Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 1 year ago

Sometimes survival/ Is the best way to convince/ The world I matter

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Haiku Show Notes:

Sometimes survival/

Is the best way to convince/

The world I matter

Searchable show transcripts at EmoDojo.com

A. Welcome to emote Joe.Wednesday, December. Second I'm John Emotions again. It's like ten o'clock atnight and getting this podcast out. Man, I've been beat. It's been liketen hours away from home each day and I have adhd, bipolar,PTSD, fucking you name it, check it off, and it's incredibly hard. I wake up, I think I've talked about this yesterday, I wakeup in a panic, not from a nightmare. I sleep fine, butthe moment I wake up, like within ten seconds, I'm like there's thisthe feeling of panic starts ramping up. Yeah, suck it up and getto work. I was telling my mom how I had a hard time sleepingbecause I was anxious and I didn't really sleep well before the first night.I mean I didn't sleep well before the first day of the new job andthen the first day I was extra exhausting. And you do whatever you do onthe first day of a new job, right. You just hang out andtalk to people and, like, you leave when everyone leaves. Youdon't like fucking take off early because you're tired or anything like that. Ifyou do, you don't have a job. I'm not sure what world my mom'sliving in but instead of like being supportive when I said I was exhausting, she said basically we shaded on through a little messenger and she's started questioningme, like why, why are you exhausted? Like I can't just beexhausted, I have to have a reason, of course. Then she going toexplain to the reason that it was because I worked all day and tenhours. Will you? We work and then you got to commute back andforth. It's easily ten hours. And I think her retort was, there'sthe can't be anything possibly that important during the pandemic, and certainly if youworked ten hours you must have been tired enough to sleep at night. Likewhat? What I just told you? The opposite of that Shit. Sono support there. She probably thinks she's...

...being supportive, but she doesn't hearit the way I hear it. And Yeah, I don't have time toget to half two things I want to do today on my own time,like talk to Ken from lifted about the neurostimulation headband. Can't get to thattoday. There's a whole bunch of stuff I just wanted to get to writeover there on that coffee table. Can't get to it exhausted. It's alreadylate at night, so joy, joy, fun if you like. I'm justbeen abandoned on the ship alone, so I got to put it alltogether. I got some feedback about Yester's episode and they sent me an articleon the silent treatment specifically, so I'm going to check that out right now. And there's also basic. Well, here they sent me an article onthe silent treatment, but what they were doing was reminding me of the differencebetween the silent treatment and a term called no contact. Sometimes I forget tomention things because I know them, I've known them for a while, soI just assume everyone else knows what I know. It's that weird thing youdo it to like you assume everybody knows what the letter a looks like,and not everybody does, or whatever. My point being, I grew upwith narcissists, so I know the influence and I definitely know the reaction.So when you're traumatized and abused or neglected, when you have nowhere to go becauseyou're a small child, the best way not to get your ass whippedwith the stick or belt or anything like that, or just a hand,is to go silent. You just become silent. In other words, ifsomebody is directing anger towards you and you don't know why, then you tendto go silent because that's just the natural reaction. If you don't want toget like eaten by a wild animal in the jungle, be quiet, andthat's what the mind does. So that the no contact is basically the onlyreal effective response to a narcissist, because...

...a narcissist sees their target as Oh, it's almost like a junkie, and the person being targeted is their fuelfor their ego. When you stop performing and you're not doing it right,they'll get pissed at you and they'll rage on you, almost as if youwere withholding heroin from a junkie. So that's the issue. That's why I'min the addiction world. Obviously you want to get the heroin chunky off thejunk. I'm sorry, junkie is like a not a politically correct term.I'm not sure what the right term in is in it probably has more syllablesanyway. So not intending to be rude to addicts, but anyway. Sowhen you take a Junki's fix away, they go they get fucking get outof control, but that's the path to freedom, because then eventually they canget off the drugs completely and turned back into healthy human being. That's reallythe only thing you can do to a narcissist. To you have to takeaway their source of fuel. You have to take away their junk. Andin the case of narcissist in relationships, whoever the target is, well,if you're the target of a narcissist, the only way to get them offthe junk is to remove yourself from the equation. Of course, they'll probablyfind somebody else, a new victim to become their new junk, so tospeak. If it were only so easy. Of course, it's not easy.Writ narcissists rarely ever get help when you wonder in a situation. Solet me back up a second. This is actually where it gets super tricky, because a victim of a narcissist will go into no contact mode. They'llgo silent, they'll go hide in a closet or runaway or do whatever,lock themselves in the bathroom, that kind of thing. They'll just go hide, they'll and they'll go silent because they were a fact, they perceived thatthey were abused or traumatized some way,...

...so they go silent. Conversely,when a narcissist feels that their fix is cut off, one of their handiestweapons is the silent treatment. So you can find yourself in the situation whereyou're with a narcissist that you may have been abused by the arm or someoneelse in the situation and you go silent. You just go quiet, and thenthey take offense because you're no longer a good heroin fix for them,so now they treat you with the silent treatment. It appears from the outsidethat you're both being quiet to each other, but the dynamic is much more insidiousthan that, and one good way to determine like in the situation likethat, especially because if you look at the symptoms or the traits of anarcissist, everybody has some of them. Some people are deep into it,multiple layers in and can't get fixed. So in a situation if you're notsure if you're the one being victimized and you just being traumatized so you wentsilent, or if you're the narcissist attacking someone else with the silent treatment,the best way to find out is who's more reluctant to get psychiatric help,because in this case Traun narcissist never get help. I've never ever known anarcissist that will go see a therapist more than once. They'll do it likeon a dare to prove that, well, I'm not afraid, I'll go seea dart yo, sure I'll see a therapist. And they don't likewhat they hear, they never go back. And if you're somebody who continually seekstherapy and gets help for all of the different things, especially in narcissisticabuse, that's one thing you really should get therapy for, because you needsome kind of cognitive and both dialectic behavioral therapy both help you rethink your thoughtsand if you don't get enough of it, it's still hard to deprogram yourself fromnarcissistic abuse. So I'm just going to read a little bit of thisarticle about the silent treatment in particular,...

