Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 4 years ago

Bipolar filmmaker Jason Bee talks about "Donovan," the movie.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions and Jason Bee talk about Jason's new feature film "Donovan," and what it's like to be a productive bipolar person. Jason also shares the story of his learning about his bipolar and how it affected his life. Follow Jason on Twitter @thejasonbee and check out the film at DonovanTheMovie.com

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Welcome back to my polar style, thepodcast for my polar people and those who love them. You HAV online. If Ipolarstylecom and now Johnny motion all right thanks for tuning back intobypolar style, thanks jeels for that Nice intro today is an extra specialshow for me, because this is my first like official guest that isn't somebodyI already know so today and this kind of folls in a long series, I'd like toput together of creative, bipolar folks that actually produce things and putthem into the world. So, if you' like to follow along, get out your twitteraccounts and go to at v Jason B, Tg Ja, son Bee our guest today is from Texas,USA, Jason B. How re you doing Jason Bello Ello thanks so much friend, I'mhonored, to be your first stranger, gest yeah. Did you know that? No, I didn't that' funny well Dianefrom twitter, Diane Harwood. Who is that promoting her post partum by polarbook? She was going to be now now she's hustleen she's out out in bookstoresdoing book signings. So she's Gointa come on Wot next Saturday too, and thatmakes you the first man so congrats and again, more middleage white dudes onpodcast, which is what the world needs more of, but hey we're special involvedmiddleage but yeah right, but in this case e we both have bipolar and we'regoing to dig into Jason's past a little bit and hear his story of how he cameto know he had bipolar disorder, and then we start to talk about the moviehe put together. But in this case the movie he put together is effectively abiography at autobiography of his life. So we might kind of intersperse movieparts and story at the same time, how's that sound Yeh, cool man so take us back how? Howlong have you been diagnosed with bipolar? So it's been a little over twenty years, the very end of the ninetyhes Orly, twoSanda. You know going through t e the cycles. I guess, if you will yeah thextreme high an blows and not knowing what the Hell is going on. You know I remember, being out of a barwith my friends Havig a good time, e're all joking and goosing off, and thensuddenly, I'm likead sopping mess in the corner and Ho Blu. Why? Oh, no so yeah, so youknow, finally enough of that roller coaster, mad me say- and maybe I shouldhave talkd to somebody so do went to the the doctor and did the little test that you have to do,and you know as that Toun for tis questionnaire, where it's like the sametwenty five questions, but they ask you to different ways: yeah, that's anabsurd question, yeah right, because...

...when you're in that in their mindset,all the answers are so obvious. It's like yes, yes, of course, I'm going todo this yeah yeah yeah! Have you cried lately? Well, yeah. These are tears onthis sheet, exactly I'mstanding it already so yeahand GNOSE UPPL, you Knowi, really rememberwalking into the doctor's office. T do remember, leaving I remember standingin that parking lot and feeling, like my whole world, Atterne yeah, feel Ifeel like you know, I felt like I was betrayed bythe lallthing B brain and wondering how I can move forward and trust thisdecision maker, the only decision maker I have and Golf Brerkin. I think kindof that irony that these thougts of them having about being betrayed corcoming from the brain. That's just betray me exactly it's like who who totrust. Now. It's like thats you're, my only brain we've been buddies all thistime and what happens? Can I trust you moving for? We, you betray yeah. That'sthat's funny! Well, it's not funny, but it's funny that it feel same to me.Yeah Yeh, sures, sures, something a lot ofoo pe relate to you know when you first get hit with that. Where were where youat he are you in life like what part of your life were you and so twenty yearsago? So you were probably roughly twenty. I Guess Right and your twentysometime yeah yeah, I wan't married yet, but I was with myganse that I would marry afterwards and you know so that was a big thing totake in and take home to someone that you know you're about to share yourlife with and also that fear of it's going to change things right. Youin terms of she never like me now because of this, and it's just a wordright. That's so bizarre! That's such a weird thing to have to come home tosometimes you make lose a job or crash the car, and you have to present thatinformation to your PA, your parents, your spouse or whatever, but cominghome after you simply had some tests and a conversation with a guy calledthe doctor and now you're going to say MM. I have this label called bipolar.You like, like you, said, you're standing in the parking lot kind oflike. Does this fit like a new jacket? That's two tight or something bipolarright, O Dib, you driving home like funny. I don't feel any different thanI did yesterday. I kind of feel actually better, but a d by the timeyou rationalize that a D in a way an an internal way and are able to tell it toyour spouse, you've already kind of processed it. So I always wonder whatit would be like for somebody to tell me something because I've had peopletell me hey. I have cancer and I'm like Whoa, damn that it's amazing. That isjust crazy to me, but if someone teld me they had any mental illness. I'dprobably just give him get this point right, yeah. So what do hae mean? You know? I don't remember thespecifics and it's sotthing weird to about. It is there's a lot of thingsthat I'm learning today about that. I don't remember rikt thing that happened ten twenty yearsago that I can remember insane detail...

