, meaning you me and yoursister, all fucking, passing out in your apartment. You passed out in yourclothes and you got up in your clothes and just said: Yep, I'm dressed I'mready to go. Oh Yeah. I think, because I have my doc Martins on. That'sprobably made it extra funny because I had back then I sported those red dog,Martins and there's no way I could have gotten those off the nine before so I'mfrom that, you took him off dude, but the rest of your clothes stayed onbecause I remember you're, just like I'm like dude. Do you realize you gotyour jacket on all your fucking jeans on you're, like I don't care like allright to go for it passed out like a God, Damn corpse and bed me like a crepe and a fucking me and your sisterssitting there spooning and I'm getting erection backwards on the couch you'relike yeah was. Is I happen her sleep to be hastening to me? Fuck! That's too funny dude man! He all ofthings we've done had a camera. It was better than the reality shows. I watch that we've done hell yeah, so many Weird Shit, dude I'd even bringup the one that I was the most mad at you, but I I look back on it now andI'm just like God, Damn that was a...

...brutal prank that was fucking Taho Dude.When we went down to that, we were in the pool, I think, of thishotel that your dad was being security. I love that story now. What hadhappened to? We got there at a good night right had like a foot of snow onthe ground and it snowed like fucking five feet overnight. Remember your caror my car. Whoever is car way room as oh. It was my car dude. It was likefucking ten feet of snow yeahs like what the fuck and then but they hadstill carried my car yeah and everything we had to get a like a tractor some shit that pull us out like a literally a tractor, and then we didn'tdude, we meaning you me and your father got out there and dug it out. We did wedug it out. Oh, I remember the tractor was pulling the guy ahead of us outearlier yeah yeah. No, she o what happened, though, so the all that snowthey still carved like little alley ways to get from the the hotel buildingto the warm swimming pools. So yeah. I had convinced you of my dude.It's only like ten feet. It's just right over there come on man, don't bea pussy come on, let's go so wait! No, that that was that part why I had noproblem with it was when we got down there and you just all of a sudden justtook off, and you took my fucking shoes, Oh yeah yeah. I was bereft to your foot on to ice.Yeah me too fuck. You the one for that. I want youto have the same experience. I did no. I was for sure it was mis role becauseit was so cold. It started to get hot on my feet by the time why I was almostto that building like that was how, by the time I got to the building, I wasscreaming. Yeah you, Terry rose. As a matter of fact, there were some girlsat just like what's wrong and I go my fucking asshole friend took my shoesand I had to go up this shit and bare feet. My feet are fucking free, it's like what it's like. Ten thirty atnight is probably thirty degrees out and just everything's frozen stacked,full of snow but yeah right stories and they're. Looking at me, like you moreon it's just like no, I had shoes and socks with me that ass hole sabotage.My ass yeah, I'm like that good friend of mine played this Nice fucking jokeon me. Ha Ha ha joke on me. I guess t yeah, I get back you and your dad arerolling. Oh, my God, I was just like you fucking assholes. I Want I want totake my car out right, Oh man, yeah and then a dude. We lookdown and it's just like where's, my car. Oh It's under all that snow, literallydude, it's like it was just it was. It was probably above I find remembercorrectly. There was probably about three to five feet of snow just on theroof right with regular car yeah, not drift or anything like that. Justregular snow. Just straight up, it's going to be there, no matter what I'mlike Whoa, that's a I mean that was even a lot of snow bike. Current Tahorecords, you know what I mean and then and then it snowed again and piled upall the way. Up to that point. So that's when I, when I was looking downthe window, I was like fuck did my car Scot, it's hopeful. What stole my car,the Fuck and then we snow shut. We snow shoot off into the Wilderness Fuck. Itwas so horrendous that day with snow shoot. I think I don't know we mighthave gone fifty yards out and back, but it felt like miles yeah, because the snow was, I don't know if you call it thick orjust oh yeah, it's just like you go deep down and when you're trying to getyour leg out and then next leg it's like Il fuck this yeah it was wet anddeep, but yeah affluant yeah. That was...

...a workout boy good times. Man I likethat place. No for sure I again looking back on itnow awesome, but at that time it's just like mother Fucker, I'm gonna get thisguy back and I got you back one time and I can't remember when, but I think I did get you back one time IPisagua it must not have been it's fucking right. That full is is yeahssaying. Does it count? If I don't know that you got me back, I sous like aSindes episode. Dude you got to apologize. You got to meet it in and now back to the wall.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (112)