John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 4 years ago

Bipolar Party: Bryan shares about his recent divorce and separation from his kids

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Bryan shares about his recent divorce and separation from his kids. Bipolar Party is a peer-to-peer support group located at BipolarParty.com

---
Send comments to comments@bipolarstyle.com or leave a public voicemail response (377) 944-9333

It's only and now it's online Bible this stylecom emotions, Bible style. Bam, dog days of August rolling right along. I appreciate you. Thanks for being a new listener. I'm johnny emotions and this is the johnny emotions show. So I also run a different show called bipolar style, and part of that offshoot of that, I guess would be the fan club, so to speak, if you're using music industry terms. I started a slack channel. I pointed my domain name, bipolar Partycom to that slack channel and there are people there now that we talk and commiserate about our issues, our mental health issues specifically, and many of them wanted to share their voices through the podcast medium, which is awesome. So today we're going to be like a fly on the wall at a bipolar party podcast where various people share about their different struggles they've been going through. This week this particular segment is Brian from North Carolina sharing some issues he's had regarding recent divorce and separation from his children. So I hope you enjoy it. There's another one coming up right after that and and then a Monday we'll get back to some regular rants and raves probably not so mental health related. Cool, cool. Hope you having a great weekend and I'll hit you on the back side of this episode. Joe, join the Party. ADD BIPOLAR PARTYCOM welcome back to the bipolar party. I'm here with Brian, holly and Becky and I'll let you each introduce yourselves and tell us a little bit about how your week was going and whether or not you would like to share more later. So let's start with Brian. Hey,...

...my name's Brian, I'm my I had a pretty crappy week, but I would like to share later. Awesome. Thanks, Brian Holly, I had an okay week. It's been it's been getting back on my medication, so kind of just researching a lot of mental health stuff. So it's been a very eye opening week, but overall it's been okay. It's not a lot I need to share. Okay, we'll have some time if you want to share after after Brian's done, and see if becky wants to share. Thanks. Hey, Becky, what's up? Hey, I'm becky and my week is been kind of up and down and I will totally shared today. Awesome. If bicky's voice sounds familiar, Vicky hosts the podcast that B word, which focus is on bipolar and borderline and the beauty of being such a just a bitching person in general. I'm the fourth person in this square circle. My name is John. I've had a crappy week and I will share. So thanks. Let's get started. Let's start with you, Brian. What would you like to share today? Well, I've been divorced for about six months and it was a shot getting divorced. It was hard on me. But now I got a phone call it yesterday that my ex wife has got remarried two weeks ago and I didn't know that she was even dating anybody. And I know some people it might sound ridiculous that, but there's a...

...morning process that you have to go through when you get divorced and I just it just hurt and I last night I felt like my life was over. I had suicidal thoughts. I I don't know, I just I want to cry now. You can cry as much as you want, Brian. Well, it's like my Med's won't let me. Yeah, just, but it does stop the hurt. That's all for now. Thanks, Brian. I'll respond, Brian, because, well, I've been through that situation. And although we didn't go through the quote unquote rules at the top of the session here to the listeners, basically we try to respond with what we call eye language, I. Statements. So I want to reflect back to Brian my experiences. I'm not going to try to fix his experiences, but in this case, Brian, we've talked about this on the slack channel offline together a bit, but I was divorced she's probably fifteen years ago and I've experienced a lot of the things you're going through right now. It's the remarried married part so quickly seemed like such a stab in the back to me because it seems, it just seemed like to me that nobody can fall in love in six months. That means you fucking plan this shit earlier and I'd been duped. That's what it felt like to me. It probably feels like that too many people because you simply just don't I guess it's possible, I mean you could find somebody and fall in love in a day and then run off to feed you or something, but when, when you live a basic American life,...

