Emo Dojo
Emo Dojo

Episode · 1 year ago

Shock starts with pegging/ While Voltage checks his colon/ Hemorrhoids be gone

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Shock starts with pegging/ While Voltage checks his colon/ Hemorrhoids be gone

#SignalJams #Haiku #EmoDojo

And that was Gary. Oh, it's just gary character. She's not sticking anything up my ass. Let's put it that way. How you don't want to get Paig like Ronnie does on Stern? Absolutely not. That's a seventy year old man. Dude, he likes he's all. I just wanna, I just want to feel what they feel. That that's his an excuse because, yeah, I just want to, I just want to feel what they feel. It's not. Yeah, I don't think it's that weird. It's just not for me. Like the fact that he does it. Yeah, that's, you know, understandable. Now I don't find it weird as in weird weird. I just find it weird. Is just like maybe today I'll take a fucking dildo up my ass. Yes, too much. That's just too much, too much right. I'm sure I put my finger up my ass before as a kid. You know, just I got ask I put a thermometer down the tip of my Dick. Wants to so I'm like, Oh, what does that do? Just I did weird shit. You know, when you're a kid you investigate your body, but now, as an...

...adult, I'm like, yeah, not too much happened. Having stuff in my ass. My hamroid was acting up this week. Gary, Gary, Gary. I had had a lot of that feeling around this week. Yeah, yeah, I told you I had a hemorrhoid operation. Yeah, about you, year and a half ago. Yeah, I didn't work. Fuck yeat work, Dude. Fuck, yeah, Oh my God. So, like normal hamorrhoids on the outside of your Butthole, people get those that come and go whatever. Right, fairly tolerable. But then I had like I just a paint up in my ass, like ah the fuck. And so the way up there, yeah, like felt like it was two or three inches up in my ass. Shit mines on. Mine's just on the rim. It's like fucked motherfucker, but I and so I guess it just kept getting bigger and more irritator or whatever irritates a fucking hamorrhoid. But of course I'm HYPOCHONDRIAC. Them like, Oh fuck, I got the anal cancer. Oh Shit, it's got the colon cancer. I'm a goner. So I...

...just fucking whenever to the hospital where I was living up in Shreveport and they're like yeah, it's good thing came in. We'll be happy to check out. Going for a Colin Oscopy and all that stuff. Because so I did all the other tests I had done, like that poop test. You can send in your poop and everything on the analyze your feces. Yeah, I did that. That came out fine, but it was they had to determine if it was a hemorrhoid. Now, because they're like it's probably just a hamorrhoid, but we gotta see what we're dealing with. So they fucking Oh yeah, dude, they fucking knock me out. Me Out, out came some good drugs. Then gasp me. Is One of those kind of knockouts where it's like okay, Count Back Chords from ten and you get to about seven and then next thing you know, it's bright lights. They're like you can sit up now. That kind of knocked out. Wow. Way reminds me and when I have my wisdom teeth out, exactly that kind of seem. Yeah, same thing. So now. But I was like, Oh really, because for one that and for one that, let oh, everything went great, you know, nothing going on up there. You know,...

I've got rid of the hemorrhoid. Is Pretty pretty big. We can see why you were in pain. That's all healed up and good to go. Come back for a regular checkup, not a call on oscope later. You know, came ow. Was Yours like a constant pain, or did it like coming and out, like, you know, one week it'll be good. It would start like that, right, but over time it's start getting it out right, like painful and not. And I do stuff like, you know, be active or ride my bike or play the drums or just whatever. Just be active and kind of not be there. Basically do all of the things that are you should be doing to knock get Hamorrhoids Right. And they do say, though, that avid bike riders if you're not sitting on your seat correctly. Yeah, and aggravated Baker, sure, for sure. And it started to get to that point where, like, I've just never was comfortable at all and then came to point where I was always discomfortable and then the high side of that pain was almost one terrible. So my average resting pain was probably like a for up to about a ten. You...

