John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 2 years ago

Destination Unknown: The Past and Future of John Emotions and Bipolar Style


John talks about the future of Bipolar Style after plenty of time to consider all the things during the covid-19 pandemic and recent protests across America caused by homicidal police forces. Call 1(405) 440-3330 to leave a voicemail for the show.

Hey, hey, it's johnny emotions. Nice to be back with you. I wish you were under better circumstances. I'm fine, but you know, generally the world's kind of screwed up. I wanted to kind of give you an update on what I want to do with the show with this feed here that you're subscribed to. It includes you and I can definitely use your input, even if you don't want to participate with the show. So in anyway, let's get started and I'll tell you what we're going to do moving forward. All right, it's all in your head and now it's online. I'd bipony stylecom yes, Johnny motions with bipones style. You know, life's been really wild lately. I'm sure yours has. Mine definitely has, and you kind of it's sometimes you think life is all planned out ahead of you and you things are going to go as planned and they just don't. Sometimes you find yourself in completely weird situations that you couldn't even imagine six months ago. Even so, that reminded me of this song. It's called destination unknown. You know, indulge me here for a minute and listen to ninety twos or so. This is a the mid S. missing persons, Destination Unknown. These guys you don't and you got the Internet, so even if you're young, you can actually go back and search bands from this point in time all the way back through history. So you can find out new bands anyway and...

...just give me a hard time. It drove me crazy when billy eilish was like I don't know what Van Halen is. That would be like me saying I don't know what Elvis is or something. You know, figured how use the Internet. A little salty, but not too bad. Actually, I'm a pretty good mood. Missing persons were a cool new wave band back when things were just crappy. Things were intense and just wild in the middle s when I was a young kid, we had a president who was trying to be like an authoritarian fascist and the things were wild. We didn't know really what was going on. Everyone was calling him like a Nazi Hitler Type Guy, trying to run America his way, just say no to drugs and Church and all this. So that was pretty wild. But ultimately the Berlin Wall came down in Germany and good things did happen. So I kind of like think there's hope now we don't know where we're going moving forward. The destination is unknown, but it's kind of I don't know, it's interesting to go along for the ride. God blessed the people have been hurt or worst killed in the past, call it six months, or forever, the case if you're a black person. So my heart goes out to everybody who suffered through, particularly the pandemics and systemic historic racial violence in America. So I've been doing bipolar style now for a couple of years, like to maybe two and a half years. Clearly I don't produce episodes consistently. It turns out, yeah, it's probably attributable to my mental health condition. Anyway, I'd always called it bipolar style because I've never been sold on the diagnosis. I was thinking it's important to get more than one diagnosis and I've got many of diagnosis and they conflict offen with each other. So at this point my whole diagnosis I honestly don't know. It's been bipolar, it's been adhd, it's been straight unit depression, PTSD. HMM, those are the main ones. Just Chin was speaking. Obviously depression and such, but man, it's I've tried all the medicines for bipolar. Look. Well, none of those work and I don't really want to get on to depressants for or antidepressants, I mean for a straight depression. So what do you do? So I tried the Adhd meds again that he used to try when I was kid. Oh fucking A. Sure enough, those work pretty good. They help me focus, and when I focus and I can get you know, I have clarity about the future, I'm hopeful and that sort of stuff. So when a person with AH adhd gets focused through the use of those kind of meds, I inherently become less depressed and it's great. However, like fifty years old.

So adhd meds also give you a high blood pressure. So I really have to choose between sticking to a super hardcore diet, which isn't the most fun because I do like sweets down then and that sort of thing, or taking the meds. So back and forth on that. Not taking any meds right now, but feeling generally pretty good, and I hope you are. Two things have really been nuts. It's kind of strange. I know a lot of people with various mental conditions. You know, I don't want disorders whatever you know, whatever you got, anxieties, depression, that sort of thing, whatever you got. I know lots of people with these. When the world around them gets chaotic, there's all this a strange feeling of comfort, because it's almost like the sea drops down to your level, or I can't think of a good metaphor for that. But anyway, when things get crazy crazy, people feel normal. That's a good way to put it. But then I'm a very empathetic person and I really feel badly for people that are in major cities that truly feel like they've had their liberties taken away from them, like they feel like they've really been locked in lockdown, quarantine, can't visit their loved ones. I mean Shit, man, I would just talking about a tounament, a tunement. Remember a tunement? The other episode couple ago, if you're binging, probably three or four episodes ago, I did a show on a tunement, and that's the need for humans to be in human contact with other humans. We need to facial expressions, we need to get a reaction and that sort of thing, and then all of a sudden a pandemic comes and we're all supposed to sit in our rooms sitting our homes like a box. Just go go, mind your manners, go behave, sit in the box. And then it became a political thing, like if you follow the rules or you didn't follow the rules, or which rules you followed, because at first they said, no, you don't need to wear masks and they said, oh, you should wear gloves. Then it became now you don't need to wear gloves, and then you just Oh, they you should, we should wear masks. And now, like in England, right up to now, you you can't have sex with somebody you don't live with and they're recommending that you wear masks while you have sex. So it becomes really intrusive into people's thoughts really. So I feel bad for people who live in big cities and and that sort of thing, because I have largely avoided that. If you'll recall, I went from San Francisco, from downtown to Los Angeles and then across to Shreveport, Louisiana, lasts about a year and a half ago, and after that I went south, deep south, to almost the bottom of America, and I was hiding out a little town...