...wrapped up in your normal routine, it's hard to find somebody to fall in love with them. When somebody does it and gets married within a six month period, it just seems like there was some shenanigans happening beforehand. And of course, who are you to go tell the kids? Hey, your mom playing this. See, it was a trap. You know, they're little kids. They're not going to believe it. It's inappropriate to tell them, but you know it, dude, eventually they will find out everything. They're always going to be your kids. They're clearly old enough to know who their dad is. It doesn't matter who they live with. But I just remembered one of the frustrating things that I encountered was that, why aren't my kids sticking up for me? Why aren't they saying anything? These are my kids. I know they love me, I know I love them. But then, you know, someone finally reflected back to me that will dude. You move a lot. They can't stay with you. They have to stay with their mom. They're just trying to make their own lives as peaceful as possible. They're not going to bite the hand that feeds it. So as like, okay, okay. So that kind of satisfied my why aren't they sticking up for me? Bit and so it turned out to be true, like ten years later, like they're now off to college and doing those type of things, but we hang out frequently and they know all of the truth. So I hate to say, dude, things will get better in ten years, but I know they'll get better because I've seen it. And it's not just me. I've seen other because people used to tell me, like an older dudes would tell me this when I was back in your spot, and I didn't it wasn't that I didn't believe them, I just didn't care. I was so hopeless and so out of faith, out of everything, that just didn't matter to me. I just didn't want to live without my kids in my life, but the thought of them being alive on the planet and existing kept me waking up each day after that. So there's tons of dudes like us that are dad's that have been pulled away from our kids that feel the same way as you. So I have lots of empathy for you. Man, if I can give you a hug from California to North Carolina, I would. Yeah, that's a big hug. I swore to myself that...

I would keep my kids out of it and not bad mouth their mom or try to find out details on the marriage or, like, I have so many questions, like I want to I want to know things. You know, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I want to know. How long did you how long did you a date? You know, where did you meet? Where did you meet this person? I don't know. Just so many questions and I think I feel like when when you're in those situations, then you don't have those answers in your mind just goes to the responsible plays right, like your mind just goes to me, like the worst kid area, because it might not like it might not be that in cities. I'm I'm the exact same way, like I think worst case scenario all the time. And like John, like I think you're right, like you might be able to meet someone afterwards and fall in love really quickly, but that's that's kind of crazy. So you will want to know those answers so your mind doesn't just spin. Somebody brought up. Sorry, go ahead, Brian. Well, I feel jealous and I I don't know. I shouldn't feel jealous, like it makes me want to run out and find somebody. It's not that easy. It's hard. That is a good cure, though. As it turned out, when I first got divorced, my wife was the one that left. I still waited a year, consciously because I did not want a rebound relationship. I'm not that good at relationships anyway, so I didn't want the extra layer of well, what if this is just a rebound?...

So I waited and man, the moment I found somebody else to date, or little, I mean specifically it was having sex with somebody new. That was exciting, I'm like, Oh Shit, Oh what this is? Oh, never mind, I think I could do this divorce thing. And I'm not trying to be callous, but that really is how it how it worked like once, because I was not a cheater kind of person. I wasn't into that. I just I like being with one person. It's too much to think about other relationships. But man, once I once literally found somebody else to have sex with them, everything changed. But then I had to process other feelings of guilt, like Oh well, now I'm fucking this other person and and I'm picking up my kids tomorrow for the weekend, and it just there's different feelings. But breaking that jealousy feeling was important, but not not so important where I would just go chase it around, you know what I mean? HMM and Grat jet. The jealousy is valid. Dude, there's another person with your kids, because I kept thinking about that on my God art like would I be jealous if I had my kids, like if my wife just left me with some other dude and I still had my kids in my house and my car and the life that I had? What I'd be jealous? Man? I was like no, actually, I don't think so. It is the kids that I'm jealous about. It's like I'm jealous I'm missing out on the days and the weeks, in the months and years of my fucking kids lives for without explanation. And back to your point about why? Why? Why? I finally relieve the strain of that once. I think was like a person at my dbs, a group, who is like a monk, would call his Buddhist type person, and he said you don't ask why, just ask how. The answer is in the how. I'm like, Huh, well, that's much easier to find out, and because you can prevent in many ways the how from happening again, but you'll never be able to prevent somebody else's why from happening again. HMM. How are you feeling today anyways, like right now, because you mentioned you...

...were feeling a bit suicidal last night. You feel like a little better? Yeah, I'm not. I'm not be on suicidal today. That's good, because it's hard to say. You sound, you know, reasonable in your voice and relative to the other times we've spoken, you sound upbeat, but I know I sound up beat most of the time and I've been fucking super miserable lately. So for anybody new to the mental health game, and if you hear people talking like this, sometimes we're actually very sick at the moment. We just don't sound like it because we're used to dealing with this and we have to put on this act when we go in public. So we can't really diminish anybody's feelings. And if someone says they're feeling suicidal, just take it seriously, like ask them how they're really feeling. Not Trying to patronize you right now, Brian, or anything, but that's serious and we care about you. So can I can I say a couple things in regards to what you said, of course, what you said about being jealous of your kids I don't know if I was right or wrong and saying this, but she didn't do it anyway, but I told her because I have three girls, and I told her, I said, if you start dating somebody, I want to know about it, because I want to know if another man's bent around my around my girls. Well, she didn't tell me and I might have been wrong and saying that, and now she's married and somebody else is living in the same house with my girls and it makes me jealous. It makes me feel like, oh, they got a new daddy, you know. Yeah, and sure se's probably better than I am. NOPE, Andy, they do not love him more, do they don't even know the guy that much. Yeah, you are. You are in their DNA...

