Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 3 years ago

Embracing the good emotions, evolving past life's hard times.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions talks about finding inspiration and distinguishing bad emotions from good emotions after watching Tony Robbins on Netflix. A big welcome to everyone newly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and a renewed focus on Bipolar Disorder around the world - not just America. Also, John talks about Harriet A. Washington's book, "Infectious Madness" and how the germs that cause brain infections and mental illnesses are often common, contagious diseases.

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And nowts online s wit style about that. Welcome back, it's been afew weeks. I have taken some time to move my whole operation into the heartof downtown San Francisco Ousa, so everything's going to sound a lotdifferent because it is a lot different. Let me tell you how that happens. Okay,he got a minute. Well you're! Here you have the podcast so check it out. This is what I did found some music to yeah when I was had just come back from NewOrleans, which is on the south coast of the United States. Back to California,I landed out in the suburban part, which is not really the mountains or the fields, and it'snot the city t's somewhere kind of in between and that that didn't sit wellwith me. It just seemed so average. I need kind of extremes, so I made plansand that kind of visualized living in downtown San Francisco. Again it's oneof my favorite places to be so. What I did was a search tie low fora building to manage. That's one of my specialties, I'm akind of a designer and a producer in one life, but I also have skills atmanaging properties, so I found a really really coolbuilding in downtown San Francisco to manage and as part of managing thebuilding. I also live there so now my whole operation, everything my podcaststudio, video production, studio, my day, job office, my bed Y, my wholeapartment. Everything is in the same place and it's in one of the thegretdiest neighborhoods in America know a lot of people are thinking noway. You've never been to this place or wou've never been to this place. Well,look up for tenderloin in San Francisco and Wikipedia, and let's compare notes,because this place is pretty gritty and it's really kind of what I was lookingfor, I'm not sure about you, but as I attribute it to be ing a bipolarperson, but I kind of need extremes like the music I, like kind of goesfrom one extreme to the next. I don't like middle of the road things, my living environment, the atmospherethat I stay in. I like that, to be kind of Super Idelic, maybe up in themountains, by a lake or right here in the middle of the shit one or the othersomewhere wh n, when I'm in between, when I'm in a place like the suburbs ofAmerica, with all the similar cracker box, looking houses and all the sameschools and all the same strip malls and everything I really feel like. Istand out and being downtown in a in a big city. I feel a really peacefulsense of ananymity. Anyway. I explain this to you because you will often hear buses and sirens cars. Speeding by thenormal city sounds in this particular city. In this neighborhood, though, youmight hear shouting and an occasional gunshot, and that sort of thing justknow that the police department is right around the corner and they willget here as soon as they can that's funny. Oh Man, speaking of guns,we got we got to talk about guns again in America, we have a gun problem, butlet me finish explaining what had...

...happened here. So at one point Ithought my name should be John Evolves, because I feel like I'm, constantlychanging and that's kind of how I ended up here in San Francisco again because the first time around I didn't do itright. So I wanted to evolve and kind of each time I come around to a place.Do that place a a little bit better kind of bring it up next level. So anyway, not Johny volvs. It ends upbeing johnny motions. Oh so, and it all ere here, hey I starting to sound likea Fuckingbi boller person. Okay, so I was sitting in the suburbs boardwatching Netflix and I noticed Tony Robins. Themotivational guru has a special on Netflix. If you might be able to stillcatch, it's pretty good. However, it's called I'm, not your Guru, that's pretty selfobservant of him! That'sinteresting! Let's check it out and you know. If I don't know this show isheard: Ind lots of countries around the world. So I'm thinking you might nothave heard of Tomy Robins, but maybe you have, I think, he's international this guy. As long as I can recall, he'sbeen pretty straight and narrow, he seems to be a man of faith, but hedoesn't push his religion on people and he tends to get results, and I remember reading his books backwhen I was a kid and thinking like good. This is neat this guy made it. He was ayou know. Kid teenager in the streets didn't have much going for him anddecided to just figure out how how thoughts work out, how to motivatemyself just by thinking so point being. He seems like a areasonable enough guy to listen to at least right, so I watched his documentary Tony Robins, I'm not yourguroom and I think the first guy they show was suicidal. So that really struck me, because, ifyou've ever been suicidal, you can see it in people's face whenthey're, that close, or at least that hurt- and you know ' definitely looking atthis guy in the audience going now- yeah skes got a bad case, got bad caseof suicidals and then watching andtony robinsinteract with them kind of recealed. The deal for me towatch the rest of the documentary, but doing watching the rest of thedocumentary is kind of what prompted this. This whole change for for me andfor the show caused John to evolve. Johnny Volves, but one of the keythings I heard in the Tony robins thing kind of snap me back in this in theshape was that our emotions don't have to be bad. Wehave good emotions as well joy and happiness, and things like that andlike Oh yeah, just because I created a character, called Johnny motionsdoesn't mean I have to have to always be complaining and and cry baby whatever. Whatever you knowwhat I mean it doesn't of to be bad, I get it that I've got bipolar disorderlike I'm sure you get it. You have bipepole or disorder. So l, let'saccept that and get back to life. So just based on that simpleobservation of watching a Netflix show, I changed my mind and said: that'sright. Johnny motions is not going to stand for sadness and depression or atleast not alone. I think Johnny motions should also share happy emotions andpositive thoughts, and things like that. Does that make sense I mean I guess it makes sense if, likeyour actually have mania and have...

