Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 4 years ago

Bipolar filmmaker Jason Bee talks about "Donovan," the movie.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions and Jason Bee talk about Jason's new feature film "Donovan," and what it's like to be a productive bipolar person. Jason also shares the story of his learning about his bipolar and how it affected his life. Follow Jason on Twitter @thejasonbee and check out the film at DonovanTheMovie.com

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Welcome back to bipolar style, thepodcast for bipolar people and those who love them. Join US online at bipolarstylecom and now use your host, Johnny motion. All Right, thanks fortuning back into bipolar style. Thanks, Jules, for that Nice intro.Today is an extra special show for me because this is my first like officialguest that isn't somebody I already know. So today, and this kind offalls in a long series I'd like to put together of creative bipolar folks thatactually produce things and put them into the world. So, if you'd liketo follow along, get out your twitter accounts and go to at the JasonB T G Jaso in be our guest today is from Texas, USA,Jason B. How are you doing, Jason? Hell, hello, thanksso much, friend. I'm honored to be your first stranger guest. Yeah, did you know that? No, I didn't. That's funny. Well, Diane from twitter, Diane Harwood, who is out promoting her postpartum bipolarbook. She was going to be now now she's hustling. She's out outin bookstores doing book signings. So she's going to come out out next Saturdaytoo, and that makes you the first man. So congrats and again moremiddle aged white dudes on podcasts, which is what the world needs more of. But Hey, we're special ball middle age by yeah right. But inthis case we both have bipolar and we're going to dig into Jason's past alittle bit and hear his story of how he came to know he had bipolardisorder and and then we'll start to talk about the movie he put together.But in this case the movie he put together is effectively a biography, atautobiography of his life. So we might kind of intersperse movie parts and storyat the same time. How's that? So yes, I'm cool, man. So take us back. How how long have you been diagnosed with bipolar? So it's been a little over twenty years, the very end of themany these early two thousand. You know, going through the the cycles, Iguess, if you will. Yeah, the string high stream lows and notknowing what the Hell is going on. You know, I remember being outof the bar with my friends, having a good time. We're alljoking and US and off and then suddenly I'm like a sopping mess in thecorners and no clue why. Oh No, so, yeah, so you know, finally, enough of that roller coaster, maybe say and maybe Ishould have talk to somebody. So now I'll went to the ZCER and didthe little test that you have to do. And you know that two hundred fiftyquestionnaire where it's like the same twenty five questions but they ask you todifferent ways. Yeah, that's an absurd question. Are Right, because whenyou're in that in that mindset, all...

...the answers are so obvious. It'slike yes, yes, of course I'm going to do this. Yeah,yeah, have you cried lately? Well, yeah, and these are tears onthis sheet exactly. I'm staying it already. So yeah, and Igot diagnosed. Paul. You know, I really remember walking into the doctor'soffice that if you remember leaving, I remember standing in that parking lot andand feeling like my whole world it turn ups to down. I feel like, yeah, I felt like I was betrayed by the wall saying brain andwondering how I could move forward and trust this decision maker, the only decisionto make her I have. HMM, and it also recognizing kind of thatirony that these thoughts that I'm having about being betrayed cover coming from the brainthat just betrayed me exactly. So who, who to trust now? It's likethat's you're my only brain. We've been buddies all this time, andwhat happens? Can I trust you moving forward? You've beteen. Yeah,that's that's funny. Well, it's not funny, but it's funny that Ifeel the same to me. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure, sure's somethinga lot of getting really to you when you first get hit with that.Where where you hear you in life? Like, what part of Your Lifefor you? And so twenty years ago, so you're probably roughly twenty, Iguess right, and your twenty sometime. Yeah, yeah, I married,yea, that, but I was with my hen say that I wouldmarry afterwards and and you know, so that was a big thing to takein and take home to someone that you know you're about to share your lifewith, and also that fear of it's going to change things, right,you know, it turns us that she's not going to like me now becauseof this, and it's just the word right. It's that's so bizarre.That's such a weird thing to have to come home to. Sometimes you makelose a job or crash the car and you have to present that information toyour parent, your parents, your spouse or whatever. But coming home afteryou simply had some tests and a conversation with a guy called the doctor,and now you're going to say him, I have this label called bipolar.You like, like you said, you're standing in the parking lot kind oflike does this fit, like a new jacket that's too tight or something,a bipolar right, and you drive driving homely like funny, I don't feelany different than I did yesterday. I kind of feel actually better. Butby the time you rationalize that and in a way, in an eternal way, and are able to tell it to your spouse, you've already kind ofprocessed it. So I always wonder what it would be like for somebody totell me something, because I've had people tell me, Hey, I havecancer and I'm like Whoa, Damn that. It's amazing that. It just crazyto me. But if someone told me they had any mental illness,I'd probably just give them a hug at this point. Right. Yeah,so what do happen? I mean, you know, I I don't rememberthe specifics. And it's something weird too about it is there's a lot ofthings that I'm learning today about that I don't remember. Like there's things thathappened ten, twenty years ago that I...