...that I always thought Iwasaways, proudof and now that I've en sarking my story, some more I'm noticing there 'sa lot of things that I don't remember at all, and so that's kind of weird totake in right now. But I do remember going through the trial. I mean you: No,she was supportive pepener. What the conversation was in the in she was verysupportive about it, and I remember going through this Aso medication right that we all haveto go through. You is how awful that, but I remember you know falling into the roam: Ith Kmi a littlebit just not a bleave, the bathroom for Entoer Day, because I couldn't goanywhere because you never knew when my stomach was going to hit and you owthat kind of thing yeah, yes, ter were or on Lythium the that was the worstfor me. I know it works for a lot of other people. But for me I sat in thechair for hours and stared at the wall and rolled and in my head. I'm thinkingI want to get up and dance and have a good time and be fun, but here amroling where's the damn happy pill, man, that's that's what I thought when I waslike Hapawa t right and the thing about bypola that drives me nuts, especially,is that the doctors will in every case that I've experienced will go after themania. First INM like wait: wait wait, don't be so fast, the I lik kind oflike the man. If I have two kids one's mania and one's depression, let's putthe lid on depression first and let me we'll deal with Maniya later NUPE.Never they always take the fun part away and then okay now now I'm nothappier hi or but I'm still kind of depressed and what the Hell? That's,that's, maddening, that's why I think by polar people throughout history havebeen the ones that have been called quote. Unquote Mad. I don't know ifthat's a friend, but I could definitely see a bipolar person without treatment,going literally mad yeah and being Veu just get the frankas well. Yeah Prom od unde its easy for people to not Bei able to know differences unlessyou're in the middle of it yeah right, right, T, haen yeah in the so in the pasttwenty years, have they layered any other diagnosies on top of your bipolar? No Te me is, I'm also JUSLEXIC, but youknow I really diesn't have anythin do with it: Li colar, but fun time. When Ican't read anything and I'm frustrated yeah, especially thes long names bypolar drugs, rightyeahthat's the ox car one yeah oxcar right, yeah that thing Ein that beginning when I as gonethrough that Ta trial in Ar of the thing somewher that I dustcided you onwant toscrew this I', I'm not that right and when, when I', Iwould go on an off medication and like pretty much everybody us, but I neverreally twik the dagnosis seriously. So I know a lot of people are like got.I've got table for it. Now I can fike...

