Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 1 year ago

Recent articles/ Show how to support loved ones/ In times of crisis


Haiku Show Notes:

Recent articles/

Show how to support loved ones/

In times of crisis

Transcripts available at 

Good Mornad what's up? It's aboutnine in the morning, about to head off to my new job and Iwanted to kind of do a split podcast, like check my mood in the morningand then check it again when I get home, or if I don'thave the energy or intention when I get home, I'll just post whatever Ihave right here. So I woke up. You ever wake up in a panic? I get morning panic. It's where you wake up and you're okaythis. It's like I sound sleep, but the moment I start to awake, my brain kicks in. I'm in a panic, like I don't Ijust want to hide, don't want to face the world. It's overwhelming,it's weird. It's like it's like on heavy drugs. I don't know,but it drugs, heavy drugs that I've never even done. I don't knowif you've never had a panic attack, it as fucked up. A panicattack sometimes feels like you're having a heart attack if you don't know the difference. And a lot of times people will think they're having a heart attack andgo to the hospital and half their heart checked out to find out that itwas, quote unquote, just a panic attack. Feels the same. Butanyway, once you know that your hearts fine and you know that it's apanic attack, then you typically remember, Oh, to panic attack, it'snot that bad. It's still bad, but it's not as bad as aheart attack. You know what I mean? Yeah, so I wake up feelinglike that, get out of the shower, clean up subsides a littlebit. I'm still just feeling I don't know, feeling abandoned, like iswhen people don't feel well or having mental health issues, normally there's others aroundthem to support them and help them do stuff, and that does not existas it existed for a long time. For me that it's sporadic at bestand haphazard, kind of a patchwork,... some people have entire families andfriends of you know, networked together that actually talk together to help that individual. I've got a bunch of loose knit individuals who don't really reach out onany regularity or anything like that. So I feel just out in space alone, and sometimes I don't even care that I'm out in space alone. I'mlike, will fuck it, what, why exist at all if this isall that's going to be? That's how that's how the suicidal ideation starts.Honestly, it's like why even exist if this is all that there is?And people say, well, it's not all there is, well fuck Iam, you know, really good at trying new things over and over,trying a new thing, see if it works, you know, give ita chance to work, move on to a different thing. Try that,because you have to strike the balance between trying to live a stable life anddeveloping those routines and also, if that does not work, you have tobe able to move to the next thing, to try to find something in yourlife that works. And I think I've had a pretty decent balance ofboth of those, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for, soto speak. Like the you two song people think, well, what,maybe you don't know what you're looking for. You A fucking A. I knowwhat I'm looking for. I'm looking for companionship, someone to just hangout with that understands me or, if not, understands me, let's mebe me without trying to undermine my persona, my personality and try to tell methat my person is just wrong. That's not that's completely I don't know. It's cruel, like you can't just tell somebody that I don't like youbecause you so I live a lonely life and I go out into the worldand work and people in my work life thinks I'm a normal person. SoI put on my little costume and pretend I'm a work in person and dothat. It's not really me. It's weird. I feel like I livea life where I never actually get to be me. I was reading anarticle about what to do if you're a...

...loved one, how to talk toloved ones when you are worried about their mental health. So it's kind ofreading through and see if any of these things sound right. The one thatsounded the most right was stay connected. So the main tips in the articlewere first, pay at and pay attention to your loved ones. If youlove something, pay attention to it and do what you can. Just goeson to tell the different ways to pay attention and it mentions, you know, pay attention to things you see, but also pay attention to things thatyou don't see, like if you don't see them showing up for work orif you don't see them brushing their hair or washing their clothes, if theylook disheveled, you know there's if there's things missing or if you see unusualbehavior. That's the lifted ID. I've been podcasting with the neuro stimulation thingon my head. That's it, let's take it off. The next thingis to normalize conversations about mental health, which is what I'm trying to dohere basically. I mean that's why this subtitle of the show is making mentalmainstream. Hello, but yeah, that's it's it's a two way street.Like, I can't be the only one trying to make conversations about mental healthmainstream and normal if all of my friends and family ignore me. Another tipis don't be afraid to talk about self harm or suicide. There's been severalstudies that show that that does not make it more likely for the person tocomplete suicide. So don't don't worry about it. oftentimes it just opens itup and lets them know it's okay to talk about and helps them release thosefeelings. And then explain why you're concerned.

Like be specific. If you seesomebody in distress that you love, be specific. Say Hey, Inoticed you walk like way slower than you usually walk, or you don't.You don't look me in the eyes. As much anymore. What's going on, those kind of things, and try not to make it about you.It's not all about you. Just ask specific questions about their behavior. Tellthem you notice things about them and what I think. The last thing inthis article is it basically know how you can help. A lot of peoplewant to help and don't know how. Trying to think what would be helpfulfor me if somebody came over here to my house, put me in theircar and drove me to a hospital, check me in with the doctor,make sure I was seen by the doctor, leave me there if I need tobe checked in and check in on me a little bit later, ortake me to the pharmacy and get some medication or whatever the doctor prescribed forme and kind of hang out with me for maybe a couple more hours.So we're talking like a whole day. It's pretty much it's a long commitment, but it's I'm being specific. That's what would help me. What doesn'thelp me is telling me to do things I already know how to do,that I've already tried and since most of the people that tried to offer helpdon't pay attention to me normally, they don't know I've already tried these things, so that gets annoying and it almost feels like I'm being gas lighted.Call the self helpline. Call the suicide hotline. Did you call this organization? Did you call that one? Yes, yes, yes, yes, ofcourse I fucking I'm an adult, I'm a human. I have tofucking Internet. I can look up phone numbers, I can call phone numbersand leave messages. It's not fucking helpful. I need help, like help.Telling me to do something I've already done is not helping. So well, I got to get out of here. Feeling a bit grumpy outcast. Idid my neurostimulation for the morning. that out of the way.Got A podcast ten minutes in if I need it and don't want to doanything later tonight. So I don't know. Maybe I'll recap the day and you'llhear it, but HMM, hanging there. Thanks for listening. Talkto you later. Okay, there we go. Ye, this day whenit's raining inside, Yawn. Well, through the magic of time shifting,it's now twelve hours later. It's thirty at night. I'm reading an interestingarticle. Would you like me to read it to you? Okay, good. I'm glad you said yes, because I was going to anyway. Well, I'll credit to the author of the article, Sherry heard, a A. It's on the website learning mindcom, learning mindcom. It's neat article.I just got about halfway through it and I realize I should I got todo the last half of this podcast I said I was going to do thismorning. Anyway, it's all finished reading.