...can remember insane detail that I alwaysthought I was always proud of, and now that I'm shocking my story somemore, I'm not saying there's a lot of things that I don't remember atall and so it's kind of weird to take in right now. But Ido remember going through the trial. I mean, you know, she wassupportive forms what the conversation was been. The INI was very supportive about it, and I remember going through this phase of medication right that we all haveto go through. Yep, it is just how awful that. But Iremember, you know, falling into the Roman Kemi a little bit. IsNot be believe, the bathroom for entire day because I couldn't go anywhere becauseI never knew when my stomach was going to head and extra thing, yeah, yeah, sure, or on lithium it that was the worst for me. I know it works for a lot of other people, but for meI sat in the chair for hours and stared at the wall and ruled andin my head I'm thinking I want to get up and dance and have agood time and be flying, but you're a ruling. Where's the damn happypill man? That's that's what I thought when I was like happy about thisshit. What it was right, and the thing about bipolar is that drivesme nuts especially is that the doctors will, in every case that I've experienced,will go after the mania first, and I'm like wait, wait,wait, don't be so fast. The I like kind of like the meanif I have two kids, ones mania and one's depression, let's put thelid on depression first and let me we'll deal with mania later. NOOPE,never. They always take the fun part away and then, okay, nowI'm not happier, hyper, but I'm still kind of depressed. And whatthe Hell? That's that's maddening. That's why I think bipolar people throughout historyhave been the ones that have been called, quote unquote, mad. I don'tknow if that's a frame, but I can definitely see a bipolar personwithout treatment, going literally mad. Yeah, and being viewed as the frank aswell. Yeah, Rom because it's easy for people to nothing able toknow those differences unless you're in the middle of it. Yeah, right,right, in the studying all the means that they were happened. Yeah,in the so in the past twenty years, have they layered any other diagnosis ontop of your bipolar? No, because me is I'm also dyslexic,but you know, really didn't have any to do with it by polar.But Fun time when I can't read anything and I'm frustrated. Yeah, especiallythose long names of bipolar drugs. Right, yeah, that's the OX car one. Yeah, oxcar right. Yeah, yeah, so in that beginning,whenever I going through that trialing, are of the thing somewhere that Idecided, you know what, screw this, I'm I'm not that right. Andwhen, when off? I would go on and off medication and,like for much everybody this, I never really fix the diagnosis. seriously.HMM. Sure. Now I know a lot of people are like, Igot I've got a label for it. Now I can fight this. I'mthis would be great or optimistic, very...

