Emo Dojo
Emo Dojo

Episode · 4 years ago

Bipolar filmmaker Jason Bee talks about "Donovan," the movie.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions and Jason Bee talk about Jason's new feature film "Donovan," and what it's like to be a productive bipolar person. Jason also shares the story of his learning about his bipolar and how it affected his life. Follow Jason on Twitter @thejasonbee and check out the film at DonovanTheMovie.com

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Welcome back to bipolar style, the podcast for bipolar people and those who love them. Join US online at bipolar stylecom and now use your host, Johnny motion. All Right, thanks for tuning back into bipolar style. Thanks, Jules, for that Nice intro. Today is an extra special show for me because this is my first like official guest that isn't somebody I already know. So today, and this kind of falls in a long series I'd like to put together of creative bipolar folks that actually produce things and put them into the world. So, if you'd like to follow along, get out your twitter accounts and go to at the Jason B T G Jaso in be our guest today is from Texas, USA, Jason B. How are you doing, Jason? Hell, hello, thanks so much, friend. I'm honored to be your first stranger guest. Yeah, did you know that? No, I didn't. That's funny. Well, Diane from twitter, Diane Harwood, who is out promoting her postpartum bipolar book. She was going to be now now she's hustling. She's out out in bookstores doing book signings. So she's going to come out out next Saturday too, and that makes you the first man. So congrats and again more middle aged white dudes on podcasts, which is what the world needs more of. But Hey, we're special ball middle age by yeah right. But in this case we both have bipolar and we're going to dig into Jason's past a little bit and hear his story of how he came to know he had bipolar disorder and and then we'll start to talk about the movie he put together. But in this case the movie he put together is effectively a biography, at autobiography of his life. So we might kind of intersperse movie parts and story at the same time. How's that? So yes, I'm cool, man. So take us back. How how long have you been diagnosed with bipolar? So it's been a little over twenty years, the very end of the many these early two thousand. You know, going through the the cycles, I guess, if you will. Yeah, the string high stream lows and not knowing what the Hell is going on. You know, I remember being out of the bar with my friends, having a good time. We're all joking and US and off and then suddenly I'm like a sopping mess in the corners and no clue why. Oh No, so, yeah, so you know, finally, enough of that roller coaster, maybe say and maybe I should have talk to somebody. So now I'll went to the ZCER and did the little test that you have to do. And you know that two hundred fifty questionnaire where it's like the same twenty five questions but they ask you to different ways. Yeah, that's an absurd question. Are Right, because when you're in that in that mindset, all...

...the answers are so obvious. It's like yes, yes, of course I'm going to do this. Yeah, yeah, have you cried lately? Well, yeah, and these are tears on this sheet exactly. I'm staying it already. So yeah, and I got diagnosed. Paul. You know, I really remember walking into the doctor's office that if you remember leaving, I remember standing in that parking lot and and feeling like my whole world it turn ups to down. I feel like, yeah, I felt like I was betrayed by the wall saying brain and wondering how I could move forward and trust this decision maker, the only decision to make her I have. HMM, and it also recognizing kind of that irony that these thoughts that I'm having about being betrayed cover coming from the brain that just betrayed me exactly. So who, who to trust now? It's like that's you're my only brain. We've been buddies all this time, and what happens? Can I trust you moving forward? You've beteen. Yeah, that's that's funny. Well, it's not funny, but it's funny that I feel the same to me. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure, sure's something a lot of getting really to you when you first get hit with that. Where where you hear you in life? Like, what part of Your Life for you? And so twenty years ago, so you're probably roughly twenty, I guess right, and your twenty sometime. Yeah, yeah, I married, yea, that, but I was with my hen say that I would marry afterwards and and you know, so that was a big thing to take in and take home to someone that you know you're about to share your life with, and also that fear of it's going to change things, right, you know, it turns us that she's not going to like me now because of this, and it's just the word right. It's that's so bizarre. That's such a weird thing to have to come home to. Sometimes you make lose a job or crash the car and you have to present that information to your parent, your parents, your spouse or whatever. But coming home after you simply had some tests and a conversation with a guy called the doctor, and now you're going to say him, I have this label called bipolar. You like, like you said, you're standing in the parking lot kind of like does this fit, like a new jacket that's too tight or something, a bipolar right, and you drive driving homely like funny, I don't feel any different than I did yesterday. I kind of feel actually better. But by the time you rationalize that and in a way, in an eternal way, and are able to tell it to your spouse, you've already kind of processed it. So I always wonder what it would be like for somebody to tell me something, because I've had people tell me, Hey, I have cancer and I'm like Whoa, Damn that. It's amazing that. It just crazy to me. But if someone told me they had any mental illness, I'd probably just give them a hug at this point. Right. Yeah, so what do happen? I mean, you know, I I don't remember the specifics. And it's something weird too about it is there's a lot of things that I'm learning today about that I don't remember. Like there's things that happened ten, twenty years ago that I...

