John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 4 years ago

Bipolar Style | John Emotions on Being Shut Out

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions rants about how his family abandoned him, even after they all learned of his bipolar. Also, addresses how society harnesses bipolar people when they're manic, but discards them when they get depressed. Day ends on an up note when Maria Bamford replies to his tweet.

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I'm johnny emotions. This is bipolar style. All right. Well, that Ben Harper Song I put on the end of that podcast yesterday. Yeah, that kind of got flag on facebook. So in order to keep from being flagged on the various platforms and just going to use original music, like the music my brother Ray wrote me and it sounds just like this. All right, keep short and sweet, but that's the tag for the show for now. I like it. I know it's a little up beat, kind of heavy for for a lot of people, but it's me kind of heavy for a lot of people. Anyway. I'd ask you how your day was, but you can't really talk back to me right now, so maybe we should...

...work on that. If you want to be on the PODCAST, I would love to have you as a guest. The main criteria would be knowing how to use skype. If you know how to use Skype, I can get you into the audio mix here and we can have cool conversations. You can share, do your whole thing, kind of use the DBSA a model of sharing where you know you just release, you get it all out and if you want feedback, you know the audience can send you feedback and warm thoughts or troll you? Maybe? Who knows? This is all a grand experiment, just trying to connect the bipolar people, all the bipolars, in one place. So do you guys go to groups? You go to real life bipolar groups. I go to one in San Francisco. It's great. I think it saved by life a couple of times and I think that's part of the Tart of what I'm trying to do here is get more of you that...

...listen and that are on the Internet to go to real life dvsa groups and, you know, meet other people in real life and since we're kind of like Xman, superheroes with superpowers, it's way more interesting to talk to other bipolar folks and hear their stories in person. It's emotional. Yeah, sometimes it gets pretty heavy and really deep, but everything starts to resonate. So if you haven't been to a dbs a meeting in your town, go to dbs alliance DOT ORG and check it out. If you want to network with us, you know, it kind of more network e Internet type of way. Go to bipolar junglecom. Just put up a little profile there and I police that place pretty strongly. There shouldn't be any shenanigans. I see you committing shenanigans. I'm a Bootcha from the group and I'm pretty Pec I'm fairly...

...progressive, but I'm fair and just. But I know what to expect of bipolar people that are supportive of other bipolar people. And that's the whole key to a podcast like this is really to give a voice to bipolar folks, that to let the rest of the world know we're not super crazy, just maybe a little bit crazy, or maybe we just talked too much. Could be all of the above. So let me tell here's what happened today. I was on one of these facebook groups and someone said post the picture of somebody you miss and I'm like man, because I have a poster like on my facebook there of my kids in their mom so like cheese. But it just got me thinking that what happens to families when they find out a family member has bipolar? What goes through their head when they decide to like, let's just fucking kick that guy out of the family? I don't get it.

I don't like get phone calls, they don't check in on me. The kids, the ex the MOM, the dad sends me like updates about his life, which is cool. I really appreciate that because we actually get along really well, but he doesn't like specifically call the check it on me. I think he assumes I'm fine, which for the most part I guess is cool, but assuming and actually checking up or two different things. Plus Sometimes, when my dad sends me his updates, like I have a special email rule and all the filters steer his email to special folder so I can read them. Well, apparently that folder was out of view in my browser, little too low. I couldn't see it, so I didn't know it's collecting emails. And then, in classic dad mode, he starts going after me like, Oh, so you're not answering me back. Oh you too good for me to that kind of thing. I'm like a fuck, and then of course now I don't want to answer and back because now he's pissed and I haven't done anything except not see his emails. So That's dad.

But you know, like I said, we get along really well, so I appreciate him, but there's not a lot of connection. He's like three hours away and he updates me on his life, you know, a couple times a month. But MOM Nope, don't hear from the kids, don't hear from nephews or answer uncle's or I hear from I have my friend Anica and Louisiana. She checks out money and but she's not my family. So I'm like, wow, what kind of family just turns a person out because they're sick? I don't get it and it's kind of like a chip on my shoulder. So as we go through these podcast you know that's part of the basis of my attitude. Really it's like, what is got such an attitude? Well, fucking Ay, that's why. Why would you feel if you got sick and your whole family just bailed on you and turned on your, all your social circles against you and just made up all kinds of bullshit because they were covering for the fact that you're just you got a mental illness? Kind of goes back to that, that old thing I'm always thinking about,...