...experienced those times where you canuse that energy towards good, then you probably understand if you currently depressed andlistening to this show in your headphones under the covers yeah, I getit, don't worry about it. We'll help you through this nhicx step man, that's a good looking dog this aguy! That's got a big pit, bull walks by the street and it's all white, butit's got two big giant black eyes. That's IT COOL! I want to get a dog I wanted toget a cat for the longest time, and then I read a book called infectious madness byHarriet a Washington and basically convinced me that cats cost Cizophreniawe'll get to that. An episode coming up, she's kind of Gev me the go ahead. ThoApproach, her about an interview for the show, so, if you're reallyinterested about the real possibilities that mental illnesses can betransmitted through, the air through germs go pick up, a copy of infectiousmadness by Harriet a Washington makes me wondered why I move back intosuch a grimy greedy area too. As I'm reading this book, I move myself intoone of the thirtiest areas. I've ever lived into just okay. I like this morning, I woke up tovideo. I took some video IDIDV got a camera to take some video of the streethappenings and watching a cop and the pickup truck they drive around withclearing out the home as ech morning, scooping up their property and throwingthe cardboard boxes away and whatnot as one of the homeless, people wasputting up the property while the cop was standing there watching. The other person walked over to anearby car, pulled their pans down leaned against the car and startedtaking the shit right in front of the COP. So I mean that's: That's thisneighborhood there's needles everywhere: Gunshot, Shell, Castings Drug Baggies,human feces, urine all kinds of animal stuff. It just it's wild. So to compare that with MissWashington's book, Infectious Madness about how many diseases are caused bygerms, I'm starting to wonder like well, no wonder poor people that live inShitty neighborhoods go crazy, they catch it, they literally catch it andit stays in the neighborhoods for generations. That blows my mind and I'm sorry toblow your mind if you weren't ready for that information, but, like I said, ifyou want to check out that book and come up with some questions for MissWashington, we'll have her on the show and we'll ask her all about the rest ofthe things she'se found in a research. What do you think about that music andlistening to I like it, makes me feel like I'm inSan Francisco? So in the background there is a jazz guy from the early snamed Vince Garraldi, and he is most famous for playing the Charlie Brownmusic. You know the peanuts theme, but he's Great Loave, that San Francisco has a rich history ofJazz. I live right across the street from another incarnation of the Black Catjazz club. It's been around since the nine teen D, O seven or so bouncedaround the different neighborhoods. The building, I'm in as actually been heresince Ho nine hundren od. Seven, Jerry Garcia of the grateful dead,lived on my floor before he started the grateful dead, Muhammedali used to boxin the gym downstairs when there was a boxing ring there. It's pretty sweet,rich history,...

