Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 4 years ago

Bipolar Style | John Emotions on Being Shut Out


John Emotions rants about how his family abandoned him, even after they all learned of his bipolar. Also, addresses how society harnesses bipolar people when they're manic, but discards them when they get depressed. Day ends on an up note when Maria Bamford replies to his tweet.

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I'm johnny emotions. This is bipolarstyle. All right. Well, that Ben Harper Song I put on theend of that podcast yesterday. Yeah, that kind of got flag on facebook. So in order to keep from being flagged on the various platforms and justgoing to use original music, like the music my brother Ray wrote me andit sounds just like this. All right, keep short and sweet, but that'sthe tag for the show for now. I like it. I know it'sa little up beat, kind of heavy for for a lot of people, but it's me kind of heavy for a lot of people. Anyway.I'd ask you how your day was, but you can't really talk back tome right now, so maybe we should... on that. If you wantto be on the PODCAST, I would love to have you as a guest. The main criteria would be knowing how to use skype. If you knowhow to use Skype, I can get you into the audio mix here andwe can have cool conversations. You can share, do your whole thing,kind of use the DBSA a model of sharing where you know you just release, you get it all out and if you want feedback, you know theaudience can send you feedback and warm thoughts or troll you? Maybe? Whoknows? This is all a grand experiment, just trying to connect the bipolar people, all the bipolars, in one place. So do you guys goto groups? You go to real life bipolar groups. I go to onein San Francisco. It's great. I think it saved by life a coupleof times and I think that's part of the Tart of what I'm trying todo here is get more of you that...

...listen and that are on the Internetto go to real life dvsa groups and, you know, meet other people inreal life and since we're kind of like Xman, superheroes with superpowers,it's way more interesting to talk to other bipolar folks and hear their stories inperson. It's emotional. Yeah, sometimes it gets pretty heavy and really deep, but everything starts to resonate. So if you haven't been to a dbsa meeting in your town, go to dbs alliance DOT ORG and check itout. If you want to network with us, you know, it kindof more network e Internet type of way. Go to bipolar junglecom. Just putup a little profile there and I police that place pretty strongly. Thereshouldn't be any shenanigans. I see you committing shenanigans. I'm a Bootcha fromthe group and I'm pretty Pec I'm fairly..., but I'm fair and just. But I know what to expect of bipolar people that are supportive of otherbipolar people. And that's the whole key to a podcast like this is reallyto give a voice to bipolar folks, that to let the rest of theworld know we're not super crazy, just maybe a little bit crazy, ormaybe we just talked too much. Could be all of the above. Solet me tell here's what happened today. I was on one of these facebookgroups and someone said post the picture of somebody you miss and I'm like man, because I have a poster like on my facebook there of my kids intheir mom so like cheese. But it just got me thinking that what happensto families when they find out a family member has bipolar? What goes throughtheir head when they decide to like, let's just fucking kick that guy outof the family? I don't get it.

I don't like get phone calls,they don't check in on me. The kids, the ex the MOM, the dad sends me like updates about his life, which is cool.I really appreciate that because we actually get along really well, but he doesn'tlike specifically call the check it on me. I think he assumes I'm fine,which for the most part I guess is cool, but assuming and actuallychecking up or two different things. Plus Sometimes, when my dad sends mehis updates, like I have a special email rule and all the filters steerhis email to special folder so I can read them. Well, apparently thatfolder was out of view in my browser, little too low. I couldn't seeit, so I didn't know it's collecting emails. And then, inclassic dad mode, he starts going after me like, Oh, so you'renot answering me back. Oh you too good for me to that kind ofthing. I'm like a fuck, and then of course now I don't wantto answer and back because now he's pissed and I haven't done anything except notsee his emails. So That's dad.

