Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 2 years ago

Crossover: A Look Inside A Manic Mind | Author Brett Stevens discusses his new book

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

First-time author, and five-star Amazon-rated storyteller Brett Stevens opens up about his personal journey toward his own “Bipolar Style” and reads from his seriously—riveting new book featuring vignettes of the various outbursts he recalls with rich detail.

So many people with mania can relate to his stories, and will appreciate this discussion about how his new book, 'Crossover: A Look Inside A Manic Mind' came into existence, and his inspiring plans for the future.

[• COLD OPENING] Via Skype: Brett reads the opening “pizza parlor” story over music from Twenty One Pilots + MUTEMATH (“Heathens remix”)

• CLOSING MUSIC: "Party Up (Up In Here)” — The great DMX

• Buy 'Crossover: A Look Inside A Manic Mind': http://bit.ly/bipolar_crossover_book
• Sign up for Brett's email list: https://www.insideamanicmind.com/
• Email: john@bipolarstyle.com
• Public Voice Message: (337) 944-9333

Steak for everybody. Shut the fuckup. I've had enough of you all talking behind my back, I screamed, looking out of a public crowd having lunch that day at a pack pizzashop in Texas. Shut the fuck up, I yelled even louder, as loudas I could. The place one silent, except for twenty one pileof heathens playing on the pop station in the background. Please don't make anysudden moves. You don't know the half of the abuse. I had thecrowds attention by foot eight, white skinned, black hair, strong build, lightbeard. I was wearing shorts, Nike shoes and a soft tshirt thatwas a gift for my mom this time last year. I looked around andsaw nervous college students, fathers ready to protect their wise and young children,and restaurant staff looking for the closest phone to call nine, one one.I took a deep breath, enjoying the peace and quiet that had the existedin my world for the last week. They beam of sunshine shed through thewindow, lanning directly into my eyes. I've served you well, haven't I? God then a brave man about my height, Chubby and friendly, joinme in the spotlight. Hey Man, you all right? Let's take awalk outside. He represented everything I was going to change about the world,this fat, fake world. Then his face transformed, teeth growing into fastas eyes widening, voice deepening, all the spectators disappeared. He put hishand on my shoulder and, in a deep voice, felt it out.Come on, man, there are kids here. I pulled the letters thatI need to unscramble and the words hear me let up in the sky.This is your world, Brett. You are my son. Now go takeit. Then I was back in the pizza place with the crowd of insignificantmortals. I looked at the man's hand on my shoulder and thrust my armsforward with perfectly utilized force, knocking him back over the table behind him.A chair shifted, and so we're dinged on the floor. A Woman Shriek, kids cried. Now about thirty men stood up ready to physically remove mefrom the premises, fifteen of them standing in front of the exit. Godshowed me an image of myself as a high school basketball player, running sprintafter sprint to motivate me to escape. I got low and charged forward towardsthe door with the crowd of wasn't even there. I was met by punches, name calling, kick his ass and the loud rip of my shirt,who are all looking for the same result, getting me out of the restaurant.Eventually, our combined force knocked me out of the front door and ontothe street. I stood up like nothing at half and then went about myday with a rip shirt, enjoying the sunlight, available to answer work emailsif needed, excited for a blind date that I had planned that evening and, most of all, ready to accept the next challenge that God had instore for me. And out it's online Ad Bible. This stylecoms with Biblestyle. What you've just been listening to is it excerpt from the new bookcrossover by Brett Stevens, as read by Brett Stevens. So today I'm honoredto have, via skype, Brett Stevens. Welcome, Brett, thanks for beingon the show. Thank you very much, glad to be here.Your book is excellent, the parts I've read so far. For the Listener, please look up Brett's book. What's your website again? A manic somethinginside a manic mindcom that's it. Go to inside a manic mindcom. Infact, pause this podcast and go do that right now. Inside a manicmindcom. Put in your email address and Brett will send you a sample ofhis book. You can also go on Amazon. I'll put a link downin the notes, and look at all those five star ratings for this book. It's incredible. So, like I said, I'm honored to have youhere and I'm really proud of you for...

