John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 1 year ago

Recent articles/ Show how to support loved ones/ In times of crisis


Haiku Show Notes:

Recent articles/

Show how to support loved ones/

In times of crisis

Transcripts available at 

Good Mornad what's up? It's about nine in the morning, about to head off to my new job and I wanted to kind of do a split podcast, like check my mood in the morning and then check it again when I get home, or if I don't have the energy or intention when I get home, I'll just post whatever I have right here. So I woke up. You ever wake up in a panic? I get morning panic. It's where you wake up and you're okay this. It's like I sound sleep, but the moment I start to awake, my brain kicks in. I'm in a panic, like I don't I just want to hide, don't want to face the world. It's overwhelming, it's weird. It's like it's like on heavy drugs. I don't know, but it drugs, heavy drugs that I've never even done. I don't know if you've never had a panic attack, it as fucked up. A panic attack sometimes feels like you're having a heart attack if you don't know the difference. And a lot of times people will think they're having a heart attack and go to the hospital and half their heart checked out to find out that it was, quote unquote, just a panic attack. Feels the same. But anyway, once you know that your hearts fine and you know that it's a panic attack, then you typically remember, Oh, to panic attack, it's not that bad. It's still bad, but it's not as bad as a heart attack. You know what I mean? Yeah, so I wake up feeling like that, get out of the shower, clean up subsides a little bit. I'm still just feeling I don't know, feeling abandoned, like is when people don't feel well or having mental health issues, normally there's others around them to support them and help them do stuff, and that does not exist as it existed for a long time. For me that it's sporadic at best and haphazard, kind of a patchwork,... some people have entire families and friends of you know, networked together that actually talk together to help that individual. I've got a bunch of loose knit individuals who don't really reach out on any regularity or anything like that. So I feel just out in space alone, and sometimes I don't even care that I'm out in space alone. I'm like, will fuck it, what, why exist at all if this is all that's going to be? That's how that's how the suicidal ideation starts. Honestly, it's like why even exist if this is all that there is? And people say, well, it's not all there is, well fuck I am, you know, really good at trying new things over and over, trying a new thing, see if it works, you know, give it a chance to work, move on to a different thing. Try that, because you have to strike the balance between trying to live a stable life and developing those routines and also, if that does not work, you have to be able to move to the next thing, to try to find something in your life that works. And I think I've had a pretty decent balance of both of those, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for, so to speak. Like the you two song people think, well, what, maybe you don't know what you're looking for. You A fucking A. I know what I'm looking for. I'm looking for companionship, someone to just hang out with that understands me or, if not, understands me, let's me be me without trying to undermine my persona, my personality and try to tell me that my person is just wrong. That's not that's completely I don't know. It's cruel, like you can't just tell somebody that I don't like you because you so I live a lonely life and I go out into the world and work and people in my work life thinks I'm a normal person. So I put on my little costume and pretend I'm a work in person and do that. It's not really me. It's weird. I feel like I live a life where I never actually get to be me. I was reading an article about what to do if you're a...

...loved one, how to talk to loved ones when you are worried about their mental health. So it's kind of reading through and see if any of these things sound right. The one that sounded the most right was stay connected. So the main tips in the article were first, pay at and pay attention to your loved ones. If you love something, pay attention to it and do what you can. Just goes on to tell the different ways to pay attention and it mentions, you know, pay attention to things you see, but also pay attention to things that you don't see, like if you don't see them showing up for work or if you don't see them brushing their hair or washing their clothes, if they look disheveled, you know there's if there's things missing or if you see unusual behavior. That's the lifted ID. I've been podcasting with the neuro stimulation thing on my head. That's it, let's take it off. The next thing is to normalize conversations about mental health, which is what I'm trying to do here basically. I mean that's why this subtitle of the show is making mental mainstream. Hello, but yeah, that's it's it's a two way street. Like, I can't be the only one trying to make conversations about mental health mainstream and normal if all of my friends and family ignore me. Another tip is don't be afraid to talk about self harm or suicide. There's been several studies that show that that does not make it more likely for the person to complete suicide. So don't don't worry about it. oftentimes it just opens it up and lets them know it's okay to talk about and helps them release those feelings. And then explain why you're concerned.

Like be specific. If you see somebody in distress that you love, be specific. Say Hey, I noticed you walk like way slower than you usually walk, or you don't. You don't look me in the eyes. As much anymore. What's going on, those kind of things, and try not to make it about you. It's not all about you. Just ask specific questions about their behavior. Tell them you notice things about them and what I think. The last thing in this article is it basically know how you can help. A lot of people want to help and don't know how. Trying to think what would be helpful for me if somebody came over here to my house, put me in their car and drove me to a hospital, check me in with the doctor, make sure I was seen by the doctor, leave me there if I need to be checked in and check in on me a little bit later, or take me to the pharmacy and get some medication or whatever the doctor prescribed for me and kind of hang out with me for maybe a couple more hours. So we're talking like a whole day. It's pretty much it's a long commitment, but it's I'm being specific. That's what would help me. What doesn't help me is telling me to do things I already know how to do, that I've already tried and since most of the people that tried to offer help don't pay attention to me normally, they don't know I've already tried these things, so that gets annoying and it almost feels like I'm being gas lighted. Call the self helpline. Call the suicide hotline. Did you call this organization? Did you call that one? Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course I fucking I'm an adult, I'm a human. I have to fucking Internet. I can look up phone numbers, I can call phone numbers and leave messages. It's not fucking helpful. I need help, like help. Telling me to do something I've already done is not helping. So well, I got to get out of here. Feeling a bit grumpy outcast. I did my neurostimulation for the morning. that out of the way. Got A podcast ten minutes in if I need it and don't want to do anything later tonight. So I don't know. Maybe I'll recap the day and you'll hear it, but HMM, hanging there. Thanks for listening. Talk to you later. Okay, there we go. Ye, this day when it's raining inside, Yawn. Well, through the magic of time shifting, it's now twelve hours later. It's thirty at night. I'm reading an interesting article. Would you like me to read it to you? Okay, good. I'm glad you said yes, because I was going to anyway. Well, I'll credit to the author of the article, Sherry heard, a A. It's on the website learning mindcom, learning mindcom. It's neat article. I just got about halfway through it and I realize I should I got to do the last half of this podcast I said I was going to do this morning. Anyway, it's all finished reading.

