Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 3 years ago

Bipolar Style and the Art of Emotions

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John explains the transition to producing a second podcast, not specifically about Bipolar disorder. After studying more about "labeling theory" John wants to expand his focus on more than just a stigmatized neurological disease. The first draft of this new, short-form, solo podcast was called Art of Emotions, but that has already evolved into an even newer podcast called "Manic Episodes." Depending on when you find this, John may have moved on to bigger things, or faded away altogether.

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It's only your head and now it'sonline Ad Bible. This stylecom is joint emotions with Bible it style. Well, Hey, welcome to San Francisco. Just chilling in the studio. WHO'shot today? Excuse me, so the windows are open to the street.Noise is especially loud today. What to put on some jazz music to kindof cover it up? Little white noise in particular. We're listening to ChetBaker Nice. Yeah, so, anyway, you're probably coming in from one oftwo directions. Most likely you listen to the bipolar style show and youare used to this intro. It's only...

...your head and now it's online AdBible. This stylecoms johnny motions with Bible it style. But since these podcastsare going to be a lot more frequent and a lot shorter, I figaredthat intro was still too long and regardless, this is going to be a differentshow the bipolar style show. Excuse me, something in my throat.The bipolar style shows, you know, obviously about things pertaining to people withbipolar disorder and life as a bipolar person, I guess, is the best wayto say it. But I get tired of being boxed into that labelbipolar. I mean I think about a lot of things, so I needanother venue. Ideally, the podcast is...

...about let's me share, like Ialways have a therapist, but I always like to get things out into theworld with the hopes that somebody else might hear them. I don't even needit to be reflected back to me. I just like to know that,hey, somebody heard that. It helps me clear out my head and moveon to other things. However, my life is pretty wild, pretty likea feral person, and a lot of the things I encounter in my daytodaylife for just not appropriate for a show for people with bipolar disorder specifically,and in fact I might freak some of them out and trigger many people withmental illnesses. But I do encounter and use my emotions every day. SoI'm going to have a separate podcast called the art of emotions. Makes Sense. You know my little stage name, John Emotions. Art of emotions.You get it, all right, you're...

...so smart. So that's the deal. This particular episode also kind of marks the first of the next set often episodes for bipolar style, so I'm just going to go insert it thereso it shows up on your downloads that's why it lit up and you downloadedthe subscription. But also this shows up now as the first art of emotionsepisode over at John emotionscom cool, and it's also on like podcasts. I'mdirt. It's also an itunes and spotify in those places too, so youcan look up the art of emotions if you want to hear me rant onthe regular basis or stay tuned to the bipolar style once a month for bipolarrelated podcasts. Got It cool so well. And that second one here, thatsecond little intro. This is the art of emotions for the art ofemotions, as much shorter, as you can tell, because the episodes ashorter. But I must say I'm still...

...hooked on my original Intro, soplease indulge me. Let me play it here real quick. This is theintro I wanted, but it's like fifty five seconds long and there's no fuckingway I'm going to have a fifty five second intro in a show that's likefifteen minutes. It doesn't make any sense. But Anyway, here was the one. I'll use this once a season, and so to start season three fourbipolar style, here's that intro one more time. You don't understand.I could class, I could have been a contemner, I could have beensomebody. Dude, if it's going to be that kind of part I won'tthink my thinking about John Tuda. Isn't...

...that awesome? Love that. But, like I said, it's too long. So you'll hear the short little riftbetween my frequent podcast to help. So one of the reasons of thesecond reason, I guess, from doing podcast, aside from getting things offmy chest, is that helps me practice to speak, to pause appropriately,not say Um, d whatever, Um, there I said. Hum. Icould go to toast masters, I would like to, but I haveanxiety issues and it's hard to commit to things like that. So I dothe podcast and I try to practice speaking this way. HMM, fun.You know, it's a hobby. So here's what happened last week. I'llcatch you up to just generically. I'm the Director of a nonprofit and wehouse people that are formerly homeless or poor,...

Vietnam vets and just those kind offolks. So every once in a while, as you may have heardon the last podcast, people die in the building, and that particular deathI saw last week was gruesome. On top of it being a suicide.So the whole thing's left me like, MMM, is shocked an emotion?HMM, I'm trying to figure out the art of which emotions happened last week. So definitely shocked when I saw the gory detail of this particular occurrence,and I also connected it with, MMM, mortality in general, because Saturday wasmy birthday and that always winds me up anyway, because when you havebirthdays and you have particularly borderline personality disorder, okay, okay, all right,when you have borderline you tend to think everybody hate you and you doirrational things like wait all day for people...