...this. I'm thiscl be great forveryopting. This very least yeah thot. Not Me. I Lis Menia Yeah Ansiauthoriti,whatever that label is, but I m I'm going Na, do what I want to do. I'vequestioned everybody. Yeah I've questioned everybody. I my whole lifeI' question. Teachers of Question Cops, I'm definitely going to questiondoctors, just it's inherent in me. I'm like okay, you say I'm this cool allright. Every time I come to the Hospitall, play your game, but in reallife it's kind of hard to match it up. It's like well, I still fucking feellike me out here, so it's really really trippy they've called. I think I have borderline personalitydisorder. I definitely have social anxiety and I think I have PTSD fromjust being put out into the world too early really yeah, because I got my finaladult housing situation was when I was fourteen and so id to just scrambleyeah, but I felt so. I felt like a far OL kid and I kind of still feel like aferel adult like no place is actually where I should stop. I should alwayskeep moving on to the next backyard to find scraps in or something it just hasthat sense in my hair, really weird man' sure the bypollar disorder withthat upinherit feeling of not really fitting in any particular group ofdynamic yeah doesn't help that no yeah, you IDT's just like this, isn't mygroup Yeah and even people that want to have you as a group. You fall into thatkind of Groucho marks bit that you don't want to be a part of a group ofsome group that would havpen as its member and like Oh nop, that mean thenI guess the impostor syndrome kind of comes over like oh well, you guys don'tsee through my harade. So therefore your idiot. So even though I love yourgroup, I'm not going to be part of it now or or the counter of that, I'm notfeeling worthy to be in the group. You know allwesos our if you want to be inand they finally pull you in and you're like. Oh, you got it' R, real, I'm Thiassoter, so yeah. I don't Boon here, O not good enough. Yeah! That's for realto an there are cases where we actually aren't good enough to be doing whatwe're supposed to B do er trying to do anyway. That's funny that well,actually, that's funny. That's a kind of a cool segue up to the the moviemaking bit, but let's just clarify so for the past twenty years, primarilyyou've been dealing with by polar disorder. Uniquely and doing I, whatall the other bipolar folks like us do is you've experimented with you,medication and you sound like you're, vairly, happy and stable I'. I don'twant to assume, but right, yeah, yeah, yeah, so well in twothousand and seven like January, is when I had our first really badpsycotic break that really open my eyes to do your either going to be dead andleave this son of yours without a dat, or you need to get your shit straightand I just sor, let we say yeah yeah, of course,yeah this I gi, wanted to specific could be that kind of show yeahdefinitely be okay. I wanted. I Cho O...

...get my shit straight and you know for you from there it's a long,hard road right when you finally accept something and say I'm going to getbetter, it wasn't overnight that I got fo where I was it. Was' Ginto be over,I get out of it and it was. You know, to put an Arlinmantal son, Lon hardroad out e Hell right yeah, so we put it yeah so, but you know toket seriously.I was already divorced by this time and iwant to be abotter father to my kid,and he was three at the time and I could see I wasn't being the kind ofman I wanted to teach him to be so I needed to become that person, and then you know by two thousand andten that was in a really good place. Remarried have another child wrld doinggreat, and I decided I wanted to give back somehow to to other people to let them know thatin their struggle they're, not alone, okay, to talk about it, it's okay, afor health, a kind of thing, Yo, a lot of things I didn't feel like. I askedfor myself because I didn't know anybody else, a toller at the time thatI was going through the really rough times is stopped a LOTF EM yeah rightit wasn't even a thing back then it's like. I guess I bite polar yeah. Nobodytalks about METI love, it generally, so yeah itwas hard t it's hard to embrace yeah. So you know I thought about whatwhat is it a cand do for that and I'd always wanted to Ri to screenplay andin my early twenties I acted also so I was kind of now familiar around thatkind of idea in concept and to be making and s that so I thought I writeit. I my story doesn't Aveto, be my store and quotes, but it needs to besomething that's relatable and based off of this and very honest and reallyI want Riady. I want to show people what this really looks like I don'twant to talkit down. I don't want to got. I don't want to make it lookwonderful, but I don't make it look. You know, like it' fill in a boral.Feler need to be honest about it yeah. So I started writing at the time it'scalled my holarity and then it became gon of an and you knowone team that led to another. Ididn't intend bruce it Qorterfictet, but thits kind of what turned out to bebecause you know actor. I wanted to act in it too, and I was nobody really Sayn.Oh Yeah nobodys ever Hond of you. Why Dont you come actoit to yeas that nowthat have you ever read the story of Stelone EA yeah he's got a great life story.That kind of speaks to the way you're doing it where it's like. No, this isactually my story. I'm going to tell it my way. Yeah I'm going to be in it. Sotell me how you came up with the name. Donoin though. What's that relevant to,is it a homage to somebody else, sort of it's really kind of funny Youyou ever watch the showburn notice, I'm familiar with it? I haven't watchedit, though, because I skate around...

