John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 4 years ago

Embracing the good emotions, evolving past life's hard times.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions talks about finding inspiration and distinguishing bad emotions from good emotions after watching Tony Robbins on Netflix. A big welcome to everyone newly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and a renewed focus on Bipolar Disorder around the world - not just America. Also, John talks about Harriet A. Washington's book, "Infectious Madness" and how the germs that cause brain infections and mental illnesses are often common, contagious diseases.

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It's only now it's online and Bible this stylecom joining motions with Bible style. Wow, how about that? Welcome back. It's been a few weeks. I have taken some time to move my whole operation into the heart of downtown San Francisco, USA. So everything's going to sound a lot different because it is a lot different. Let me tell you how that happens. Okay, he got a minute. Well, you're here, you have the podcast, so check it out. This is what I did. Found some music to Ya. When I was had just come back from New Orleans, which is on the south coast of the United States, back to California. I landed out in the suburban part, which is not really the mountains or the fields and it's not the city, somewhere kind of in between, and that that didn't sit well with me. It just seems so average. I need kind of extremes. So I made plans and that kind of visualized living in downtown San Francisco again. It's one of my favorite places to be. So what I did was I search time low for a building to manage. That's one of my specialties. I'm a kind of a designer and a producer in one life, but I also have skills at managing properties. So I found a really, really cool building in downtown San Francisco to manage and as part of managing the building, I also live there. So now my whole operation, everything, my podcast studio, Video Production Studio, my day job office, my bed, my whole apartment, everything is in the same place and it's in one of the the grittiest neighborhoods in America. Now a lot of people are thinking, no way, you've never been to this place or you've never been to this place. Well, look up the tenderloin in San Francisco and Wikipedia and let's compare notes, because this place is pretty gritty and it's really kind of what I was looking for. I'm not sure about you, but as I'm attribute it to being a bipolar person, but I kind of need extremes. Like the music I like kind of goes from one extreme to the next. I don't like middle of the road things. My living environment, the atmosphere that I stay in, I like that to be kind of super idyllic, maybe up in the mountains by a lake or right here in the middle of the Shit, one of the other somewhere when I'm when I'm in between, when I'm in a place like the suburbs of America, with all the similar cracker box looking houses and all the same schools and all the same strip malls and everything, I really feel like I stand out, and being downtown in a in a big city, I feel a really peaceful sense of anonymity. Anyway, I explain this to you because you will often hear buses and sirens, cars speeding by, the normal city sounds. In this particular city, in this neighborhood, though, you might hear shouting and occasional gunshot and that sort of thing. Just know that the police department is right around the corner and they will get here as soon as they can. That's funny, man. Speaking of guns, we got we got to talk about guns again. In America we have a gun problem. But let me finish explaining...

...what had happened here. So at one point I thought my name should be John Evolves, because I feel like I'm constantly changing, and that's kind of how I ended up here in San Francisco again. Is the first time around. I didn't do it right, so I wanted to evolve and kind of each time I come around to a place, do that place a little bit better, kind of bring it up next level. So, anyway, not John Evolves. It ended up being John Emotions. Oh So, and it all here. Hey, I starting to sound like a fucking bipolar person. Okay, so I was sitting in the suburbs board watching Netflix and I noticed Tony Robbins, the motivational guru, has a special on Netflix, if you might be able to still catch it's pretty good. However, it's called I'm not your Guru. That's pretty self observant of him. That's interesting. Let's check it out. And you know, if I don't know, this show is heard and lots of countries around the world. So I'm thinking you might not have heard of Tony Robbins, but maybe you have to think he's international. This guy. As long as I can recall he's been pretty straight and narrow. He seems to be a man of faith, but he doesn't push his religion on people and he tends to get results. And I remember reading his books back when I was a kid in thinking like this is neat. This guy made it. He was a you know, kid, teenager in the streets, didn't have much going for him. And decided to just figure out how how thoughts work, out of how how to motivate myself just by thinking. So, point being, he seems like a reasonable enough guy to listen to, at least right so I watched his documentary, Tony Robbins, I'm not your Guru, and I think the first guy they show was suicidal. So that really struck me because if you've ever been suicidal you can see it in people's face when they're that close, or at least that hurt. And you know, I'm definitely looking at this guy in the audience going yeah, scars, got a bad case, got bad case of suicidals, and then watching Tony robins interact with them kind of receealed the deal for me to watch the rest of the documentary. But do it. Watching the rest of the documentary is kind of what prompted this. This whole change for me and for the show caused John to evolve. John Evolves, but one of the key things I heard in the Tony robins thing kind of snap me back into in the shape was that our emotions don't have to be bad. We have good emotions as well, joy and happiness and things like that. And like, Oh yeah, just because I created a character called John Emotions doesn't mean I often have to always be complaining and cry baby, whatever, whatever. You know what I mean. It doesn't all to be bad. I get it that I've got bipolar disorder, like I'm sure you get it. You have bipolar disorder, so let's accept up that and get back to life. So, just based on that simple observation of watching a Netflix show, I changed my mind and said, that's right, John Emotions is not going to stand for sadness and depression, or at least not alone. I think John Emotions should also share happy emotions and positive thoughts and things like that. Does that make sense? I mean, I guess it makes sense. If, like you're actually have mania and if experience those times where you can use that...

