Signal Drops
Signal Drops

Episode 125 · 2 months ago

Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Obsessing Over Our Romantic and Sexual Interests

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions talks to G-Shock about obsessing over women through the years, as men with bipolar disorder (BD) and attention-definition/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Not the most highbrow or scientific reporting, but insightful nonetheless. We cover early experiences with …

  • Medical textbooks
  • Women’s magazines
  • Scavenged nudie magazines
  • Stalking puppy loves in grade school
  • Is it possible to obsess over people you’re with all the time?
  • A new distraction reduces an old obsession
  • Liquor Burger
  • Self-Esteem and Personal Value
  • Thinking about what other people think about you
  • Caring what other people think about you

Emo Dojo is consistently ranked #1 Best Bipoalr Disorder Podcast according to Feedspot. Please follow, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts and join John Emotions on Twitter@johnemotionsandEmoDojo.com

Oh Hey, it's johnny emotions, the MOFO with the most Mojo at the emo Doo Joe. You know that one. ME. Hi, thanks for showing up a little much. Okay, I'll turn it down a little bit. What you've been up to? It's good to have you back. Thanks for being here. I was going over some questions for a podcast called the friend zone Docu series, and while I was going over these with my buddy Gary, another Mofo here at the Dojo, we kind of got sidetracked on one of them about obsessing, like obsessing over a lover or someone that is no longer with you, that kind of thing. So it became a whole conversation a bit Raunchy in places. I hope you don't think less of me after the conversation, but you know, it's inside the mind of a person with bipolar disorder and Adhd. Gary also has adhd, among other things, I'm sure, but anyway, it's just a frank discussion of what you know. It's kind of the loneliness that kind of precedes and obsession with anything, and it's almost like a person that hasn't had water for a long time just craves water. Like I just want water. In the same way with the person that hasn't had love in a long time, you just start to obsess over it when you almost have it. Like imagine a person starving or, you know, thirsty in the desert and they see him rage and they think that that's water and that's just obsessing on getting to it. And I think it's kind of the same way with the romantic interests in some cases, if you develop that obsession where it's you see it, you think it's going to satisfy your craving, but you can't quite quite access that for some reason. So anyway, take a listen and, you know, Judge for yourself. Otherwise, I hoped you like last week's episode with Cris be on the web. He interviewed me this past weekend to be on his podcast. So once he gets that edited and shared out to the social media, will be sure and share that on my social media. You can find all of that, of course, at John emotionscom or emodojocom cool. Cool. Let's get into that interview and please remember to follow and review this show on apple podcast. All right, cool. To your earlier point, though, so I've I kind of related to what you were saying when you said it's like you don't have it enough, so you want it more. I always sense that like a empty bucket or a dry sponge in myself, in my kind of perspective, like her, I'm just like if I I'm a dry sponge at that's slidest bit of water, I'll just soak it right up. You got any more water? Because I'm a sponge, I'M gonna soak up water. I'm dry and then the more I sit without water and now I'm drying up again.

