Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 1 year ago

Destination Unknown: The Past and Future of John Emotions and Bipolar Style

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John talks about the future of Bipolar Style after plenty of time to consider all the things during the covid-19 pandemic and recent protests across America caused by homicidal police forces. Call 1(405) 440-3330 to leave a voicemail for the show.

Hey, hey, it's johnny emotions. Nice to be back with you. I wish you were under better circumstances. I'm fine, but you know, generally the world's kind of screwed up. I wanted to kind of give you an update on what I want todo with the show with this feed here that you're subscribed to. It includesyou and I can definitely use your input, even if you don't want to participatewith the show. So in anyway, let's get started and I'll tell youwhat we're going to do moving forward. All right, it's all in yourhead and now it's online. I'd bipony stylecom yes, Johnny motions withbipones style. You know, life's been really wild lately. I'm sure yourshas. Mine definitely has, and you kind of it's sometimes you think lifeis all planned out ahead of you and you things are going to go asplanned and they just don't. Sometimes you find yourself in completely weird situations thatyou couldn't even imagine six months ago. Even so, that reminded me ofthis song. It's called destination unknown. You know, indulge me here fora minute and listen to ninety twos or so. This is a the midS. missing persons, Destination Unknown. These guys you don't and you gotthe Internet, so even if you're young, you can actually go back and searchbands from this point in time all the way back through history. Soyou can find out new bands anyway and...

...just give me a hard time.It drove me crazy when billy eilish was like I don't know what Van Halenis. That would be like me saying I don't know what Elvis is orsomething. You know, figured how use the Internet. A little salty,but not too bad. Actually, I'm a pretty good mood. Missing personswere a cool new wave band back when things were just crappy. Things wereintense and just wild in the middle s when I was a young kid,we had a president who was trying to be like an authoritarian fascist and thethings were wild. We didn't know really what was going on. Everyone wascalling him like a Nazi Hitler Type Guy, trying to run America his way,just say no to drugs and Church and all this. So that waspretty wild. But ultimately the Berlin Wall came down in Germany and good thingsdid happen. So I kind of like think there's hope now we don't knowwhere we're going moving forward. The destination is unknown, but it's kind ofI don't know, it's interesting to go along for the ride. God blessedthe people have been hurt or worst killed in the past, call it sixmonths, or forever, the case if you're a black person. So myheart goes out to everybody who suffered through, particularly the pandemics and systemic historic racialviolence in America. So I've been doing bipolar style now for a coupleof years, like to maybe two and a half years. Clearly I don'tproduce episodes consistently. It turns out, yeah, it's probably attributable to mymental health condition. Anyway, I'd always called it bipolar style because I've neverbeen sold on the diagnosis. I was thinking it's important to get more thanone diagnosis and I've got many of diagnosis and they conflict offen with each other. So at this point my whole diagnosis I honestly don't know. It's beenbipolar, it's been adhd, it's been straight unit depression, PTSD. HMM, those are the main ones. Just Chin was speaking. Obviously depression andsuch, but man, it's I've tried all the medicines for bipolar. Look. Well, none of those work and I don't really want to get onto depressants for or antidepressants, I mean for a straight depression. So whatdo you do? So I tried the Adhd meds again that he used totry when I was kid. Oh fucking A. Sure enough, those workpretty good. They help me focus, and when I focus and I canget you know, I have clarity about the future, I'm hopeful and thatsort of stuff. So when a person with AH adhd gets focused through theuse of those kind of meds, I inherently become less depressed and it's great. However, like fifty years old.

