John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 1 year ago

Sometimes survival/ Is the best way to convince/ The world I matter


Haiku Show Notes:

Sometimes survival/

Is the best way to convince/

The world I matter

Searchable show transcripts at

A. Welcome to emote Joe. Wednesday, December. Second I'm John Emotions again. It's like ten o'clock at night and getting this podcast out. Man, I've been beat. It's been like ten hours away from home each day and I have adhd, bipolar, PTSD, fucking you name it, check it off, and it's incredibly hard. I wake up, I think I've talked about this yesterday, I wake up in a panic, not from a nightmare. I sleep fine, but the moment I wake up, like within ten seconds, I'm like there's this the feeling of panic starts ramping up. Yeah, suck it up and get to work. I was telling my mom how I had a hard time sleeping because I was anxious and I didn't really sleep well before the first night. I mean I didn't sleep well before the first day of the new job and then the first day I was extra exhausting. And you do whatever you do on the first day of a new job, right. You just hang out and talk to people and, like, you leave when everyone leaves. You don't like fucking take off early because you're tired or anything like that. If you do, you don't have a job. I'm not sure what world my mom's living in but instead of like being supportive when I said I was exhausting, she said basically we shaded on through a little messenger and she's started questioning me, like why, why are you exhausted? Like I can't just be exhausted, I have to have a reason, of course. Then she going to explain to the reason that it was because I worked all day and ten hours. Will you? We work and then you got to commute back and forth. It's easily ten hours. And I think her retort was, there's the can't be anything possibly that important during the pandemic, and certainly if you worked ten hours you must have been tired enough to sleep at night. Like what? What I just told you? The opposite of that Shit. So no support there. She probably thinks she's...

...being supportive, but she doesn't hear it the way I hear it. And Yeah, I don't have time to get to half two things I want to do today on my own time, like talk to Ken from lifted about the neurostimulation headband. Can't get to that today. There's a whole bunch of stuff I just wanted to get to write over there on that coffee table. Can't get to it exhausted. It's already late at night, so joy, joy, fun if you like. I'm just been abandoned on the ship alone, so I got to put it all together. I got some feedback about Yester's episode and they sent me an article on the silent treatment specifically, so I'm going to check that out right now. And there's also basic. Well, here they sent me an article on the silent treatment, but what they were doing was reminding me of the difference between the silent treatment and a term called no contact. Sometimes I forget to mention things because I know them, I've known them for a while, so I just assume everyone else knows what I know. It's that weird thing you do it to like you assume everybody knows what the letter a looks like, and not everybody does, or whatever. My point being, I grew up with narcissists, so I know the influence and I definitely know the reaction. So when you're traumatized and abused or neglected, when you have nowhere to go because you're a small child, the best way not to get your ass whipped with the stick or belt or anything like that, or just a hand, is to go silent. You just become silent. In other words, if somebody is directing anger towards you and you don't know why, then you tend to go silent because that's just the natural reaction. If you don't want to get like eaten by a wild animal in the jungle, be quiet, and that's what the mind does. So that the no contact is basically the only real effective response to a narcissist, because...

...a narcissist sees their target as Oh, it's almost like a junkie, and the person being targeted is their fuel for their ego. When you stop performing and you're not doing it right, they'll get pissed at you and they'll rage on you, almost as if you were withholding heroin from a junkie. So that's the issue. That's why I'm in the addiction world. Obviously you want to get the heroin chunky off the junk. I'm sorry, junkie is like a not a politically correct term. I'm not sure what the right term in is in it probably has more syllables anyway. So not intending to be rude to addicts, but anyway. So when you take a Junki's fix away, they go they get fucking get out of control, but that's the path to freedom, because then eventually they can get off the drugs completely and turned back into healthy human being. That's really the only thing you can do to a narcissist. To you have to take away their source of fuel. You have to take away their junk. And in the case of narcissist in relationships, whoever the target is, well, if you're the target of a narcissist, the only way to get them off the junk is to remove yourself from the equation. Of course, they'll probably find somebody else, a new victim to become their new junk, so to speak. If it were only so easy. Of course, it's not easy. Writ narcissists rarely ever get help when you wonder in a situation. So let me back up a second. This is actually where it gets super tricky, because a victim of a narcissist will go into no contact mode. They'll go silent, they'll go hide in a closet or runaway or do whatever, lock themselves in the bathroom, that kind of thing. They'll just go hide, they'll and they'll go silent because they were a fact, they perceived that they were abused or traumatized some way,... they go silent. Conversely, when a narcissist feels that their fix is cut off, one of their handiest weapons is the silent treatment. So you can find yourself in the situation where you're with a narcissist that you may have been abused by the arm or someone else in the situation and you go silent. You just go quiet, and then they take offense because you're no longer a good heroin fix for them, so now they treat you with the silent treatment. It appears from the outside that you're both being quiet to each other, but the dynamic is much more insidious than that, and one good way to determine like in the situation like that, especially because if you look at the symptoms or the traits of a narcissist, everybody has some of them. Some people are deep into it, multiple layers in and can't get fixed. So in a situation if you're not sure if you're the one being victimized and you just being traumatized so you went silent, or if you're the narcissist attacking someone else with the silent treatment, the best way to find out is who's more reluctant to get psychiatric help, because in this case Traun narcissist never get help. I've never ever known a narcissist that will go see a therapist more than once. They'll do it like on a dare to prove that, well, I'm not afraid, I'll go see a dart yo, sure I'll see a therapist. And they don't like what they hear, they never go back. And if you're somebody who continually seeks therapy and gets help for all of the different things, especially in narcissistic abuse, that's one thing you really should get therapy for, because you need some kind of cognitive and both dialectic behavioral therapy both help you rethink your thoughts and if you don't get enough of it, it's still hard to deprogram yourself from narcissistic abuse. So I'm just going to read a little bit of this article about the silent treatment in particular,...