...least. Yeah. Now, notme. I lose meaning. Yeah, I'm here, yeah, and AntiAuthority, whatever that label is, but I'm gonna do what I want todo. I've questioned everybody. Yeah, I've questioned everybody my whole life.I've questioned teachers, of question cops. I'm definitely going to question doctors.Just it's inherent in me. I'm like, okay, you say I'm this coolall right, every time I come to the hospital player game, butin real life it's kind of hard to match it up. It's like,well, I still fucking feel like me out here. So it's really,really trippy. They've called I think I have borderline personality disorder. I definitelyhave social anxiety and I think I have PTSD from just being put out intothe world too early. Really, yeah, because I got my final adult housingsituation was when I was fourteen, inside to just scramble. Yeah,but I felt so I felt like a feral kid and I kind of stillfeel like a farrel adult, like no places actually where I should stop.I should always keep moving on to the next backyard to find scraps in orsomething. It just has that sense in my head. Really Weird. Managuer, the by polar disorder, with that injured feeling of not really sitting inany particular group or dynamic. Yeah, doesn't help that. No, yeah, you did. It's just like this isn't my group. Yeah, evenpeople that want to have you as a group. You fall into that kindof Groucho marks bit that you don't want to be a part of a group, of some group that would have you as its member, and like Oh, nope, that me. Then I guess the imposter syndrome kind of comesover, like oh well, you guys don't see through my charade, sotherefore you're idiot. So even though I love your group, I'm not goingto be part of it now. or or the counter, that not feelingworthy to be in the group. You know, always so the groups youwant to be in and they finally pull you in and you're like, oh, he's kind it for real on the so softre so, yeah, Idon't belong here. Totally not good enough. Yeah, that's for real too.There are cases where we actually aren't good enough to be doing what we'resupposed to be doing, or trying to do. Anyway. That's funny.That will actually that's funny. That's a kind of a cool segue up tothe the movie making bit, but let's just clarify. So for the pasttwenty years, primarily you've been dealing with bipolar disorder uniquely and doing it whatall the other bipolar folks like us do. Is You've experimented with you medication andyou sound like you're fairly happy and stable. I mean, I don'twant to assume, but right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, well, in two thousand and seven, like January, is when I had, in our first really bad psychotic break. That really open my eyes to doyour either going to be dead and leave this son of yours without dad, or you need to keep your shit straight, and I chose my sorry, can we say? Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah, or this, I wanted to specific, to be that kind of show. Yeah, definitely, because, okay, I wanted, I chose, to getmuch it straight. And you know it's...

...for you. From there, it'sa long, hard road, right, when you finally accept something and sayI'm going to get better. It wasn't overnight that I got for I wasso it wasn't to be over I get out of it, and it was, you know, to quote an Arilyn Manson Song, on a long,hard road out of Hill. Right. Yeah, so I put it.Yeah, so, but I, you know, to get seriously, Iwas already divorced by this time and I want to be a better father tomy kid and he was three at a time and I could see I wasn'tbeing kind of man I wanted to teach him to be. So I neededto become that person. And then, you know, by two thousand andten I was in a really good place, remarried, have another child. We'reall doing great, and I decided I wanted to give back somehow,to to other people, to let them though, is that in their strugglethey're not alone. Okay to talk about it's okay. I ask for health, a kind of thing. You know, a lot of things. I didn'tfeel like I had some something because I didn't know anybody else by polderat the time that I was going through this, the really rough times.I stopt a lot them. Yeah, right, it wasn't even a thingback then. It's like, I guess I buy polar yeah, and nobodytalks about met love it generally. So, yeah, it's hard to it's hardto embrace. Yeah, so I you know, I thought about whatis it that could do for that and I'd always wanted to write a screenplayand in my early twenties I acted also, so I was kind of familiar aroundthat kind of idea and concept in movie making. So I thought,well, I write it, why I write my story. Doesn't have tobe my story in quotes, but he needs to be something that's relatable andbased off of this and very honest and gritty. I want gritty. Iwant to show people what this really looks like. I want to talk itdown. I don't want to got it. I don't want to make it lookwonderful, but I don't want to make it look, you know,like it's full in it world either. It need to be honest about it. Yeah, so I started writing. At the time it's called my polarityand then it became Donovan and, you know, one skut led to another. I didn't intend to produce it quort it, but that's kind of whatturned out to be because, you know, an actor, I wanted to actin it too, and there's nobody really saying Oh, yeah, you, nobody's for heard of you. Why don't she come too? Yeah,now that. Have you ever read the story of Stallone? Yeah, yeah, he's got a great life story. That kind of speaks to the wayyou're doing it, where it's like no, this is actually my story. I'mgoing to tell it my way. Yeah, I'm going to be init. So tell me how you came up with the name Donovan, though. What's that relevant to? Is it a homage to somebody else? Sortof? It's really kind of funny. Do you ever watch the show burn? Notice I'm familiar with it. I haven't watched it, though, becauseI skate around without cable. But yeah,...

