Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 4 months ago

Pillow Guy, SNL, Beavis and Butthead, Val Kilmer, and nostalgic hijinx

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

The My Pillow guy’s late night commercials; SNL on Peacock sucks ass without the musical artists … like when Beavis and Butthead got their videos recalled over music rights; Val Kilmer’s A.I. voice; Remembering a New Year’s Eve of debauchery; Only ride drunk with someone who cares about their car; San Francisco nostalgia; John punks Gary at Lake Tahoe during a blizzard; And now, back to the wall.  

That sound like I'm the MIC.May sound like I'm here on your laptop. MIC. I hear everything. Okay, and then or tap on the laptop mic Brook with actually don't knowwhere it is. We should be good now. There you go. Thereyou sound like the my pillow guy. Now, fuck that guy. That'scrazy. I'm crazy, but that just crazier. Holy Shit, dude,I was so they have my pillow commercials, like over late night, overnight kindof stuff, right well in the TV Channel Grid. It puts mypillow right well. Now it says my pillow mattress I've been canceled. Shoppingsave big. Now what? That's what it says. He's actually just claiminghe wance old. Yeah, in the TV listing, like you're scrolling downthe grid, you know you got Fox and CW and just keeps scrolling,scrollings, growling, scroll, and you find some fucked up channel with themy pillow mattress commercial I've been canceled. SMART fucking guy. Dude. That'sactually smart marketing, because then he'll cater to his what. Yeah, whatelse you got to I mean, he's got nothing to lose but dry.No, he's gotten no canceled all you other people that think that you know. This whole cancel culture thing is bullshit. Support me, right, right.He's got no other path to redemption, so you might as well fucking leastbailout pay for what he's all ready spent. Poor guy in poor guy, don't feel fucking I thought that guy was fucking creepy since the old time, the very first time I saw him, like somebody was in a commercial andthey opened up their medicine cabinet and he's on the other side of themedicine cabinet poking his head in, like I knew you would like. WhoDid you know? You know who. He reminds me of a he remindsme of Paul Bear, the undertaker, remember the yeah takers? o?A little bit of him, and maybe Dr Phil with the Rug. Yeah, sure, frock. Yeah, well, he is Upper Midwest Minnesota, sohe's got Kudaboo do Ventura accent. Yeah, it's funny. That guy'sa mess. That'll all. That Shit's a mess, dud dude. It'slike, yeah, I'm gonna prove to you why Donald Trump, law orfucking was robbed of the presidency. Sure you are, dude, sure youare. It's funny. It wasn't. Some people just don't catch on thatthe world keeps moving. It's like yeah, I don't think the fucking Russian shotJFK and like, Dude, come on, come on. I don'tthink it has to do it with the them not thinking the world is notmoving. It's just there. They're so latched onto something that, yeah,the old shit. I'm trying to figure this out, you know, becausewhen you look at the whole trump thing, in his a snake skin oil salesmantactics of him showing he's just the bravado type guy that's going to getit done, sure you're done. So when you look at that now youknow what I really think it is, Dude. I think it just becamea pick a side thing, like America is always had multiple fucking political parties. Right, lots of different perspectives, the whole idea of like America's then, you know, big melting pot, but now it's not a melting pot. It's all it's like left or right, pick US side. You're either thisor your must be that, and so it's will kind of is amelting pot. It's just that these people have the loudest voices. That's that'swhat it's because they're losing. It's and I liken it a lot to sportsteams. If you pick a team that because for one reason or another,you know, because your dad like that team or because they happen to liveby you, or whatever the reason, you latch onto it right. Well, and you happen to latch on to him because they're winning that year,maybe even took the penance. Well,...