...of maybe tenzero people. So it was really small and these tenzero people were spread out over, you know, miles, so they naturally had social distance amongst themselves. And more recently I've moved north, so now I'm straight DAB in the middle of America and things are pretty chill here, like, I don't know, nobody's really lost their mind, and I'm not saying that derisively, I'm just saying it like, from what I see as an outside or when I see people that live in crowded cities, port cities or you know, places where they generally have more disease anyhow. So not blaming anybody and I'm not certainly not putting you down for your reaction to the chaos around us. I'm just saying it hasn't really affected me that much. So if you're wondering, I wonder how that one dude on that podcast doing all. I'm fucking fine. Honestly. I wish I could share some of this feeling of being and fine with those who don't feel fine. Honestly, gotta here. Have some more, have some more. I feel fine. With regards to pandemics and race rites right now, I have a long history of protesting in the streets and let's just say absolutely do not support fascism. I guess you would say I'm anti fascist. That said, I don't want to get into politics today. I just want to say that I hope you're okay. Things will get better in the future. They can't stay this way forever. They won't stay this way forever. We, you know, there are more of us than there are of them, and when I say us, I mean the people. There are more civilians than there are the states, the government's, the leaders, the Authoritarians, the power hungry, you know, egotists, narcissist and whatnot, that are trying to form society in their own, you know, vision. Now, fuck that. There's way more of us, just regular folks that want to live and let live. We can overcome all of this. You can start by voting. I know it's a kind of a panacea. A lot of people think votings bulls, it doesn't work, but hey, try it. Let's at least try the things we think may work, kind of like when you're mentally ill, try the things that work. Get eight hours asleep, drink lots of water, get sunshine and exercise. You know what I mean. Don't don't dismiss the things that we know do work. or contribute to a healthy mental health system, or don't dismiss things that we know contribute to improved and evolve societies, and one of those things is we have the numbers, we have the meets, you know. So when I started this show, first I called it the bipolar show. It's on Soundcloud, and then I'm like now that's a little too blunt. There's no style to it. Like Hey, how about bipolar style? That sounds cool. And I come from a marketing background, so my first thought is to make sure that the social handles in the web, thecom and all that Shit's available. So cool, no problem. At the time bipolar show was too probably his down to if you want to get into that.

So made up a cool logo. Had A cool logo at first it was like a brain split. On one side kind of dull gray, the other side was vibrant rainbow spectrum of color. kind of depicted bipolarism. Bipolar is left brain, right brain. That it. It's all kind of bullshits, kind of based on bullshit myths and Bunks, debunked science, but it's a cool looking logo. I was reading an article in a magazine the night before I went to launch and said people respond more to logos and companies, brands will you that have faces in them. Like fuck, let's make a face. So went out and like I know I'm going to take the Yin Yang, which I love. I always been a fan of that since the town and country surf designs surfboards back in the day and been a fan of that, and the have a nice day happy smiley face thing, yellow smile face, you've seen it before, and then the Little Goth Kid from South Park. So anyway, squish them all together and fucked around with the line weights and things like that until I had it right and made a little Yin Yang happy face. So I had a cool brand show. took off lots of cool listeners around the world. That's fucking weird right people like there's several of you that are not in America and it trips me out right now. So you know, that was cool. Then I started thinking, Oh, you got to promote on twitter. Here's where the problem started. So to me it feels like, in hindsight, my relationship with twitter is like a relationship with probably a battery spouse. Like I think I do all I can for it and just keeps treating me Shitty, ignoring me, undermining me, gas lighting me, all this stuff. I'm like after me and I'm like, you know, wait a second, there's people listening to the podcast. I don't actually need to engage on twitter. I guess I should boast it somewhere. I'm not a facebook person that kind of did facebook I don't know eight, nine years ago and then stopped after three or four, five years. have an account now, but not really my main thrust push content through facebook at all. Anyway, on twitter I'm like, well, fuck, I'm just getting ignored. People read my shit and go into the source and then, instead of simply read tweeting me or thanking me or engaging me, they're like just sharing the same shit anyway, the whole thing whatever. So but then I'm like a way, I'm not to stay in this relationship. I can fucking take my own advice and just just leave, just go do something else. So that's kind of what I did. For some reason I thought, well, if, if, if I can't, if I suck at twitter, then I can't do a podcast because God I need a way to promote the podcast. And over the past, you know, quarantine time, I'm like not really, I can just keep making a podcast and people can connect with me a different way. Fuck twitter. You know I'll have my...