So if you give me a little more, I'm going to soak it up. So that kind of feels like obsession in a sense, like if I'm getting some love from someone, I can't get enough of it and that might feel like obsession from their side. I can relate to that, especially when you don't have it all the time. I guess if you have a steady where you know she's living with you, living within your bedroom or living, yeah, empathy, in your building and you're seeing her every day, I think there becomes a thing of my need some space to appreciate you insteady you being on me all the right right I can't obsess over you when you're right fucking here, right, and now that you're not in front of me now and you're not, you're not giving okay, you're not giving me the attention that I want. So I'm not going to be pushy about it. You know what I mean? It's like, I guess I didn't attract that's that's hold lot, let me, let me think this. You didn't give me the attention I wanted. So now I'm going to be. Oh, now I'm gonna, like be more assertive to try to get the attention. No, what is be pushy because I wanted me. No, I'm saying I don't do the assertive. I find that if I'm pushing to get you to like me and instead of just this casual hanging out, like me, yeah, take it to the next level, right. Yeah, well, Shit, I don't know. I mean this, this this, this topic is has always been. Have you always have obsessed over like a special interest, let's call them? What's the earliest you recall? Because I remember when I was thinking about this earlier today, I was thinking, like, man, when I was it must have been fourth grade, I was a kid, I was in like a symphonic band, so I was all as kids who carried around drumsticks in my back pocket. Thought it was cool and it was a really cute girl I liked in school and she lived in my neighborhood, somewhere well within walking distance. So one day I wrote on the Drumstick I love you, Paula, and I put hot ice. That was the name of band and fourth grade. So fucking went and doorbale ditch to her house and put the drum stick on her front port, nice and been. Well, I kind of romantic. I thought it was a fourth grade. I'm like, yeah, well now man, the next fourth wave away. Fourth Grade, dude, yeah, Damn. So I was the fuck, did you know what your Dick was for that early? Did this happened? Didn't really know, is my I wasn't interested in fucking. I was just like I had a crush on her. No, when you started to like...

...girls instead of just either they were Ikey or you just wanted to keep them as just friends, and you didn't. You didn't feel that that heart thing. And I guess I'm just speaking out of turn and saying yeah, it took me a while to to find that. I think I was obsessed because at the time. There's a weird side note. At the time my mom had a bunch of medical books because she was going to nursing school. So I would read up on the vagina and the Volva and the clitterist that, all these things when I was little, so not worth grade. Yeah, well, I mean that's when I was reading and there's books around, so I would read whatever was around, Damn, and I was obsessed in like I gotta see this shit, I got to find out what this is, because it's not like my stuff. Because when I looked at the medical books and I saw penis and testicles, I'm like, Oh yeah, okay, that matches. I'm Mike, but I'm fascinated with what I don't have. And that was that was the journey for me. I I guess I became Horny as soon as my hormones would let me be Horny, which is probably around age eleven, so that was more like six. Yeah, right when I was starting to get a boner or whatever. Yeah, that was when I started doing my mystigating, but I think I got bonus in fourth grade. It was more like because my corduroy pants were rubbing against my Dick on those school bus or something. I wasn't a controllable boner. It was just like hide a boner with your books kind of boner. Well, I'd say in this six it's great. Yeah, I remember one day my parents went away for a day and then I went exploring in their bedroom because I knew they had shit there that was just going to be interesting to me. Would this wasn't like a Christmas time. Is just a regular not Christmas time, not right now. Okay, so you weren't looking for presents. You're just like, Huh, mom and dad are gone, what's in that room? Explore, explore. Now. I'm both both lane and I did that shit constantly. What did you find him there in this particular I'm getting to that. Let's find out. I'm curious now and I stumbled across again. This is sixth grade, not the fourth grade. One hundred one sexual positions. Oh Yeah, yeah, I remember that Shit in the illustrated one. Or is it photographs? I'll just photographs with little captions underneath and some Hippie Shit right, some black hotly photos. That totally fucking Hiphi, fucking totally. I remember that book. I was a kiddally dude totally. So I looked at that book and I was trying to remember the time when I got really aroused looking at it, and I think it had a lot to do with just looking at the female frame. Oh, of course, dude, like the sears catalogs, all the old like male catalogs and my mom's Mademoiselle and COSMO magazines. I was like, Oh, I think I could see vagina on the Biki outline. Be One of the rare boys in those days that did not get any type of sexual gratification Shan out of those callous but I...