...since this person sent it to me, want to acknowledge that it got here and yeah, we're talking about it. There is a difference between the silent treatment and no contact with the narcissist. Got It back. You can probably search. What's the difference between narcissisticno contact and the silent treatment. So anyway, they probably did that andI found a cool article here from them. When the narcissistic supply source, aSupervisy, family member, lover, friend, etc. Is providing quote, good supply or ego fuel, they are placating the whims of the narcissist, providing adulation, praise at Tangent discussed horror or any type of reaction thatmakes the abuser appear to be powerful and important. The extreme narcissist ego issoothed when sources of ego fuel are behaving appropriately. In the narcissists mind,it says if the extreme Narsiss Siste were develop mentally stunted at age five,sooner or later the lover, partner, family member, whatever, tires ofthe energy drain connected with supplying these psychologically impoverished narcissist in time, the goodsuppliers of narcissistic supplied disappoint or even create what experts call a narcissistic injury inthe narcissist. The target sets, say a healthy limit, or questions theintentions of the narcissist or request to compromise or clear communication, all of whichare healthy communication tools. The narcissist, however, becomes enraged that his orher uniqueness is in question. Instead of taking constructive criticism, owning responsibility forhis or her transgressions and showing empathy for their ego supply source, the narcissistis incapable of compromise or any of the above healthy communication tools and instead lashesout at the mere suggestion of accommodating a healthy communication style. The target failedto admire the narcissists pretty pony and cowboys...

...style of riding on the merry goround. I don't know the fuck that last kind means. Enter the silenttreatment. So what frequently ensues in the relationship cycle with the narcissist is thepattern of idealizing, devalue, discard and the narcissist ego can't tolerate the ideathat his or her core identity is not so important to his ego fuel sourcesuch that others would question is omnipotence and entitlement. Therefore, the extreme narcissistfeels threatened that the target, who like a mirror reflecting back to the narcissistthat he exists, is seasing to provide adequate narcissistic supply. The narcissist veryexistence is threatened on a psychological level to the point that he fears complete annihilationof his core identity. Is Egos that fragile. The narcissist pouts, refusesto share his cowboy hat, jumps off the merry go round and runs offto the jungle gym, leaving his playmate mystified and spinning alone, dizzy withconfusion. No more narcissist Gone Poof in the wink of an eye. Iget it. They got a kids on that cowboy playground. Metaphor going hereokay. In order to USUP, and I'll be at false sense of controland reclaim some stability of his fragile ego, the abuser suddenly cuts contact with thetarget. The extreme narcissist must reclaim and power in the relationship and thehealth. The boundary set by the target was unacceptable to the narcissist fragile ego. At this point in the relationship cycle, the abuser will cease responding to thephone calls, text, email, social media and seemingly vanished from thinair. The target often suffers emotional evisceration through a sense of complete bewilderment andemotional pain, given that no opportunity for closure or clarification is made by thenarcissists. Oftentimes, the target is an...

...individual with high emotional like Q,possessing healthy conflict resolution skills, the very quality and extreme narcissist does not containwithin their fragile ego. Extreme narcissist are incapable of accountability, compromise, empathy, reciprocity and integrity. Since the target typically has been love bombed or futurefaked into believing that the narcissist was her night and shining armor or perfect,you know, savior, the target is often deeply confused and experiences the cognitivedistanance so common for survivors of narcissist abuse. The extreme narcissist has suddenly vanished intothin air and such an abrupt who deniact leaves the survivor reeling in shock, disbelief and fairly horrific emotional pain. There is no opportunity for closure.The survivor is forced to create her own closure, unless or until her abuserscircle around like a shark for a hoover, which is an attempt to reengage priorsources of narcissistic supply. However, an extreme narcissist will never allow theopportunity for closure and will continue to extract narcissistic supply without any accountability to theprior of transgressions. It's as if the extreme narcissist feels so omnipotent that theycan press a reset button and avoid any responsibility for causing emotional harm. Someabusers will stay gone if they determine their source of narcissistic supply. Can Seepast their fake mask. The narcissists of carefully crafted and in the end,no contact with the psychological abuser is healthy for a survivor. So that kindof brings us right back around to no contact right. So that is apretty deep article. That was just kind of the middle section and there's anintro in a closing part. Tired of reading, I need sleep. Ipromised the guys who are keeping the studio open for me tonight that, sincethey kept it open, formulate I have...

...to sing for them. What youkidding? Of course, fuck, you have the voice of an angel.Are you kidding? All right, go on in, dudes, like I'llstep over there in the voice booth. Second you. Yeah, whatever,grab those boxes and do that like chest thing you do. Okay, allright, you guys ready with this? All Right? Check, check,check, check. M MMM MMMMD. What about this feeling that never goodenough? Really don't wash out him the water, buttter, or is italways in the blood? How much of my father have I destined to become? WILL I dim the lights inside me just to satisfy some one? WillI let this woman kill me, or do away with Jealous Love? Willit wash out in the water or is it always in the blood? Ican feel the love. I won't. I can't feel the love I need, but it's never gonna come the way I am. Could I change itif I want it? Can I rise above the flood? Will it washedout in the water, or is it always in the blood? How muchlike my brothers do my brothers wanna be? Does a broken home become another brokenfamily? Will we be there for...

...each other like nobody ever could?Will it washed out in the water, or is it always in the blood? And now back to the wall.

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