...to call you and take you outto dinner and things and nobody ever does, and then it feeds your kind ofpsychosis that's like, oh, everybody hates me, so my birthday kindof sucked on top of that. But you know, when you connect itwith the mortality and the shock of seeing a dude with his face eating off, that's nuts, man. That just really threw me for loop last week. So I go through the shock of that then on Saturday day I playthe pity party after nobody calls. I mean, what did he B Icall? HMM, Oh, my friend from Louisiana Onnaka called and she leftme a message and she's sweet, but let mean, she's two thousand milesaway, seems like probably whatever, however far that is. But nobody around, like my immediate family, none of them. They're all within driving distanceof where I am right now. I didn't hear from them. Nobody called. The boy sent a card, no birthday cake, not of that.Nothing. I'm like, what are they conspiring? Of course not. That'skind of paranoid. But what I do...

...think happen, and I think sucksalmost as bad, is that everyone assumed that either I was okay without oneor that somebody else was going to take care of it. So, like, if I get somebody else to take care of it, really like you'reso busy, maybe that you guys, if you have of a person inyour family that's sick, maybe have a plan for checking up on them nowand then, whether it's for a birthday or holiday or just traditionally or hey, maybe on a regular basis so they don't end up dead like the guyI found in room three hundred and three the other week. You know,come up with the plan. So when nobody checked on that dude for acouple days. He ended up dead in a box. Like these little roomsare small, they're like a little box. People live in them, and thatdude just died in his with his puppy in there and the puppy lickedhis face and tell he decided to eat it that. It's disgusting. Right, of course it's disgusting, but the fact is we could all end upthat way and I sometimes I just think...

...that this is the starting of that, like people not acknowledging my birthday. Is the start of that whole thing, like that chapter of my life. HMM. Yeah. So the nextday, Sunday, just one out one on a cruise out on the bay, San Francisco Bay. It was beautiful. It's pretty cold, but the cloudshad blown away for the most part, puffy white clouds. A few ofthem existed on a you know, bright blue sky. The water wasa kind of shoppy, but you know, the ferryboat went out underneath the GoldenGate, took some nice pictures, got my nature on, filled theeons the islands from the ocean, change my body, change my mindset,and then we got back and did this other fun thing well, we meand whoever else. I went alone, but the other people on the boatwith me. We rode this thing called the rocket boat. Oh my God, you guys got to ride this thing.

If you ever see a rocket boat, they probably have them in large rivers and Atlantic city or wherever.You know. This this fucking boat that holds about fifty people up in front, but the thing is powered with like one six hundred horsepower turbojet engines underneathand the guy drives it like if you ever seen those jet ski guys justget Pretty Narly on the jet skis and spend three S and dip down thewater a little bit and kind of pop back up a little bit. Thisdude was driving a boat with fifty of us around the bay like that,blasting like rush and guns and roses and Bon Jovi. I was pretty amazing. So that kind of blasted out my whole bad mood from Saturday. Stilldon't know what happened to the MOM. sent an email. I'll throw ifshe's okay and her back from her I don't know what what a deal iswhat happened. I hope she is okay.

The reason I went out Sunday wasbecause Saturday night. Saturday night, on Saturday night I got I wasjust depressed looking for something motivational to watch on TV and I ended up watchingthe secret. Do you know the secret? It's basically a rehash of the lawof attraction from the early part of the nineteen hundreds and I think it'spart of the what's called the news. The new thought is just a thoughtparadigm hundred, hundred, fifty years ago, where people started thinking about thinking andthe power of visualization and you are what you be, you are whatyou think you are, and that sort of thing. Anyway, saw thesecret and it reminded me all about that stuff, like visualization, and howimportant it is for me to keep my emotions, if my thoughts, inthe positive. So that's why I decided to say fuck it, I'm goingto go out on the bay and shake the cobwebs out of my head andtake on a new attitude. So that...

...seemed to work pretty well. Andthen all this week, since we've got most of the the broken things fixedat the at the new job, things have been going smoothly and yeah,thinks things are generally getting better. So I don't know, aside from thedude dying and then nobody showed up for my birthday. Going out on thewater that rocketboat really change things and it started smiling. I figure I'll justsmile, I'll be the happy guy this week, because people around you don'tknow me as the unhappy guy. So it wasn't that big of a change, but I was intentionally smiling bigger and encouraging people and not letting any shittyattitudes get to me, and it worked. Man, at the people start smiling. It was a good day. Yeah, it's all right, cool, I appreciate you listening. Thanks for letting me get that off my chestsand we'll chat some more tomorrow. Styles...

...on my cheese and fly following ontwitter. Joys, excuse me,.

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