...then they start sucking year after yearafter year. There's fucking people who still support losing teams twenty years later.You know what I mean? Yeah, that's part of that whole thing oflike if you grew up in the bay area and the a's were a losingteam, yet you still supported them because you know it's Oakland and block.Yeah, San Francisco, the giant. That for a long time in theS and s there's a whole phrase for giants fan was nobody sucks forever.I mean that's pretty sad. So, and you can't always have a winningteam. It's not. It doesn't work that way. If you always havea winning team, what the fuck is the point of sports? Right,exactly, and I think what's happened now is that politics is the sport thatdumb dumps can play now seven all year round. It's not just football seasonor baseball season, or you have to jump from team to sport and redecideor what's what? Now you could just fucking latch it all on one guy, like Oh, that's my guy, that's my fucking team, so whatever's, whatever my team and my fucking team's fans say, I'm going to pairit that because I want to belong. Oh, here's some fuckery, right. I'm looking at the peacock APP on the old Rowqu TV, scrolling around. Good, yeah, so I'm looking at all the SNLS. I'm like, well, they got all the SNL's here. I'm like, they gottaget some good shits. I want, like down to Pam Anderson with theRawlins band on it and I'm like fuck yeah, let's check this one out. Skits or stupid, of course. Right, there's a couple gems inthere, like I remember, that's where that came from. And then nofucking bands. They didn't get the rights to any of the music. Nonethe fucking episodes in the whole fucking shit cadlog has any live bands on it. I could have told you that. Who Lazy Ass it fucking NBC failedto get that done. That's the main part of fucking SNL is like,well, the skids suck, let's see who's playing. Well, remember that, Beavis and butthead had all those videos, you know, when they were doingtheir little video thing in between the cartoons, and that was the best. That was the funniest shit, dude, because that's really what caught my eyeto. I agree. I agree, but the problem was that when theyreleased the DVD's in the two thousands, they had to recall some of them. Sure, and I don't know if it had to do with that, but that was the main reason why, Beavis and butthead stuff was so difficultto I guess you could say, distribute because of the music, becauseit all had that copyrighted shit embedded in it. Interesting. Yeah, Imean, if you think about it, each episode had at least two orthree videos they were fucking with, you know, whether they liked it.Her Mus racked on it. Good Times, man. I loved it when PatTera came on and they just called Phil Pantera and Tara. Get inyour room and clean it up. Yeah, yeah, angry, yeah, funny, what? I stop it, Aniot. Here's a weird thing.So we talked about the Vale Val kilmer documentary a bit ago. Here's what'sinteresting. You did I still haven't watched it yet. Yeah, it's Ican't get all the way through it, so I can't really commend it,but there are some interesting things that came out of it. So his son, I told you in Nar, rates IT and a sound sounds a lotlike him when he was young. So that's cool. But okay, sincethe movie came out, one of these voice over AI companies got a holdof him and cut together audio that they had found in the public domain oryoutube, whatever you know, and just did a whole sampling of Val kilmer'svoice. Now that dude could type any anything he wants, and it willspeak in his voice and it sounds pretty fucking good. What you mean?So if VAL kilmer can't really speak either...