...it's a show about a spy it'sburned and his you know, travels to find out who burned him andhelping people and the support and so on. Okay, we first came out itwas something I watched every day and I don't know, it just mademe feel good and I was kind of in at a weird place. Wantingthe Sari, bad place. I was in a weird place, sure,and the show this maybe feel good, and I was really I admired thelead actor, who's differed one of him. Admired his commitment to what they weredoing with this show and knowing that he was a bit older than thewhat they would typically go for a a leading man, you know, thetypically wants. Yeah, guys, it's a leadah show, and I waslike that's really cool. That's kind of what I am wanted to done.Then because I'm an older guy now and you know, nobody's in banging onmy door, but this guy is really doing it. So it kind ofan homage to him. You know, the inspiration. That's awesome. Fromthat. Okay, cool, and it's just it's a cool name too,so like we're that that name. Come. So it's not your kids, himor anybody. I'm right, it just a fictional play. Yeah,okay, cool, cool. So, yeah, I was watching the trailerand there are some pretty powerful scenes, like especially the the real quick clipof the rage face guy, the guy that just is raging that I'm like, yeah, that feels legit. That's not silver undings playbook. That's that'slike Whoa, okay, Yo, that's that's for real. So how closelydoes the Donovan Story, Donovan the movie, follow your ex escapades through through bipolarand divorce and whatnot? A lot of you know, when we everwe don't see something diagnosed per se, but it's early on in it andhe's much in denial, like I was sure, and you know this isn'treally happening to me. I can do it for a want and being divorcedand having a young son and trying to be a good person to whom,while still being in denial about this other thing, is a huge, youknow, contrast of who you're trying to be versus who you are currently being. So, you know, the movie base is a lot around relationships aswell as the disorder. So, yeah, they kind of a lot of handin hand at yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of that. that. It was in my life. I'm you know, some I workedmy I come from advertising agency. So his work was advertising agency becauseI knew it. Yep, you know. But there's there's a lot of differencesto like, for example, Dotovan's motive to even go into the doctor'soffice, because where was this character? He probably wouldn't go on his own. Right. Is that that he's court ordered to show his ex wife?Oh, yeah, yeah, he is seeing a psychiatrist. That's hard writingbasis. That didn't happen to you. How did no, no, itdidn't know. Yeah, that would be Harso that WHOA? Yeah, so, yeah, because that is part of...

...the clip on the trailer. Atthat's a the Donovan moviecom or Donovan moviecom Donovan the moviecom. Okay, Donovan, the moviecom. If you're listening. Go check it out. But yeah, that that is a pretty powerful scene what he kind of shows up withthe front ports there, and anybody who's been diagnosed or has had court orderto anything can relate to that particular scene, especially if you have kids. Allright, that's savage, you know. And the other thing too, isanyone with this this orgin relates to the movie because there's a lot ofthings that you know, you try to be honest about that. We allhave gone through a similar situation. But there's also this other side that Ididn't really know. And pepleformer screening a couple must back here in Dallas andthere were some psychiatrists in the in the in the audience, and one thepsychiatrist said in our Q Anda that that it was interesting that he can nowsee, because of this movie, the on the patients walls that, yes, psychiatrist only see us per se when we want help. Right, YEP, they don't see us when we don't and that was very insightful to himto be able to see that side of what patients can go through when theydon't want health. Yeah, that's lead an excellently one to the door andto that office. Well, and it brings up a higher point that thismovie is should probably seen by families and loved ones and caregivers of by polarfolks as much, if not more, than by polar people. I mean, like I'm by polar whenever I hear of a movie or TV show featuringsaid topic, I go watch it and I give it a thumbs up orthumbs down and I let my friends and they're like yeah, that's pretty accurator. Now, that's that's bullshit. But in this case this is super accurate. It's not a documentary, it's a, you know, autobiography. It's toldas a story so you feel that you're in it. It presented afeature film so that you know, because I didn't want to become clinical aboutit and I felt if ID documentary, it become clinical, and documentaries,I like documentaries, love them. Yeah, from from this kind of thing,I think it would be born pretty quick. I don't know. That'show totally that's how I feel about bipolar podcast. A lot of them werevery clinical and sterile. You can't swear you it, and it's just like, come on, bipolar people are extreme and left right up and down,and we do things that are intense. We throw beer bottles out of movingvehicles and we curse on podcasts and so but I think it's really cool thatto convey that bipolar folks can perform in the world. We might not beseen as normal, we might not ever feel normal, but we sure ashell can perform and even outperform, quote unquote, normal people out in thereal world, and I think you're producing a feature film really speaks to that. Yeah, I was interesting in in the ways that this kind of hasa snowball effect of okay, now I...

