Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 3 years ago

Bipolar Party: Bryan shares about his recent divorce and separation from his kids

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Bryan shares about his recent divorce and separation from his kids. Bipolar Party is a peer-to-peer support group located at BipolarParty.com

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It's only and now it's online Biblethis stylecom emotions, Bible style. Bam, dog days of August rolling right along. I appreciate you. Thanks for being a new listener. I'm johnnyemotions and this is the johnny emotions show. So I also run a different showcalled bipolar style, and part of that offshoot of that, I guesswould be the fan club, so to speak, if you're using music industryterms. I started a slack channel. I pointed my domain name, bipolarPartycom to that slack channel and there are people there now that we talk andcommiserate about our issues, our mental health issues specifically, and many of themwanted to share their voices through the podcast medium, which is awesome. Sotoday we're going to be like a fly on the wall at a bipolar partypodcast where various people share about their different struggles they've been going through. Thisweek this particular segment is Brian from North Carolina sharing some issues he's had regardingrecent divorce and separation from his children. So I hope you enjoy it.There's another one coming up right after that and and then a Monday we'll getback to some regular rants and raves probably not so mental health related. Cool, cool. Hope you having a great weekend and I'll hit you on theback side of this episode. Joe, join the Party. ADD BIPOLAR PARTYCOMwelcome back to the bipolar party. I'm here with Brian, holly and Beckyand I'll let you each introduce yourselves and tell us a little bit about howyour week was going and whether or not you would like to share more later. So let's start with Brian. Hey,...

...my name's Brian, I'm my Ihad a pretty crappy week, but I would like to share later.Awesome. Thanks, Brian Holly, I had an okay week. It's beenit's been getting back on my medication, so kind of just researching a lotof mental health stuff. So it's been a very eye opening week, butoverall it's been okay. It's not a lot I need to share. Okay, we'll have some time if you want to share after after Brian's done,and see if becky wants to share. Thanks. Hey, Becky, what'sup? Hey, I'm becky and my week is been kind of up anddown and I will totally shared today. Awesome. If bicky's voice sounds familiar, Vicky hosts the podcast that B word, which focus is on bipolar and borderlineand the beauty of being such a just a bitching person in general.I'm the fourth person in this square circle. My name is John. I've hada crappy week and I will share. So thanks. Let's get started.Let's start with you, Brian. What would you like to share today? Well, I've been divorced for about six months and it was a shotgetting divorced. It was hard on me. But now I got a phone callit yesterday that my ex wife has got remarried two weeks ago and Ididn't know that she was even dating anybody. And I know some people it mightsound ridiculous that, but there's a...

...morning process that you have to gothrough when you get divorced and I just it just hurt and I last nightI felt like my life was over. I had suicidal thoughts. I Idon't know, I just I want to cry now. You can cry asmuch as you want, Brian. Well, it's like my Med's won't let me. Yeah, just, but it does stop the hurt. That's allfor now. Thanks, Brian. I'll respond, Brian, because, well, I've been through that situation. And although we didn't go through the quoteunquote rules at the top of the session here to the listeners, basically wetry to respond with what we call eye language, I. Statements. SoI want to reflect back to Brian my experiences. I'm not going to tryto fix his experiences, but in this case, Brian, we've talked aboutthis on the slack channel offline together a bit, but I was divorced she'sprobably fifteen years ago and I've experienced a lot of the things you're going throughright now. It's the remarried married part so quickly seemed like such a stabin the back to me because it seems, it just seemed like to me thatnobody can fall in love in six months. That means you fucking planthis shit earlier and I'd been duped. That's what it felt like to me. It probably feels like that too many people because you simply just don't Iguess it's possible, I mean you could find somebody and fall in love ina day and then run off to feed you or something, but when,when you live a basic American life,...