...without cable but yeah, it's a show about a spy gets burned andhis you know travels to find out who burned him and helping people andsupport, and so on Gan. When it first came out, it was something I watchedevery day. I don't know it just made me feel good and I was kind of in Ao aweird place. One thatso bad place, Thas a weird place sure and the Shos made mefeel good, and I was really I admired the lead actor who's differently, ot ofhim admurtered his commitment to what they were doing with this show andknowing that he was a bit bit older than than what they would typically gofor and leading man. You know: Tocally want tenys yeah, guys it's Aleosho and I was like that'sreally cool, that's kind of what I a'm wanted to done. Ten, because I'm anolder guy now and you know, nobody's been panging on my door, but this guyis really doing it. So it's kind of an homage to him. You know b theinspiration, that's awesome, a okay cool and it's just it's a cool name too.So I m like: Where did that name come? So it's not your kids, Ame or anybodythenyour. Just a fictional play, yeah, okay, cool cool, so yeah I was watchingthe trailer yeah. There are some pretty powerful scenes like especially the thereal quick clip of the rage face guy, the guy that just was raging that I'm,like yeah. That feels legit, that's not silver, oudiings playbook! That'sthat's like woa, okay, Yoa! That's that's for real! So how closely doesthe Donavin Story Donnav in the movie, follow your escapades through through bipolar anddivorce and whatnot a lot of YOU KN? When we ever, we don'tsee dipenean diagnose per sa, but it's early on in it and he's much in deniallike like. I was sure and a you know. This isn't really happening to me. Ican do it for a want and being divorced and having a youngson and trying to be a good person to him, Wi'll still being a denial about this.Other thing is: Is Tha huge? You know contrast of whoyou're trying to be versus who you are currently Beingso. You know the movieBaseis a lot around relationships, as well as the disporder, so yeah. They kind of Waslonhand in hand right, yeah, yeah, yea. So there's a lot of that. That t was in mylife. You know some. I worked my I come from advertising agency, so his workwas advertising agency because I knew it Yep. You know but theresthere's a lot ofdifferences to like, for example, dotimans motives to even go into adoctor's office because wereor his character, he probably wouldn't go onhis own right- is that that he's court ordered to show his exploce Oh yeah.Yes, he is seeing a psychiatrist. That's Hars, right basis that didn'thappen to you. Do O? No! No! It didn't no yeah cus. That would be Ayeah soyeah, because that is part of the clip...

...on the trailer a that's it, the donofin moviecom or Donaf Ben moviecom, Don of NV moviecom, okay, Donovan, themoviecom. If you're listening, go check it out, but yeah that that is a prettypowerful sceme when he kind of shows up at the front porth there and yeahanybody who's been diagnosed or has had court ordered anything can relate tothat particular scene, especially if you have kids right, that's savage. You know, and the other thing to is anyone with this. This ord o relate tothe movie, because there's a lot of things that you know get trying to behonest about that that we all have gone through a similar situation. Butthere's also this other side that I didn't really know. INTL permerseryinga couple most back here in Dallas and there ware some sychiatrists in thet inthe in the audience and it on sychontrasaid in our QNA that that it was interesting that it's he can now see because of its movie.The on the tatient's walls that yes, acitosonly, see ox per se.When we want help right yeah, they don't see us lowly develped and thatwas very fightful to him to be able to see that side of what patients can gothrough when they don't want help. Yeah thats an Expeniton to the DOORNSO thatoffice well, and it brings up a higher point that this movie should probablyseen by families and love ones and caregivers of by polar folks as much,if not more than by polar people. I mean like I'm by Peller. Whenever Ihear of a movie or TV show featuring said topic, I go watch it and I give itthe thumbs up or thumbs down, and I let my friends now like yeah, that's prettyaccurateor. Now, that's that's bullshit, but in this cise this is super accurate.It's not a documentary. It's a you know an autobiography, it's told as a story,so you feel that you're in it it presented a a feature film, so thatthat you know, because I didn't want to become colimical about it and I feltLik. I I documentary a become colitical and ou ve documentaries. I, likedocumentaries, lesem yeah from from this kind of thing. I think it would beboring pretty quick. I don't know, that's how totally that's how I feelabout bipolar podcast. A lot of them are very clinical and styril. You can'tswear yeah, and it's just like come on by polar people are extreme and left itright up and down, and- and we do thinks that arn intense, we throw beerbottles out of moving vehicles and we curse on podcast, and so, but I thinkit's really cool that to convey that bipolar folks canperform in the world. We might not be seen as normal. We might not ever feelnormal, but we sure, as hell can perform and even outperform quoteunquote normal people out in the real world, and I think you are producing afeature. Film really speaks to that yeah. I was interesting and in the way that this kind of did AA,snowballeftect, beaus, et's, til, Ta...