...have to produce what they're just writtenand now I'm going to direct and I'm going to act in it. AndHell of the janitor. I was the chef, Oh dude, and theeditor. When I saw that you edited, that's like, oh, that's themost thankless job ever. Like he's getting down to doing the editing.Then he's actually committed, because we did a lot of stuff and whenever itcomes to editing, I'm like, can we get somebody to do this part? Yeah, you really did do it all. Yeah, edited it,a color it. How did you? How does you earn do with how'dyou learn all that? Dude, wait, how did you learn to do allthe filmmaking stuff. A lot of it was just on the fly,seriously, and just go in and just today's task. Let's figure out howto do it and get it done. You know, I'm the editing especially. I went and did a lot of lend thecom story old and I wantedto storials on Youtube and and you know I'm awesome musicians. So, yeah, one of my friends told me that that good editors are also oftentimes musiciansbecause they just have this built in tempo. Yep, Ye, right, andyou kind of need that, yeah, visual perspective, that the bows ofcutting scenes. So I would find this, that this it wasn't afinable song, but I would watch the scene and I would feel a beatand I would see where I need cut based off that feed. Yeah,it was pretty cool. That is awesome because, like you said earlier,I don't know if we set it on Mike or not, but we're bothdrummers and I always have a beat going. It's not my heartbeat speed. I'mnot even sure what speed it is, but whatever situation it's like my walkingspeed. You know, I've always got like a my theme song inmy head when I'm walking down the street, but there's always am tapping my fingerslike crazy. So yeah, I could definitely see that how that turnedout to be good. But because I went to school for filmmaking, there'slike rules about filmmaking that you hadn't broken. So I was wondering if you hadgone to film school. But lendacom is super helpful, for sure.Yeah, I didn't go to film school, but you know, I mean Ihad an entire crew, so me all by myself all the time.You know, photographer and a sound guy who are far more knowledgeable about allthis than I could be, and I learned a lot from them just standingnear them. Yeah, you overhear things as like okay, and that's agood idea or whatever. Or there they literally just tell me, do youcan't do that because of this right, right us, they're judgment yeah,and then later after I realize okay, well, that makes sense now,you know, I can say and kind you know, grew into it,I guess. Yeah, they well, it came out great looking and Ithink people will definitely dig it that. Yeah, I get so how didand you work full time now or work part time? No, I'm awesomefree Lance. Cool. Yeah, that's tweet the other day. If Iknow, I'm seasoning about awesome, because but most bipolar people like we havethe energy, we want to work, but the depression part keeps us fromgetting organized enough to get anything done. So but right, I get sogetting the film done or raising a kid, though, I'm like, yeah,that guy's fucking busy. Yeah,...

...yeah, yeah, my wife worksfull time. I'm oftentimes stay at home dead type, saying Nickid Guess Wolway earlier than you know, normal people go out. Or Yeah, well, you're drummer and a filmmaker. Yeah, you're probably an Awesome Fun Dad.That's about how is the younger one now? So you got one thatseven right now, you said, and then another one and then the oldestis fourteen, and they both were actually in the movie. So the kidthat plays my son Evan and it's film, is actually my son. Wow,that's cool. Everything comes around and and I don't know if he wasin the trailer not, I can remember, but the one that plays the twelveyear old version of Donovan from the flashbacks, he's my oldest son.Right on. Which one's the Golfer? The older or younger, but theyboth played golf at the one. Off on you that want division issue withthe younger one. Awesome. So we'll see some professional golfers in the making. If you see one of in the movie. Yeah, that's the Ilove see, especially a sport like that where nobody gets hurt, you're notsmashing your heads into each other, which is probably like the I think that'sthe church in Texas is, you know, high school football. So I'm gladyou guys had the wisdom to put your kids in golf. So fromCalifornia to Texas, that's a good call, man. Yeah, they're a superinto it and they're both very counted, but it's pretty cool to watch themoff and never a golfer, so I'm learning all that as well andthey just blow me away. It's Oh yeah, you teach those little kidsthe body mechanics early and they become naturals. That's awesome. Yeah. So what'swhat's on the future for you, for both life in general and themovie here? The immediate future is I'm trying to find an audience for Donovan. You know, being a hundred percent independent with no studio behind you,it's really hard to get that audience on your own little alone, you know, you know, with helpful the studio on and it film, but that'sthe media goal is to get this out if you can, can see itand keep that crop of it and keep the think and hopefully the word aboutit. You know, we're about the biggest thing that to do it offof. Yeah, for sure. After that, you know, there's substructedI'm kicking around that. I haven't really settled on anyone in particular just yetbecause I want to make sure that this donovans is in a good place tokind of do its word. Yeah, it's like a it's like a newchild. It is like a new kid that you have to raise and makesure it can, you know, make its own bowl of serial and stuffbefore you got start your new job. So yeah, that's also see,I'll be good. Yeah, it's like okay, that that kids out takingcare of hisself now, in ten years will take care of me. Good. Right. So what's you maybe?...