...all right so using my good emotionsbased on Tony Robins, I'm like fuck yeah. Let's change what I need tochange. What am I going to change and t e? Then I started looking aroundhi. I, like my twitter acaun. I cancel like I shut down everything on facebook.If you see anything of mine on facebook is because I have some other socialmedia count still lingering a cant like a connected there or something, but Idon't log into facebook at all. I don't Check Messenger. I deleted all the APPS.I don't have any of that stuff. I just needed a simpler life, so it's effectively twitter for me, butwe also created another place called Bipolar Party Com, which is full ofkind talkative people that are not into facebook the same way, I'm not in thefacebook. So if you find yourself in need of a conversation, it's mostlyAmericans in there right now, but check it out. I not sure if you canunderstand your stere's accent, but it's by polar partycom and check thatout. So we hang out there and twitter kind of a share back and forth squeaky floor part of the issue. Still, though, ontwitter is I start to like compare myself to other people, like I'm sureyou do and most normal humans. Do we compare ourselves in society at whatother people have, but social media makes it that much more impactful. It'smore immediate t s righten your face. Whenever you want to look at or chooseto look at it, so I startd think man, I don't feelexcept like none of the bipolar. What do you call them agencies or nonprofitsor advocacy groups, none of them followd this show or me, or anythinglike that. So after a while, I started to feel abandoned once again. Just likeI was when I was a kid and it's triggered a bunch of emotions in me.I'm like this is not right and then just thinking you know fuckthat I don't need to be. I don't need to be part of that. I'm just I want todo this. I want to do my thing, which is reach out to people, especiallypeople newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and let them know you're, not alone, N,it's not a death sentence. You are a normal person with a brainmail function.They don't really know what funk the mafunction is yet and they're trying totreat it with drugs and therapy and they will get there in this lifetime. Iguarantee you so just relax if you're newly diagnosed with bipolar disorderit'sbreathe hold on. Second, I need to breathe them. Get O wound up talkingabout it: Ayou, breathing, okay, so we've fout lots of new bipolardiagnoses daily around the world, so as a listener right now or as a long timelistener. What you can help me do is spread the message of this show,especially to people newly diagnosed with bypolar disorder. We've got toreach out to them that they're, not alone and there're. StillNormal people and they've just have more clarity on what's causing theirbehavior now. So that said, my message to me in my head feels muchlarger than worrying about what the Little Mental Health Advasgei, what themental help advocacy clicks on twitter are talking about or who they includein their little reindeer games. You know at some point like well fuck itfuck them. I'm just going to go. Do my...

...thing and it's a bigger message to therest of the world. I found this out because I started looking at all thedownloads. All the statistics from my podcast through our DASPORT, like onour hosting company at the podcast place, you can look at where people aredownloading your podcast hold on a second excuse me. It is live. So I'm looking at the podcaststatistics and realize man we've got listeners all around the world. Icompared it to the the map. I was looking at bipolar sufferers around the world, a dthere's no correlation at all. That's strange! Well, I guess developedcountries tend to acknowledge mental health illnesses.That's the most. I could correlate between the two different maps. WhatI'm saying is this show I'm going to reposition asmore of an international show to help people newly diagnosed with bipolardisorder, I'll try to be less America centric and, in my own mind, I'm not reallytrying to fit in with the Bipolar Society of America or whatever the fucktose. Those organizations are called because if they're not helpingindependence, producers and voices like mine and they're only preaching theirown dogma, then I don't need that. I mean I've never needed that. That is how I came about to find my newvoiceover guy from Namibia. That's your stuff, and I love that sound put in there.You'll hear it at the end again I'll use that for a while kind of reminds meof a thing we were talking about on twitter. Actually, so do you journal?Do You keep a diary? Try it it's pretty cool here's thething that did stop me for a while, when I first because I'm kind of aperfectionist in many ways try to get things right, and I started my journal. It's you knowperfect. You know every small cap was there and the date was in the rightplace on every page and then I'd fuck it up Hyoah, I ruined it. What D I dogo to the bottom of this page or turn the page or Piwas. Creating all these hurdles foractually just documenting the thoughts I was trying to get out of my head. So I said Fuckit I'll, just letscribbles go well. Scribbles were fine and then I'm like, Oh yeah, I'mactually riting more that's cool, and then I had one of those ink pens thathas the four different color clickers. You Know Red Blue, green, whateverblack and started writing in different colors, to highlight different thoughts,and that was nice that made it more a little more fun to write and a littleeasier to read back so that worked. But then I got stuck. I got stuck onwords, I like words. I know the best words I like words. I've always liked words.I was a good speller in school and I just like them and I like to play withthem. I, like the sounds of them. I like to write them out, but my thoughtsNah, my there are. There are no words for some of my thoughts. So when I'm writing words down, I'm notlike this is not working. I'm not conveying what I what I need to get outon this paper, using the shapes of these twenty six letters. It's notworking, so I did not journal for years and I keep my journals around Thoug Howas bringing with me still got them right over there and sometimes I'lljust flip through the pages e, be like look this two thousand and seven twothousand and eight two thousand and fifteen, I'm like! Ohwhat happened wall those years now I just like literally Miss Years. So oneof the new things that I' done to get myself rejournaling was to not just notjust let my journals, stop ats words,...