...completing an actual book and having itpublished. You're actually an author, man, congrats. Thanks. Thanks, Dra. Feels pretty good. Yeah, right, how man, a lotof people want to write books. A lot of people have bipolar. Thatthose two hardly ever connect and both are difficult living, living with bipolar andwriting a book. Book. So how did you come to to put thebook together? Yeah, so the book started as more of like a fairtherapeutic exercise, which I think is pretty common when you are diagnosed with aserious illness. Writing down your thoughts, journaling, is definitely a very positiveactivity to do and honestly, I've never really been a writer before this happenedand I just found that I was enjoying it and getting a little deeper intomy stories and finding ways to connect and, you know, create more of whatactually happens in my life. And I think the biggest thing that hadme continue with the writing was I told some of these stories verbally to somevery close family members that had no idea that this is what it was like, and as I read them what I wrote, you know, it becamevery evident that it was kind of shocking to them. So I figured ifI can continue to write this and kind of make it to the end,it might be able to help other people. Definitely, and storytelling is one thing, but the way you present your stories, I think, is extraordinary. I read tons, a real lot and I have lots of stories ofmy own, and so it's one thing to say, dude, I wasin the pizza parlor and I fucking went off and I just bolted out thedoor. Done right, but you color your stories with so much rich detailthat it's really a treat to that to not only to read but to kindof just envision. You can really feel like you're in that situation into anybodythat suffers with the bipolar impairment will have a lot of empathy for your storiesand probably see themselves in a lot of these stories. So that's why Ithought you would be perfect for a show like this, because, you know, that's what it's all about, is showing the rest of the world thatwe are definitely fund we can function right, we can function. We just havea bit more highs and more lows than the average person. So readingthat pizza parlor story in particular, it just really stood out to me.The softest of the t shirt, the you know, the description of thekid you bump down. How many people were there blocking your exit, evenwhen you wanted to exit yourself. The whole scenario just really resonated with me. And you said you had not written before, I mean aside from like, you know, high school or college writing. Yeah, and it justkind of float out. There weren't too many edits and I'm glad you gotthat kind of experience because really that's what most of the sections in the bookthey cover. You know, that's the opening and it's it's intense, butyou'll see as the episode is rammed up there's, you know, dirty passagesthat are very similar in different situation, and I'm just glad that you know, you took something from that. Yeah, definitely, and the baseball one,I like that a lot when you first discovered you had asthma by wayof getting, you know, dust kicked down your throat. We're at Bat. That sounds miserable, but again, you know, not having suffered fromasthma, I started to really feel like, oh, that must be that mustsuck, and I really felt like you'd conveyed your thought very accurately.And I think a real cool thing about books like yours. Again, we'retalking to Brett Stevens. His new book is Crossover. It's available on Amazonand probably many other places. So when I read a book like yours,I think it's even more critical for friends and family of bipolar sufferers to readbooks like this, because then they start to understand that, you know,we can function, we can be on...

...podcast, we can write books,we can, you know, do all of these things. But when youread the intensity of some of these stories, I think a lay person would finallystart to understand that there's like there's a different thing happening here, butit's not permanent, you know. Like I think bipolar people get classified inthe same way as maybe schizophrenic people or something, and people just think we'rewhacka do all the time. So I think showing your book in kind ofcontrasting your stories then to your presentation now, for example, I think it's reallypowerful, not to just bipolar sufferers but to friends and family as well. Yeah, and I think too, it's the the opposite is true.So, you know, we can be perceived as wacky or crazy or dangerous, or on the other end it's Oh, you know you're you're getting frustrated,or you know you're really sad, like your you know your mood hasbeen up and down. Or if someone kind of like has a natural,healthy reaction, emotional reaction of something, it's you must be bipolar or orI'm feeling bipolar today. You know that that's just not how it works,and I honestly would not have known that until I was diagnosed. I tookabnormal psych in college and read about bipolar and had, you know, reallyI knew the definition, but that was about it. So it's definitely,you know, an example of how intense and rammed up my experience was.But then you also see how that similar energy was very helpful in business andin professional poker and in basketball to be successful. So I you know,I can't really complain too much and I'm learning how to manage it and,you know, hoping to have this balance and keep this to bility I havenow, you know, for a very long time. Yeah, now thatyou're diagnosed and you can kind of identify the feelings and emotions that are involvedwith bipolar, like I always like in depression, to a big dark,black oily tsunami coming at me. You could see it coming to distance,I feel it, it's almost here. Shit, I'm in it. Sothe different ways to describe that. But in Hind sights, how how earlydo you think you had bipolar? Do you think you were born with it? Do you think it developed as a child like so, what are thefeelings you felt back then that you might now ascribe to bipolar disorder? Sure? Well, I'm very lucky to have had, you know, two greatparents, great family, very good resources growing up, and so really Ican only speak to my experience, which, you know, I had a veryhealthy childhood. There was a lot of competitiveness, but between my brothersand I I did get very angry yet times. I was able to putthat into basketball as an outlet and it really wasn't until college where I evenhad any consideration of what depression was or being manic. It wasn't. Noneof that was happening until my first episode, and that's where I learned that somethingwas off in my brain. I didn't necessarily have depression or I wasn'table to see the depression coming. But what happens, at least with me, is I have these very high highs and then I have a very eighteenmonth period of depression to kind of remain stable. So I can honestly sayI didn't really see any warning signs until college and then, you know,I've had three total episodes and it took the third one to officially become diagnosed. So my episodes kind of came and went without too much reflection or understandingabout what was mania know, what was depression, what happened? It wasmore just like, okay, I kind of overcame that and I'm just goingto move off my life now. And it wasn't until I officially got thediagnosis and had just a major episode really, you know, living it at somewhathealthy life, besides just being a little bit isolating stressed from work,that's when I really started to understand more...