...way, he's dad like mass thatfucking voice box. They always that fucked up. I didn't know that.Yeah, yeah, well, so the cancer is gone, but apparently thetreatment fucks your voice box up permanently. So he can't talk for Shit andhe likes to tell you, an avid smoker. I don't think so.I forgot if they covered why and how he got that. Throat Cancer oresophagus cancer? Yeah, yeah, exactly, esophageal cancer now. But anyway,he's fine now healthwise. He just fucked up from the treatment and hehasn't a voice box. But they saw this movie and obviously you can't walkaround with your kid reading your mind and spinning out, spitting out thoughts foryou and words. He can now type what he wants and it just comesstraight out of vocode or type little device in his real voice. HMM,that they just sent medically combined from samples after samples after samples. So whatI'm thinking about some now. It's now the longer like this sounding. No, it sounds just like fucking val kilmer from the doors, you know,just about fucking hey man, super cool, like well, wow, so,but that's a trip. Because so what I'm thinking of because I caughtlisten to lots of voiceover podcast and there is a company I'm checking out thatI want them to make. I want to make my voice a voice,that kind of voice, because they need, apparently, lots of people to makethese voices because they're way cheaper to create an audio book out of asemi synthesized voice then it is to pay a reader to read the whole book. Makes Sense. Wow. So like they might. Someone might pay meone fifteen hundred to read a book. I'll read the book, I getfifteen hundreds and usually that's it. They don't, they can't fuck with myaudio or anything like that. Well, you go to this other audio companythat does it half and half and they'll say, well, it's three hundredbucks. The cool thing is, even though it's far less money for thelike the Book Company, it's paid to have their book converted to audio,then hiring the whole actor to read the whole thing. The like that voiceactor that created the synthetic voice. In this case, if I created aSynthek Voice of myself, I could get royalties on that shit just the same. So they could be using my voice tons of places all around the worldand I don't even know and be like a song royalties. So, inother would you just be getting checks all the time? Yeah, you'd begetting pennies. You know what? You're not getting fifteen hundred dollars for readingit. One Simmons Money? I think so. Well, I'm I don'tknow if it's a lot of money, but I think the potential is there, much in the same way songwriters royalties used to be for them. Now, keep in mind fucking gene does deals for pennies. Man, he,he's, he's all about the money, no matter what it is. Yeah, yeah, if you got all about it, multiple revenue stream so thenyou could like take your top Tier Voice, like let me as my own name, could be the one that reads full things or does announcements or doeswhatever, and then I can have John Emotions as the fucking Avatar ai voicethat people just fucking plug in their thirty thirty bugs were. I don't evenknow how much they're going to charge or pay, but the idea of havinga voice already set up of me does not creep me out at all.If it can make me money, well, yeah, I mean wouldn't that beI mean be weird if you show up in a weird town like Minnesotaand you hop on the on the tram or something and I was like Shit, that's my voice. They're like, next up is railway station. You'relike, well, that's me, that's me like, yeah, I wonderif I'm getting a check and you'll have some APP or something. You probablycould just check your bank account, like yeah, cool, don't you?But don't you kind of think, though, in the years to come it's basicallyjust going to be automated voices in those things to a point? Here'sthe thing that the arguments, not bucks. I'm just talking about like like transportationor things like that. Yes, like, for example, of thesymptoms. I think that's robotic voice that you here on on the bus.Yeah, shorter phrases and sentences and things...

...like that for sure could easily beautomated away. Mark, definitely right. Right. I think they had aperson read the Bart ones. They don't they aren't that many commands on Bartand it sounds like a real human to me anyway. Really you think so? I think it's a way computerized now. A robot the overhead maybe, butthe I'm just thinking of the on train announcers, and that's actually thedriver, the conductor, right, and you kind of wonder whether they arestill implementing that or whether, you know, they're just driving in that or they'rejust staring. Yeah, I mean, could they have an option in thefuture. Like to sit in the fucking office at Bart Headquarters for twentyminutes and record all the phrases themselves. And now, whenever I'm on duty, all I have to do is push that button. Rock Ridge Station,Rock Ridge. I don't have to talk anymore, I just have to pushthe button with my samples. Remember that one time, dude, it wasyou, me that chick, and we went and saw the two punk rockbands of the Germs and adolescence in Oakland on New Year's sure, and thenlike Verre the Verra. I'm sorry, was that her name? Vera deVera? No, it's nine o'clock. MMM, what that bich name?I actually do not remember her name. I'm I'm racking my brain right now. Anyway, I do not keep God will give her a name later,but continue with the story. Yeah, anyways, yeah, we had agood time at that show. It got over twelve thirty, maybe one o'clock. We stumbled our way to the seventeen eighteen street bart station, whichever thatone is, and I don't recalling you where. I'm just like where's Johnny, and just like I'm fucking I guess he's just going to figure it outhimself because we can't find him. I remember when I'm wasting your phone.So like where are you? I'm the wrong platform. That fucking station haslike three levels. I was waiting on a platform where a train going mydirection back to the conquered it was never going to come. It just didn'tcome on that level. I was down there for like forty five minutes.I'm like, Oh fuck, and then I sobered up a little bit wentupstairs. You were annihilated to so, yeah, I can imagine why youmade that mistake. Finally got on the platform upstairs going back to conquered see. I think you had made it home and just passed out drunk in yourcar in the parking lot of Bart waited for me. I think that's howthat ended, but Um fuck, dude, I gotta know where. No,we didn't pass out, we know. I specific specifically told the girl thatwill wait for Johnny because you know, it's fucking three o'clock in the morningand I don't feel like going home and having him take a taxi orwhatever. Will wait, we it'll show up. That was so wrong,dud, because I remember I finally got on a train. You're welcome andI tucked my ass. You know, welcome. You know, when youget on a car, you can just find the corner of a car,that corner seat, any corner seat, been basically the far corner of acar, near the doors, and it was still fucking hell of crowd.Knock out, hello, loud, Nah, dude, I fucking pulled my jacketup over my fucking arm and my ear and like put my head downon the seat in front of me, leaned it there and just fucking Ifucking threw up like four gallons all over the floor down. Dude, therewas a matching. Dude. I think the people must have cleared out thatcar. No Way, nobody else care. There's people peean. I think fuckingit. This is just a mess, Dude. It was gnarly. What. Yeah, it was crazy as crazy car like this. That's whathappens at two or three o'clock. Bart got love bar see we and wegot home at like to. So that's what was funny, because I figuredI was going to wait for you till about three and I think you showedup somewhere, you know, between thirty...