...energy towards good, then you probably understand. If you're currently depressed and listening to this show in your headphones under the covers. Yeah, I get it, don't worry about it, we'll help you through. This thick step man that's a good looking dog, this guy that's got a big pit bull walks by the street and it's all white, but it's got two big giant black eyes. That's it. Cool. I want to get a dog. I wanted to get a cat for the longest time and then I read a book called infectious madness by Harriet a Washington and basically convinced me that cats cause schizophrenia. Will Get to that in episode coming up. She's kind of gave me the go ahead to approach her about out and interview for the show. So if you really interested about the real possibilities that mental illnesses can be transmitted through the air, through germs, go pick up a copy of infectious madness by Harriet a Washington. Kind of makes me wondered why I moved back into such a grimy, Gritty area to as I'm reading this book, I move myself into one of the dirtiest areas I've ever lived into. Just okay, I'm like. This morning I woke up to video. I took some video. I love got a camera to take some video of the street happenings and watching a cop and the pickup truck they drive around with clearing out the homeless each morning, scooping up their property and throwing the cardboard boxes away and whatnot. As one of the homeless people was putting up the property. While the COP was standing there watching, the other person walked over to a nearby car, pulled their pants down, leaned against the car and started taking a shit right in front of the COP. So I mean that's that's this neighborhood. There's needles everywhere, gunshot shell casings, drug baggies, human feces, urine, all kinds of animal stuff with just it's wild. So to compare that with Miss Washington's book infectious madness about how many diseases are caused by germs, I'm starting to wonder, like well, no wonder. Poor people that live in Shitty neighborhoods go crazy. They catch it, they literally catch it and it stays in the neighborhoods for generations. That blows my mind and I'm sorry to blow your mind if you weren't ready for the information. But, like I said, if you want to check out that book and come up with some questions for Miss Washington, we'll have her on the show and we'll ask her all about the rest of the things she's found in her research. What do you think about that music I'm listening to? I like it makes me feel like I'm in San Francisco so in the background there is a jazz guy from the early s named Vince Garaldi, and he is most famous for playing the Charlie Brown music, you know, the peanuts theme, but he's Great. Love that. San Francisco has a rich history of Jazz. I live right across the street from another incarnation of the Black Cat jazz club. It's been around since the one thousand nine hundred seven or so bounced around the different neighborhoods. The building I'm in is actually been here since nine hundred and seven. Jerry Garcia of the grateful dead lived on my floor before he started the grateful dead. Muhammad Ali used to box in the gym downstairs when there was a boxing ring there. It's pretty sweet rich history. All right. So,...