...add resting. Bitch face judo is fucking Horriblema this can't be im I can take me out, like if you ever had lower back pain or some shit like that. And I go through pains all the time. Dude, I'm I'm always going through pains, but I just I just fucking go through it, you know, I just I just deal. But anyway, when I was done, they cut that fucker out. It was sore for about half a day, but, dude, sore was a relative term because, compared to the pain, it was in nothing. It's a fucking I can at least sleep now. Before there was not even a comfortable position to lay on your ass because if you laid on your right side, your left side, you're squishing it, if you're laying on your back, you're squishing it. Had to like have create a fucking valley for my ass with the like pillows. Yes, yes, for sure. So, anyway, if you have a way to it or somehow, either with money or to somehow pretend your poor and go get it done through the county hospital. Fuck I was. It was great, dude, it was so it's like a new life found. I have found Johnny that when I have had these, I guess I'll...

...call him, pain attacks. Like literally I've had it where I'm dead asleep and all of a sudden I'm just like WHO's fucking me? That's like with the ice pick though. Yeah, like with the ice pick. WHO's fucking my ass with the ice pick? So what I do now is heating pads. Seems to work for me. Yea. Yeah, and on the heating pad for at least a half hour and yep it it definitely and ice swelling down. You could do either one. Like I don't like ice. Yeah, so for some reason cold doesn't work for me. He does. The other thing is good is EPS and salt baths. Go Get yourself a vibe bount, you know, five pound bag of EPPs and salt over at the fucking Wal Mart or something. Sure, and put a couple of cups in that in a warm bath. You don't have to fill up the bath all the way, just fill it up to your ass, you know, up to your waist or whatever. For sure, soaked your butt hole up in that EPPs and salt. That reduces swelling. That was nice. We'll check this out. I have had this problem in my area for God, at...

...least twenty years, because when I had the problem, I did go to the doctor. Man. They did Colon Oscarpe's. They did so many different things. are like, we can't find anything. Well, so you're not dying. I'm just gonna have to live with it. Well, tell but you can go back. So I would recommended. You'll like go back to a new doctor or whatever, because time has changed and things have just progressed whatever. But man, it changed my life just talking about the fact that I'm telling this guy I have this excruciating pain, sitting down is painful and he can't find shit. That's just annoyed me. fucking dismissive. I had some Nice Indian Lee Kaiser, Indian lady doctor at the Osu Health and streeport. She was Super Nice. Yeah, it was great. Well, so there was actually a double benefit. So they got rid of the the what did call it? The Hem Roid, up in my asshole. So that confirmed that that's what the pain was. They said it healed fine, no problem, very common. We're glad you're feeling better and also your assholes clean...

...all the way up. We went up like five feet and you're like good, come back in ten years. We went up five feet. We were tickling your tonsils. Yeah, I mean, I I don't want to hear this. I live. I heard the last part like come back in ten years for you know, check up some I'm like okay, across that off my hypochondriac list. No, ass cancer, all right, we sent a probe up there to tickle your dude's troubling. Honestly, like, yeah, not to even just be fun of it. I would somehow finagal a fucking way to get somebody up in your ass to cut that out. It will change your life. How about a Gerbil? Maybe? Maybe, don't know, get that animal in there you got. Yeah, but it's tough, though, because, like, because you'd have to super hide your money and almost create a new alias and just go to like the county hospital, say I'm poor, I have a can I guess, some Medicaid please, or just fucking pay for it. But that could be pricing because you'd have to sign up for Insurance and they say, Oh, you have a preexisting condition. Okay, that's going to be extraally, you know, all that bullshit probably end up costing you Eightyzero to get it cut out that direction. I'm...

...not really sure. It's kind of fucked up in America. Huh, we can't just go have some shit taken care of. But more important to me, because I'm we got a sign papers away and go. How are you planning to pay for this? Yeah, with my dose coin. We don't. We don't care about your health. We want your money, and then your health. We will lock that money. That's America, because if we have, if we happen to fix you, we want you to be on the hook for the rest of your life. Hey, we fixed him. That'll be thirty five dollars a month, please, forever. Yeah. Would you like the subscription plan or the onetime payment? Yeah, just like us to fuck you slow off and on, or just one big time? Would you like it without the Lube? That's extra. And now back to the...

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