So adhd meds also give you ahigh blood pressure. So I really have to choose between sticking to a superhardcore diet, which isn't the most fun because I do like sweets down thenand that sort of thing, or taking the meds. So back and forthon that. Not taking any meds right now, but feeling generally pretty good, and I hope you are. Two things have really been nuts. It'skind of strange. I know a lot of people with various mental conditions.You know, I don't want disorders whatever you know, whatever you got,anxieties, depression, that sort of thing, whatever you got. I know lotsof people with these. When the world around them gets chaotic, there'sall this a strange feeling of comfort, because it's almost like the sea dropsdown to your level, or I can't think of a good metaphor for that. But anyway, when things get crazy crazy, people feel normal. That'sa good way to put it. But then I'm a very empathetic person andI really feel badly for people that are in major cities that truly feel likethey've had their liberties taken away from them, like they feel like they've really beenlocked in lockdown, quarantine, can't visit their loved ones. I meanShit, man, I would just talking about a tounament, a tunement.Remember a tunement? The other episode couple ago, if you're binging, probablythree or four episodes ago, I did a show on a tunement, andthat's the need for humans to be in human contact with other humans. Weneed to facial expressions, we need to get a reaction and that sort ofthing, and then all of a sudden a pandemic comes and we're all supposedto sit in our rooms sitting our homes like a box. Just go go, mind your manners, go behave, sit in the box. And thenit became a political thing, like if you follow the rules or you didn'tfollow the rules, or which rules you followed, because at first they said, no, you don't need to wear masks and they said, oh,you should wear gloves. Then it became now you don't need to wear gloves, and then you just Oh, they you should, we should wear masks. And now, like in England, right up to now, you youcan't have sex with somebody you don't live with and they're recommending that you wearmasks while you have sex. So it becomes really intrusive into people's thoughts really. So I feel bad for people who live in big cities and and thatsort of thing, because I have largely avoided that. If you'll recall,I went from San Francisco, from downtown to Los Angeles and then across toShreveport, Louisiana, lasts about a year and a half ago, and afterthat I went south, deep south, to almost the bottom of America,and I was hiding out a little town...

...of maybe tenzero people. So itwas really small and these tenzero people were spread out over, you know,miles, so they naturally had social distance amongst themselves. And more recently I'vemoved north, so now I'm straight DAB in the middle of America and thingsare pretty chill here, like, I don't know, nobody's really lost theirmind, and I'm not saying that derisively, I'm just saying it like, fromwhat I see as an outside or when I see people that live incrowded cities, port cities or you know, places where they generally have more diseaseanyhow. So not blaming anybody and I'm not certainly not putting you downfor your reaction to the chaos around us. I'm just saying it hasn't really affectedme that much. So if you're wondering, I wonder how that onedude on that podcast doing all. I'm fucking fine. Honestly. I wishI could share some of this feeling of being and fine with those who don'tfeel fine. Honestly, gotta here. Have some more, have some more. I feel fine. With regards to pandemics and race rites right now,I have a long history of protesting in the streets and let's just say absolutelydo not support fascism. I guess you would say I'm anti fascist. Thatsaid, I don't want to get into politics today. I just want tosay that I hope you're okay. Things will get better in the future.They can't stay this way forever. They won't stay this way forever. We, you know, there are more of us than there are of them,and when I say us, I mean the people. There are more civiliansthan there are the states, the government's, the leaders, the Authoritarians, thepower hungry, you know, egotists, narcissist and whatnot, that are tryingto form society in their own, you know, vision. Now,fuck that. There's way more of us, just regular folks that want to liveand let live. We can overcome all of this. You can startby voting. I know it's a kind of a panacea. A lot ofpeople think votings bulls, it doesn't work, but hey, try it. Let'sat least try the things we think may work, kind of like whenyou're mentally ill, try the things that work. Get eight hours asleep,drink lots of water, get sunshine and exercise. You know what I mean. Don't don't dismiss the things that we know do work. or contribute toa healthy mental health system, or don't dismiss things that we know contribute toimproved and evolve societies, and one of those things is we have the numbers, we have the meets, you know. So when I started this show,first I called it the bipolar show. It's on Soundcloud, and then I'mlike now that's a little too blunt. There's no style to it. LikeHey, how about bipolar style? That sounds cool. And I comefrom a marketing background, so my first thought is to make sure that thesocial handles in the web, thecom and all that Shit's available. So cool, no problem. At the time bipolar show was too probably his down toif you want to get into that.

