Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 3 years ago

Embracing the good emotions, evolving past life's hard times.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions talks about finding inspiration and distinguishing bad emotions from good emotions after watching Tony Robbins on Netflix. A big welcome to everyone newly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and a renewed focus on Bipolar Disorder around the world - not just America. Also, John talks about Harriet A. Washington's book, "Infectious Madness" and how the germs that cause brain infections and mental illnesses are often common, contagious diseases.

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It's only now it's online and Biblethis stylecom joining motions with Bible style. Wow, how about that? Welcomeback. It's been a few weeks. I have taken some time to movemy whole operation into the heart of downtown San Francisco, USA. So everything'sgoing to sound a lot different because it is a lot different. Let metell you how that happens. Okay, he got a minute. Well,you're here, you have the podcast, so check it out. This iswhat I did. Found some music to Ya. When I was had justcome back from New Orleans, which is on the south coast of the UnitedStates, back to California. I landed out in the suburban part, whichis not really the mountains or the fields and it's not the city, somewherekind of in between, and that that didn't sit well with me. Itjust seems so average. I need kind of extremes. So I made plansand that kind of visualized living in downtown San Francisco again. It's one ofmy favorite places to be. So what I did was I search time lowfor a building to manage. That's one of my specialties. I'm a kindof a designer and a producer in one life, but I also have skillsat managing properties. So I found a really, really cool building in downtownSan Francisco to manage and as part of managing the building, I also livethere. So now my whole operation, everything, my podcast studio, VideoProduction Studio, my day job office, my bed, my whole apartment,everything is in the same place and it's in one of the the grittiest neighborhoodsin America. Now a lot of people are thinking, no way, you'venever been to this place or you've never been to this place. Well,look up the tenderloin in San Francisco and Wikipedia and let's compare notes, becausethis place is pretty gritty and it's really kind of what I was looking for. I'm not sure about you, but as I'm attribute it to being abipolar person, but I kind of need extremes. Like the music I likekind of goes from one extreme to the next. I don't like middle ofthe road things. My living environment, the atmosphere that I stay in,I like that to be kind of super idyllic, maybe up in the mountainsby a lake or right here in the middle of the Shit, one ofthe other somewhere when I'm when I'm in between, when I'm in a placelike the suburbs of America, with all the similar cracker box looking houses andall the same schools and all the same strip malls and everything, I reallyfeel like I stand out, and being downtown in a in a big city, I feel a really peaceful sense of anonymity. Anyway, I explain thisto you because you will often hear buses and sirens, cars speeding by,the normal city sounds. In this particular city, in this neighborhood, though, you might hear shouting and occasional gunshot and that sort of thing. Justknow that the police department is right around the corner and they will get hereas soon as they can. That's funny, man. Speaking of guns, wegot we got to talk about guns again. In America we have agun problem. But let me finish explaining...

...what had happened here. So atone point I thought my name should be John Evolves, because I feel likeI'm constantly changing, and that's kind of how I ended up here in SanFrancisco again. Is the first time around. I didn't do it right, soI wanted to evolve and kind of each time I come around to aplace, do that place a little bit better, kind of bring it upnext level. So, anyway, not John Evolves. It ended up beingJohn Emotions. Oh So, and it all here. Hey, I startingto sound like a fucking bipolar person. Okay, so I was sitting inthe suburbs board watching Netflix and I noticed Tony Robbins, the motivational guru,has a special on Netflix, if you might be able to still catch it'spretty good. However, it's called I'm not your Guru. That's pretty selfobservant of him. That's interesting. Let's check it out. And you know, if I don't know, this show is heard and lots of countries aroundthe world. So I'm thinking you might not have heard of Tony Robbins,but maybe you have to think he's international. This guy. As long as Ican recall he's been pretty straight and narrow. He seems to be aman of faith, but he doesn't push his religion on people and he tendsto get results. And I remember reading his books back when I was akid in thinking like this is neat. This guy made it. He wasa you know, kid, teenager in the streets, didn't have much goingfor him. And decided to just figure out how how thoughts work, outof how how to motivate myself just by thinking. So, point being,he seems like a reasonable enough guy to listen to, at least right soI watched his documentary, Tony Robbins, I'm not your Guru, and Ithink the first guy they show was suicidal. So that really struck me because ifyou've ever been suicidal you can see it in people's face when they're thatclose, or at least that hurt. And you know, I'm definitely lookingat this guy in the audience going yeah, scars, got a bad case,got bad case of suicidals, and then watching Tony robins interact with themkind of receealed the deal for me to watch the rest of the documentary.But do it. Watching the rest of the documentary is kind of what promptedthis. This whole change for me and for the show caused John to evolve. John Evolves, but one of the key things I heard in the Tonyrobins thing kind of snap me back into in the shape was that our emotionsdon't have to be bad. We have good emotions as well, joy andhappiness and things like that. And like, Oh yeah, just because I createda character called John Emotions doesn't mean I often have to always be complainingand cry baby, whatever, whatever. You know what I mean. Itdoesn't all to be bad. I get it that I've got bipolar disorder,like I'm sure you get it. You have bipolar disorder, so let's acceptup that and get back to life. So, just based on that simpleobservation of watching a Netflix show, I changed my mind and said, that'sright, John Emotions is not going to stand for sadness and depression, orat least not alone. I think John Emotions should also share happy emotions andpositive thoughts and things like that. Does that make sense? I mean,I guess it makes sense. If, like you're actually have mania and ifexperience those times where you can use that...