...and three. Just so fucking annihilated. And now I'm just like, Oh my God, I'm glad I'm drivinghere. Oh yeah, it's that feeling that you got so wasted that youfucking puked it all and then you had like a thirty minute train ride topseudo pass out. Like I wasn't passed out, but I had nothing elseto do but kind of be passed out sort of. So I was prodded. Isn't, but I'm like that thirty minutes went by and like about fiveminutes, I think it was like felt like three hours and five minutes allat the same time. Then I remember a conquered as it this is thefucking place right here that's got on the fucking that's stupor look, we kindof look to the sky, two shoulders pulled back a little bit, goinglike a fucking Spaccoli, going Oh, yes, conquer, fuck yeah,and and then then your head is just kind of going back and forth.In your body is slowly moving, feet and moving. It's like well,they very move. This got cash up to my tops, going stump,stumple. Say, okay, I got I think I got it. Thenyou get about thirty feet in your stride, you like I've look at me,I'm walking fuck it. Got Strut did? Yes, I think whathappened was I think I might have dropped her off and then came back.Do you recall her being in? I recall her being with us at thetrain station when I got back to Bart this could have been a different nightaltogether, but I'm pretty sure it was that night. When I got backto conquered Bart you were just chilling, kind of sleeping in your car,waiting for me. And yet thank you. Okay, yeah, yeah, likeI said, you're welcome and yes, for sure, I don't know whatyou do with her. It's but that's what I do for my Bros, man, because I know that some of my Bros are dick wads andjust would be like fuck him, he can find his own whale. Yeah, honestly, though, people to do that cuts drive everywhere. Kid kindof deserve it. Yeah, I was. I've always tell people like find somebodythat's willing to drive drunk, because that way they're still like they're nottrying to crash and they don't want to crash their car. So therefore,yours safe as you feel they are with their own car. That's my theory. So I hey, it is motherfuckers never crash his own car and he'snot going to start crashing it just because I got in it. Like,I don't get, I don't give fuck how drunk anybody is. He's good. I'm like, this is just kind of like an exciting ride for me. It's free like the crashes. This is just a story for me.I'm like, yeah, drunk, I'm a fucking good drunk rider. Iwon't say a drunk driver because I'm paranoid about that Shit, but yeah,I'm a good job. You're definitely a fun slashy drunk. Every time I'vebeen around you, when you've been annihilated, we've had we've had a blast.I mean especially in the city, dude, that I still I stillsay my favorite story with you is us, meaning you, me and your sister, all fucking passing out in your apartment. You passed out in yourclothes and you got up in your clothes and just said, Yep, I'mdressed, I'm ready to go. Oh, yeah, Oh, I think Ibecause I have my doc Martin's on. That's probably made it extra funny becauseI had back then, I supported those red dog Martin's and there's noway I could have gotten those off the night before, so I'm probably tookhim off, dude, but the rest of your close stayed on, becauseI remember you're just like. I'm like, Dude, do you realize you gotyour jacket on? You all your fucking jeans on. You're like,I don't care, like all right, did go for it. Passed outlike a Goddamn corpse in bed and he's like a creep Ella. And thenfucking me and your sisters sitting there spooning and I'm getting directions backwards on thecouch. You're like, yeah, it's just sleep. I humper her sleepand each seas heading to me. Fuck, that's too funny, Dude. Man, of all the things we've done had a camera, it was betterthan the reality shows I watch that we've done. Hell yeah, MMM,so many weird shit, dude. I'd even bring up the one that Iwas the most mad at you, but but I look back on it nowand I'm just like, Goddamn, that...