...wrapped up in your normal routine,it's hard to find somebody to fall in love with them. When somebody doesit and gets married within a six month period, it just seems like therewas some shenanigans happening beforehand. And of course, who are you to gotell the kids? Hey, your mom playing this. See, it wasa trap. You know, they're little kids. They're not going to believeit. It's inappropriate to tell them, but you know it, dude,eventually they will find out everything. They're always going to be your kids.They're clearly old enough to know who their dad is. It doesn't matter whothey live with. But I just remembered one of the frustrating things that Iencountered was that, why aren't my kids sticking up for me? Why aren'tthey saying anything? These are my kids. I know they love me, Iknow I love them. But then, you know, someone finally reflected backto me that will dude. You move a lot. They can't staywith you. They have to stay with their mom. They're just trying tomake their own lives as peaceful as possible. They're not going to bite the handthat feeds it. So as like, okay, okay. So that kindof satisfied my why aren't they sticking up for me? Bit and soit turned out to be true, like ten years later, like they're nowoff to college and doing those type of things, but we hang out frequentlyand they know all of the truth. So I hate to say, dude, things will get better in ten years, but I know they'll get better becauseI've seen it. And it's not just me. I've seen other becausepeople used to tell me, like an older dudes would tell me this whenI was back in your spot, and I didn't it wasn't that I didn'tbelieve them, I just didn't care. I was so hopeless and so outof faith, out of everything, that just didn't matter to me. Ijust didn't want to live without my kids in my life, but the thoughtof them being alive on the planet and existing kept me waking up each dayafter that. So there's tons of dudes like us that are dad's that havebeen pulled away from our kids that feel the same way as you. SoI have lots of empathy for you. Man, if I can give youa hug from California to North Carolina, I would. Yeah, that's abig hug. I swore to myself that...

I would keep my kids out ofit and not bad mouth their mom or try to find out details on themarriage or, like, I have so many questions, like I want toI want to know things. You know, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I want to know. How long did you how long did youa date? You know, where did you meet? Where did you meetthis person? I don't know. Just so many questions and I think Ifeel like when when you're in those situations, then you don't have those answers inyour mind just goes to the responsible plays right, like your mind justgoes to me, like the worst kid area, because it might not likeit might not be that in cities. I'm I'm the exact same way,like I think worst case scenario all the time. And like John, likeI think you're right, like you might be able to meet someone afterwards andfall in love really quickly, but that's that's kind of crazy. So youwill want to know those answers so your mind doesn't just spin. Somebody broughtup. Sorry, go ahead, Brian. Well, I feel jealous and II don't know. I shouldn't feel jealous, like it makes me wantto run out and find somebody. It's not that easy. It's hard.That is a good cure, though. As it turned out, when Ifirst got divorced, my wife was the one that left. I still waiteda year, consciously because I did not want a rebound relationship. I'm notthat good at relationships anyway, so I didn't want the extra layer of well, what if this is just a rebound?...

So I waited and man, themoment I found somebody else to date, or little, I mean specifically itwas having sex with somebody new. That was exciting, I'm like,Oh Shit, Oh what this is? Oh, never mind, I thinkI could do this divorce thing. And I'm not trying to be callous,but that really is how it how it worked like once, because I wasnot a cheater kind of person. I wasn't into that. I just Ilike being with one person. It's too much to think about other relationships.But man, once I once literally found somebody else to have sex with them, everything changed. But then I had to process other feelings of guilt,like Oh well, now I'm fucking this other person and and I'm picking upmy kids tomorrow for the weekend, and it just there's different feelings. Butbreaking that jealousy feeling was important, but not not so important where I wouldjust go chase it around, you know what I mean? HMM and Gratjet. The jealousy is valid. Dude, there's another person with your kids,because I kept thinking about that on my God art like would I bejealous if I had my kids, like if my wife just left me withsome other dude and I still had my kids in my house and my carand the life that I had? What I'd be jealous? Man? Iwas like no, actually, I don't think so. It is the kidsthat I'm jealous about. It's like I'm jealous I'm missing out on the daysand the weeks, in the months and years of my fucking kids lives forwithout explanation. And back to your point about why? Why? Why?I finally relieve the strain of that once. I think was like a person atmy dbs, a group, who is like a monk, would callhis Buddhist type person, and he said you don't ask why, just askhow. The answer is in the how. I'm like, Huh, well,that's much easier to find out, and because you can prevent in manyways the how from happening again, but you'll never be able to prevent somebodyelse's why from happening again. HMM. How are you feeling today anyways,like right now, because you mentioned you...

...were feeling a bit suicidal last night. You feel like a little better? Yeah, I'm not. I'm notbe on suicidal today. That's good, because it's hard to say. Yousound, you know, reasonable in your voice and relative to the other timeswe've spoken, you sound upbeat, but I know I sound up beat mostof the time and I've been fucking super miserable lately. So for anybody newto the mental health game, and if you hear people talking like this,sometimes we're actually very sick at the moment. We just don't sound like it becausewe're used to dealing with this and we have to put on this actwhen we go in public. So we can't really diminish anybody's feelings. Andif someone says they're feeling suicidal, just take it seriously, like ask themhow they're really feeling. Not Trying to patronize you right now, Brian,or anything, but that's serious and we care about you. So can Ican I say a couple things in regards to what you said, of course, what you said about being jealous of your kids I don't know if Iwas right or wrong and saying this, but she didn't do it anyway,but I told her because I have three girls, and I told her,I said, if you start dating somebody, I want to know about it,because I want to know if another man's bent around my around my girls. Well, she didn't tell me and I might have been wrong and sayingthat, and now she's married and somebody else is living in the same housewith my girls and it makes me jealous. It makes me feel like, oh, they got a new daddy, you know. Yeah, and surese's probably better than I am. NOPE, Andy, they do not love himmore, do they don't even know the guy that much. Yeah,you are. You are in their DNA...