...what it's about and really this bookis my reflection and you won't see too much depression or, you know,there's not a lot of description about those, you know, qualities of bipolar throughoutmy childhood, which I write about, but you do really see them,you know, during episodes and during recovery. That's that's a good point. Like not too many people does not too many great stories into the depressionside of things. I mean, I laid in bed for three weeks andshut all the blinds. That would be my story and anybody the depression understandsthat. In fact, it's hard to to me. It would be almostimpossible to write about depression while in the throes of depression, except for maybejust complaining or whining on twitter or something that nobody loves me, something likethat. Do you or can you share the details of, say, yourfirst episode, let's say, like what was the first thing that happened thatmade you think I got to get this checked out? Well, unfortunately itdidn't quite go that way for me and any of my episodes. One ofthe hardest things, well, but I go through is I have a zeroawareness of it's happening or it's ramping up or anything like that. So I'min school and I'm hearing messages from birds. I'm really, you know, tryingto envision other people's perspectives and I'm looking at all of my college,you know, peers and students and seeing them in different ways. I'm thinkingabout I'm thinking that the professors are talking about me, and I'm not sleeping. I'm working out, you know, throughout the middle of the night,and my brother visited, thank God. He know that something was was off, which led to me being very confused about why I was leaving school,why I'm walking into a psych ward. I didn't I was excited to goto the psych word because I thought it was some and you know. SoI was lucky my brother brought me into that episode after, you know,about a week of just intense, you know, vivid delusions, hallucinations,all described in the book, and that that's for kind of like the firstepisode. I also go into detail what it's like to be in the hospitalthree separate times and, you know, coming from a, you know,middle class over very good family, to then, you know, my roomin the hospital has tried to hang himself or I won't you know, Iwas going to straight jacket and just things like that. So that's what Ifound. You know, take apart aside from the at the trauma that yougo through, what I actually find interesting about the story is how could thisperson who lived a pretty normal high school life, you know, had friends, brothers, whatever, captain the basketball team, you know, a yearlater I'm in a straightjackt in the hospital, you know, and those were themain drivers and me writing this, I had to kind of like walkthrough went from my childhood to these very dangerous places that I experienced from frombeing manic. Yeah, yeah, I'm glad you did. I glad.I'm glad you took the time, because what you're saying, I'm sure wewasn't it with lots of people, because you're right, sometimes it just sneaksup on you. Don't really have a you don't have any experience or anythingto relate it to. So you don't know. You've heard the term bipolar, you've heard people use loose terms like crazy or whatever, but I thinkwhen I first first hit me I really felt like I was losing my mindand I didn't have a word for it. I just I ended up in heremergency psych ward. Maybe like you and I'm I just told the doctorsthat I just fucking feel crazy. I just I'm out of it. Youknow, they start to go through all the how are you sleeping? Thatat all? That, all that stuff. So it is a learning process andkind of like you, I'd hoped the psych ward might have been likeof some kind of panacey. I like yeah, finally help. No,it wasn't like that at all. For me, it felt and it's stilldoes when I'm having a critical episode.