...energy towards good, then you probablyunderstand. If you're currently depressed and listening to this show in your headphones underthe covers. Yeah, I get it, don't worry about it, we'll helpyou through. This thick step man that's a good looking dog, thisguy that's got a big pit bull walks by the street and it's all white, but it's got two big giant black eyes. That's it. Cool.I want to get a dog. I wanted to get a cat for thelongest time and then I read a book called infectious madness by Harriet a Washingtonand basically convinced me that cats cause schizophrenia. Will Get to that in episode comingup. She's kind of gave me the go ahead to approach her aboutout and interview for the show. So if you really interested about the realpossibilities that mental illnesses can be transmitted through the air, through germs, gopick up a copy of infectious madness by Harriet a Washington. Kind of makesme wondered why I moved back into such a grimy, Gritty area to asI'm reading this book, I move myself into one of the dirtiest areas I'veever lived into. Just okay, I'm like. This morning I woke upto video. I took some video. I love got a camera to takesome video of the street happenings and watching a cop and the pickup truck theydrive around with clearing out the homeless each morning, scooping up their property andthrowing the cardboard boxes away and whatnot. As one of the homeless people wasputting up the property. While the COP was standing there watching, the otherperson walked over to a nearby car, pulled their pants down, leaned againstthe car and started taking a shit right in front of the COP. SoI mean that's that's this neighborhood. There's needles everywhere, gunshot shell casings,drug baggies, human feces, urine, all kinds of animal stuff with justit's wild. So to compare that with Miss Washington's book infectious madness about howmany diseases are caused by germs, I'm starting to wonder, like well,no wonder. Poor people that live in Shitty neighborhoods go crazy. They catchit, they literally catch it and it stays in the neighborhoods for generations.That blows my mind and I'm sorry to blow your mind if you weren't readyfor the information. But, like I said, if you want to checkout that book and come up with some questions for Miss Washington, we'll haveher on the show and we'll ask her all about the rest of the thingsshe's found in her research. What do you think about that music I'm listeningto? I like it makes me feel like I'm in San Francisco so inthe background there is a jazz guy from the early s named Vince Garaldi,and he is most famous for playing the Charlie Brown music, you know,the peanuts theme, but he's Great. Love that. San Francisco has arich history of Jazz. I live right across the street from another incarnation ofthe Black Cat jazz club. It's been around since the one thousand nine hundredseven or so bounced around the different neighborhoods. The building I'm in is actually beenhere since nine hundred and seven. Jerry Garcia of the grateful dead livedon my floor before he started the grateful dead. Muhammad Ali used to boxin the gym downstairs when there was a boxing ring there. It's pretty sweetrich history. All right. So,...