...using my good emotions based on Tony Robbins, I'm like, Fuck Yeah, let's change what I need to change. What am I going to change? And I'm then I started looking around in my like my twitter account. I cancel, like a shut down everything on facebook. If you see anything of mine on Facebook, is because I have some other social media account, still lingering account, like a connected there or something, but I don't log into facebook at all. I don't Check Messenger. I deleted all the APPS. I don't have any of that stuff. I just needed a simpler life. So it's effectively twitter for me. But we also created another place called Bipolar Partycom, which is full of kind, talkative people that are not into facebook, the same way I'm not into facebook. So if you find yourself in need of a conversation, it's mostly Americans in there right now, but check it out. Not sure if you can understand yourster's accent, but it's bipolar partycom and check that out. So we hang out there and twitter kind of a share back and forth. Squeaky floor. But part of the issue still though. On twitter is a start to like, compare myself to other people, like I'm sure you do and most normal humans do. We compare ourselves and societies of what other people have, but social media makes it that much more impactful. It's more immediate, righten your face whenever you want to look at or choose to look at it. So I start to think, man, I don't feel except like none of the bipolar what you call them agencies or nonprofits or advocacy groups, none of them followed this show or me or anything like that. So after a while I started to feel abandoned once again, just like I was when I was a kid, and it's triggered a bunch of emotions in me. I'm like, this is not right, and then I'm just thinking, you know what the fuck that? I don't need to be I don't need to be part of that. I'm just I want to do this. I want to do my thing, which is reach out to people, especially people newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and let them know you're not alone. It's not a death sentence. You are a normal person with a brain malfunction. They don't really know what funk the malfunction is yet and they're trying to treat it with drugs and therapy, and they will get there in this lifetime, I guarantee you. So just relax. If you're newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it's breathe. Hold on second, I need to breathem getting a wound up talking about it. You breathing? Okay. So we fought lots of new bipolar diagnoses daily around the world. So, as a listener right now or as a longtime listener, what you can help me do is spread the message of this show, especially to people newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. We've got to reach out to them that they're not alone and they're still normal people. They've just have more clarity on what's causing their behavior now. So, that said, my message to me in my head feels much larger than worrying about what the little mental health adversuspread of, what the mental health advocacy clicks on twitter are talking about or who they include in their little reindeer games. You know, at some point I like well, fuck it, fuck them, I'm just going to go do my thing,...

...and it's a bigger message to the rest of the world. I found this out because I started looking at all the downloads, all the statistics from my podcast through our dashboard, like on our hosting company, at the podcast place, you can look at where people are downloading your podcast. Hold on one second, excuse me, it is live. So I'm looking at the podcast statistics and realize, man, we've got listeners all around the world. I compared it to the map I was looking at of bipolar sufferers around the world and there's no correlation at all. That's strange. Well, I guess developed countries tend to acknowledge mental health illnesses. That's the most I could correlate between the two different maps. What I'm saying is this show I'm going to reposition as more of an international show to help people newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It's I'll try to be less America centric and in my own mind I'm not really trying to fit in with the Bipolar Society of America or whatever the fuck those those organizations are called, because if they're not helping independence producers and voices like mine and they're only preaching their own dogma, then I don't need that. I mean, I've never needed that. That is how I came about to find my new voiceover guy from THEMIBIA. That's your stuff and I love that sound put in there. You'll hear it at the end again. I'll use that for a while. Kind of reminds me of a thing we were talking about on twitter actually. So do you journal? Do You keep a die re? Try It's pretty cool. Here's the thing that did stop me for a while when I first because I'm kind of a perfectionist in many ways. Should you get things right, and since I started my journal it's a perfect. Yeah, every small cap was there in the date was in the right place on every page and then I'd fuck it up. Oh yow, I ruined it. What I do? Go to the bottom of this page or turn the page or just creating all these hurdles for actually just documented the thoughts I was trying to get out of my head. So I said, fuck it, I'll just let scribbles go. Well, scribbles were fine, and then I'm like, Oh yeah, I'm actually writing more. That's cool. And then I had one of those ink pens that has the four different color clickers, you know, red, blue, green, whatever, black, and started writing in different colors to highlight different thoughts and that was nice and that made it more a little more fun to write and a little easier to read back. So that worked. But then I got stuck. I got stuck on words. I like words. I know the best words. I like words. Of always liked words. I was a good speller in school and I just like them and I like to play with them, I like the sounds of them, I like to write them out. But my thoughts, Noah, my there are there are no words for some of my thoughts. So when I'm writing words, down in them like this is not working. I'm not conveying what I'm what I need to get out on this paper using the shapes of these twenty six letters. It's not working. So I did not journal for years and I keep my journals around though I was bringing with me. Still got them right over there, and sometimes I'll just flip through the pages and you like look this, two thousand and seven, two thousand and eight, two thousand and fifteen. I'm like, Oh, what happened while those years? Now I just like literally Miss Years. So one of the new things that I done to get myself re journaling was to...

