John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 2 years ago

Attunement

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John talks about “attunement” — what it is, what it is not, why it matters, and how we can all get more of it in our lives.

It's only in your head and now it's online. Ad bip this stylecom yes, Johnny motions with bipoon style. Hey, welcome back. For New listeners, I'm glad you found me, and for those of you who have been listening for a long time, happy two thousand and twenty. We made it into the new year and I'm really happy that you hear so enjoy. Today's episode is about a thing I've been researching called a tunement, spelled att UN e M and T attunement. This episode we'll talk about what a tunement is, what it is not, the many ways you can find positive attunement and a few ways where you can encounter some negative attunement. So let's get started. Kind of create a mood here and after the musical break will start some talking. What does it it's pretty profound, right. What does it take...

...to be loves? Nothing at all. So I've been reading a lot of books, as I do lately over the holidays. I've been reading books about attention deficit, disorder, add adhd driven to distraction, scattered and elastic mind. I think was the third title. It's neat when you read books because you can instantly gather the you know years of research from one person and put it in your brain. It's kind of like downloading a new patch when you read three books at the same time about similar topics. That that's even cooler, because then you get to think in three dimensions and maybe so some common thread between the different books that didn't necessarily exist but that maybe should. Since I'm not an author, I'm not going to write a book about it, I'm just going to talk about it. And again, I'm a lay person, so take this all with the grain of salt, but I think you might like me to find that met much of this just rings true. So in one of the books I was reading they talked about a really interesting study back from the S and into study they take a mom and a baby, an infant, not just one, you know, they did many pairs of moms and infants, and they would have the mom interact with the baby in a room and then they would take the baby to a different room, or the mom whatever. They would separate the mom from the baby, put them in different rooms, each with a camera so that they could kind of communicate in real time but through cameras. Long and short of it, that turned out okay. In real time, communicating with people via cameras is very similar...

...to communicating with real people in real life. Cool. Then they did the kind of mixed up two different Sir Research Studies. There was a previous one called the still face study, with the which the mom would interact with the baby, smile, Google, got, got, all that kind of stuff, and then the mom would just go blank. On purpose, the MOM would make her face blank. If you see any of these videos on Youtube of the still face study or still face research, it's pretty disturbing watching a baby communicate with the the mom and then the mom's face goes blank. The baby starts doing anything to reanimate that MOM's face. Start Google got me. It's really disturbing. So with the to television study, I think that's what it was called, the to TV study, when they say they kind of inserted a time delay so that the baby would communicate with the mom and vice versa, but on a delay, there was no actual synchronization. There's no immediacy. So the term they came up with was a tunement. I think in today's kind of parlance you'd call it presence, like you should be more present in your life, which is sort of it's sort of the same thing. But presents to me doesn't require other people. You can be present in your life and staring at a tree. Well, the tree doesn't care that you're staring at it, but you're present, you're in the moment, you just you're present. Right. A tunement, on the other hand, requires another living mammal, let's say. I don't think it really works well with reptiles or lower functioning creatures. It may if you're a Hippie, and by the way, if you're searching the Internet right now for the term atunement, you might find it in kind of the crystals and candles set in that community,...

...because they're all about a tunement, but they're talking about organic energy and you know Shit like that. That not scientific stuff. The atunement I'm talking about is basically scientific research to see how humans communicate. So just mind yourself if you're out there looking for a tunement. So anyway, with the TV's but the to TV study, what they found was just simply by interjecting a time delay, it had the same effect on the baby as the still face experiment. And other words, communicating in anything but immediate real time is not communicating well at all. You might as well send a letter Pony Express, you might as well text somebody. There's a couple articles of reading talking about don't you hate it when you get left on read? In other words, you text somebody, you see that they read it but they don't reply. An other words, they're out of a tunement. That person and just pulled the still face experiment on you. You were communicating back and forth, left and right, and all of a sudden they stopped. They broke the attunement, and so I'm like, why was I even looking into this? Well, for one, I like to study about how the brain works and I was reading up on add and ADHD. But what got me started on the whole idea was this constant headline about how social media is bad for the kids. Social media is bad for the kids. Well, Shit, I'm generation X. I was literally born in Silicon Valley to at the time all the stuff came to be. So I've been around computers. We used to have to code and basic and see plus plus and cobal all that stuff. So computers are not new to me. Social Media, I was there at the beginning. I see its value, but I also wonder like why are so many kids becoming depressed? And it turns out social media as more like,...