...right since day once, since they popped out. There's the smell, the aura, all of that stuff. You're their dad, dude. You Jealousy is valid. I'm not sure asking a woman to inform you of her dating choices. Is Everything work out? I felt the same way. I felt like I had a right to know what was going on. Apparently the courts don't care about our right so to think. We know, we should know those things. But yeah, the everything you're saying is so valid we should just do a whole podcast series about dad's with mental illnesses being separated from their kids. That's that's how pervasive it is. It's horrible. Sure, yeah, sorry, sorry, women, didn't mean to leave you out of the conversation right there. It's fine, man, that it's just so tough here, Brian, just add a little levity to that. So I eventually came around to the idea like, okay, fine, but my ex had started dating my best friend from work. It's not it would been a plan from like a year and a half or two years prior. Put all the pieces together and like, you guys suck ass. So I'm trying to take the high road, right, and the high road is bumpy as hell. The high road is the toughest fucking road to take, man. So they, you know, snarkily sent me an invite to their wedding, you know, and I'm like, you know what, far right, I'm fucking going to your wedding and you know what, I'm bringing my twenty year old girlfriend with me. How about that? I was like thirty five and I found a twenty year old girlfriend on craigslist. So we're like, yeah, we're fucking going. So and they had a Goddamn a kiss cover band play at their wedding. I'm like, this is absurd. Am I on a real life or is this a set up? What the fuck is that going on in here? And then they invited my mom. What do you think my mom said? He guesses. Instead, my mom sat at the bride's table with no family and her new husband's family. Oh, and I'm and then the...

...aunt, the sister, gets up and gives a speech, dude, in front of three hundred people. Well, I'm glad that Tony is now here to take care of the kids, because they haven't always had a man in their life. And I'm like, I'm sitting right fucking here, ha ha ha, dude, I've been through a lot with that bullshit. I mean, I you, I would be one of the guys cheering for Oj I was so mad back of the day. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? And like I you know, he might have did it, but I don't care. Sometimes you just get that fucking points like, Oh my God, you guys are going to make me kill somebody. So I never ended up doing it, fortunately. And then I started channel all that energy inward and then I want to kill myself because I'm like, well, fuck if, if they effectively replaced me and surgically removed all the pictures of me from their house, I'm just I'm pointless, I'm useless, I'm just a paycheck, and I think, I think I'm gonna I like what you said about what's your Buddhist friends said. Don't think of the why, I think of the how. Yeah, and that's so. I don't you know what the how are? The mistakes I made or and or just things that happened. They might think that not everything that happened is your fault, Dude. Right, mistakes can be made on every side of the equation, and that's that's some good star warship right there. Y's Yoda. I think star wars is mostly ripped off of rights religious literature. But yeah, going back to dating again. No offense, holly, but I want to turn. I want to trade my ex wife and for two four, two twenty year olds. That would cure your current feeling, for sure. They would change you...

...gain. I'll tell you what. All right, man, if did you few, you get enough? What's that? That's a damn good band aid for the situation. Yeah, yeah, I'm done. I appreciate your share, Dude. It's bold and brave and even a days just share those kind of things with the public. And you know that this goes out to the public and you could use a pseudonym, a screen name or something else, but you use your real name, Brian, so that's awesome. You're brave, dude. I appreciate you. Thanks for sharing. I'm an open book. Yeah, man, Brian's going to start his own podcast shortly called bipolar belief. Yes, we'll track him and promote I meant. I meant to try to try to do a test recording this weekend, but this happened and I've been, you know, process. I just I just shared everything I've been feeling. So I can't. I can't do it. You'll ye, understandably. Yeah, and you'll feel better in a couple hours to just having that weightlifted off, knowing that it's out into the world that you have support, that we believe you, you're validated. It means a lot when you go out to the world feeling like that. HMM, that's cool, man. Thanks. Brian's like the East Coast Conservative version of me. It's kind of neat and you can see how well we get along. We don't argue politics or anything like that. HMM, cool man. Okay, so, Becky, you said you definitely had a share. You want to go? Did I say I definitely had a share? Well, let's check the instant replay. My Week is then kind of up and down and I will totally share. Today sees joys. Excuse me,.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (132)