I've almost swear that the doctor's amMo is just a bore me enough to leave. They're like put him inthe way to hear for like six hours. He'll get over it, and youknow, sometimes I fucking do, because if you're in the waiting roomat a psyche emergency, you know unit in a major city, you're goingto want, you don't want to leave, because there are not like mental illnessas a contest, but there are some seriously fucked up people in theemergency psyche wards. So it often feels weird as a person that can typicallyfunction except for, you know, occasional episodes, it feels strange to bein a waiting room looking through the glass at what appears to be the CUCKOO'snest. So yeah, I'm glad you stuck it through. Did you feelwhen you got diagnosed finally, after the third episode? Did that label helpyou? Did you feel like okay, cool, have an answer, ordo you think it stigmatized you? I ad help me and I I'll arelike my first thought was fear. Okay, I have this thing. I didn'tknow anything about it. Try to learn side effects of medication. Youknow, you have doctors saying you're taking medicine the rest of your life.Now you know, and I'm very compliant. I mean I resisted and was verydefensive when I was manic and being taken involuntarily, and it is Hossboexperiences. But once I knew what was going on, it's like, okay, tell me what I have to do. You know, I know, Iunderstand, there's no guarantees. I understand all this stuff, but youknow, I'm going to do what you tell me to do because you're theprofessional. And once I got into a routine, I almost I don't wantto say that my pore is good in any way, but I just startedto feel like this is part of me and I'm going to live with itand I'm going to have a happy life with it and I'm just going todo everything I can and I'm going to accept the Times that it's dangerous orwhatever happens. You know, I can't control that. But I did seeit as like, what the Hell is this? What do I have todo? This is scary. You know, if I get a ache in myleg, is that for medicine? You know, I have to reallyunderstand my body and what's happening with medication and and you know, I've againI'm good doctor, so that I'm thankful for that too. But once youget that squared away, it becomes like like I can write my own futureand and I'm I really don't really, you know, see it. Asyou know, my other's a cloud over my life now and I can't live. I'm I'm looking at it positively, like without it I wouldn't been ableto write this book or really understand some of these things. And you know, it's there's a lot of positives that comes with being able to talk aboutyour experiences and just use it, you know, use it and take valuefrom it. That's kind of my goal. Yeah, I agree. I feltthe same way and in many ways I felt like my diagnosis was moreof a road map, like what for where? Earlier, before I wasdiagnosed, I didn't know where to go, like I was driving around all overleft, right, up, down. Once you have a diagnosis, atleast you have especially in the nowadays, with the Internet, you could justgo see what other people are doing to help themselves, and it doesprovide a lot of clarity. That said, I don't go around sharing with everybodyI meet. Hey, I've got bipolar and clearly I don't use likea stage name on the podcast and things like that, because I still haveto work and stigma is real and damnaging, of course, but I always likenedit to I mean, like you see pair of Para Olympic athletes thatare missing limbs. I mean they know they're missing a limb and they couldeither sit and do nothing or they could continue to live their life as bestas they can and sue to that end. Like you said, just embracing whatwe have, using the diagnosis as a roadmap and moving forward, Ithink is such a critical part of the healing process of any mental illness.So I really applaud you for that especially...

