Emo Dojo
Emo Dojo

Episode · 1 year ago

First steps happen once/ If we miss them together/ We don't share journeys

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Haiku Show Notes:

First steps happen once/

If we miss them together/

We don't share journeys

Transcriptions available at EmoDojo.com

 

Hi, Sunday November twenty nine. Welcome to the EMO dojoe. I'm Johnny Emotions, and today I'm feeling pretty anxious and I'll explain why in a minute. But I just read an article. This is fascinating, so you'll probably hear this here first, so listen for it. In the next couple of weeks. They're doing a study with flavoxamine. Now, if you don't know what that is, that's a drug of the ssri class, which is selective Sarotonin up how do I get away? Selective Serotonin reuptake inhibitor, ssri. This flavoxamine they're using in a study to treat covid nineteen and they're having pretty...

...good results. So what I'm saying is that in a couple of weeks this news is start spread out to the major media and I think a lot of people are going to get the idea that Oh, hey, I'm kind of feeling anxious and that drug can also, quote unquote, cure me of covid which it's not. Of course they're misreading the news, but so I think that could create two problems. It could put a run on the drug stores for flavoxamine causing a short supply for those who have been taking it and need it. And the second problem is that ssur eyes have withdrawal effects similar to other hardcore drugs. So if you want to check out the dangers of ssri I drugs and SSRI with drawls, please go check that out. Because when your friends on the Internet are starting to talk about flavoxamine, Hey, this will help my anxiety and I could get, you know, maybe protected from...

...covid great, just what we did. So be aware, be on the lookout on the news for flavoxamine and covid together. It could cause a run on that SSUR I from the drug stores and also create a whole new class of citizens who are newly addicted to ss our eyes. And I don't mean addicted to their their function. The addiction comes from, well, that's not the proper use of the word addiction, but their desire to stay on them is because the withdrawal symptoms sucks so badly. I was thinking of anxiety and trauma, things like that. Have you heard of exposure therapy? Probably so. Exposure therapy reportedly works really well with many cases of trauma, not not every type of trauma, and obviously not every person, because we're all different, but exposing yourself to the thing that you are most afraid of or the...

...thing that traumatized you, slowly, and it is safe for environment, over time, can reduce the level of trauma or post trauma anxiety you feel over that thing that initially caused the pain or the suffering in your life. So I started thinking about well, what about? What if my what if I fear dying by suicide? Is it okay to let me feel those painful thoughts? Like is that romanticizing death? HMM, it doesn't feel like it in the moment. But when I'm not feeling that way, I can kind of observe my other self. I guess I don't have a split personality, but I definitely this me right here, the okay me, looks down upon the depressed me. I know it's kind of fucked up, but up when I'm in this condition, I see the depressed me and I think he's a pathetic lumpus hit, which is it's horrible to think that way about yourself because clearly it's obviously me right. But when I'm thinking about like how can I just...

...can I go ahead and, instead of Romanticizing, just get closer and closer to the idea of suicide so that no longer scares me. So I'm just not so doesn't bother me at all when I get depressed. Obviously, the trouble is that could be a slippery slope. And how close do you get to it to eliminate the pain of the thought of it without actually finding yourself in a sticky situation that you can't get out of? Is there's only so many times, man, or are there? That's this is what it how it came down to. It felt like I kept saying to myself, boy, there's only so many times I can feel this level of pain and just not ended. But are there? Is there a limit on the number of times I can feel pain and keep living? Apparently, so far there's not a limit, and I've, you know, I've endure pain in my own mind frequently and I just don't want to keep going, but I do. Yeah, so I'm feeling anxious for a couple reasons. Tomorrow I'm starting new...

...job and of course I was always the new kid in school. I have tons of anxiety built up around that. However, I think this is a good fit for me. They think I'm a good fit with the organization. It's all the right things I talked about. It's not a family owned company. That leaves me last. You know, if you work for a family own company and things go south, if you're not in the family, you're basically fucked. But this is not a family owned company. It's a bigger organization. The people that I'm going to be working for are youthful and energetic. I like that it, and they're smart and they got a plan, all those things, oh, and resources. All that's great, but it just new, just something different. I'm afraid I'm going to fail or freak out at work or say the wrong thing or you know, there's so many things. I'm trying not to catastrophize, but that's causing anxiety and I don't know where my what are my boys is? I don't want to I don't...

...want to call him and bug him because then I think I don't know. I feel like he thinks I'm like trying to look over him or Manipulat him or something, because when he's with his mom, all the messages I send in that direction I'm sure get filtered through her lens as well. She always says some something wise to say. But anyway, I haven't seen him for a while and I was hoping to have somebody here to like say good luck tomorrow or good luck at the new job, or you know, like, I don't know when I come home from work tomorrow. He would be nice if somebody was here. I mean, it's not not saying it's his responsibility. I mean just in general, it would be nice if somebody was here to say, how's Your Day at work? How's your day at the new job? fucking yearn for that. I guess I've not been paid enough attention to in the past, so I've an attention deficit. That is the nature of attention deficit disorder. You weren't paid enough attention to and now you just...

...crave it. So them when people say, Oh yeah, your parents didn't pay enough attention to you, as if it's some kind of derisive comment. No, you dumb ass. That's the way we were programmed. Our brains feel that we don't have enough attention and sure enough, we there's IT. Now we gather people around us who don't give us attention. It's a weird conundrum. Right. I'm anxious about my son because I don't know, like I hope he's not sick. He's out in the world. I see news on the fucking covid every day and he's got a travel on an airplane to get back here. So, you know, some covid anxiety. Missing my kids. I don't even know if my younger one's coming back or what. I don't I wonder why they don't, like, talk to me. I'm open to conversation, but nobody talks to me. It's not just them either, like that whole side, that whole area what he called, I guess he called that whole social circle over there. Now they just leave me out of everything and wonder why I'm the way I am. Well, that's why,...

...because I'm always left out of all the you know, conversation. Yeah, you probably feel that way too. That's probably why you're listening to a podcast like this. So if you yeah, if you want, you could, let go to John Emotionscom and find my contact information and then you could say hey, good luck at your new job. That would make me feel better, not, you know, begging for a compliment, because that's not really a compliment, that's just support. That's all. I just want a little support. Sometimes I feel my friends and family give more attention to like a homeless person than they do to me. It's odd feeling. It's not like when you're young, you feel like, Oh yeah, I'm the black sheep, like it's cool, but when you get older you just feel like like the old elephant that has to walk off to the fucking elephant graveyard and die. That's a shitty feeling, especially when I'm trying to be hyped about my new job tomorrow. So anyway, wish me luck. We'll talk to Ken about the lifted neurostimulator device later in the week. I'm going to talk...

...to him personally offline on Wednesday and maybe we'll have them on the show by the end of the week. That's really all I have. I got to try to go to bed early tonight and just not stress out about tomorrow and I'll let you know tomorrow after work how things went. Cool, all right, bye, and now back to the wall.

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