...right since day once, since theypopped out. There's the smell, the aura, all of that stuff.You're their dad, dude. You Jealousy is valid. I'm not sure askinga woman to inform you of her dating choices. Is Everything work out?I felt the same way. I felt like I had a right to knowwhat was going on. Apparently the courts don't care about our right so tothink. We know, we should know those things. But yeah, theeverything you're saying is so valid we should just do a whole podcast series aboutdad's with mental illnesses being separated from their kids. That's that's how pervasive itis. It's horrible. Sure, yeah, sorry, sorry, women, didn'tmean to leave you out of the conversation right there. It's fine,man, that it's just so tough here, Brian, just add a little levityto that. So I eventually came around to the idea like, okay, fine, but my ex had started dating my best friend from work.It's not it would been a plan from like a year and a half ortwo years prior. Put all the pieces together and like, you guys suckass. So I'm trying to take the high road, right, and thehigh road is bumpy as hell. The high road is the toughest fucking roadto take, man. So they, you know, snarkily sent me aninvite to their wedding, you know, and I'm like, you know what, far right, I'm fucking going to your wedding and you know what,I'm bringing my twenty year old girlfriend with me. How about that? Iwas like thirty five and I found a twenty year old girlfriend on craigslist.So we're like, yeah, we're fucking going. So and they had aGoddamn a kiss cover band play at their wedding. I'm like, this isabsurd. Am I on a real life or is this a set up?What the fuck is that going on in here? And then they invited mymom. What do you think my mom said? He guesses. Instead,my mom sat at the bride's table with no family and her new husband's family. Oh, and I'm and then the...

...aunt, the sister, gets upand gives a speech, dude, in front of three hundred people. Well, I'm glad that Tony is now here to take care of the kids,because they haven't always had a man in their life. And I'm like,I'm sitting right fucking here, ha ha ha, dude, I've been througha lot with that bullshit. I mean, I you, I would be oneof the guys cheering for Oj I was so mad back of the day. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? And like I you know, he might have did it, but I don't care. Sometimes you justget that fucking points like, Oh my God, you guys are going tomake me kill somebody. So I never ended up doing it, fortunately.And then I started channel all that energy inward and then I want to killmyself because I'm like, well, fuck if, if they effectively replaced meand surgically removed all the pictures of me from their house, I'm just I'mpointless, I'm useless, I'm just a paycheck, and I think, Ithink I'm gonna I like what you said about what's your Buddhist friends said.Don't think of the why, I think of the how. Yeah, andthat's so. I don't you know what the how are? The mistakes Imade or and or just things that happened. They might think that not everything thathappened is your fault, Dude. Right, mistakes can be made onevery side of the equation, and that's that's some good star warship right there. Y's Yoda. I think star wars is mostly ripped off of rights religiousliterature. But yeah, going back to dating again. No offense, holly, but I want to turn. I want to trade my ex wife andfor two four, two twenty year olds. That would cure your current feeling,for sure. They would change you...

...gain. I'll tell you what.All right, man, if did you few, you get enough? What'sthat? That's a damn good band aid for the situation. Yeah, yeah, I'm done. I appreciate your share, Dude. It's bold and brave andeven a days just share those kind of things with the public. Andyou know that this goes out to the public and you could use a pseudonym, a screen name or something else, but you use your real name,Brian, so that's awesome. You're brave, dude. I appreciate you. Thanksfor sharing. I'm an open book. Yeah, man, Brian's going tostart his own podcast shortly called bipolar belief. Yes, we'll track himand promote I meant. I meant to try to try to do a testrecording this weekend, but this happened and I've been, you know, process. I just I just shared everything I've been feeling. So I can't.I can't do it. You'll ye, understandably. Yeah, and you'll feelbetter in a couple hours to just having that weightlifted off, knowing that it'sout into the world that you have support, that we believe you, you're validated. It means a lot when you go out to the world feeling likethat. HMM, that's cool, man. Thanks. Brian's like the East CoastConservative version of me. It's kind of neat and you can see howwell we get along. We don't argue politics or anything like that. HMM, cool man. Okay, so, Becky, you said you definitely hada share. You want to go? Did I say I definitely had ashare? Well, let's check the instant replay. My Week is then kindof up and down and I will totally share. Today sees joys. Excuseme,.

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