...like society loves to harness the power of mania in bipolar people. Whenever we're on, we're super productive, funny, charming. Oh yeah, left the Party, Oh does all this great work, Super Smart. That of that right. And but then the moment you get depressed, when the moment you hit that other side, it's Overman, they're fucking out the door. Didn't even know you can't remember your name. That's pretty fucked up. So sorry for the salty language, but you know, fucked up thing is. fucked up is not only way to say it. That's a it's probably fresh in my mind because that my last job. I was, you know, doing really well On my Med's. Everything was balanced and kicking ass, and of course they're taking advantage of that, of that talent, and then got sick, got depressed, fell into a deep, deep cavern. Nobody called me, nobody reached out. The whole thing was like a sham because the...

...company was like full of millennials and preached of humanity and connectedness and community, but the moment you get sick, they turn their back on you, and I found that to be true with most folks in life. So I'm not just blaming a tech company or my family, but seemed like society in general. So is that valid or am I just wasting time? That's the big question. Right. It probably is valid and it is a waste of time. So, you know, some days old things come up, a facebook post you don't know what's going to hit you. But then it kind of just triggers all these thoughts and feelings and emotions that you just can't contain. Fortunately, you know you you plow along, and that's a good thing about having a job that you kind of know how to do in a comfortable with it keeps you focused and keeps you structured and thank God today, this week, this month, I'm functioning enough to have a job because sometimes, you...

...know, I don't know what I would do without that structure. I'm pretty good at creating my own but man, but I'm super depressed. There's no structure there, just nothing's just dark. You just crawl out of bed, barely if you can, and get a drink of water, parched, crawl back in bed. It's as miserable as people think. So yeah, that's that. Who knows what tomorrow brings, but I wanted to bring up a couple of helpful people. Hold on, let me grab my so the twitter thing is like working out pretty cool this time. I've done other podcast that weren't as twitter friendly, I guess, and this one people are digging it, I guess, because maybe the focus is so tight on bipolar anyway. So I check the leaderboard. If you want to go check it out yourself, you can go to bipolar stylecom leaderboard. And I see Diane Harwood is...

...sharing again. Oh and today was her first day doing a podcast, so it's going to be neat to hear how that went. I'm excited for her. Number two, I am in Radio Online. They've done a lot, like hmm, twenty six earned capital points word, while Studio Shimoy is still up top and my friend Mel from Mexico is there too. So Hey, malt what's going on? And then one super exciting thing. I'm such a doric sometimes, happened right before I came on, while I was going through my twitter feed and, like I'm always trying to share uplifting kind of entertainment options for people with bipolar that are relevant, and one of the things I shared about was Maria Bamford's show, lady dynamite, and she's also got a new special called big baby or adult baby or something like that. Either way, they're both hell of funny and I was just telling people, yeah, you should totally watch that because it's funny, it's and she has bipolar, so that's makes it extra cool and then she replied, so I'm like,...

...yeah, that's awesome. Some like a super fan boy apparently, and I didn't even know it. So thanks, Maria Bamford, for replying humbly. Yours, Johnny emotions, what do you think about politics? I hate them, but they're everywhere. HMM, like every smart person I know is on a very specific side of politics in America and probably a similar side of politics in other parts of the world. And I rage in politics in my johnny motions account on twitter, but I'm trying to keep it off of the bipolar style account and it just wanted to double check. Is that like? Does that seem right? Should to keep politics out of the bipolar stream? Yeah, okay, HMM, okay, no politics for now. I'll try. I'll do my best. So okay, we should get out of here,...

...even though we're not going to be able to play like a cool song. That encapsulates today's episode. You know, the episode still shouldn't go too long. It just really checking in with you guys, because I don't like have anybody to check in with them, and you're totally welcome to check in with me, so if you need that. The I can't hear you like, necessarily, but let's set up a skype. Go to sign up at bipolar stylecom, click the check box that says I want to be on the podcast, and then I will hit you up directly. That'll be me calling you and we'll put it together have a cool conversation. So I look forward to that. It's about time for the alarm to ring here. Listen for that. It's the old time you tell a phone alarm like just pretending somebody's calling me, like my mom. Yep, that's it. It's as long as I'm going to do it. I'm going to podcast for four hours, like Joe Rogan. I don't understand why people would listen for four hours. We...

...could pack a lot into fifteen minutes right. And I need to do this daily. It's kind of like a daily, you know, confessional, something like that. It's helpful for me. So either people like it or they don't like it, but I'll try to be connective to all those that are helping out. So again, check out the leaderboard by polar stylecom. Last leaderboard. Sign up to the email list to get on the PODCAST. Will have more conversations, not using HMM, like unauthorized music anymore, but we've got our own better music. And that's about it for today. To go to work for a couple days and we'll check in, say midweek. Cool, cool, all right. On behalf of me myself and I it's Johnny Emotions for bipolar style. Take care by.

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