But you know, like I said, we get along really well, so I appreciate him, but there's nota lot of connection. He's like three hours away and he updates me onhis life, you know, a couple times a month. But MOM Nope, don't hear from the kids, don't hear from nephews or answer uncle's orI hear from I have my friend Anica and Louisiana. She checks out moneyand but she's not my family. So I'm like, wow, what kindof family just turns a person out because they're sick? I don't get itand it's kind of like a chip on my shoulder. So as we gothrough these podcast you know that's part of the basis of my attitude. Reallyit's like, what is got such an attitude? Well, fucking Ay,that's why. Why would you feel if you got sick and your whole familyjust bailed on you and turned on your, all your social circles against you andjust made up all kinds of bullshit because they were covering for the factthat you're just you got a mental illness? Kind of goes back to that,that old thing I'm always thinking about,... society loves to harness the powerof mania in bipolar people. Whenever we're on, we're super productive,funny, charming. Oh yeah, left the Party, Oh does all thisgreat work, Super Smart. That of that right. And but then themoment you get depressed, when the moment you hit that other side, it'sOverman, they're fucking out the door. Didn't even know you can't remember yourname. That's pretty fucked up. So sorry for the salty language, butyou know, fucked up thing is. fucked up is not only way tosay it. That's a it's probably fresh in my mind because that my lastjob. I was, you know, doing really well On my Med's.Everything was balanced and kicking ass, and of course they're taking advantage of that, of that talent, and then got sick, got depressed, fell intoa deep, deep cavern. Nobody called me, nobody reached out. Thewhole thing was like a sham because the... was like full of millennials andpreached of humanity and connectedness and community, but the moment you get sick,they turn their back on you, and I found that to be true withmost folks in life. So I'm not just blaming a tech company or myfamily, but seemed like society in general. So is that valid or am Ijust wasting time? That's the big question. Right. It probably isvalid and it is a waste of time. So, you know, some daysold things come up, a facebook post you don't know what's going tohit you. But then it kind of just triggers all these thoughts and feelingsand emotions that you just can't contain. Fortunately, you know you you plowalong, and that's a good thing about having a job that you kind ofknow how to do in a comfortable with it keeps you focused and keeps youstructured and thank God today, this week, this month, I'm functioning enough tohave a job because sometimes, you...

...know, I don't know what Iwould do without that structure. I'm pretty good at creating my own but man, but I'm super depressed. There's no structure there, just nothing's just dark. You just crawl out of bed, barely if you can, and geta drink of water, parched, crawl back in bed. It's as miserableas people think. So yeah, that's that. Who knows what tomorrow brings, but I wanted to bring up a couple of helpful people. Hold on, let me grab my so the twitter thing is like working out pretty coolthis time. I've done other podcast that weren't as twitter friendly, I guess, and this one people are digging it, I guess, because maybe the focusis so tight on bipolar anyway. So I check the leaderboard. Ifyou want to go check it out yourself, you can go to bipolar stylecom leaderboard. And I see Diane Harwood is...

...sharing again. Oh and today washer first day doing a podcast, so it's going to be neat to hearhow that went. I'm excited for her. Number two, I am in RadioOnline. They've done a lot, like hmm, twenty six earned capitalpoints word, while Studio Shimoy is still up top and my friend Mel fromMexico is there too. So Hey, malt what's going on? And thenone super exciting thing. I'm such a doric sometimes, happened right before Icame on, while I was going through my twitter feed and, like I'malways trying to share uplifting kind of entertainment options for people with bipolar that arerelevant, and one of the things I shared about was Maria Bamford's show,lady dynamite, and she's also got a new special called big baby or adultbaby or something like that. Either way, they're both hell of funny and Iwas just telling people, yeah, you should totally watch that because it'sfunny, it's and she has bipolar, so that's makes it extra cool andthen she replied, so I'm like,...

...yeah, that's awesome. Some likea super fan boy apparently, and I didn't even know it. So thanks, Maria Bamford, for replying humbly. Yours, Johnny emotions, what doyou think about politics? I hate them, but they're everywhere. HMM, likeevery smart person I know is on a very specific side of politics inAmerica and probably a similar side of politics in other parts of the world.And I rage in politics in my johnny motions account on twitter, but I'mtrying to keep it off of the bipolar style account and it just wanted todouble check. Is that like? Does that seem right? Should to keeppolitics out of the bipolar stream? Yeah, okay, HMM, okay, nopolitics for now. I'll try. I'll do my best. So okay, we should get out of here,...

...even though we're not going to beable to play like a cool song. That encapsulates today's episode. You know, the episode still shouldn't go too long. It just really checking in with youguys, because I don't like have anybody to check in with them,and you're totally welcome to check in with me, so if you need that. The I can't hear you like, necessarily, but let's set up askype. Go to sign up at bipolar stylecom, click the check box thatsays I want to be on the podcast, and then I will hit you updirectly. That'll be me calling you and we'll put it together have acool conversation. So I look forward to that. It's about time for thealarm to ring here. Listen for that. It's the old time you tell aphone alarm like just pretending somebody's calling me, like my mom. Yep, that's it. It's as long as I'm going to do it. I'mgoing to podcast for four hours, like Joe Rogan. I don't understand whypeople would listen for four hours. We...

...could pack a lot into fifteen minutesright. And I need to do this daily. It's kind of like adaily, you know, confessional, something like that. It's helpful for me. So either people like it or they don't like it, but I'll tryto be connective to all those that are helping out. So again, checkout the leaderboard by polar stylecom. Last leaderboard. Sign up to the emaillist to get on the PODCAST. Will have more conversations, not using HMM, like unauthorized music anymore, but we've got our own better music. Andthat's about it for today. To go to work for a couple days andwe'll check in, say midweek. Cool, cool, all right. On behalfof me myself and I it's Johnny Emotions for bipolar style. Take careby.

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