...but go ahead and scribble in the fuckerjust make drawings whatever it's in your brain make doodles whatever ittakes to get to the words. So if I'm making hatch marks or smiley faces orEmojo Yin, yangs or whatever eventually words would come to my mind and then Iwould capture those words and write the rest of the Journal entry. So that'skind of what I'm doing here with this particular podcast. When I was out in the suburbs, I had a fake backdrop that said Sykethat media behind me that made it look like I was in a downtown office, butthe reality was. That was a just a fake backdrop, because I'm just kind of you got to see it. You got Ta name itto claim it. Whatever oprar says you know the the visualization thing.Basically, I was visualizing the type of office that I actually wanted. Wellnow I actually have that real view and it's a lot harder to light. So when you have a backdrop you canmake it look like it's a backdrop in the sunlight back there, but whenthereis actually sunlight behind your window, it washes out the camera. SoI've got to figure out a good way to do that in the meantime, part of thes showwill be me. Capturing just crazy shit on the street, I'll put it up on myyoutube channel and flash about to the twitter. If you want to look at that,just to kind of see how life is for other people, especially in this crazypart of town that'll, be cool. But again it's that's.Like me, just scribbling in my journal, I'm not going to hold the true to anypodcast format, except there's going to be a start and there's going to be anend and they'll generally be pretty short, but want to make it just thebigger funner show cool you cool with that, then I also have to get back to myresponsibilities in moving. You have to disconnect a lot of things. I didn'thave Internet for a couple of weeks, kind of suffering there, and now mysome of my functionalities are not working. I don't think I'm getting the the email motifications from some tools,I'm using to schedule guests. There's a great podcast. I've beenlistening to called come to the table. It's religious folks, bringing all kinds ofother people quote unquote to the table to have a conversation about prettymuch anything, but just acknowledging that their perspective is the religiousperspective. So we've been trying to hook up for weeks and I encourage youto go check out that show, but we'll be together soon. I look forward to that and of course Becky at that be wordpodcast. She talks about bipolar and borderline personality disorder around the first of the year, see what I really moved to California,because I wanted to have a partner to do podcasts with. I don't want to dothem alone. It's Kond it's hard, but I thought hey. If we maybe beckyand I can do a co hosting thing where we each call in and record our partsand make a two person podcast about mental health, and I was all into thatand that's totally got off track, but anyway, check out. Becky show thatB word and take a listen subscribe to that. We'll have her on again. I can need toa publicly apologize for saying: Hey, let's start a show together, Betaandthen like fuck. I have to move and everything's falling apart at my feet,so it's fair enough. I want to hear what her shows been up to. I listen toher episodes, but I want to see what...

...she's, what her struggles have been asfar as the new podcast, because both of our podcast are less than a year old, and so this new studio he's is a funnything. Okay, so I've been a drummer for most of my life, like literally likesince I was like three or four years old and when you play acoustic drums, I really prefer a big boomy open soundlike a pedal on the drum head in a nice big maple, Hardwood Shell, pushing airout you make sound when you move air, so I'm like yeah t e, big old boomy,sound bass drums all my Tom Toms, my stair drums all that just big open,sound. Some people like to put pillows intheir bass drums give them really muffled sounds you know. Obviously hemoved less air. You make less sound, but they're trimming out all thespecial tones, the overtones that make drum sound, so cool. So by the same token, this particularstudio, I'm in I, as surrounded by hard things, there's a window there hardwoodfloors under my feet, big screen TV over there- and you know Pai PaintedWall in front of me, so lots of hard surfaces actually standin my socks. While I'm recording this. So you don't hear me tap in my feet, but the whole thing is like. I want thesound all of the sound to be heard. I want the nuances of the cars going upthe street the sound. In the background of my studio that you can hear throughthe Mike I like that, I adds I think, flavor and spotaneity and just a littlemore excitements into the podcast. It's especially cool en I have to stepaway from the Mike Catch. My breath, there's no dead air. You hear the pianostill going so anyway, Ak back to the topic of what's new, what's evolving, thatthat's, how I'm doing the podcast! Now it's a lot more more open and a lot more live a lot more on track of what I've beentrying to do so now, man, just kind of gather the momentum again I'll, do apodcast on guns here momentarily. Maybe this one now I'll cut it up into to,because the guns podcast is fresh, it's new, but it's mostly topical forAmericans. So if you don't care about guns inAmerica, an you probably don't need to hear that podcast. However, I encourageOu, listen to it, anyways, because guns do affect most countries with Americaninfluence, and I know America tries to imperialize the world, so there maysoon be American guns on your shores, if you're, not carefulso anyway, Wi'll cut loose. Here, it's been a while I've been long enoughtalking. I can always tell when I'm running a things to say, but I justwanted to a touch base I'll get to the guns. PODCAST here today. Try to getthem both uploaded and yeah subscribe. It Bi Polar stylecom,go over to twitter, same thing, by polar style and, like I said, help us build bypolar partycom into like a cool, bipolar people, exclusive socialplatform, and you can help us move the parts around we're all very new,there's, probably less than fifty people there right now. So your inputis greatly appreciated and it's a good place to be if you justwant to get off of like facebook cool all right. So let's kick it out of here, I'm going togo, get some lunch come back and talk about guns. You have a great SaturdayChow Now.

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