...can remember insane detail that I always thought I was always proud of, and now that I'm shocking my story some more, I'm not saying there's a lot of things that I don't remember at all and so it's kind of weird to take in right now. But I do remember going through the trial. I mean, you know, she was supportive forms what the conversation was been. The INI was very supportive about it, and I remember going through this phase of medication right that we all have to go through. Yep, it is just how awful that. But I remember, you know, falling into the Roman Kemi a little bit. Is Not be believe, the bathroom for entire day because I couldn't go anywhere because I never knew when my stomach was going to head and extra thing, yeah, yeah, sure, or on lithium it that was the worst for me. I know it works for a lot of other people, but for me I sat in the chair for hours and stared at the wall and ruled and in my head I'm thinking I want to get up and dance and have a good time and be flying, but you're a ruling. Where's the damn happy pill man? That's that's what I thought when I was like happy about this shit. What it was right, and the thing about bipolar is that drives me nuts especially is that the doctors will, in every case that I've experienced, will go after the mania first, and I'm like wait, wait, wait, don't be so fast. The I like kind of like the mean if I have two kids, ones mania and one's depression, let's put the lid on depression first and let me we'll deal with mania later. NOOPE, never. They always take the fun part away and then, okay, now I'm not happier, hyper, but I'm still kind of depressed. And what the Hell? That's that's maddening. That's why I think bipolar people throughout history have been the ones that have been called, quote unquote, mad. I don't know if that's a frame, but I can definitely see a bipolar person without treatment, going literally mad. Yeah, and being viewed as the frank as well. Yeah, Rom because it's easy for people to nothing able to know those differences unless you're in the middle of it. Yeah, right, right, in the studying all the means that they were happened. Yeah, in the so in the past twenty years, have they layered any other diagnosis on top of your bipolar? No, because me is I'm also dyslexic, but you know, really didn't have any to do with it by polar. But Fun time when I can't read anything and I'm frustrated. Yeah, especially those long names of bipolar drugs. Right, yeah, that's the OX car one. Yeah, oxcar right. Yeah, yeah, so in that beginning, whenever I going through that trialing, are of the thing somewhere that I decided, you know what, screw this, I'm I'm not that right. And when, when off? I would go on and off medication and, like for much everybody this, I never really fix the diagnosis. seriously. HMM. Sure. Now I know a lot of people are like, I got I've got a label for it. Now I can fight this. I'm this would be great or optimistic, very...