Yeah, what other? What otherkind of projects do you work on? Do you still do graphic design anddrumming? Yes, the design and the whole on drumming, I mean alsoplete, Guitar and sitting I've done some of that. there. There's a coupletracks on the Donovan Soundtrack that I'm actually all in, but my name isso much all over this thing. This I didn't put my name on themusic. So I know you do. You put up the music in areally grateful way. I guess it's the best way to put it as amusician, because on the Donno, Donovan, the moviecom there's a whole music sitesection and it kind of broke down the different scores. So it lookslike the guy who you had doing the score, you probably know him.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, so it came about great. Yeah, and he's he is, what's his name? First, brilliant. Hisname is Peter Lobo and he's so that. The Funny Story About Peter is thisfourteen, fifteen years ago we were in a band together here in Dallas. Always it was kind of a Yep, yeah, it was a kind ofgolf industrial band, right, so like this nine is nails and MarilynManson hardass to push mode kind of cool down, and Peter was our drummerand he was I mean this dude was an amazing drummer. I was knewhe was special. It seems so special that we would not be able tokeep him as our drummer. Right. It's sure enough. He got offto tour of the world with various other bands and some really big names andhe could that and he left. And what I was doing some of theearlier work without even I was thinking how I'm going to get soundtrack done,because you know, I can't take that job on as well and I can'tdo that justice. It would need anyway. Right, for whatever reason, Peter'sname popped in my head. It all, he knew them as adrummer. So like that's up to so I look him up and he's freakingart and film scores in New York. Perfect. Yeah, so call himup and we talked and we work on this together and couldn't be happier withwhat. How the the school turned out is on its own, is itsown story. You know, you can take it out of the movie andjust looking to it as breaker. It's incredible. Yeah, you guys didput a lot of time into that. In fact, every layer that youadd to a film that is that much more professional really makes the whole thingpop, because there's so many moving parts to a film production. It's hardto make sure every single piece is topnotch. So commenced to that that that wasa great job and I think, you know, I don't want tobe somebody says, well, that's because of my bipolar but I often wonderif I didn't have bi polar what I feel to switch years as quick andeffortlessly as I figured out how to do, to cover all those places right,right. Well, you know, and he's like our good so youknow, something to be said about that. I think like bipolar people are likethe Foodis of of life's emotions, like because food is seem to beable to have bet they have a broader Palette of taste buds so they cantaste more interesting foods and discertain things.