...understand it now, after looking at it again and going, Oh shit, yeah, you're right. Well, it was because I had looked at the fucking medical journals and all the medical text books, so I knew what I was looking for and therefore, when I saw lady kitted yourself early, Dude, when I will just board, or curious, let's call it so. But yeah, when I see an outline of a vagina and a CLITTERSS, I'm like, because I'm reading the medical books, I'm already I'm known. I'm looking for my cool I can kind of see her Volva and like, if I look close I might be here, her Labia Minora. Oh look this little bump. I bet that's a clitteris right there. So I was just a little kid like trying to investigate in the back of these catalogs and just looking through the fabric. And the titties were easy because I hope there's air nipple right there. Yep, titties are simple, but and well, I'd say, for having an openly sexual material household, I was able to have playboy early. My parents never really cared about me seeing sex. Dude. That's the opposite here. Yeah, see, my dad, cop, mom, nurse whatever, and she didn't know. I think it is, Dude. They didn't give me the birds in the best talk. They just like my neither mine, just my dad had playboy. He brought home penhouse every once in a while and I remember, as a teenager, I'm like that can I, can I look at that, and he's like yeah, go ahead. Yeah, no, my mom would not allow that shit in the house with when my wouldn't let my dad have it. Really and yeah, because she was square. She was like a church person back then, and so though. So I yeah, it was funny. She didn't realize what a little pervert. I was from her medical books and her COSMO Inter Vogue magazines. I'd put two and two together. I did not need porn. I'm like Ope, I figured it out, I got it. So, yeah, I don't know. Keeping US away from porn did me. I think there is an old shack in that utility yard somewhere halfway between my house and your house. When we were kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, had a tree house up there and there is pouring up in there. So yeah, we just you know, we'd go play. Come back, dude, come back before dark and we're like yeah, fine, we're up here looking at whank magazine's mom. I'd say one of my first taste of hardcore pornography was one of those super eight millimeter films, like a snuff film, but with people don't get killed. That correct right. Let's just say that we had the film, projector and screen. Yeah, the neighbor had the film. So have a fucking TOTTP party, Dude. We we set it up where his parents were gone during the day, and this is in the summertime, and my brother and I brought over the screen in the projector and we learned how to put that fuck and filmed through the projector and all...

...that kind of Shit. Dude, is one of those Swedish erotica ones. Kids, you not this chicks pussy was blue. What? And I why? Well, I guarantee it has a lot to do with the the color of the film. Er. Okay, okay, yeah, it's the quality, okay, yeah, but anyways, that was my first taste of motion picture pornography and that was yeah, that was that was a summer of eighty one, I think. I don't know what it would have done if I would have found the Pussy and discovered it was blue, because I wouldn't think I would have been expecting that. Let's just say this, Dude, when we're watching it. I remember when they showed the close up over pussy, all of us like now, what the Hell's that? How supposed to be blue? How old we? We know it's supposed to be pink and red and beautiful. But no, it was not. Damn, just damn. And so then my second for a into this was again being a curious teenager, we drove over to the closest church that had one of those newspaper bins. Yeah, and it was open. So yeah, fucking climbed in there, dude, they at the amount of things you could find. It newspaper Bein just blew my fucking mind. Yeah, so, Dude, all of a sudden we're just like Hustler Cherry. We what, what the fuck is this? Pop and open the pages. Oh Damn, and we're just stuff in the backpacks. Dude, that is like striking gold when you're like a pretty pubisant boy. Right, it's like, Oh my God, because it wasn't just naked people, it was people fucking. It's like that's what I thought they did. Uh, Huh, I was onto you and Huh. That's how I know. That's what the book showed and did. The fun part was coming back in the House with that heavy ass backpack, right, and going upstairs and my parents are just I yeah, I have a good day. Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Blow, go into the fucking bedroom, unloaded that and just shoved it under the bed, Yep, just because I know they're not going to look there right now, so I'm just time for them to like and be cut it, Dude. And because it was, you know, that time, that dinner time, we were home before sundown, whatever. Yeah, as soon as I got out of my room and close the door. I was just like, tonight's gonna be the night planting on a date with yourself. Tonight's gonna be the night of first I'm going to go shit out next level, whatever that is. I'm going to shave and Lotion Up, put on a nice outfit. Tonight, you're myself out for some food, Nice, Nice. We are so getting off the beat. Well, not really, because we're kind of explaining, like...