Let's learn something new. I I used to like reading back in Grade School because I was pretty good at looking a few words ahead and being able to read luidly. I guess I'll do my best. Sometimes I've run into the end of a sentence and don't realize how it's supposed to have ended. Oh by the way, this is me reading. It's almost all verbatim, so that's why I credited Sherry heard. Even though I might sound like I'm talking to I think I like the article because she writes like I talked sometimes. Yes, okay, scene does family manipulation sound like a new thing? You may be a surprised to learn that manipulation can come from anyone, be it partners, mothers or father's, even siblings. Partner manipulation has become pretty common. Many people have managed to get away from this sort of abusive relationship. However, manipulation is prevalent in all sorts of relationships, apart from the intimate sort. In fact, many people are reporting that family manipulation is also a problem. Mother's, father, sisters and brothers are all prone to become manipulative and abusive toward one another, and it can become a serious problem. Family manipulation is mental, physical, sexual or emotional abuse carried out by family members toward one another. This sort of abuse is generally used to control one another for various purposes. Signs point to an unhealthy relationship. Having grown up with your family may make it difficult to decipher any abusive treatment. Considering the components of manipulation include brainwashing, it's hard to tell if you've actually been mistreated at all. Sometimes it's not until you've gotten away or moved out of the...

...home that you realize the extent of the unhealthy situation. Here are some warning signs that family manipulation is or has been part of your life. Lies. You will recognize family manipulation when lies are involved. Family members, especially the narcissistic kind, will tell lies easily when direct questions are met with vague answers. This is one indication that manipulative lies are being told. Liars will always be able to give half the truths to convince you they are honest and reliable people, when in truth, they are only striving for what they want. A liar will always lie and tell more lies to cover the old ones. Silent treatment. Even family members will resort to the silent treatment. In fact, the closer you are to someone, the more chance that their narcissistic actions will display this sort of behavior. Silence is one of the manipulator's choice weapons because it gets the work done with little effort. For those who are unaware of the tactics, the silent treatment can garner pity and groveling, which is exactly what the manipulator wants. They have one the selfless disguise. Truly selfless people are honorable. The manipulator can fool you into thinking that they are selfless as well, but they are really not. They actually have a deeper motivation which includes rewarding themselves and making everyone else think highly of their quote outward motivations, which are false, and while people are busy being proud of the manipulator, they are also falling right into the trap and helping the manipulator win.

Gas Lighting. Dysfunctional families are notorious for gas lighting. Sometimes you might even find an entire family that constantly tries to convince each other that they are all crazy. The sheer volume of madness present in some families is almost unbelievable. Gas Lighting, in case you didn't know, is the ability to convince another person that they are crazy while taking advantage of them. I bet you've seen sisters or brothers doing this to each other. Honestly, this is so common it almost seems like a normal ass spect of the family unit. Intimidation. Family manipulation sometimes comes in the form of intimidation. While it might not be straightforward threats, it can still be frightening enough to make you do what the manipulators want. This is what's called quote coverts intimidation, which is veiled in a form of kindness and is hard to decipher at times. Pay Close attention to the choice words of the manipulator, and these words will reveal their true intentions. Guilt trips. A manipulator will use guilt trips on a regular basis if you tell them no, they will find a way to make you feel bad about putting your foot down. Sometimes, if you ask the manipulator to turn the volume down on their music, they will turn it off completely. This tactic is used to make you feel bad about asking them to tone something down and will return by taking something away entirely. It's also done to show you they have control, and yet you should still feel guilty. It's weird, isn't it? Shaming, if family members are shaming your weaknesses, then they are being manipulative. For instance, if you have an insecurity about your...

...weight, a manipulator will make shaming comments about that topic. Their intentions are to keep you beneath them in order to retain control. If they can retain control, they will feel better about themselves in turn. After all, manipulators, truth be told, have low self esteem naturally, and all their tactics are used to fix that is your family manipulating you. Let's take this one step at a time. If you've always wondered whether your family was manipulators, you can use the warning signs to discover the truth. After you know for sure, you can research ways to improve your life or get support from others. Maybe you can help your loved ones in the process. It may be a long road to healing, but it's worth it. So thank you, Sherry. Heard that was a neat article. Lot's kind of self evident truths in there for anybody that's lived in a family, which is pretty much all of us, right. So let me go through these one more time. Signs that points who unhealthy relationship are lies, silent treatment, selfless disguise, gas lighting, intimidation, Gilt trips and shaming. Right. Well, I'm want to try to get some sleep. You have a killer evening or day or whatever time. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good night, and now back to the wall.

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