...twitter account so nobody else takes them and impersonates me. But you know that doesn't have to be the thrust of my communication with people that otherwise here my voice on a podcast. Right. So I resolved that in my mind, let's say. So the next problem came with like well, fuck now I have an audience with bipolar style. But I don't want to do I don't want to be confined to bipolar at all or even mental health conversations, because I get it. Like I said, I'm like fifty years old. I've had these conversations over and over and over again. It just takes practice. For my perspective, you have to take all the things that you've learned. Plenty of things to learn, but after a while there is a limit of things you can learn, unless you keep up with the current day to day technology, like cademee or whatever. But I mean otherwise you do CBT, DDBT, you take the right meds, you get proper diet, proper all the things right, take care of all that stuff, but some point you realize how fuck it's on me to just keep practicing, practicing being better. So if that's all it's going to be, I don't need to focus on her all the time. I'd love to hear your voices and, frankly, everybody who listens to this show knows my history and they know that I have a history of dealing with mental health disorders or issues or conditions or whatever you want to call them. So I'm not shy of speaking about that with you and I would like to speak about more broader more broader. I would like to speak about broader topics that just aren't confinable in the mental health subject. So I think I'm going to expand that. The one caveat to this is that if you, as a listener, really have a story to tell and want to try a podcast and want to be the host of bipolar style, that's the only way that would stop me from hijacking this is RSS feed and turn it into my new show. So it could be bipolar style moving forward with a new host, maybe you or somebody else you know. As a couple of limitations there, you can't promote fake cures to mental health conditions and you have to be kind to people. That's the probably not too hard. It's probably a lot easier for you to be kind to people than it is for me, but anyway, yeah, I got to be kind. Can't be a quack. And that's about it. You could run the show your own way you wanted to. You could run the twitter account, all that stuff. I'll give you the keys to the car. You can go crazy, but that's a big ask. A lot of people that listen to podcast don't necessarily want to talk on a podcast, let alone want to be the host of a podcast. But if you do, we could work something out. Otherwise, my other one. Otherwise, my plan is like and I'll take your feedback on this to for sure, because you are the most important input to me about this whole choice. So if you would like to follow me on a different type of podcast, I'm going to rebrand it, I'm going to rename it. It'll still be right here in this channel, so your subscription won't change. It'll still get notified in everything, it'll still be me. We'll just move on to talk about a few different type of things as things come up. And of course you'll know that I have mental health...

...problems and I know that you may as well, because I know how we met through the bipolar style podcast, but I used to have it set up to when new people come to the podcast player, it starts with the very, very first podcast and you just kind of hear it as an ongoing saga, I guess. But what I'll do moving forward at the next two or three at so's after this, is I'm going to flip that so the very top podcast will be the brand newest and I hope to podcast many times a week, several times a week, because I clearly I like talking. I like here in my own voice. Now, whatever, it's just fun. I think I've said it before. I like to keep a hand in the talk. I think talking, communicating, is like a muscle and that we keep having to flex it so that we can be better communicators in real life, and podcasting is a great way to do that. Right. So, if you're listening to this, I know there's a intro music and exit music that says find me at bipolar style or whatever, but I don't really check that. So the best way here I'm going to give you some contact information. If you or you think you know somebody that might want to host bipolar style themselves, given that they're not trying to sell a miracle cures or snake oil and that they're nice to people. For sure, hit me up. You can either send me an email or direct message through like twitter or whatever. I'm zero get those because I get notifications through email. But Best of all, let me give you this phone number. You can call my google voice number and just leave me a message. You can either leave me a message about wanting to be a host of bipolar style, or you could tell me to fuck off, or whatever you want. Tell me, Miss Me, tell me you love me, to me want to run away and start babies together, something like that. Cool, whatever it takes. I'm down now. I'm just playing, but you can call me leave me a message at this phone number. One four hundred and five, four four zero, three hundred and three zero. That's one four hundred and five, four four zero, three hundred and three zero. Leave me a message there my google voice and I'll get back to you. Or here's even cool. If you just want to say something and be on the show and check in from wherever you are on the planet. I would love to hear from you. You can call that number leave a voicemail. You can leave it anonymously, leave your real name, your screen name, whatever you like. Just call in, check in, let the rest of the world know how you were doing through the pandemic, through the race riots. I don't know why I call them race riots. I think it's because it's in a literation. I'm not implying that the black people rioting. It's a fully understand the racial tension and why people are protesting. So I don't mean to be little that, but anyway. So, if you're listening to this and want to leave a comment...

...about any of these things and how you might be affected mentally, I would love to hear I hope you're doing well and you know, let's do something else moving forward that not necessarily has to do with mental health, but we can kind of be a group, like a crew together. Right, all right. Well, I will take off. I appreciate your time. Start recording more podcast soon. Let me know which way we should go. Should somebody else take over by polar style, be a new host, or should me, johnny emotions, hijack this channel and start a whole new show here? I appreciate thoughts. Give me a call. One hundred four hundred five four, hundred zero, three two and I will talk to you next week. Do you subscribe to buy police style on ITJES and spotify. Follow along on twitter. He's so stupid. And now back to the wall.

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