...least. Yeah. Now, not me. I lose meaning. Yeah, I'm here, yeah, and Anti Authority, whatever that label is, but I'm gonna do what I want to do. I've questioned everybody. Yeah, I've questioned everybody my whole life. I've questioned teachers, of question cops. I'm definitely going to question doctors. Just it's inherent in me. I'm like, okay, you say I'm this cool all right, every time I come to the hospital player game, but in real life it's kind of hard to match it up. It's like, well, I still fucking feel like me out here. So it's really, really trippy. They've called I think I have borderline personality disorder. I definitely have social anxiety and I think I have PTSD from just being put out into the world too early. Really, yeah, because I got my final adult housing situation was when I was fourteen, inside to just scramble. Yeah, but I felt so I felt like a feral kid and I kind of still feel like a farrel adult, like no places actually where I should stop. I should always keep moving on to the next backyard to find scraps in or something. It just has that sense in my head. Really Weird. Managuer, the by polar disorder, with that injured feeling of not really sitting in any particular group or dynamic. Yeah, doesn't help that. No, yeah, you did. It's just like this isn't my group. Yeah, even people that want to have you as a group. You fall into that kind of Groucho marks bit that you don't want to be a part of a group, of some group that would have you as its member, and like Oh, nope, that me. Then I guess the imposter syndrome kind of comes over, like oh well, you guys don't see through my charade, so therefore you're idiot. So even though I love your group, I'm not going to be part of it now. or or the counter, that not feeling worthy to be in the group. You know, always so the groups you want to be in and they finally pull you in and you're like, oh, he's kind it for real on the so softre so, yeah, I don't belong here. Totally not good enough. Yeah, that's for real too. There are cases where we actually aren't good enough to be doing what we're supposed to be doing, or trying to do. Anyway. That's funny. That will actually that's funny. That's a kind of a cool segue up to the the movie making bit, but let's just clarify. So for the past twenty years, primarily you've been dealing with bipolar disorder uniquely and doing it what all the other bipolar folks like us do. Is You've experimented with you medication and you sound like you're fairly happy and stable. I mean, I don't want to assume, but right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, well, in two thousand and seven, like January, is when I had, in our first really bad psychotic break. That really open my eyes to do your either going to be dead and leave this son of yours without dad, or you need to keep your shit straight, and I chose my sorry, can we say? Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah, or this, I wanted to specific, to be that kind of show. Yeah, definitely, because, okay, I wanted, I chose, to get much it straight. And you know it's...

...for you. From there, it's a long, hard road, right, when you finally accept something and say I'm going to get better. It wasn't overnight that I got for I was so it wasn't to be over I get out of it, and it was, you know, to quote an Arilyn Manson Song, on a long, hard road out of Hill. Right. Yeah, so I put it. Yeah, so, but I, you know, to get seriously, I was already divorced by this time and I want to be a better father to my kid and he was three at a time and I could see I wasn't being kind of man I wanted to teach him to be. So I needed to become that person. And then, you know, by two thousand and ten I was in a really good place, remarried, have another child. We're all doing great, and I decided I wanted to give back somehow, to to other people, to let them though, is that in their struggle they're not alone. Okay to talk about it's okay. I ask for health, a kind of thing. You know, a lot of things. I didn't feel like I had some something because I didn't know anybody else by polder at the time that I was going through this, the really rough times. I stopt a lot them. Yeah, right, it wasn't even a thing back then. It's like, I guess I buy polar yeah, and nobody talks about met love it generally. So, yeah, it's hard to it's hard to embrace. Yeah, so I you know, I thought about what is it that could do for that and I'd always wanted to write a screenplay and in my early twenties I acted also, so I was kind of familiar around that kind of idea and concept in movie making. So I thought, well, I write it, why I write my story. Doesn't have to be my story in quotes, but he needs to be something that's relatable and based off of this and very honest and gritty. I want gritty. I want to show people what this really looks like. I want to talk it down. I don't want to got it. I don't want to make it look wonderful, but I don't want to make it look, you know, like it's full in it world either. It need to be honest about it. Yeah, so I started writing. At the time it's called my polarity and then it became Donovan and, you know, one skut led to another. I didn't intend to produce it quort it, but that's kind of what turned out to be because, you know, an actor, I wanted to act in it too, and there's nobody really saying Oh, yeah, you, nobody's for heard of you. Why don't she come too? Yeah, now that. Have you ever read the story of Stallone? Yeah, yeah, he's got a great life story. That kind of speaks to the way you're doing it, where it's like no, this is actually my story. I'm going to tell it my way. Yeah, I'm going to be in it. So tell me how you came up with the name Donovan, though. What's that relevant to? Is it a homage to somebody else? Sort of? It's really kind of funny. Do you ever watch the show burn? Notice I'm familiar with it. I haven't watched it, though, because I skate around without cable. But yeah,...