...than now when you're I noticed you. So you grew up with the older any younger brother? You're the MiddleChild. Yeah, to I don't want to talk out of turn, buthave your brother's experience any kind of mental impairments? They have any anything similarto bipolar at all? Now they're both perfect. Well, they they don't. They haven't had to deal with, you know, mental honess in thisway. But you know, they I'm they're very supportive and yeah, weall played on the same basketball corps and compedate our whole lives with the sameyou know, no one there was no disability. We were playing and beatingeach other up. Yeah, that. Yeah, I guess I'm the onethat had to experience these things and they've been supportive. So it's almost feelslike, you know, obviously we're not all going through it, but they'rethere for me if I need them and you know, I definitely feel likeI have people to lean on, which makes it easier for sure. Forthat is so great. It's so nice to hear when I when I hearstories of sufferers, or people with bipolar, whatever you want to call them,having a tight knit support circle, and they've been there since before,since the before time, you know. So they really know you, theyknow the core of you as a person and I'm sure they see is justthe thing. And of course I mean personally speaking. I would much ratherhave heard that, sir, you have bipolar disordered than you have cancer andyou're going to die of pancreatic cancer and it's six months or something like that. You know. So right there was definitely, of all the diagnosis wecould have had, bipolar was not bad, because I'm like, well, there'sparts of this I could actually embrace. I'm a creative person. Sometimes theHYPO mania, when I'm still functioning and not quite totally spun off therack, I do lots of great creative work. That's a same fact.Most of my life has been Oh, here comes to Hypomania. Let mego earn a bunch of money right quick before I get depressed, for ayear ago broke. So it's this up and down and up and down andup and down, but knowing that it's not cancer, it's not diabetes,it's just bipolar in my mind. I don't want to diminish it to thelistener or anybody new, because I know people that are new league diagnosed orare often very sensitive about it, and you know we understand. I justdon't want you to think we don't. But there are some things within thespectrum of bipolar that are useful when you're trying to be productive. Yeah,and I find it really interesting and I think what separates it from, youknow, a sickness or something that only makes you feel worse or takes yourenergy. I mean there's a lot of places where you have bipolar to sortof nobody knows it and you're actually performing very well and you can't see it. So I think I just think that's like a definitely like a factor thatthat I find interesting is you just wonder, here's here's a basketball team brought ourcasts, you know, defensive player of the year and the NBA Aand and you don't nobody knows these bipolar out there. You know some ofthese entertainers there there bipolar, and it just shows you that it does allowthere's no limitation, you know, if you can get it under order.And it just seems like if you can can find that that part of ita special it can actually kind of why you to find success somewhere. AndI don't want to generalize, but that's just what I've seen, what I'veexperienced personally. Yeah, same here. When I would go to peer topeer support groups, like the depression and bipolar support lions. DBSA has peerto peer support groups. Sometimes I would go on a certain night and almosteverybody there was simply depressed, like unipolar depression, not bipolar at all.I don't want to say simply to press...

...because depression is fucking miserable, butI would get in that group and I'm like Ah, these people don't getme that. I got to find a different group now. So there's somebenefit to that. The mania, the hyperactivity, the just general kinetic activityin the mind, and so yeah, I would have. Yeah, Iguess if I had to choose between bipolar and general depression, I would pickbi polar. It sounds like a weird thing to say and I don't wantto imply that hey bipolars from at all because the depressions miserable and a lotof times I'm depressed and manic at the same time, in a mixed state, which is super fuck because I always likened it to like well, I'mdepressed enough to kill myself and I have the energy to go do it right, so that that's just miserable. Tell me about your other hobbies. LikeI noticed in the book you mentioned music a lot. Do you do musicor like what's what's the how do you function in life like, aside fromrunning the book? What do you do? Yeah, I mean I love Ilove music. I don't play any music, but I just always haveit on. I'm very into like hiphop, but I like most, most othermusic as well. I play Amateur Chess, so I play a lotof a lot of chests and I compete once a month for like a teamin my city. And then, I think you know, I know oneto texts hold them with something I played for fun during my childhood, butI really got some good advice and was able to do that as my careerfor a few years. So I definitely enjoy poker and I like teaching pokerand training on poker as well. So so generally, you know, I'vehad I've never had a job for more than three years the same time,and I had a really good experience working for some some gyms and for astartup that did really well. So I'm just trying to apply my energy andto whatever it is and kind of pick it up. So right now,you know, I play poker as a hobby, at play chess is ahobby and I run a small real estate company and I'm just, you know, son some time on this book and I'm actually getting certified and mental healthfirst aid in about a month so that I can hopefully teach some things andactually learned thanks, not just like on the job can buy poor experience,which is very dangerous. Yeah, I when I want to learn. Youknow, what are the essential things that people can take away instead of justmy story that is unique to me? That's great. I love that.Well, and I don't want to put too much emphasis on the listener tobe productive. I mean I kind of have issues with capitalism in general.I don't mean it was like, Oh, you got to be productive. Why? Why? If we don't have to? Why? But I likethat you are productive and I like the way you are doing it. Youdo it similar to the way I've finally discovered his best and that's having ahandful of things you're really good at that you could switch between almost not dependingon your mood. You don't want to like change jobs every two weeks orwhatever. That's not what I'm saying, but to be able to both havea kind of an intellectual and creative outlet. You are self controlled schedule, likeit sounds like you can. You can control your schedule to some extent, being self employed, being an entrepreneur. I think that's critical for people thathave, let's call it functional impairments, because the pressure of trying to fitinto society with the forty hour a week job, showing up and havinga boss that doesn't understand you or co workers that wonder why you're always getto call in sick or anything like that, that adds a whole different layer ofstress. So I'm glad that you brought up the fact that you areyou are productive again, not not that that's everything in the life, butit is important because I think it makes you feel good, makes you feellike increases your esteem. It feels like you can sustain yourself if everything elsewent to crap. Yeah, just, yeah, I think to you know, I was going to say just in terms of recovery and stability in general. To I think there's a way to...