So made up a cool logo.Had A cool logo at first it was like a brain split. On oneside kind of dull gray, the other side was vibrant rainbow spectrum of color. kind of depicted bipolarism. Bipolar is left brain, right brain. Thatit. It's all kind of bullshits, kind of based on bullshit myths andBunks, debunked science, but it's a cool looking logo. I was readingan article in a magazine the night before I went to launch and said peoplerespond more to logos and companies, brands will you that have faces in them. Like fuck, let's make a face. So went out and like I knowI'm going to take the Yin Yang, which I love. I always beena fan of that since the town and country surf designs surfboards back inthe day and been a fan of that, and the have a nice day happysmiley face thing, yellow smile face, you've seen it before, and thenthe Little Goth Kid from South Park. So anyway, squish them all togetherand fucked around with the line weights and things like that until I hadit right and made a little Yin Yang happy face. So I had acool brand show. took off lots of cool listeners around the world. That'sfucking weird right people like there's several of you that are not in America andit trips me out right now. So you know, that was cool.Then I started thinking, Oh, you got to promote on twitter. Here'swhere the problem started. So to me it feels like, in hindsight,my relationship with twitter is like a relationship with probably a battery spouse. LikeI think I do all I can for it and just keeps treating me Shitty, ignoring me, undermining me, gas lighting me, all this stuff.I'm like after me and I'm like, you know, wait a second,there's people listening to the podcast. I don't actually need to engage on twitter. I guess I should boast it somewhere. I'm not a facebook person that kindof did facebook I don't know eight, nine years ago and then stopped afterthree or four, five years. have an account now, but notreally my main thrust push content through facebook at all. Anyway, on twitterI'm like, well, fuck, I'm just getting ignored. People read myshit and go into the source and then, instead of simply read tweeting me orthanking me or engaging me, they're like just sharing the same shit anyway, the whole thing whatever. So but then I'm like a way, I'mnot to stay in this relationship. I can fucking take my own advice andjust just leave, just go do something else. So that's kind of whatI did. For some reason I thought, well, if, if, ifI can't, if I suck at twitter, then I can't do apodcast because God I need a way to promote the podcast. And over thepast, you know, quarantine time, I'm like not really, I canjust keep making a podcast and people can connect with me a different way.Fuck twitter. You know I'll have my...

...twitter account so nobody else takes themand impersonates me. But you know that doesn't have to be the thrust ofmy communication with people that otherwise here my voice on a podcast. Right.So I resolved that in my mind, let's say. So the next problemcame with like well, fuck now I have an audience with bipolar style.But I don't want to do I don't want to be confined to bipolar atall or even mental health conversations, because I get it. Like I said, I'm like fifty years old. I've had these conversations over and over andover again. It just takes practice. For my perspective, you have totake all the things that you've learned. Plenty of things to learn, butafter a while there is a limit of things you can learn, unless youkeep up with the current day to day technology, like cademee or whatever.But I mean otherwise you do CBT, DDBT, you take the right meds, you get proper diet, proper all the things right, take care ofall that stuff, but some point you realize how fuck it's on me tojust keep practicing, practicing being better. So if that's all it's going tobe, I don't need to focus on her all the time. I'd loveto hear your voices and, frankly, everybody who listens to this show knowsmy history and they know that I have a history of dealing with mental healthdisorders or issues or conditions or whatever you want to call them. So I'mnot shy of speaking about that with you and I would like to speak aboutmore broader more broader. I would like to speak about broader topics that justaren't confinable in the mental health subject. So I think I'm going to expandthat. The one caveat to this is that if you, as a listener, really have a story to tell and want to try a podcast and wantto be the host of bipolar style, that's the only way that would stopme from hijacking this is RSS feed and turn it into my new show.So it could be bipolar style moving forward with a new host, maybe youor somebody else you know. As a couple of limitations there, you can'tpromote fake cures to mental health conditions and you have to be kind to people. That's the probably not too hard. It's probably a lot easier for youto be kind to people than it is for me, but anyway, yeah, I got to be kind. Can't be a quack. And that's aboutit. You could run the show your own way you wanted to. Youcould run the twitter account, all that stuff. I'll give you the keysto the car. You can go crazy, but that's a big ask. Alot of people that listen to podcast don't necessarily want to talk on apodcast, let alone want to be the host of a podcast. But ifyou do, we could work something out. Otherwise, my other one. Otherwise, my plan is like and I'll take your feedback on this to forsure, because you are the most important input to me about this whole choice. So if you would like to follow me on a different type of podcast, I'm going to rebrand it, I'm going to rename it. It'll stillbe right here in this channel, so your subscription won't change. It'll stillget notified in everything, it'll still be me. We'll just move on totalk about a few different type of things as things come up. And ofcourse you'll know that I have mental health...