Nois, what Ev just written and now I'mgoing to direct and I'm going to act in it and hell. I was the janitor. I was achef, Oh dude, and the editor when I saw that you edited that's like. Oh,that's the most thankless job ever its like he's getting down on doing theediting, then he's actually committed because we did a lot of stuff andwhenever it comes to edity I'm like can we get somebody do this part yeah meanyou really did? Do it all yea edited it. I colore it. How did you how doe youguy didn't? Do it? How you learn all that dude wait? How did you learn to dogo making stuff a lot of it was just on the flyseriously just go in and jus today's task, let's figure out how to do it andget it done. You know I'm editing, especially. I went and did a lot oflindacom tutorials hand. I watched storals on Youtube and you know I'malso musician, so yeah one of my friends told me that that good editors are also oftentimesmusicians because they just have the built in tempo, Yep, riaht right and you kind of need that yeah ticialperspective inboth of cutting scenes, for I would find this athis. It was a e finable Song Tbut. Iwould watch the the scene and I would feel a beat and I would see where hecut based off that bead yeah. It was pretty cool. That is awesome because,like you said earlier, I don't know if we said it on micronot but we're bothdrummers and I always had a beat going. It's not my heartbeat speed, I'm noteven sure what speed it is, but whatever situation it's like my walkingspeed. You know I've always got like a mytheme song in my head when I'mwalking down the street, but there's always am tapping my fingers like crazy,so yeah. I could definitely see that how that turned out to be good butbecause I went to school for filmmakeand there's like rules aboutfilmmaking that you hadn't broken. So I was wondering if you had gone to filmschool, but Lindacom is superhelpful for sure. Yeah didn't go to film school, but youknow I mean I had a had an entire crew, so we all fo myself all the time youkno it's a photographer, a Oun guy who are far more knowledgeable about allthis. That I could be, and I learned a lot from them just by standing, hearthem yeah, you overheare things hit's like. Oh, we can that's a good idea orwhatever er they literally just tell me Dude. You can't do that because of thisright, Kay, ather, Judsben, yeah and then later of I realized. Oh okay. Willthat make sense? Now you know tha kind of thing and kind of you know o grewinto it. I Bes yeah, they well it cameo great looking and I think People WuldDEF, definitely dig it that yeah it. So how do and you work full time now orwork parttime? No, I'm Oso freelance cool, yes, that' week,the other day, if I know I'm tesing about awesome because most by polarpeople like we have the energy we want to work, but the depression part keepsus from getting organized enough to get anything done. So but iget so gettingthe film done an raising a kid thou'm...

...myke H that guy's fucking busy yeah yeah yeah, my wife works, fulltime Hendoftentime to stay homedead type thing: IC is gest Woll way earlier than youknow. Normal people go at work, yeah, well, you're, drumor, Yu in a firmmaker, yeah you're, probably an Awesome Fun Dad! That's. How is the younger one now, so you gotone that seven right now you said and then no ye, Hav Oneta and then theoldest is fourteen and they both were actually in the movie. So the kid thatplayed my son Evan and at Stoll me is actually my tone. Wow, that's cool.Everything comes around yeaand and I don't know if he was in t trailer or nod icant remember, but theone that plays the twelve year old person of done o inn some of theflashback. He is my oldest son right on which ones the Golfer, the older oryounger, but they both play golf at the one out,son Yeu. That was a one I division insay with Youger one awesome, so we'llsee some professional golfers in the making. If you see Le Oneof in themovie yeah that's Ne, I loves especially a sport like that, wherenobody gets hurt, you're, not smashing your heads into each other, which isprobably like, I think that's the church in Texas. Is You know, highschool football. So I'm glad you guys Haveyeah the wisdom to put your kids ingolf so from California to Texas. That's a good call. Man Yeah they're, both super into it andthey're, both very talented, but it does it's pretty cool to watch them.IASA, Never Golfer SOM, but I'm learning all that as well and they justblow me aways. Oh Yeah, you teach those little kids, the bottom mechanics earlyand they become naturals. That's a awesome eah! So, what's what'son the future, for you for both life in general and the movie here, the immediate future is trying to findan audience forgot, O and you know, being a hundred percent independentwith no studio behind you. It's really hard to get that audience on your own, let alone!You know you look help for the studio on and inenit film, but that's the immediate goal is to getthis out. If people can see it and to keep that groff of it and Kepe think and hopefjy the word aboutit. You know wor eout is the bigt thing that to do off of yeah. For sure, after that, you know, there's S. ideas on tickingaround at have't really settled on anyone in particular just jed, becauseI want to make sure that this donomens is in a good place to kind of do itswork yeah. It's like AIT's, like a new child. It is like a new kid that youhave to raise and make sure it can. You know, make its own bowl of cereal andstuff before you go start your new Trab, so yeah, that's Awsot, Wal, see Copiill, be good yeah! It's like okay, that Kid's aft taking care of hirself now inten years will take care of me good...