I think I am, my obsession with any relationship with the woman is to get in the pussy again. Honestly, it just yeah, I love sex. Of always love sex, not like a sex fiend like you hear these people say. I have them a sex addict and they because, I'm guessing, they do shit that's damaging to their life by pursuing sex, where I don't do that, but I do love it when I have it, and they're definitely sacrifices all make to keep it in a relationship. But to your earlier point, man, if the person you used to obsess over is with you every day and you see them at their best and the worst, you probably are going to stop obsessing over them, which is kind of a weird sad truth. She's with you, or is the truth at all? How do you like continually be obsessed with somebody? and Are we miss using the term obsessed, like is that? Is it obsessed too strong of a term? I still subscribe to the fact of not having someone else to distract me and not having enough of like, yeah, I'm fucking friends with this girl, or I'm okay this girl, or you're talking about girl, and I think you're talking about the numbers thing I was talking about earlier. Well, it sounds like you're talking about meaning how do you not obsess over your past, most recent whatever, like I don't even know, obsession, like how do you get over your past obsession? And I think to your point is you need a new obsession. Yeah, well, not a new obsession, but you need a new girl to get rid of that obsession. Is what I'm saying right, right, she won't necessarily become a new obsession, but it will least be enough so you stop obsessing over the first right. Yeah, that makes and and and to expand on this obsession thing, I'm still baffled of why I'm thinking about this. Yeah, that's where I'm thinking. How do we get stuck being obsessed. I think it is because I like sex a lot. Do you think that's why? Or do you like companionship? Are you missing something from your life that makes you prone to be obsessed with like with women? You like? Great question, I I think. Because, okay, the the whole covid lockdown thing did a number on a lot of US mentally. The thing it did for me mentally was I wasn't around people. So I I equate this to not really being around people for a long time and it's like, Oh wow, here's a friendly person. It's nice to have that positive vibe, right. Yep, so I I...

...think because I it's weird. I do have a good amount of friends that I do confide and talk to. Johnny's one of them. I got a few around here as well. So it's not like I'm quote unquote like I don't talk to people. It's just that my my loaner dom, meaning I've kind of been a loner for a long time, of being able to be comfortable by myself for long periods of time. How's that pertain to you being obsessive then over a chick you met at a thing? So well, I think what it boils down to is having that that loner side for a long time and then having someone come in that's, you know, being quote unquote, the Sh of shiny ball to play with. I guess you could say no, I get it in a weird way. Okay, so there's a new stray cat in town, right in my backyard, and like the way you phrase that. There's a new stray cat and this guy comes around now, right, and I forgot, I have like most of them are standoff as. They just take the food and they like, Hey, get the fuck out, like fuck you too. Fine, I don't want to put you anyway. Well, the new stray cats. He's all loud. Maw My always got like fucking six toes on each hand and shit like that. I'm I guess it's weird. The literally like like that's it looks like his whole foot spread out, like we let me councter toes with. You had six toes, motherfucker, wow, wow. But anyway, it was cool. Is like he liked being pat he fucking dug his head right into my hand and kind of did that thing cats do and they push up against your leg and stuff, and he was into it. I'm like, yeah, this is a cool stray cat. Y'allre fucking assholes over there. But my point being is like when you find somebody that likes you too, it's like, Oh yeah, now I'm talking about him, I'm telling you about him, I'm telling him, talking about it on a podcast, because that dumb cat gave me some attention. I think there's something to that. If someone gives you your attention and you have okay because of Covid or whatever, it feels good and you give back. Well, that's what I was, you know, kind of alluding to with the whole lonerdom thing. Is, you know, now there's something that is grabbing my attention. Yeah, wait, that's right, thought. But I was like trying to figure out why the poll is so strong. To wear it becomes obsession and that, yeah, that's part of it, right. It says we just didn't have it for so long. But where you ever before Covid, or like at high school or wherever? Were you ever obsessive about someone you might have fallen in love with, or puppy love or whatever you want to call it? I don't know if I call it obsession just because at that time when I was in love. No, there was no obsession at all. It matter of fact, I was probably doing more of options. What do you mean knows? In other words, I wasn't really feeling it that this person. So now...