...since this person sent it to me, want to acknowledge that it got here and yeah, we're talking about it. There is a difference between the silent treatment and no contact with the narcissist. Got It back. You can probably search. What's the difference between narcissistic no contact and the silent treatment. So anyway, they probably did that and I found a cool article here from them. When the narcissistic supply source, a Supervisy, family member, lover, friend, etc. Is providing quote, good supply or ego fuel, they are placating the whims of the narcissist, providing adulation, praise at Tangent discussed horror or any type of reaction that makes the abuser appear to be powerful and important. The extreme narcissist ego is soothed when sources of ego fuel are behaving appropriately. In the narcissists mind, it says if the extreme Narsiss Siste were develop mentally stunted at age five, sooner or later the lover, partner, family member, whatever, tires of the energy drain connected with supplying these psychologically impoverished narcissist in time, the good suppliers of narcissistic supplied disappoint or even create what experts call a narcissistic injury in the narcissist. The target sets, say a healthy limit, or questions the intentions of the narcissist or request to compromise or clear communication, all of which are healthy communication tools. The narcissist, however, becomes enraged that his or her uniqueness is in question. Instead of taking constructive criticism, owning responsibility for his or her transgressions and showing empathy for their ego supply source, the narcissist is incapable of compromise or any of the above healthy communication tools and instead lashes out at the mere suggestion of accommodating a healthy communication style. The target failed to admire the narcissists pretty pony and cowboys... of riding on the merry go round. I don't know the fuck that last kind means. Enter the silent treatment. So what frequently ensues in the relationship cycle with the narcissist is the pattern of idealizing, devalue, discard and the narcissist ego can't tolerate the idea that his or her core identity is not so important to his ego fuel source such that others would question is omnipotence and entitlement. Therefore, the extreme narcissist feels threatened that the target, who like a mirror reflecting back to the narcissist that he exists, is seasing to provide adequate narcissistic supply. The narcissist very existence is threatened on a psychological level to the point that he fears complete annihilation of his core identity. Is Egos that fragile. The narcissist pouts, refuses to share his cowboy hat, jumps off the merry go round and runs off to the jungle gym, leaving his playmate mystified and spinning alone, dizzy with confusion. No more narcissist Gone Poof in the wink of an eye. I get it. They got a kids on that cowboy playground. Metaphor going here okay. In order to USUP, and I'll be at false sense of control and reclaim some stability of his fragile ego, the abuser suddenly cuts contact with the target. The extreme narcissist must reclaim and power in the relationship and the health. The boundary set by the target was unacceptable to the narcissist fragile ego. At this point in the relationship cycle, the abuser will cease responding to the phone calls, text, email, social media and seemingly vanished from thin air. The target often suffers emotional evisceration through a sense of complete bewilderment and emotional pain, given that no opportunity for closure or clarification is made by the narcissists. Oftentimes, the target is an...

...individual with high emotional like Q, possessing healthy conflict resolution skills, the very quality and extreme narcissist does not contain within their fragile ego. Extreme narcissist are incapable of accountability, compromise, empathy, reciprocity and integrity. Since the target typically has been love bombed or future faked into believing that the narcissist was her night and shining armor or perfect, you know, savior, the target is often deeply confused and experiences the cognitive distanance so common for survivors of narcissist abuse. The extreme narcissist has suddenly vanished into thin air and such an abrupt who deniact leaves the survivor reeling in shock, disbelief and fairly horrific emotional pain. There is no opportunity for closure. The survivor is forced to create her own closure, unless or until her abusers circle around like a shark for a hoover, which is an attempt to reengage prior sources of narcissistic supply. However, an extreme narcissist will never allow the opportunity for closure and will continue to extract narcissistic supply without any accountability to the prior of transgressions. It's as if the extreme narcissist feels so omnipotent that they can press a reset button and avoid any responsibility for causing emotional harm. Some abusers will stay gone if they determine their source of narcissistic supply. Can See past their fake mask. The narcissists of carefully crafted and in the end, no contact with the psychological abuser is healthy for a survivor. So that kind of brings us right back around to no contact right. So that is a pretty deep article. That was just kind of the middle section and there's an intro in a closing part. Tired of reading, I need sleep. I promised the guys who are keeping the studio open for me tonight that, since they kept it open, formulate I have... sing for them. What you kidding? Of course, fuck, you have the voice of an angel. Are you kidding? All right, go on in, dudes, like I'll step over there in the voice booth. Second you. Yeah, whatever, grab those boxes and do that like chest thing you do. Okay, all right, you guys ready with this? All Right? Check, check, check, check. M MMM MMMMD. What about this feeling that never good enough? Really don't wash out him the water, buttter, or is it always in the blood? How much of my father have I destined to become? WILL I dim the lights inside me just to satisfy some one? Will I let this woman kill me, or do away with Jealous Love? Will it wash out in the water or is it always in the blood? I can feel the love. I won't. I can't feel the love I need, but it's never gonna come the way I am. Could I change it if I want it? Can I rise above the flood? Will it washed out in the water, or is it always in the blood? How much like my brothers do my brothers wanna be? Does a broken home become another broken family? Will we be there for...

...each other like nobody ever could? Will it washed out in the water, or is it always in the blood? And now back to the wall.

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