I think bipolar folks at the samething in the world of emotions. So that really does help when it comesto creating music, because we've tasted all those different flavors of anger and sorrowand anguish and hopefulness. And then when it comes time to creating sometimes youlatch onto the mania train and then it just pulls you for a ride withall that other experience. So, yeah, it could come out really cool.Yeah, that's awesome. And so what's the best thing we like aslisteners or followers on your twitter account? What can we do the most tohelp spread the word? You know, and it's for said, because,dude, are you're finished with the movie right? Yeah, the movie isavailable with DVD and vidual download. So that that's one way. Yeah,right now. That's the best way to help. You go buy it andrent it. Yeah, that's it. Kin, share it, they bill, show it and show it in your class if you teach anything about bipolar, if you have any kind of mental health community outreach programs, that's agood idea. It's yeah, and you know, the other thing too,is I'm boys open to and and up forward discussing you coming out and talkingto people as well, because that was a story outside of this story thatpeople relate to. And you know, my biggest thing is just reaching otherpeople who need to be heard or like they're heard, and in health.I want to. I totally agree, dude, in fact, because notall of us can even get out of bed right. That's a given.There had been many practical parts of my life where I would go months andmonths stuck in the dark room of my own making, literally a dark room, Ye, like blinders over the curtains and quiet, kind of controlled everything. Just stay in bad afraid of the world. Check my check my socialmedia once in a while. That was it. That was my life.So I think it's kind of feels like it's not like a Messiah Complex asmuch, but when you are feeling good, you really feel like that. Ishould give back and and show people what what we go through, andjust show other people with bipolar like hey, it's okay, things will eventually getokay if you just stick with it. Don't like, don't off yourself,especially because how many times if you felt suicidal, word like two dayslater it's like, uh, that's good thing, I didn't kill myself lastweek. Yeah, yes, is the awkward laugh on that one, becauseit's kind of funny because it's true and it is not funny at all,but it's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. So that'sgreat. So I yeah, then that's that's the best way. So Iguess go and find Jason, the Jason B T G Jas son Bee that'son twitter like a mumble bee, yeah, like a Bumblebee, and retweet theheck out of his cool post. He's super supportive and if he detectsthat you're a real person, he will do the same with you. That'show we met. We just exchanged conversation on twitter and now we're taking itto the next level. I'm trying to, you know, promote different things andhe'll do the same with you, I'm sure. So follow them ontwitter. retweet every time he talks about Donovan the movie. You can goby Donovan the movie at Donovan the moviecom...

...check out the trailers, look atall the the breakout of the music youtube videos and what night he's got there'sgot the music files. You can listen to the soundtrack for free and that'llget you more enticed and generally speak in man. I hope you have alot success and come back soon and let us know how more, how muchmore we can help push things forward. That's awesome and I thank you somuch for this. Is a great yeah, it'll be Ongo and I'm trying tocollect the casting and crew of just like a cast and crew right now. It not necessarily a onetime guest thing, because people that can hold their ownspeak on the radio or the radio on a podcast are kind of farand few between. It seems like everybody would want to, but when itgets down to a lot of people like yeah, I don't want to sharemy story. Do you go to buipolar groups? By by the way,I have not been to any. They're kind of NEAT. If you have, that's one thing, then it's one thing. I'm starting to look attoo, trying to two, if anything, just to kind of support of thepeople, because, yeah, all right, yeah, and I thinkit'd be it need to make you like a here's our dream, right,anybody that has bipolar, if we could just make a living being bipolar andgoing around to talking about it and making podcasts and movies and books about it, that would be our dream, honestly. But I don't know how to dothat. Yeah, but I'd like to help you be able to dothat, because you've got a film out and it would be nice to justpack up in a sprinter van decked out like an office with the bed inthe back, and go city to city show your movie, you know,get paid enough to stay in a hotel and just kind of make a lifethat way. I think it would be great. So we'll help you towardsthat. In that would be awesome. And if anybody else is creative,creative bipolar people, hit us up and follow US along on twitter. We'reup bipolar style. He's at the Jason B the movie is Donovan, themoviecom and man, it's a real pleasure to have you here. Thank yourfamily for giving up some time on a Sunday. I appreciate that. We'llput this podcast up tonight and see what kind of damage we can do overtwitter promoting it this week. Yeah, and next time I will be atotal stranger on the shows. I'll be cool. He'll be a regular.People will like, oh, that's because you actually show your face on twitter. Ideal with the stigma right, too much like especially with my old familyand the stigma and my social circle. So I just I'm like a cartoonhead. But yeah, when people see Jason and be like, Oh,yeah, he's cute, I'll follow him. So your wife might not be sohappy about that. Well, Jason's become a fine that either, famousbipolar star. Right, all right, man. Well, thanks for stoppingin. We'll check in with you in a few weeks if you have anythingelse new to add or I run out of people to talk to you.I love to have you back on, but so far we've got a handfulof people that are really eager to talk, so let's hear their stories. GreatCircle back around and we'll form our own bipolar cabal on twitter. CoolMan, Gary, yeah, man. So enjoy the rest of the day. Thanks for coming on bipolar style and...

...we'll talk to you soon. Absolutely. Thanks, Jason B. If you'd liked what you heard, subscribe onApple Podcast by Itunes and join us at by color stylecom. Thanks for listening.

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