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Episode · 4 years ago

Bipolar Style and the Art of Emotions

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John explains the transition to producing a second podcast, not specifically about Bipolar disorder. After studying more about "labeling theory" John wants to expand his focus on more than just a stigmatized neurological disease. The first draft of this new, short-form, solo podcast was called Art of Emotions, but that has already evolved into an even newer podcast called "Manic Episodes." Depending on when you find this, John may have moved on to bigger things, or faded away altogether.

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It's only your head and now it's online Ad Bible. This stylecom is joint emotions with Bible it style. Well, Hey, welcome to San Francisco. Just chilling in the studio. WHO's hot today? Excuse me, so the windows are open to the street. Noise is especially loud today. What to put on some jazz music to kind of cover it up? Little white noise in particular. We're listening to Chet Baker Nice. Yeah, so, anyway, you're probably coming in from one of two directions. Most likely you listen to the bipolar style show and you are used to this intro. It's only...

...your head and now it's online Ad Bible. This stylecoms johnny motions with Bible it style. But since these podcasts are going to be a lot more frequent and a lot shorter, I figared that intro was still too long and regardless, this is going to be a different show the bipolar style show. Excuse me, something in my throat. The bipolar style shows, you know, obviously about things pertaining to people with bipolar disorder and life as a bipolar person, I guess, is the best way to say it. But I get tired of being boxed into that label bipolar. I mean I think about a lot of things, so I need another venue. Ideally, the podcast is...

...about let's me share, like I always have a therapist, but I always like to get things out into the world with the hopes that somebody else might hear them. I don't even need it to be reflected back to me. I just like to know that, hey, somebody heard that. It helps me clear out my head and move on to other things. However, my life is pretty wild, pretty like a feral person, and a lot of the things I encounter in my daytoday life for just not appropriate for a show for people with bipolar disorder specifically, and in fact I might freak some of them out and trigger many people with mental illnesses. But I do encounter and use my emotions every day. So I'm going to have a separate podcast called the art of emotions. Makes Sense. You know my little stage name, John Emotions. Art of emotions. You get it, all right, you're...

...so smart. So that's the deal. This particular episode also kind of marks the first of the next set of ten episodes for bipolar style, so I'm just going to go insert it there so it shows up on your downloads that's why it lit up and you downloaded the subscription. But also this shows up now as the first art of emotions episode over at John emotionscom cool, and it's also on like podcasts. I'm dirt. It's also an itunes and spotify in those places too, so you can look up the art of emotions if you want to hear me rant on the regular basis or stay tuned to the bipolar style once a month for bipolar related podcasts. Got It cool so well. And that second one here, that second little intro. This is the art of emotions for the art of emotions, as much shorter, as you can tell, because the episodes a shorter. But I must say I'm still...

...hooked on my original Intro, so please indulge me. Let me play it here real quick. This is the intro I wanted, but it's like fifty five seconds long and there's no fucking way I'm going to have a fifty five second intro in a show that's like fifteen minutes. It doesn't make any sense. But Anyway, here was the one. I'll use this once a season, and so to start season three four bipolar style, here's that intro one more time. You don't understand. I could class, I could have been a contemner, I could have been somebody. Dude, if it's going to be that kind of part I won't think my thinking about John Tuda. Isn't...

...that awesome? Love that. But, like I said, it's too long. So you'll hear the short little rift between my frequent podcast to help. So one of the reasons of the second reason, I guess, from doing podcast, aside from getting things off my chest, is that helps me practice to speak, to pause appropriately, not say Um, d whatever, Um, there I said. Hum. I could go to toast masters, I would like to, but I have anxiety issues and it's hard to commit to things like that. So I do the podcast and I try to practice speaking this way. HMM, fun. You know, it's a hobby. So here's what happened last week. I'll catch you up to just generically. I'm the Director of a nonprofit and we house people that are formerly homeless or poor,...

Vietnam vets and just those kind of folks. So every once in a while, as you may have heard on the last podcast, people die in the building, and that particular death I saw last week was gruesome. On top of it being a suicide. So the whole thing's left me like, MMM, is shocked an emotion? HMM, I'm trying to figure out the art of which emotions happened last week. So definitely shocked when I saw the gory detail of this particular occurrence, and I also connected it with, MMM, mortality in general, because Saturday was my birthday and that always winds me up anyway, because when you have birthdays and you have particularly borderline personality disorder, okay, okay, all right, when you have borderline you tend to think everybody hate you and you do irrational things like wait all day for people...