...right. So what's you maybe yeah whatother? What other kind of projects do you work? An do you still do: Graphicdesign and drumming yes, isoo exectly design and a wholelot f drumming I mean also playguitar and sitting I've donesome of that thetjere'St a couple tracks on the donimant soundtrack thatI'm actually on but whe name us. So much all over thisthing that I didn't put my name on the music, so Iknow you the you put up the music in a really grateful way. I guess is the best wayto put it as a musician, because on the Dona Donnavin, the moviecom there's awhole music site section and it kind of broke down the different scores. So itlooks like the guy who you had doing the score. You probably know him: Oh yeah, yeah yeah, so that came outgreat yeah and he'. He is what's his name,pert brilliant, his ameis Peter Lobo and he's so tha. The Funny Story AboutFeter is this. Fourteen, fifteen years ago we were ina band together during Alase, always it was kind of a Ye yeah. It was a kin ofGOPP industrial band right so like the nines nail of Marylyn Manson hard ass,fesh, MoD kind of Kool down and Peter was our drummer and he was I mean thisdude was an amazing drummer. I was knew he was special and see he was sospecial that we would not be able to keep him Te. Ser frummer right is sure enough. He got offers totour the world with various other bands and some really big Danes, and he tookthat and it left and what I was doing. Some of the earlier work wit thought ofthem. I was thinking how I'm going to get centrate done, because you know Ican't take that job on as well, and I can't do that t o justice. It wouldneed anyway Gand for whatever reason, Peter's name popped in my head and allye knew them as a drummer. So like t that dudes up to so il look him up andhe's freaking wrigtin films fors in New York, perfect yeah. So I call him up and we talkedand we work on this together and I couldn't be happier wit, look how thethe score turns out it's on its own. It is its own story. You know, if you takeit out of the movie and is looking throug his record. It's incredible yeah!You guys did put a lot of time into that. In fact, every layer that you addto a film that is that much more professional really makes the wholething pop, because there's so many moving parts to a film production, it'shard to make sure every single piece is top notch, so commence o that that wasa great job, and I think you know I don't Wantto, besomebody that says Ol, that's because lik by polar but ID, often wonder if Ididn't have my polor what I feeable to switch years as quick and effortlesslyas I figured out how to do to cover all those paces right. Reall, W T you know, Esik n Gid, so you know there'something to be said about that. I think like by polar people, are likethe foodies of of life's emotions like because foodies seem to be able to haveBethey, have a broader palate, taste...