...was a brutal prank. That wasfucking Tahoe, Dude. When we went down to that, we were inthe pool. I think of this hotel that your dad was being security outof love that story. Now what had happened to we got there too,good night, right, had like a foot of snow on the ground.And it's snow like fucking five feet overnight. Remember your car or my car?Whoever's car we room was? Oh, he was my car, Dude.It was fucking ten feet of snow. Yeah, it's like, what thefuck? And then, but they had still carried my car. Yeah, and everything. We had to get a like a tractor. Some Shit, the polls out like a literally attractor. And No, we didn't, dude, we, meaning you, me and your father, got out thereand dug it out. We did. We dug it out. I rememberthe tractor was pulling the guy ahead of us out earlier. Yeah, yeah, no shit we so what happened though? So, the all that snow,they still carved like little alleyways to get from the hope, the hotelbuilding to the warm swimming pools. So, yeah, I had convinced you andmy dude. It's only like ten feet, it's just right over there. Come on, man, don't be a pussy, come on, let'sgo. So wait, no, that that was that party. I hadno problem with. It was when we got down there and you just allof a sudden just took off and you took my fucking shoes. Oh Yeah, yeah, I was barefoot to her foot on the ice. Yeah,me too. Fuck you. One word. I want you to have the sameexperience I did. Know I was for sure it was miserable because itwas so cold that started to get hot on my feet by the time whileI was almost to that building, like that's how we by the time Igot to the building, I was screaming. Yeah, you garlie horse's matter offact, there were some girls just like what's wrong? And I gomy fucking asshole friend took my shoes and I had to go up this shitand bare feet. My feet are fucking froze. Yeah, it's like whatit's like thirty at night. It was probably thirty degrees out and just everything'sfrozen, stacked full of snow. But yeah, right, stories. Andthey're looking at me like you moron. It's just like no, I hadshoes and socks with me. That asshole sabotage my ass. Yeah, I'mlike that good friend of mine played this Nice fucking joke on me. HaHa, Ha, joke on me, I guess. Yeah, I getback. You and your dad are rolling. Oh my God, I was justlike you fucking assholes, I want I want to dig my car outright now. Oh Man. Yeah, and then, and then, dude, we look down and it's just like, where's my car? Oh, it'sunder all that snow. Literally, dude, it's like it was justit was. It was probably about if I remember correctly, there was probablyabout three to five feet of snow just on the roof right with regular scaryeah, not drift or anything like that, just regular snow, just straight up. It's going to be there no matter what. I'm like, Whoa, that's a I mean that was even a lot of snowbike current Taho records, you know what I mean. And then, and then it's snowed againand piled up all the way up to that point. So that's when Iwhen I was looking down the window, I was like fuck, dude,my car scock. It's hopeless. What stole my car? The F andthen we snow shoot. We snow shoot off into the Wilderness. fucked.It was so horrendous that day. We snow shoot. I think, Idon't know, we might have gone fifty yards out and back, but itfelt like miles. Yeah, because the snow was I don't know if youcall it thick or just oh yeah, it's just like you. You godeep down and you when you're trying to get your leg out, and thennext leg it's like I'll fuck this.

Yeah, it was wet and deep, but yeah, yeah, that was a workout, boy, good times, man. I like that place. No, for sure, I again. Looking back on it now, awesome, but at that time it's just like, motherfucker, I'm gonna get this guy back. And I got youback one time. And I can't remember when, but I think I didget you back one time. Does it it must have been as it mustnot have been. It's fucking right, bentful is as yeah, that's whatI'm saying. Does it counter if I don't know that you got me back? It sounds like a sign fels episode. Dude. You got to apologize,you got to meet it, and now back to the wall.

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