...problems and I know that you mayas well, because I know how we met through the bipolar style podcast,but I used to have it set up to when new people come to thepodcast player, it starts with the very, very first podcast and you just kindof hear it as an ongoing saga, I guess. But what I'll domoving forward at the next two or three at so's after this, isI'm going to flip that so the very top podcast will be the brand newestand I hope to podcast many times a week, several times a week,because I clearly I like talking. I like here in my own voice.Now, whatever, it's just fun. I think I've said it before.I like to keep a hand in the talk. I think talking, communicating, is like a muscle and that we keep having to flex it so thatwe can be better communicators in real life, and podcasting is a great way todo that. Right. So, if you're listening to this, Iknow there's a intro music and exit music that says find me at bipolar styleor whatever, but I don't really check that. So the best way hereI'm going to give you some contact information. If you or you think you knowsomebody that might want to host bipolar style themselves, given that they're nottrying to sell a miracle cures or snake oil and that they're nice to people. For sure, hit me up. You can either send me an emailor direct message through like twitter or whatever. I'm zero get those because I getnotifications through email. But Best of all, let me give you thisphone number. You can call my google voice number and just leave me amessage. You can either leave me a message about wanting to be a hostof bipolar style, or you could tell me to fuck off, or whateveryou want. Tell me, Miss Me, tell me you love me, tome want to run away and start babies together, something like that.Cool, whatever it takes. I'm down now. I'm just playing, butyou can call me leave me a message at this phone number. One fourhundred and five, four four zero, three hundred and three zero. That'sone four hundred and five, four four zero, three hundred and three zero. Leave me a message there my google voice and I'll get back to you. Or here's even cool. If you just want to say something and beon the show and check in from wherever you are on the planet. Iwould love to hear from you. You can call that number leave a voicemail. You can leave it anonymously, leave your real name, your screen name, whatever you like. Just call in, check in, let the rest ofthe world know how you were doing through the pandemic, through the raceriots. I don't know why I call them race riots. I think it'sbecause it's in a literation. I'm not implying that the black people rioting.It's a fully understand the racial tension and why people are protesting. So Idon't mean to be little that, but anyway. So, if you're listeningto this and want to leave a comment...

...about any of these things and howyou might be affected mentally, I would love to hear I hope you're doingwell and you know, let's do something else moving forward that not necessarily hasto do with mental health, but we can kind of be a group,like a crew together. Right, all right. Well, I will takeoff. I appreciate your time. Start recording more podcast soon. Let meknow which way we should go. Should somebody else take over by polar style, be a new host, or should me, johnny emotions, hijack thischannel and start a whole new show here? I appreciate thoughts. Give me acall. One hundred four hundred five four, hundred zero, three twoand I will talk to you next week. Do you subscribe to buy police styleon ITJES and spotify. Follow along on twitter. He's so stupid.And now back to the wall.

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