John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 1 year ago

Thrown out like the trash/ Recycled for needed change/ Gaslight the bonfire


Haiku Show Notes:

Thrown out like the trash/

Recycled for needed change/

Gaslight the bonfire 

Transcipts available at 

What's up? Welcome to the EMO Dojo. Today's Monday, November thirty. I'm johnny motions. So I went to that new job this morning. Cool, exhausting. If you have a mental disorder, try working eight hours, ten, ten hours straight. It's fucking hard, but it's what I got to do. Got To try, I got to push forward. And Yeah, of course nobody, nobody's here. There's nobody to say Ay, how is your day at work? And then again, and then you didn't email me or call me or anything. So I'm feeling pretty abandoned right about now. Yeah, it happens. I know everybody can't like drop what they're doing ...

...and reach out and support somebody. I was hoping somebody might. I'm starting to do all my show notes in high coup format. I've always had a fascination with high it's restrictions. Five syllables, seven, five. There's other forms, but that's the one I'm into in traditionally, hiku poems should convey the transition of seasons. That's sometimes I well, a lot of times I don't do that, but that should be in there, the transition. There should be some kind of transition and Hiku anyway, I like it. So I figured since this show is transcribed anyway, I don't really need show notes. If you want, if you're searching for something, just go to the page and hit the little search box and you can search every single word in...

...the podcast anyway. Right. So this transcriptions. So why make show notes? How about have fun with it. So I don't think anybody else does those show notes in Hiku format, let alone a daily show with hiku notes. So basically I have to do a podcast every day and come up with a new high coup as soon as I finished podcasting. Hmm, it's a nice distraction. A problem with abandonment, they I think that's what's making me feel dejected, like I don't understand why I get abandoned like we had, like the last guy I was working with there just flaked on paying me, my kids and I. We had a plan, you know, we, I thought, we had committed to each other to come do a thing here in this new town I moved in, and now none of them are around. I don't know where they are there. They don't say anything to me and they're not here currently and I haven't seen him over the Thanksgiving holiday.

So I feel like there's no commitment. They're like, what what happened to like making a commitment and sticking through it? I've never been the kind that would just fail a commitment, like when I was a kid. I never ran away. I had to be kicked out of the House. When I was married. I didn't divorce my wife. She'd divorce me. And like with my kids, I'm I try to reach out. I know my personalities. Me It's a little extra, but you know, I'm ethical, I'm not a criminal or anything. But I still feel like they're they've abandoned me. I feel like everybody's abandoned me. I don't understand why. Like, well, I'm plus, I don't now I don't trust my own judgment, like the people I choose, like in this case the my last employer. I pick that person and that was horrible judgment. They were they were disloyal to the cause and they abandoned the project. I'm like, Dude, man up and pay your bills like a regular employer or with anybody, like if you commit to a project with somebody or plan, you got a fucking man...

...up. I don't know. Not Talking in the terms of toxic masculinity, man up like that just, I don't know what other words to use. Their stand up with hold your commitment, keep trying, persist. Nope, now I'm stuck doing all the things like I'm still I'm like the last one left in most of the plans that I've ever made with people, like buddy of mine want to start a podcast a long time ago. I'm still the only one podcasting, you know. Most recently, my kids and I wanted to come and start a business together. Now the only one still pursuing that. That frustrates me that I feel like they've just quit, like who quits? Who quits in the middle of a thing, without saying without like, in words, speaking out loud, saying the reasons? I'm not a mind reader. Only narcissist expect others to read mind and I don't think my kids are narcissist, but they may have learned that trait from their mom, who expects people to read their minds and when you get it wrong, they get...

...mad. That's just the way in narcissist controls the environment. But I don't, I didn't expect that from them. I expect my kids to communicate in words and have a normal conversation, but I don't hear from them. They don't know what they want to be in life, what they want to do with their lives. I don't know what their vision is five or ten years from now. I don't they just don't talk about anything like that with me. It's sad. I got an email. Here's some news. So I crack the top hundred and fifty in Norway. Who Whoo, we have one of the top hundred fifty podcasts in Norway. So, of course, to the listeners in Norway, yeah, yeah, it's get dive egg dignimia nailed it. Do you think that's because Norway has a bunch of depressed people? I don't know. Because that there's a bunch of people from India that listened... the show. So a shout out to India as well. I just read aheadline this morning that India has one of the highest rates of depression in their populace of any country in the developed world. So I wonder if there's a correlation between a depressed population and the countries that listen to this podcast. Don't know. I'm happy you're listening. I don't I hope you get some value out of it. Maybe it helps you process your own thoughts or yeah, something like that, or just like well, if that guy's that guy could do it, maybe I should try, because he doesn't sound that fucked up, or vice versa. There's probably people listen and say think to themselves, yeah, that guy's got fucking issues. Yeah, I had so much to say and just deflated. I don't really feel like talking, so I'm not going to waste any more of your time either. And here I'm just...

...going to sit in this room and be quiet and think about my life. Yes indeed, and here comes empty esss crash, and it's either lovey. I can't find any between, because I've been with which is been with Queen. It would anyway Nice, just another long and now back to the wall.

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