...it's a show about a spy it's burned and his you know, travels to find out who burned him and helping people and the support and so on. Okay, we first came out it was something I watched every day and I don't know, it just made me feel good and I was kind of in at a weird place. Wanting the Sari, bad place. I was in a weird place, sure, and the show this maybe feel good, and I was really I admired the lead actor, who's differed one of him. Admired his commitment to what they were doing with this show and knowing that he was a bit older than the what they would typically go for a a leading man, you know, the typically wants. Yeah, guys, it's a leadah show, and I was like that's really cool. That's kind of what I am wanted to done. Then because I'm an older guy now and you know, nobody's in banging on my door, but this guy is really doing it. So it kind of an homage to him. You know, the inspiration. That's awesome. From that. Okay, cool, and it's just it's a cool name too, so like we're that that name. Come. So it's not your kids, him or anybody. I'm right, it just a fictional play. Yeah, okay, cool, cool. So, yeah, I was watching the trailer and there are some pretty powerful scenes, like especially the the real quick clip of the rage face guy, the guy that just is raging that I'm like, yeah, that feels legit. That's not silver undings playbook. That's that's like Whoa, okay, Yo, that's that's for real. So how closely does the Donovan Story, Donovan the movie, follow your ex escapades through through bipolar and divorce and whatnot? A lot of you know, when we ever we don't see something diagnosed per se, but it's early on in it and he's much in denial, like I was sure, and you know this isn't really happening to me. I can do it for a want and being divorced and having a young son and trying to be a good person to whom, while still being in denial about this other thing, is a huge, you know, contrast of who you're trying to be versus who you are currently being. So, you know, the movie base is a lot around relationships as well as the disorder. So, yeah, they kind of a lot of hand in hand at yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of that. that. It was in my life. I'm you know, some I worked my I come from advertising agency. So his work was advertising agency because I knew it. Yep, you know. But there's there's a lot of differences to like, for example, Dotovan's motive to even go into the doctor's office, because where was this character? He probably wouldn't go on his own. Right. Is that that he's court ordered to show his ex wife? Oh, yeah, yeah, he is seeing a psychiatrist. That's hard writing basis. That didn't happen to you. How did no, no, it didn't know. Yeah, that would be Harso that WHOA? Yeah, so, yeah, because that is part of...

...the clip on the trailer. At that's a the Donovan moviecom or Donovan moviecom Donovan the moviecom. Okay, Donovan, the moviecom. If you're listening. Go check it out. But yeah, that that is a pretty powerful scene what he kind of shows up with the front ports there, and anybody who's been diagnosed or has had court order to anything can relate to that particular scene, especially if you have kids. All right, that's savage, you know. And the other thing too, is anyone with this this orgin relates to the movie because there's a lot of things that you know, you try to be honest about that. We all have gone through a similar situation. But there's also this other side that I didn't really know. And pepleformer screening a couple must back here in Dallas and there were some psychiatrists in the in the in the audience, and one the psychiatrist said in our Q Anda that that it was interesting that he can now see, because of this movie, the on the patients walls that, yes, psychiatrist only see us per se when we want help. Right, YEP, they don't see us when we don't and that was very insightful to him to be able to see that side of what patients can go through when they don't want health. Yeah, that's lead an excellently one to the door and to that office. Well, and it brings up a higher point that this movie is should probably seen by families and loved ones and caregivers of by polar folks as much, if not more, than by polar people. I mean, like I'm by polar whenever I hear of a movie or TV show featuring said topic, I go watch it and I give it a thumbs up or thumbs down and I let my friends and they're like yeah, that's pretty accurator. Now, that's that's bullshit. But in this case this is super accurate. It's not a documentary, it's a, you know, autobiography. It's told as a story so you feel that you're in it. It presented a feature film so that you know, because I didn't want to become clinical about it and I felt if ID documentary, it become clinical, and documentaries, I like documentaries, love them. Yeah, from from this kind of thing, I think it would be born pretty quick. I don't know. That's how totally that's how I feel about bipolar podcast. A lot of them were very clinical and sterile. You can't swear you it, and it's just like, come on, bipolar people are extreme and left right up and down, and we do things that are intense. We throw beer bottles out of moving vehicles and we curse on podcasts and so but I think it's really cool that to convey that bipolar folks can perform in the world. We might not be seen as normal, we might not ever feel normal, but we sure as hell can perform and even outperform, quote unquote, normal people out in the real world, and I think you're producing a feature film really speaks to that. Yeah, I was interesting in in the ways that this kind of has a snowball effect of okay, now I...