...view your recovery is something that youcan be productive towards, for your own benefit. And what I mean bythat is, you know, I do a morning routine, you know,med page, stretch, reading exercises, medicine, healthy breakfast. You know, afternoon is medicine and bringing exercise and nighttime is breathing actually medicine. Andlike those are things that don't take way along and anybody can do them andit's a hundred percent. Is Noticeable, like I can tell when I'm flackinga little bit versus when I'm doing it, and I think if you know,if nothing else, and I'm trying to be careful, like I thinkI would hope. I would hope to be able to send the message outthat, like, medicine is definitely working for me and doing these activities isdefinitely working for me and you know, I feel like they are doable byanybody and so that you know, having discipline and being productive in those areas. I've definitely found a lot of success in my recovery. And you stilllook at your count for you you have time and you know work is definitelysomething that needs to happen, but I think you know you take fifteen minutesin the morning every single day or you know when you can, you seeresults and you know that is fully in your control. You know when you'reup for it and if you see the value in it. So that's definitelysomething you'll kind of like being productive in your own recovery, like I foundthat to be yeah, yeah, definitely that's important. Yeah, just andto be active, to be engaged in your recovery. And I get yourpoint. A lot of times I'm somewhat flippant, especially on twitter, andI forget that I don't have to say the whole message, like, forexample, what you just said about healthy eating and exercise and things like that. That is so critical. But if you would only say that to aperson that's suffering, they would just probably snap back and say, you know, exercize and Water is not going to cure my mental illness. Like,we get it. That's not what we're saying. We're saying that it willdefinitely help in addition to your medicine. I can say to like my recoveriesare pretty unique, like I go way up and then I go way downand then I have a consistent eighteen month recovery. So for me it's probablya little easier to build my schedule back and add these things and see overtime, because I'm not constantly going up and down right in there too,like I'm tailoring. It works for me and I think I'm at an advantagein that way because I have these consistent, you know, slow inclines and that, you know, that's where this came from, this style. Yeah, and it's true, and we can we've both kind of hit on this. Similarly, everybody situation is completely different, completely unique, and it often takesnot weeks or months but years, literally, year after year after year, before you start to detect these patterns. And once, once you do detectthem, then you can manage them a lot easier and you start tofeel a lot more comfortable with them. So, yeah, I think that'sa critical point, just starting to just pay attention to your own cycles orpatterns or I'm not sure the best or the medicinal or clinical way to saythat, but just you letting it be and not freaking out, not panickingabout the fact that you're having an episode, especially once you've been diagnosed. Excuseme, once you've been diagnosed, you kind of know what it is. You know you're not going to die of that. Specifically, you mightbecome suicidal, but you're not going to just die of bipolar like cancer,going back to that morbid example. So yeah, so you have you havesome option, one like it. There's choice of an option eventually. Yeah, and and not to not suicidality. That's fucking ridiculous as well. Ijust get so bad there. I've been there so many times and the momentI pull back from it, I'm like how, why did I get howdid it get that bad? Yeah, it's inexplicable. So to the listener, we know there are times when you're suffering. In fact, if thisis one of those times, I'm just like, well, just take itfive minutes at a time. It doesn't...