HMM, candy, I guess is a good metaphor. Once a child discovers candy, that's all they want to eat. But you can't survive on candy. You can't survive on social media. In other words, what social media is good for is one thing, but what it also does is it pushes out all of the other things. You can't survive on a diet of social media the same way you can't survive on a diet of candy. You need real human interaction, just like you need salad and water and Sun Shine. So to convince yourself that social media will cover all of the bases is foolish. You've got to go interact with people. The less you interact with people, the less you're going to want to interact with people, and pretty soon you're going to be a social and you just going to be stuck. So kind of the same way with candy. If You keep eating candy, nothing else is going to taste good. You've got to reset your system so that the right things, the healthy things, actually taste good. Or Yeah, people. You're not eating people, but you know what I mean, what the Heggy talking about. So the idea that we should maybe minimize social media is only valid to the extent that you fill that extra time with humans, like by doing things with with humans. Or, here's another idea, with pets. You can be at tuned to a pet. In fact, if you're in the wild, it's a good idea that you be attuned to nature or you will be eaten. But the same whole true with domestic animals. If you have a dog or a cat or a bird or anything that like can respond to you in real time, that welcomes you when you get home, that jumps up on the bed in the morning, you're both in a tunement. That's important. That's why people with pets live longer than people with don't. That's why people with families and support structures have better lives than people without. And don't get me wrong, I'm generally a we you call it, independent, minded person alone or, if you will, I appreciate time...

...alone and I think that's important as well. Another part of the Diet, I guess, maybe a felone time was salt and social media was sugar. Yeah, those things are fine, but you still need actual human interaction and I'm like, well, Jeez, if social media is not it, there's no real time interaction. You Post to post, you hope somebody likes it, you hope somebody comments, but they're not immediate. And I'm thinking, well, what can technologically advanced kids these days fill their diet with that is not social media but is still digital, and it really comes down to like chat APPs sometimes, but more importantly, like video conferencing real time, like facetime apps like that, where you can see somebody and you could talk in a video and get a real reaction. That is going to be infinitely better than texting or leaving a post on somebody's social media stream or wall or whatever you want to call it. And also things like gaming, online gaming, twitch, mixer, places like that, where you you're involved, you're a tuned because if you're not, you're going to get blasted out of your spaceship right some big monsters going to come eat you. You're tuned and you're interacting with other humans in real time in a positive way. Musicians know this. When you're playing in the band, you're all focused on the song. You're a tuned. Most people for the moment that they are in a band playing that song, are not feeling the effects of anxiety or depression there in the moment. They are tuned to the song with the other people in the band. Same thing would go with military operations street gangs, if they're not doing harmful things. But even if they are doing harmful things, within the community a gang, for example, there are a tune to one another and they feel that sense of connectedness, of togetherness. So some positive attunements aside from like, and this is also like for people who just don't like to go...

...out in public. I know many people that listen just kind of get stuck. You're stuck indoors. So there are ways like cut pick up a phone and talk to somebody. You don't actually have to see them a telephone call. You're a tune. You can hear people breathe, you can hear them the sound of disgust if you tell them something that they didn't want to hear. You could almost hear somebody smile if you're communicating in real time through a phone and video conferencing and gaming and in a band in the jungle with your domestic pets. Those are all great ways to fill your life. With more attunement. So if you're if you're on social media, cool, but try to add some more of those elements to the mix and I think you'll start feeling a lot better because you be a more tuned you feel like you're part of humanity. And then, of course, when you've had enough, you can back away from the computer, you know, leave the crowd or whatever and go be alone, sit in the tree, swing and whistle, whatever you want to do. That's alone time, but it's different. So the attunement factor is huge. But here's something you have to watch out for. There are creatures on this planet called narcissists. This suffer from something called narcissistic personality disorder, and a lot of people with like borderline personality disorder, I think, in my experience anyway, it's because they were raised by narcissists. People with borderline were often programmed at birth and through their younger years by narcissist to feel that way, to feel that they just don't fit in, because the narcissist will never see a shrink and doesn't have their own needs met, so they use others as their kind of addictive substance or source. Like if you are living with us. With the narcissist. You're the source of their addiction. They need you to survive. The problem is narcissists are very attuned to their subjects, to their victims. So what a narcissist will do in the sense of attunement is they'll take all of those things they're paying attention to...