...have to produce what they're just written and now I'm going to direct and I'm going to act in it. And Hell of the janitor. I was the chef, Oh dude, and the editor. When I saw that you edited, that's like, oh, that's the most thankless job ever. Like he's getting down to doing the editing. Then he's actually committed, because we did a lot of stuff and whenever it comes to editing, I'm like, can we get somebody to do this part? Yeah, you really did do it all. Yeah, edited it, a color it. How did you? How does you earn do with how'd you learn all that? Dude, wait, how did you learn to do all the filmmaking stuff. A lot of it was just on the fly, seriously, and just go in and just today's task. Let's figure out how to do it and get it done. You know, I'm the editing especially. I went and did a lot of lend thecom story old and I wanted to storials on Youtube and and you know I'm awesome musicians. So, yeah, one of my friends told me that that good editors are also oftentimes musicians because they just have this built in tempo. Yep, Ye, right, and you kind of need that, yeah, visual perspective, that the bows of cutting scenes. So I would find this, that this it wasn't a finable song, but I would watch the scene and I would feel a beat and I would see where I need cut based off that feed. Yeah, it was pretty cool. That is awesome because, like you said earlier, I don't know if we set it on Mike or not, but we're both drummers and I always have a beat going. It's not my heartbeat speed. I'm not even sure what speed it is, but whatever situation it's like my walking speed. You know, I've always got like a my theme song in my head when I'm walking down the street, but there's always am tapping my fingers like crazy. So yeah, I could definitely see that how that turned out to be good. But because I went to school for filmmaking, there's like rules about filmmaking that you hadn't broken. So I was wondering if you had gone to film school. But lendacom is super helpful, for sure. Yeah, I didn't go to film school, but you know, I mean I had an entire crew, so me all by myself all the time. You know, photographer and a sound guy who are far more knowledgeable about all this than I could be, and I learned a lot from them just standing near them. Yeah, you overhear things as like okay, and that's a good idea or whatever. Or there they literally just tell me, do you can't do that because of this right, right us, they're judgment yeah, and then later after I realize okay, well, that makes sense now, you know, I can say and kind you know, grew into it, I guess. Yeah, they well, it came out great looking and I think people will definitely dig it that. Yeah, I get so how did and you work full time now or work part time? No, I'm awesome free Lance. Cool. Yeah, that's tweet the other day. If I know, I'm seasoning about awesome, because but most bipolar people like we have the energy, we want to work, but the depression part keeps us from getting organized enough to get anything done. So but right, I get so getting the film done or raising a kid, though, I'm like, yeah, that guy's fucking busy. Yeah,...

...yeah, yeah, my wife works full time. I'm oftentimes stay at home dead type, saying Nickid Guess Wol way earlier than you know, normal people go out. Or Yeah, well, you're drummer and a filmmaker. Yeah, you're probably an Awesome Fun Dad. That's about how is the younger one now? So you got one that seven right now, you said, and then another one and then the oldest is fourteen, and they both were actually in the movie. So the kid that plays my son Evan and it's film, is actually my son. Wow, that's cool. Everything comes around and and I don't know if he was in the trailer not, I can remember, but the one that plays the twelve year old version of Donovan from the flashbacks, he's my oldest son. Right on. Which one's the Golfer? The older or younger, but they both played golf at the one. Off on you that want division issue with the younger one. Awesome. So we'll see some professional golfers in the making. If you see one of in the movie. Yeah, that's the I love see, especially a sport like that where nobody gets hurt, you're not smashing your heads into each other, which is probably like the I think that's the church in Texas is, you know, high school football. So I'm glad you guys had the wisdom to put your kids in golf. So from California to Texas, that's a good call, man. Yeah, they're a super into it and they're both very counted, but it's pretty cool to watch them off and never a golfer, so I'm learning all that as well and they just blow me away. It's Oh yeah, you teach those little kids the body mechanics early and they become naturals. That's awesome. Yeah. So what's what's on the future for you, for both life in general and the movie here? The immediate future is I'm trying to find an audience for Donovan. You know, being a hundred percent independent with no studio behind you, it's really hard to get that audience on your own little alone, you know, you know, with helpful the studio on and it film, but that's the media goal is to get this out if you can, can see it and keep that crop of it and keep the think and hopefully the word about it. You know, we're about the biggest thing that to do it off of. Yeah, for sure. After that, you know, there's substructed I'm kicking around that. I haven't really settled on anyone in particular just yet because I want to make sure that this donovans is in a good place to kind of do its word. Yeah, it's like a it's like a new child. It is like a new kid that you have to raise and make sure it can, you know, make its own bowl of serial and stuff before you got start your new job. So yeah, that's also see, I'll be good. Yeah, it's like okay, that that kids out taking care of hisself now, in ten years will take care of me. Good. Right. So what's you maybe?...