I'm like, mm wait, were you at once obsessed with them and then you just lost the interest? No, no, no, no, no, never absom so you've never known, says with someone to tell this lady here. Oh No, no, no, I've had obsessions before, but they didn't last as long as this one has, because someone replaced them. Yes, what was the obsessive draw of the earlier ones? Pick anyone, sorry, pick anyone that stands out, like do you? Does any standout as being like, Oh, yeah, I was obsessed with her because x Yz, like I was obsessed. Well, I was obsessed with almost all my past relationships because good sex. That I mean honestly, like yeah, good sex, often I loved it. Well, in what was the draw? Night, tears and my times of being on this search, Johnny, I have not really been that that good with women. It's just so what makes you obsessed with and what made you obsessed with the earlier ones? Attention. I think you're right. I think I think attenion is is the big one. That's kind of an uncle out. You're paying attention to me. Yeah, when people say, well, what kind of girl do you like, and I'm like, yeah, one that likes me like this, pretty much the only qualific case. Now you like me now, but I's not. I'm a shallow fucking I like. Not any more, though, because I've gotten stronger on this. I feel that if I went home with every woman that gave me attention, I don't think I would be having a lot of gorgeous women in my life. You know what I mean? Wait, so you're saying they would be pushed out the way by ugly women who do give you attention. was that what you're trying to say? No, okay, I didn't understand. Like or you're saying if you're waiting. Yeah, I'm confused at how that came out. Spit it out in common. I'm not surprised you really came to say. I'll say out to me. I'm just shallow. Like, I'm shallow. I like hot chicks, but whatever, I can't do anything about that, because one of my favorite activities of sex, so I do as well. But there became a time where it's just like, dude, are you ever going to get fucking laid? So it becomes a Oh yeah, that's always the thing. It's like a standard versus my capacity, like how hot am I versus how hot of a shit can I get? Because I get it's like, well, of course you can't get hot chicks because you're a dick or an asshole or your other that wasn't that. Wasn't that, wasn't it? Dude? That wasn't it at all. Well, as it boils down to self esteem. Oh yeah, that's what it was. Low self low a good chunk of my life. It took me a while to figure this out. And and once I did...