...not just not just let my journals stop at words, but go ahead and scribble in the fucker. Just make drawings, whatever it's in your brain, make doodles, whatever it takes to get to the words. So if I'm making hatch marks or smiley faces or emo Joe Yin Yang's or whatever, eventually words would come to my mind. Event I would capture those words and write the rest of the Journal entry. So that's kind of what I'm doing here with this particular podcast. When I was out in the suburbs, I had a fake backdrop that said psych that media behind me. That made it look like I was in a downtown office, but the reality was that was a just the fake backdrop, because I'm just kind of you gotta see it, you got to name it to claim it, whatever oprah says. You know, the the visualization thing. Basically I was visualizing the type of office that I actually wanted. Well, now I actually have that real view and it's a lot harder to light. So when you have a backdrop, you can make it look like it's a backdrop and there's sunlight back there, but when there's actually sunlight behind your window, it washes out the camera. So I've got to figure out a good way to do that. In the meantime, part of this show will be me capturing just crazy shit on the street. I'll put it up on my youtube channel and flash it out to the twitter if you want to look at that, just to kind of see how life is for other people, especially in this crazy part of town. That will be cool, but again, it's that that's like me just scribbling in my journal. I'm not going to hold the true to any podcast format, except there's going to be a start and there's going to be an end. And they'll generally be pretty short, but want to make it just the bigger, funner show. Cool you? Cool with that? Then I also have to get back to my responsibilities. In moving you have to disconnect a lot of things. I didn't have Internet for a couple of weeks. kind of suffering there, and now my some of my functionalities are not working. I don't think I'm getting the email notifications from some tools I'm using to schedule guests. There's a great podcast have been listening to call to come to the table. It's religious folks bringing all kinds of other people, quote unquote, to the table to have a conversation about pretty much anything, but just acknowledging that their perspective is the religious perspective. So we've been trying to hook up for weeks and I encourage you to go check out that show. But we'll be together soon. Look forward to that. And of course, Becky at that B word podcast. She talks about bipolar and borderline personality disorder. Around the first of the year. See what? I really moved to California because I wanted to have a partner to do podcasts with. I don't want to do them alone. It's kind of. It's hard, but I thought, hey, if we maybe becky and I can do a cohosting thing where we each call in and record our parts and make a two person podcast about mental health. And it was all into that and nice. Totally got off track. But anyway, check out Becky, show that B word and take a listen, subscribe to that. We'll have her own again. I can need to a publicly apologize for saying, Hey, let's start a show together, that other that and then, like fuck, I have to move and everything's falling apart at my feet. So it's fair enough. I want to hear what her shows been up to. I listen to her episodes, but I want to see what she's what are struggles have been as far as the new podcast,...

...because both of our podcasts are less than a year old, and so this new studio here's there's a funny thing. Okay, so I've been a drummer for most of my life, like literally, like since I was like three or four years old, and when you play acoustic drums, I really prefer a big boomy open sound, like a pedal on the drumhead in a nice big maple hardwood shell, pushing air out. You make sound when you move are. So I'm like, yeah, the big old boomy sound bass drums, all my Tom Tom's, my snare drums, all that, just big open sound. Some people like to put pillows in their bass drums give it a really muffled sound. You know, obviously he move less air, he make less sound, but they're trimming out all the special tones, the overtones that make drum sounds so cool. So, by the same token, this particular studio I'm in I was surrounded by hard things. There's a window there, hardwood floors under my feet, biggest screen TV over there and, you know, Pai Painted Wall in front of me, so lots of hard surfaces. Actually stand in my socks while I'm recording this, so you don't hear me tapping my feet. But the whole thing is like I want the sound, all of the sound, to be heard. I want the nuances of the cars going up the street, the sound in the background of my studio that you can hear through the MIC. I like that. It adds, I think, flavor and Spotan eighty and you just a little more excitements into the podcast. It's especially cool and I have to step away from the MIC. Catch my breath. There's no dead air. You hear the piano still going. So anyway, back to the topic of what's new, what's evolving? That that's how I'm doing the podcast now. It's a lot more more open and a lot more live, a lot more on track of what I've been trying to do. So now man, just kind of gather the momentum again. I'll do a podcast on guns here momentarily. Maybe this one now I'll cut it up into two because the guns podcasts is fresh. It's new, but it's mostly topical for Americans. So if you don't care about guns in America, you probably don't need to hear that podcast. However, I encourage listen to it anyways because guns do affect most countries with American influence, and I know America tries to imperialize the world, so there may soon be American guns on your shores if you're not careful. So anyway, we'll cut loose here. It's been while. I've been long enough talking. I could always tell when I'm running out of things to say, but I just wanted to touch base. I'll get to the guns podcast here today. Try to get them both uploaded and, yeah, subscribe it bipolar stylecom. Go over to twitter, same thing by polar style and, like I said, help us build bipolar partycom into like a cool bipolar people exclusive social platform, and you can help us move the parts around. We're all very new. There's probably less than fifty people there right now, so your input is greatly appreciated and it's a good place to be if you just want to get off of like facebook. Cool, all right, so let's kick it out of here. I'm going to go get some lunch, come back talk about guns. You have a great Saturday. Chow now styles on our cheese and five following...

...on twitter. Excuse mecom.

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