...have to be an hour at atime. Doesn't even have to. People say just take it one day ata time. I'm like, I don't know if I'll be alive by sundown. So it's really important just to sit your standards and put your goals,measure your goals in little chunks that you can actually accomplish. So you know, like you said, breathing, that's so critical. It's one of thethings I suck at because I get hyper, I get excited, I want todo at all that and then before I know I'm like I got breathe, that's right. So focusing and making time to breathe. I'm sure there'slots of APPs. People put it on their watch and things like that.So, yeah, breathing is critical, probably more important than and I don'tmean that like the you need air, but I mean like concentrated breathing,deep breathing, making space for your mind in that moment while you're breathing.I think it's a bigger deal than most people give considerations. You right now, right, I can eatier when then some of the other way to geta win. Yeah, it's it's weird too, because even if you're deaddepressed laying in bed, sometimes I'm like, I can't get into the breathing thingright now. I'm just going to roll over here for just sleeping therest of the week. Yeah, yeah, now, I get that. Totallyget that. Yeah, it's hard. No kidding, it's hard, butI'm glad you put it all together, since this book, I think,will really establish you as as a true author. Do you have plansto write more in the future, after you collect more stories, or onceyou get certified as a mental health first age you do, you like towrite enough to write another book. So I started writing a little bit more. I wrote about a hundred pages of kind of some sort of recovery orwhat I'm doing now, and I kind of the interesting thing about writing forme is going to that place where I'm in the scene and thinking about what'sgoing on. So fortunately I've been in a very healthy place for a deepprobably about a year since I got things organized, and so I haven't hadthose like moments where I'm like, I want to dig back into when Iwas so depressed and what I was thinking and feeling and seeing, and soI wrote about a hundred pages. Very it's more of like a light typeof self help thing. What I found was I might just that might justbe better as a social media or, you know, some encouraging types ofthings I can put online. I'm kind of pick and choosing from that andI have, you know, a unfortunate hopefully I don't have to write anymore. I'm daring to say right I think it would take something like that forme to really, you know, feel worth it to get back in there. But but yeah, I absolutely want to learn more and I think,as I learned more it might not be as entertaining and interesting writing, buthopefully helpful. That brings up something else I noticed in your bio. Sowhen you write in very descriptive terms, there's a word you use for conditionyou have that lets you recall things with explicit detail. You want to talkabout that real quick sure. It's called Hypernesia. I didn't know as athing until I let my doctor actually read the manuscript or yeah, before Iwas even published, and she looked at up and determined like that I havethat and essentially it just allows me to recall very specific things in grades duringtimes of Trauma. So, like you said before, you not a lotof people with bipolar writing books about, I mean mature their song. Butwhat I try to do was just give you that experience and pull out from, I guess, that ability that I have to tell a wow you towalk through it with me, the danger, the music, that the highs,the looes. So having that condition, it just allows me to recall thingsin great detail and I think I've read a bunch of books on mypoor. I think that is what I...

...thought makes this book unique compared tothe other ones that I've read. Yeah, and so that. Yeah, that'scalled Hypernesia. Yeah, I think so too, and I think it'swhat made reading those little vignettes of your stories much more engrossing and in Ikind of need that for me when I read fiction or nonfiction of the biographytype stories, I need that detail, otherwise it just gets kind of dry. So I thought that was really cool and I couldn't I started think,because I think that way too. But then I start to wonder, isthat just my creative brain kicking in and making up stuff? But I'm like, now, let me check. So I'd asked friends or family about oldstories and they're like, yeah, that's totally what happened. How do youremember that? I like, I don't know. How do you not rememberit? So I just now I think it's super valuable as a creative writerto have that skill. So I encourage you to keep writing, whatever itis like, even if it's not your story, just to to keep thatmuscle flex so to speak. Sure. So what? How can people helpyou, aside from buying your book? Obviously, again we're talking to weretalking to Brett Stevens. He wrote the Book Crossover. It's brand new.It's up on Amazon. Lots of five star reviews. Link is in thenotes below. So, aside from buying your book and kind of shedding somelight on to the society about bipolar, how can people that hear this helpyou or find you or communicate with you shorter? So you can definitely youcan email me directly. My it's just be a Stevens for a to agmailcom. We have a website like you mentioned before, inside Amantic mindcom.We're on facebook crossoverlooking sidemanic mine and then instagram and twitter crossover, underscore bookand then rest Stevens on Linkedin. But I think the one of the thingsthat I think that this could be actually helpful for, instead of just beinga broad story, is if if you're a medical professional or a teacher tryingto help a student or a patient or family member understand what mania is orwhat a ramp up to a manic episode, what is it like to be insideof a hospital? A few people that I've handed it to that arein that that field have shown it to patients and have been able to explainthings in plain terms, not medical language, that that has been helpful. SoI think if you know, if you anyone who is interested in kindof actually using it as a resource to walk through an example with someone thatmight need it. I think that's been the biggest thing. So other thanthat, I mean I'm just going to I'm going to get certified and mentalfirst aid. I'm going to really, really have a lot of learning todo to figure out really how I can help in the way that I'm goingto be able to help in. So just communicate with me and I'll tryto keep everyone posted on what I'm doing. And then, you know, thegoal here is for me, first it's going to be to teach familymembers and friends how to deal with someone who is going through an episode orhow to get ahead of it, and that's going to be my first goal. I want to just keep it to that so that I can kind ofgo from there and see see where that can be valuable next. That's greatpoints, specially the point about medical professionals trying to reach for examples to sharewith their new patients. Reach no further. You've got some free research right here, the books called Crossover. When you see all the random books onAmazon or whatnot, look forward. Looks like a kind of a gray cementcolor background with the bright pair of Red Converse on the front. That's thecorrect book. That's Brett's book crossover. Look through it, scan through andit's a great kind of book because you can flip through it and jump toa different story, to a different story. I don't think it has necessarily beread in chronological order. My correct. I think it's meant to be inchronological order, but you can definitely...