...to call you and take you out to dinner and things and nobody ever does, and then it feeds your kind of psychosis that's like, oh, everybody hates me, so my birthday kind of sucked on top of that. But you know, when you connect it with the mortality and the shock of seeing a dude with his face eating off, that's nuts, man. That just really threw me for loop last week. So I go through the shock of that then on Saturday day I play the pity party after nobody calls. I mean, what did he B I call? HMM, Oh, my friend from Louisiana Onnaka called and she left me a message and she's sweet, but let mean, she's two thousand miles away, seems like probably whatever, however far that is. But nobody around, like my immediate family, none of them. They're all within driving distance of where I am right now. I didn't hear from them. Nobody called. The boy sent a card, no birthday cake, not of that. Nothing. I'm like, what are they conspiring? Of course not. That's kind of paranoid. But what I do...

...think happen, and I think sucks almost as bad, is that everyone assumed that either I was okay without one or that somebody else was going to take care of it. So, like, if I get somebody else to take care of it, really like you're so busy, maybe that you guys, if you have of a person in your family that's sick, maybe have a plan for checking up on them now and then, whether it's for a birthday or holiday or just traditionally or hey, maybe on a regular basis so they don't end up dead like the guy I found in room three hundred and three the other week. You know, come up with the plan. So when nobody checked on that dude for a couple days. He ended up dead in a box. Like these little rooms are small, they're like a little box. People live in them, and that dude just died in his with his puppy in there and the puppy licked his face and tell he decided to eat it that. It's disgusting. Right, of course it's disgusting, but the fact is we could all end up that way and I sometimes I just think...

...that this is the starting of that, like people not acknowledging my birthday. Is the start of that whole thing, like that chapter of my life. HMM. Yeah. So the next day, Sunday, just one out one on a cruise out on the bay, San Francisco Bay. It was beautiful. It's pretty cold, but the clouds had blown away for the most part, puffy white clouds. A few of them existed on a you know, bright blue sky. The water was a kind of shoppy, but you know, the ferryboat went out underneath the Golden Gate, took some nice pictures, got my nature on, filled the eons the islands from the ocean, change my body, change my mindset, and then we got back and did this other fun thing well, we me and whoever else. I went alone, but the other people on the boat with me. We rode this thing called the rocket boat. Oh my God, you guys got to ride this thing.

If you ever see a rocket boat, they probably have them in large rivers and Atlantic city or wherever. You know. This this fucking boat that holds about fifty people up in front, but the thing is powered with like one six hundred horsepower turbojet engines underneath and the guy drives it like if you ever seen those jet ski guys just get Pretty Narly on the jet skis and spend three S and dip down the water a little bit and kind of pop back up a little bit. This dude was driving a boat with fifty of us around the bay like that, blasting like rush and guns and roses and Bon Jovi. I was pretty amazing. So that kind of blasted out my whole bad mood from Saturday. Still don't know what happened to the MOM. sent an email. I'll throw if she's okay and her back from her I don't know what what a deal is what happened. I hope she is okay.

The reason I went out Sunday was because Saturday night. Saturday night, on Saturday night I got I was just depressed looking for something motivational to watch on TV and I ended up watching the secret. Do you know the secret? It's basically a rehash of the law of attraction from the early part of the nineteen hundreds and I think it's part of the what's called the news. The new thought is just a thought paradigm hundred, hundred, fifty years ago, where people started thinking about thinking and the power of visualization and you are what you be, you are what you think you are, and that sort of thing. Anyway, saw the secret and it reminded me all about that stuff, like visualization, and how important it is for me to keep my emotions, if my thoughts, in the positive. So that's why I decided to say fuck it, I'm going to go out on the bay and shake the cobwebs out of my head and take on a new attitude. So that...

...seemed to work pretty well. And then all this week, since we've got most of the the broken things fixed at the at the new job, things have been going smoothly and yeah, thinks things are generally getting better. So I don't know, aside from the dude dying and then nobody showed up for my birthday. Going out on the water that rocketboat really change things and it started smiling. I figure I'll just smile, I'll be the happy guy this week, because people around you don't know me as the unhappy guy. So it wasn't that big of a change, but I was intentionally smiling bigger and encouraging people and not letting any shitty attitudes get to me, and it worked. Man, at the people start smiling. It was a good day. Yeah, it's all right, cool, I appreciate you listening. Thanks for letting me get that off my chests and we'll chat some more tomorrow. Styles...

...on my cheese and fly following on twitter. Joys, excuse me,.

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