Yeah, what other? What other kind of projects do you work on? Do you still do graphic design and drumming? Yes, the design and the whole on drumming, I mean alsoplete, Guitar and sitting I've done some of that. there. There's a couple tracks on the Donovan Soundtrack that I'm actually all in, but my name is so much all over this thing. This I didn't put my name on the music. So I know you do. You put up the music in a really grateful way. I guess it's the best way to put it as a musician, because on the Donno, Donovan, the moviecom there's a whole music site section and it kind of broke down the different scores. So it looks like the guy who you had doing the score, you probably know him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, so it came about great. Yeah, and he's he is, what's his name? First, brilliant. His name is Peter Lobo and he's so that. The Funny Story About Peter is this fourteen, fifteen years ago we were in a band together here in Dallas. Always it was kind of a Yep, yeah, it was a kind of golf industrial band, right, so like this nine is nails and Marilyn Manson hardass to push mode kind of cool down, and Peter was our drummer and he was I mean this dude was an amazing drummer. I was knew he was special. It seems so special that we would not be able to keep him as our drummer. Right. It's sure enough. He got off to tour of the world with various other bands and some really big names and he could that and he left. And what I was doing some of the earlier work without even I was thinking how I'm going to get soundtrack done, because you know, I can't take that job on as well and I can't do that justice. It would need anyway. Right, for whatever reason, Peter's name popped in my head. It all, he knew them as a drummer. So like that's up to so I look him up and he's freaking art and film scores in New York. Perfect. Yeah, so call him up and we talked and we work on this together and couldn't be happier with what. How the the school turned out is on its own, is its own story. You know, you can take it out of the movie and just looking to it as breaker. It's incredible. Yeah, you guys did put a lot of time into that. In fact, every layer that you add to a film that is that much more professional really makes the whole thing pop, because there's so many moving parts to a film production. It's hard to make sure every single piece is topnotch. So commenced to that that that was a great job and I think, you know, I don't want to be somebody says, well, that's because of my bipolar but I often wonder if I didn't have bi polar what I feel to switch years as quick and effortlessly as I figured out how to do, to cover all those places right, right. Well, you know, and he's like our good so you know, something to be said about that. I think like bipolar people are like the Foodis of of life's emotions, like because food is seem to be able to have bet they have a broader Palette of taste buds so they can taste more interesting foods and discertain things.