...figure this out, yeah, I remained really strong this particular present woman, that it took me out of my game of being present. Are being strong. Yeah, yeah, the one that broke through. She found a crack, right, okay, yeah, this is this, is get to and she found the fucking cracked. The just be being just friendly and cool and Goddamn hot. I just getting her. Does say that. It makes sense, though, because she you found someone finally, you know, that met your standards that you've developed over years. After you know testing that your different standards and stuff, and she seemed to be open open. Two things, right, right, yeah, we've had this conversation. We won't have to talk about the dynamics of that. But yeah, you kind of tricked or lured into a manage and I wouldn't say it was trueptas well. This happens before, like this has happened to me on number of occasions. Are almost happened, you know where there will be a woman that's already attached to somebody that shows interest in me. Exactly to see? I think it's to see if I show interest in them, and probably to cause a rift between her and the person she's attached to already. What I thought too, and I'm like, I'm I being used as a tool, or do you really like me, because I don't want you to break up for me to get married to you? and honestly, I don't know. I was a plan on having sex. I'm just flirting because I'm a flirty person. I just say what I'm fucking honestly. It's America, speak your mind, but beyond that, Merca. Yeah, Marca, Goddamn it, I just like the fucking suck some plussy. Oh Dude, I want to come up red hatters out there. All right, I want to make a liquor store, not a liquor store, but like a liquor bar that sells high end liquor shots. That's all they sell. We just sell liquors and hamburgers and just going to be liquor in the front. Now it was called Liquor Burgerh Shit, look at that. Yeah, Buddy, look at that single Malt Scotch and, like some killer angus, beef burgers, because what isn't better when you drunk on a few shots of liquor? Steal it, dude, let's go to Liquor Burger. I'm going to liquor Burger, Liquor Burger. I gotta figure out a good logo for that. Yeah, because liquor, liquor, liquor pussy. HMM. Well, what am I going to feed her, mad what am I going to feed him at my restaurant? If it's called Liquor Pussy, I got a feedom some real food. I'M gonna call them liquor liquor hot dog. Let's nickery. That's gonna be your restaurant, Bro Liquor Lips? I don't know. Still, what's Lips. What are you gonna put again serve them? So, liquor, Clint, I'm I'm just trying to think of things around that area that yours is. Yours is the best right now for sure. Well, it came from actual idea. I saw a liquor store in across the street with a hamburger joint, like why don't you put them together and called Liquor Burger? I'm like, AH, that's because that's my idea. Well, fuck, dude, don't you have that...

...one place? For got what that was called. This did a picture of it, but yeah, there's a did is like liquor trunk or some shit like that, liquor ass, I can't remember. fucking people in the woods or wild and the other thing too, from a sexual standpoint. Girl was just amazing looking. Girl had a body. It's just everything about what I have looked for in a woman from like the looks wise department. Fit just checked all my boxes. Sure, it was just like I need to find out what is going on in the head of this girl. And you know, the more and more I dove in, yeah, she's got a lot of weird fears and I was kind of like man, I'd love to help her. I'd love to help her that. That was another thing that came through my head too. It's just like fuck, I'd like to like help someone who's maybe going through something similar to what I am. So this, okay, this is going to get deep, because I have questions about people who like to help each other, right and and I think that I really do want a woman who is has either gone through what I'm going through or about to go through or has gone through yeah, instead of not going through it at all. Sure you want somebody related, relatable. Well, well, I mean do you and I've had quite a bit of conversations where I told you, dude, I'm confused in this new world. I don't understand what the fuck is going on. I'm just trying to fucking just exist in this weird ass world that has happened, that that is around us right now. I just the air of uncertainty is is kind of fucked with my head pretty hard. Yeah, so I think that goes along with like wow, there's some new beautiful woman in my life who actually is friendly and, you know, laughed at my jokes, came out to play one on one games with and had lunch with me one time, thank me for that lunch and Blah, blah, blah, Blah Blah. It's like okay, and then it just fucking stopped because that other dude was still fucking that's a good question, Dude. So I mean to anybody listening, if just generically, is it appropriate for woman who has like a parttime living boyfriends go out to lunch alone with a male who's interested in her after a solo game of a sports? Well, they didn't live together. I thought they stayed over each other's house. Is Sometimes. Again, Hey, way, we don't have to get the exils of that. But and maybe I have a close enough relationship where that's probable. They probably spend that at each other's houses because their kids are all so close. Correct. So anyway. So, is it appropriate for a woman who knows she's all do you in that relationship to be going...