...get get the meat of it byswipping through. Yeah, just kind of suck it books, but I'd Ilove them, but I like I'd tip typically jump around and I found thatto be easy for me as well in yours and you can kind of stepthrough it. Yeah, the section were written like when I ran out ofenergy that day. That's that's when the section ended. It only goes asfar as my attention band can take me for their relatively short section. Ilike that fair. It's perfect. It's not necessarily sort of they're like theperfect amount of digestible storytelling. I think, and especially coming from a manic perspective, it's so critical to get that out there and again reflecting your stories, with hearing your voice on a show like this, I think people startto get the idea that, oh, bipolar, is it what I thoughtit was? They're not flame and lunatics. They they just have episodes, andto experience what our episodes look like. That's the thing right there. Golook at those and, honestly, if you see somebody tripping out inpublic, maybe don't be such an asshole to that person. Do your best, like like the Chubby guy at the pizza parlor. Just do your bestto satisfy the situation. Yeah, and that's thing. Yeah, I mean, and for sure. Well, I think we've all been there and,especially upon hindsight, we can see that we were the instigator and some ofthat. But just the same, I've seen plenty of instances where somebody's kindof a little in need, I guess, in public and they're clearly suffering ofsomething. So I would hope that the public would read stories like yoursand understand that, oh, he's just having an episode, like if yousee a person flopping around with epilepsy. You know, if you known peoplewith epilepsy, they say we'll give him some space, you know, makesure it hurt his head or that kind of thing. There's certain things youcan do to help a person having an episode, tackling them, rushing them, blocking them from escape, that's not going to help. So I thinkby reading your stories, the average lay person will be able to better understandbipolar disorder in general and maybe even help in a specific instance in the future. So that's that's fucking great man. Thank you. Yeah, so we'llclose it out and we were talking earlier about a lot of people just dropoff after about twenty, twenty five minutes, so I don't want to go toolong for the listener. I think we've got a bunch of good stuff. Do you feel like you've got enough of your story out so far?Oh yeah, for sure, cool, cool. So Brett and I metvia twitter. We're both on twitter. If you want to follow either ofus, come on along. We're happy to have you and so far asI can tell, we're both very communicative. If you want to reach out toUS personally, go right head. We will respond. So, thatsaid, Brett, I really appreciate your time. Everybody listening. Brett StevensCommon Spelling Book is called Crossover. It's available wherever you buy books. Youshould go get it, read it, share it with some friends or,better yet, have your friends by their own copy. So thanks again,Brett, and I look forward to checking in with you at several months orso. How about that? I'm going to me. Thank you right onman. Well, have a great weekend, you guys in Brett, have ahappy holiday, whichever ones you celebrate. Appreciate you and I look forward totalking to you soon. All right, pame to you who Goggle, makeme go.

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