Let's learn something new. I Iused to like reading back in Grade School because I was pretty good atlooking a few words ahead and being able to read luidly. I guess I'lldo my best. Sometimes I've run into the end of a sentence and don'trealize how it's supposed to have ended. Oh by the way, this isme reading. It's almost all verbatim, so that's why I credited Sherry heard. Even though I might sound like I'm talking to I think I like thearticle because she writes like I talked sometimes. Yes, okay, scene does familymanipulation sound like a new thing? You may be a surprised to learnthat manipulation can come from anyone, be it partners, mothers or father's,even siblings. Partner manipulation has become pretty common. Many people have managed toget away from this sort of abusive relationship. However, manipulation is prevalent in allsorts of relationships, apart from the intimate sort. In fact, manypeople are reporting that family manipulation is also a problem. Mother's, father,sisters and brothers are all prone to become manipulative and abusive toward one another,and it can become a serious problem. Family manipulation is mental, physical,sexual or emotional abuse carried out by family members toward one another. This sortof abuse is generally used to control one another for various purposes. Signs pointto an unhealthy relationship. Having grown up with your family may make it difficultto decipher any abusive treatment. Considering the components of manipulation include brainwashing, it'shard to tell if you've actually been mistreated at all. Sometimes it's not untilyou've gotten away or moved out of the...

...home that you realize the extent ofthe unhealthy situation. Here are some warning signs that family manipulation is or hasbeen part of your life. Lies. You will recognize family manipulation when liesare involved. Family members, especially the narcissistic kind, will tell lies easilywhen direct questions are met with vague answers. This is one indication that manipulative liesare being told. Liars will always be able to give half the truthsto convince you they are honest and reliable people, when in truth, theyare only striving for what they want. A liar will always lie and tellmore lies to cover the old ones. Silent treatment. Even family members willresort to the silent treatment. In fact, the closer you are to someone,the more chance that their narcissistic actions will display this sort of behavior.Silence is one of the manipulator's choice weapons because it gets the work done withlittle effort. For those who are unaware of the tactics, the silent treatmentcan garner pity and groveling, which is exactly what the manipulator wants. Theyhave one the selfless disguise. Truly selfless people are honorable. The manipulator canfool you into thinking that they are selfless as well, but they are reallynot. They actually have a deeper motivation which includes rewarding themselves and making everyoneelse think highly of their quote outward motivations, which are false, and while peopleare busy being proud of the manipulator, they are also falling right into thetrap and helping the manipulator win.

Gas Lighting. Dysfunctional families are notoriousfor gas lighting. Sometimes you might even find an entire family that constantly triesto convince each other that they are all crazy. The sheer volume of madnesspresent in some families is almost unbelievable. Gas Lighting, in case you didn'tknow, is the ability to convince another person that they are crazy while takingadvantage of them. I bet you've seen sisters or brothers doing this to eachother. Honestly, this is so common it almost seems like a normal assspect of the family unit. Intimidation. Family manipulation sometimes comes in the formof intimidation. While it might not be straightforward threats, it can still befrightening enough to make you do what the manipulators want. This is what's calledquote coverts intimidation, which is veiled in a form of kindness and is hardto decipher at times. Pay Close attention to the choice words of the manipulator, and these words will reveal their true intentions. Guilt trips. A manipulatorwill use guilt trips on a regular basis if you tell them no, theywill find a way to make you feel bad about putting your foot down.Sometimes, if you ask the manipulator to turn the volume down on their music, they will turn it off completely. This tactic is used to make youfeel bad about asking them to tone something down and will return by taking somethingaway entirely. It's also done to show you they have control, and yetyou should still feel guilty. It's weird, isn't it? Shaming, if familymembers are shaming your weaknesses, then they are being manipulative. For instance, if you have an insecurity about your...

...weight, a manipulator will make shamingcomments about that topic. Their intentions are to keep you beneath them in orderto retain control. If they can retain control, they will feel better aboutthemselves in turn. After all, manipulators, truth be told, have low selfesteem naturally, and all their tactics are used to fix that is yourfamily manipulating you. Let's take this one step at a time. If you'vealways wondered whether your family was manipulators, you can use the warning signs todiscover the truth. After you know for sure, you can research ways toimprove your life or get support from others. Maybe you can help your loved onesin the process. It may be a long road to healing, butit's worth it. So thank you, Sherry. Heard that was a neatarticle. Lot's kind of self evident truths in there for anybody that's lived ina family, which is pretty much all of us, right. So letme go through these one more time. Signs that points who unhealthy relationship arelies, silent treatment, selfless disguise, gas lighting, intimidation, Gilt tripsand shaming. Right. Well, I'm want to try to get some sleep. You have a killer evening or day or whatever time. I'll talk toyou tomorrow. Good night, and now back to the wall.

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