I think bipolar folks at the same thing in the world of emotions. So that really does help when it comes to creating music, because we've tasted all those different flavors of anger and sorrow and anguish and hopefulness. And then when it comes time to creating sometimes you latch onto the mania train and then it just pulls you for a ride with all that other experience. So, yeah, it could come out really cool. Yeah, that's awesome. And so what's the best thing we like as listeners or followers on your twitter account? What can we do the most to help spread the word? You know, and it's for said, because, dude, are you're finished with the movie right? Yeah, the movie is available with DVD and vidual download. So that that's one way. Yeah, right now. That's the best way to help. You go buy it and rent it. Yeah, that's it. Kin, share it, they bill, show it and show it in your class if you teach anything about bipolar, if you have any kind of mental health community outreach programs, that's a good idea. It's yeah, and you know, the other thing too, is I'm boys open to and and up forward discussing you coming out and talking to people as well, because that was a story outside of this story that people relate to. And you know, my biggest thing is just reaching other people who need to be heard or like they're heard, and in health. I want to. I totally agree, dude, in fact, because not all of us can even get out of bed right. That's a given. There had been many practical parts of my life where I would go months and months stuck in the dark room of my own making, literally a dark room, Ye, like blinders over the curtains and quiet, kind of controlled everything. Just stay in bad afraid of the world. Check my check my social media once in a while. That was it. That was my life. So I think it's kind of feels like it's not like a Messiah Complex as much, but when you are feeling good, you really feel like that. I should give back and and show people what what we go through, and just show other people with bipolar like hey, it's okay, things will eventually get okay if you just stick with it. Don't like, don't off yourself, especially because how many times if you felt suicidal, word like two days later it's like, uh, that's good thing, I didn't kill myself last week. Yeah, yes, is the awkward laugh on that one, because it's kind of funny because it's true and it is not funny at all, but it's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. So that's great. So I yeah, then that's that's the best way. So I guess go and find Jason, the Jason B T G Jas son Bee that's on twitter like a mumble bee, yeah, like a Bumblebee, and retweet the heck out of his cool post. He's super supportive and if he detects that you're a real person, he will do the same with you. That's how we met. We just exchanged conversation on twitter and now we're taking it to the next level. I'm trying to, you know, promote different things and he'll do the same with you, I'm sure. So follow them on twitter. retweet every time he talks about Donovan the movie. You can go by Donovan the movie at Donovan the moviecom...

...check out the trailers, look at all the the breakout of the music youtube videos and what night he's got there's got the music files. You can listen to the soundtrack for free and that'll get you more enticed and generally speak in man. I hope you have a lot success and come back soon and let us know how more, how much more we can help push things forward. That's awesome and I thank you so much for this. Is a great yeah, it'll be Ongo and I'm trying to collect the casting and crew of just like a cast and crew right now. It not necessarily a onetime guest thing, because people that can hold their own speak on the radio or the radio on a podcast are kind of far and few between. It seems like everybody would want to, but when it gets down to a lot of people like yeah, I don't want to share my story. Do you go to buipolar groups? By by the way, I have not been to any. They're kind of NEAT. If you have, that's one thing, then it's one thing. I'm starting to look at too, trying to two, if anything, just to kind of support of the people, because, yeah, all right, yeah, and I think it'd be it need to make you like a here's our dream, right, anybody that has bipolar, if we could just make a living being bipolar and going around to talking about it and making podcasts and movies and books about it, that would be our dream, honestly. But I don't know how to do that. Yeah, but I'd like to help you be able to do that, because you've got a film out and it would be nice to just pack up in a sprinter van decked out like an office with the bed in the back, and go city to city show your movie, you know, get paid enough to stay in a hotel and just kind of make a life that way. I think it would be great. So we'll help you towards that. In that would be awesome. And if anybody else is creative, creative bipolar people, hit us up and follow US along on twitter. We're up bipolar style. He's at the Jason B the movie is Donovan, the moviecom and man, it's a real pleasure to have you here. Thank your family for giving up some time on a Sunday. I appreciate that. We'll put this podcast up tonight and see what kind of damage we can do over twitter promoting it this week. Yeah, and next time I will be a total stranger on the shows. I'll be cool. He'll be a regular. People will like, oh, that's because you actually show your face on twitter. Ideal with the stigma right, too much like especially with my old family and the stigma and my social circle. So I just I'm like a cartoon head. But yeah, when people see Jason and be like, Oh, yeah, he's cute, I'll follow him. So your wife might not be so happy about that. Well, Jason's become a fine that either, famous bipolar star. Right, all right, man. Well, thanks for stopping in. We'll check in with you in a few weeks if you have anything else new to add or I run out of people to talk to you. I love to have you back on, but so far we've got a handful of people that are really eager to talk, so let's hear their stories. Great Circle back around and we'll form our own bipolar cabal on twitter. Cool Man, Gary, yeah, man. So enjoy the rest of the day. Thanks for coming on bipolar style and...

...we'll talk to you soon. Absolutely. Thanks, Jason B. If you'd liked what you heard, subscribe on Apple Podcast by Itunes and join us at by color stylecom. Thanks for listening.

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