...buds, so they can taste moreinteresting foods and tocertain things. I think, by polar folks ate the samething in the world of emotions, s that really doesn't help when it comes to tocreating music, because we've tasted all those different flavors of angerand sorrow and and anguish and hopefulness, and then when it comestime to creating, sometimes you latch onto the maniatrain and then it just pulls you for a ride. With all that other experience soyeah it could come out really cool yeah, that's awesome man! So what's the bestthing we like as listeners or followers on your twitter account? What can we dothe most to help pir the work you know, and it's for SAS are your finished withthe movie right yeah. The movie is available it dv D,andidial ownload S, so t at that's one way, yeah right right now, that's thebest way to o buy it. Rentit yeah, that's iti, Sari Showitn showd! In yourclass, if you teach anything about bipolar, if you have any kind of mentalhealth community outreach programs, that's a good idea. It's yeah and youknow the other thing too- is I'm Alwis open to and and up for discussing? U COMING OUT ANDTALKING TO PEOPLE BOT it as well, because I tho thers a story outside ofthis story that people relate to o an, and you know my biggest thing is justreaching other people to need to be heard or pike they're heard and in help Wan. I totally agree dude infact, because not all of us can even get out of bed right. That's a given!There ad been many PA parts of my life where I'd go months and months stuck inthe dark room of my own, making, literally dark room Wa like Blindersover the curtains and quiet ind e, controlled everything just stay in bed.fraid of the world check my check, my social media once in a while that wasit. That was my life, so I think it kind of feels like it's not like aMessiah Complex as much but hen when you are feeling good. You really feellike than I should give back a and show people what what we go through and justshow other people with bipolar. Like Hey, it's okay, things will eventuallyget okay. If you just stick with et, don't like don't off yourself,especially because how many times have you felt suicidal werd like two dayslater t's. Like that's good thing, I didn't kill myself last week. Yeah Ye is the awkward laugh on that one, becauseit's kind of funny, because it's true and it's not funny at all, but Tu yeah,yeah, no yeah for sure. So that's great! So yeah, then that's that's the bestway, so I guess: Go and find Jason V, Jason B, Thg Ja,son Bee, that's on twitter, like a umpl yeah like the bum Le Be and retweet theheck out of his cool post he's super supportive and if he detects thatyou're a real person, he will do the same with you. That's how we met. Wejust exchanged conversation on twitter and now we're taking it to the nextlevel and trying to you know, promote different things and he'll do the samewith you, I'm sure so follow them on twitter, rea tweet. Every time he talksabout Donovin the movie, you can go by...

Donif in the movie at Donnabin, themoviecom check out the trailers. Look at all the the breakout of the musicyoutube videos and what night's got there's got the music files you canlisten to the soundtrack for free and that'll, get you more inticed and,generally speaking, man. I hope you have lots, F success and come back soonand let us know how more, how much more we can help push things forward. It awesome ther! I thank you so muchfor this, as I great yeah it'll be on going I'm trying to collect the castingand crew of just like a casting crew right, not it's notnecessarily a one time guest thing, because people that can hold their ownand speak on the radio on the radio on a podcast are kind of far and fewbetween it seems like everybody would want to, but when it gets down to a lotof people like yeah, I don't want to share my story. Do you go to buy polargroups by the way? I have not been to any they're kind ofNEAT? It that's one thing, then it's one thing I was starting to lookat to Trindi to you know if anything, to do kind of support o the people,because yeah right, yeah and I think Itoud- be it need to make you like a Oh here's, our dream right, anybodythat has bi polar if we could just make a living being by polar and goingaround and talking about it and making podcast and movies and books about it.That would be our dream honestly, but I don't know how to do that yeah, but I'dlike to help you be able to do that, because you've got a film at I and itwould be nice to just pack up in a sprinter van decked out, like an officewith the bed in the back and go city to city, show your movie, you know, getpaid enough to stay in a hotel and just kind of make a life that way. I thinkit would be great so we'll help you towards that end. Thato'd be awesome,and if anybody else is creative, creative by polar people hit us up andfollow US along on twitter, we're up by polar style he's at the Jason B. Themovie is Don Ofvin, the movie Com and man. It's a real pleasure to haveyou here. Thank Your Family Fr for giving up some time on a Sunday. Iappreciate that we'll put this podcast up tonight and see what kind of damagewe can do over twitter, promoting it this week, yeah and next time I won't be a totalstranger on o the shows a thi'll, be cool he'll, be a regular people. Willlike. Oh that's, because you actually show your face on twit. I deal with thestigma e too much like, especially with my old family and the stigma in mysocial circles. So I just I'm like a cartoonhead but yeah when people cjsonbe like Oh yeah, he's cute I'll, follow him, so your wife might not be so happyabout that. Well, Jason's become a Diferen, a fin that either famousbipolar star right all right man. Well thanks for stopping in we'll check inwith you in a few weeks, if you you have anything else new to add, or I runout of people to talk to Yo ID love to have you back on, but so far WTI've gota a handful of people that are really eager to talk. So let's hear theirstories, great circle, Backran and well form our own bipolar cabal. On twitter, Cool Ma, great yeah man so enjoy therest of the day, thanks for coming on...

...by polar style and we'll talk to o soon absolute, but thanks Jason B. If you like what you heard subscribe onApple Podcast by I T and join us at my colar stylecom thanks forlisnin.

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