...out and trailing g shock along with Solo play dates? That's my thoughts. Well, you remember what's wrong with what's wrong with people? I mean because they're not married? I don't know, like I don't have the right answer, obviously, but I'm just curious about that. Well, remember when I told you that whole thing with the giants game, you know, giving up the seat, her daughter would give up the seat for me. That was the last that was the last bit of good conversation that we had, and then after that it just died. Right. You were almost that a giant metallica show together, right, because she knows how much I like Metallica and I know how much she likes the giants. So there was this abouting attension to each other's things and she was going to sacrifice her daughter's seat and not take her boyfriend exactly so. And then all of a sudden, dude, here's here's what I think happened. He came into the picture. Either she told him what was going on or he just somehow just pulled her away from the whole exist entire thing. But when those two fucking get together, it's always him trying to assert his fucking Alphin is like yeah, that that's my girl. Now look at Alpha, I love it. That's some yeah, Dude. Yeah, so, anyways, session we can't have. Yeah, I I think there's a little bit of that, but I think it was the attention, Dude. I think attention definitely is at the top of the list. Here. Well, it's funny you say that, because I've done lots and lots of reading on attention deficit disorder right, because it's been framed a lot by people that, oh, that guy can't pay attention. And apparently, what I've been reading, we have people with add have a deficit of attention paid to us. That's why we're the way we are. People don't pay enough attention to us. That's our attention deficit. I'm like, Oh, that makes way more sense. Wow. Yeah, we're also spas. That's why they call it adhd hyperactivity. So yes, I'm a hyperactive but no attention deficit means like we have a bank that needs attention. Give it to us from the time we're born. You got to put you got to give babies attention, you got to give toddler's attention, teenagers and even adults. Well, if you don't give somebody attention, or if they live long enough without getting the proper attention that they personally lead, they start to develop an attention deficits. That's what it is. We need attention. We're fucking needy fucks because we were just lacking at tension. People didn't pay attention to us and kind of like the traditional fuckery. Oh you daddy didn't hug you enough. Well, it's kind of that, whether it was your dad or your mom or whatever. And enough, quote unquote, is different to each person, because maybe my mom and dad hugged me five times a day,...

...maybe I needed twenty times a day or whatever it turns out to be. So that's what scientists are thinking now. It's like we we need attention. That's our deficit. Seeing. That's funny too, because I had a lot of love in this house from my parents. I yeah, I I was supported in a lot of things I did and I think it had a lot to do with the fact in the early teens I was going to quote unquote, special outside counseling or basically to help my education, because they saw that I wasn't applying myself and I wasn't super smart. But I think what they realized was I am smart, I just didn't give a shit. Yeah, just just latch on. The way they were teaching you wasn't jibing with the way you learned. Yeah, and I mean I'm not going to see him fucking Super Smart, but I'm smart enough. I then I'd say shyness too. I by Dude, I was. I was shy for a long time, man. Yeah, that's an introversion. That's like the kind of being unsure of yourself. So you just needed to set to have run in my family, my dad definitely confess to that shit. Well, it's not like it's a bad thing like shot. You don't have to confess to shyness like it's a crime or anything. I could fast. You should have been a shier. s I'm sorry, you should not. HMM, I don't know. I mean people, people don't think I'm not shy right now. says. It's basically trying to understand a trying trying to read people's minds about you. Well, and also, yeah, first, caring too much about what other people think, which there's ghost, people with neurotic disorders, mentally ill, whatever, bipolar, borderline, all these fuckers, self included. We think way too much about what other people think about us. We don't often care what they think about us, but we think what they think about us and right half the time get it wrong, because you can't get it right all the time. Yep, so, Ye, yeah, so that creates that thing where like Ah, fuck, and you judge a situation before you even get to it. So say you want to go to a party, but now you've judged that these five people might be there and they all hate you, when the reality is maybe none of them even show up and the fact is maybe only one of them slightly dislikes you. So when I go into that party because all the mothers are going to be there, they hate me, make up a whole story, you make up a whole drama about why you don't go and you create this own that creates anxiety. Yeah, like fear that every shy person has some sort of anxiety just because they're so obsessed with what people think of them. And it took me. It took me a while, Dude. It took me a while to get over that. took me a long time. Oh yeah, well, it took me. I still think about what people think about me a lot. I don't care much because I've become more stoic in that I only care about things...

I can change, and I realized I can't change what people think about me. Either like me or don't like me or whatever, but I'm not going to try to change it. And now back to the wall.

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