...and use them against you, to coerce you or manipulate you. So in this sense, a tunement with other humans, though, isn't always positive. You have really have to make sure it's, you know, uplifting and positive attunement as opposed to negative, damaging attunement. It's funny, you know, if you listen to the show, I don't like him, not like a church person, but in testing my theory I'm like, well, I felt like Shit, especially around the holidays, where I was super depressed. I kind of push off my depression until after the holidays, you know, put on a good face and just smile and make it through the holidays, and then come the first week of January I'm usually a pretty big mess anyway. In that time frame I kind of like, well, I should test my theory. Is it just being around people make you happy? So I went to this like a black church down the street here, went and check that out. I was raised in Southern Baptist churches, so that's familiar to me and I think I like black people more than a white people a lot of the time. So I went down to church and very welcoming. They invited me in open arms. The church filled up, probably made three hundred people inside the sanctuary area. I had to stand up and introduce myself in front of all these people, but then we sang and then we clapped and we listen to the preachers give his story. Well, I thought was really cool was the pastor or preacher, I forget what Baptists call themselves. Anyway, the guy in charge up there. He started going on with the band. The band was playing like the little riff, little vamp in the background, and the pastor is like and those people that Walmart, they calling you out your name and their gossip in behind your back. And then the people in the audience were like yeah, pretty too, brother, preach it. And then him being a tuned with their energy, he kind of felt kind of...

...like a good comic. You know, when you're on a bit and it's working, you just go in, you double down on that bit, because a comic because a tune to his audience or her audience. The same way this pastor was a tune to the church audience. He would keep up Matt every time he got a little better response from the crowd, he would double down on that topic. He was a tune. So it built, it built the audience into this like fervor of energy and upbeaten happiness, all atunement. A hundred percent of Tu me. Yet the band in a tune with each other. You had the preacher at tuned with the congregation and I was just in the middle of it thinking, man, my fucking theory is working, and in fact it worked enough I overcame I dislike of religion and the crazy stories. And you know, the reality is I just don't like religion mostly because it's full of hypocrites. I hold them to a higher standard. Like everybody's a hypocrite, sure, but not everybody goes to church and pretends they're not a hypocrite. So that's the issue I have with church. But anyway, all things hypocrisy aside, the attunement one finds into church is very, very powerful, and I think that might be a huge reason why people turn to religion. It's not for the crazy mythological stories, it's for being around other people doing the same thing. You'll find the same thing, the same enjoyment at a concert, at a sporting event, all these things. Humans become a tuned to the same thing at the same time, and that's critical. That's why you leave those events feeling a certain way. You can also feel a certain way if you just practice little bits of a tunement throughout your life every day. You know, animals, small events, pick up a telephone call and talk to somebody in real time, get on twitch and, you know, talk to whoever, other gamers, people presenting things. And then, on course, on the flip side, if you feel like you're in attunement with somebody that's negative and as using it to manipulate or course,...

...you curseh or coerce, you then of course, do what you need to do to remove yourself from that situation. And then, so you know, weeks, a couple months or whatever after I fill my head with all this information in the theory about a tunement. Now I look for it everywhere I go and I make special notes of places and things that I enjoy being at tuned to nature, sporting events. I'm a big movie Fan, so I like to see movies at a theater. A lot of people like, why do you go to theater? Why don't you just see it on cable? Well, for one, I don't pay attention when it's on a small screen with the lights on, with fucking laptop or what all that stuff. I'm just I've scatter brain. I need the focus. But then I realized that the moment that movie ends, all of the other people in the theater and myself, we were a tuned for all that time and we all left with the same experience. So there's lots of different ways you can become a tuned and challenge you to keep your eyes and ears open for things that you feel attuned to in a positive way and also guard yourself against any negative attunement that might be used to manipulate you. Cool, all right. So yeah, that's my whole bit on a tunment. I hope you enjoyed it. Subscribe if you haven't subscribed already, and if you already do, m I love you. Thanks for being here. Look for me on twitter, where I post links to all the things I talked about and talk to you next time. Job. Subscribe to Bple, this style, one jee and spotify. Follow along on twitter. He's so stupid. And now back to the wall.

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