...using my good emotions based on TonyRobbins, I'm like, Fuck Yeah, let's change what I need to change. What am I going to change? And I'm then I started looking aroundin my like my twitter account. I cancel, like a shut down everythingon facebook. If you see anything of mine on Facebook, is because Ihave some other social media account, still lingering account, like a connected thereor something, but I don't log into facebook at all. I don't CheckMessenger. I deleted all the APPS. I don't have any of that stuff. I just needed a simpler life. So it's effectively twitter for me.But we also created another place called Bipolar Partycom, which is full of kind, talkative people that are not into facebook, the same way I'm not into facebook. So if you find yourself in need of a conversation, it's mostlyAmericans in there right now, but check it out. Not sure if youcan understand yourster's accent, but it's bipolar partycom and check that out. Sowe hang out there and twitter kind of a share back and forth. Squeakyfloor. But part of the issue still though. On twitter is a startto like, compare myself to other people, like I'm sure you do and mostnormal humans do. We compare ourselves and societies of what other people have, but social media makes it that much more impactful. It's more immediate,righten your face whenever you want to look at or choose to look at it. So I start to think, man, I don't feel except like none ofthe bipolar what you call them agencies or nonprofits or advocacy groups, noneof them followed this show or me or anything like that. So after awhile I started to feel abandoned once again, just like I was when I wasa kid, and it's triggered a bunch of emotions in me. I'mlike, this is not right, and then I'm just thinking, you knowwhat the fuck that? I don't need to be I don't need to bepart of that. I'm just I want to do this. I want todo my thing, which is reach out to people, especially people newly diagnosedwith bipolar disorder, and let them know you're not alone. It's not adeath sentence. You are a normal person with a brain malfunction. They don'treally know what funk the malfunction is yet and they're trying to treat it withdrugs and therapy, and they will get there in this lifetime, I guaranteeyou. So just relax. If you're newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it'sbreathe. Hold on second, I need to breathem getting a wound up talkingabout it. You breathing? Okay. So we fought lots of new bipolardiagnoses daily around the world. So, as a listener right now or asa longtime listener, what you can help me do is spread the message ofthis show, especially to people newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. We've got toreach out to them that they're not alone and they're still normal people. They'vejust have more clarity on what's causing their behavior now. So, that said, my message to me in my head feels much larger than worrying about whatthe little mental health adversuspread of, what the mental health advocacy clicks on twitterare talking about or who they include in their little reindeer games. You know, at some point I like well, fuck it, fuck them, I'mjust going to go do my thing,...

...and it's a bigger message to therest of the world. I found this out because I started looking at allthe downloads, all the statistics from my podcast through our dashboard, like onour hosting company, at the podcast place, you can look at where people aredownloading your podcast. Hold on one second, excuse me, it islive. So I'm looking at the podcast statistics and realize, man, we'vegot listeners all around the world. I compared it to the map I waslooking at of bipolar sufferers around the world and there's no correlation at all.That's strange. Well, I guess developed countries tend to acknowledge mental health illnesses. That's the most I could correlate between the two different maps. What I'msaying is this show I'm going to reposition as more of an international show tohelp people newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It's I'll try to be less Americacentric and in my own mind I'm not really trying to fit in with theBipolar Society of America or whatever the fuck those those organizations are called, becauseif they're not helping independence producers and voices like mine and they're only preaching theirown dogma, then I don't need that. I mean, I've never needed that. That is how I came about to find my new voiceover guy fromTHEMIBIA. That's your stuff and I love that sound put in there. You'llhear it at the end again. I'll use that for a while. Kindof reminds me of a thing we were talking about on twitter actually. Sodo you journal? Do You keep a die re? Try It's pretty cool. Here's the thing that did stop me for a while when I first becauseI'm kind of a perfectionist in many ways. Should you get things right, andsince I started my journal it's a perfect. Yeah, every small capwas there in the date was in the right place on every page and thenI'd fuck it up. Oh yow, I ruined it. What I do? Go to the bottom of this page or turn the page or just creatingall these hurdles for actually just documented the thoughts I was trying to get outof my head. So I said, fuck it, I'll just let scribblesgo. Well, scribbles were fine, and then I'm like, Oh yeah, I'm actually writing more. That's cool. And then I had one of thoseink pens that has the four different color clickers, you know, red, blue, green, whatever, black, and started writing in different colors tohighlight different thoughts and that was nice and that made it more a littlemore fun to write and a little easier to read back. So that worked. But then I got stuck. I got stuck on words. I likewords. I know the best words. I like words. Of always likedwords. I was a good speller in school and I just like them andI like to play with them, I like the sounds of them, Ilike to write them out. But my thoughts, Noah, my there arethere are no words for some of my thoughts. So when I'm writing words, down in them like this is not working. I'm not conveying what I'mwhat I need to get out on this paper using the shapes of these twentysix letters. It's not working. So I did not journal for years andI keep my journals around though I was bringing with me. Still got themright over there, and sometimes I'll just flip through the pages and you likelook this, two thousand and seven, two thousand and eight, two thousandand fifteen. I'm like, Oh, what happened while those years? NowI just like literally Miss Years. So one of the new things that Idone to get myself re journaling was to...

...not just not just let my journalsstop at words, but go ahead and scribble in the fucker. Just makedrawings, whatever it's in your brain, make doodles, whatever it takes toget to the words. So if I'm making hatch marks or smiley faces oremo Joe Yin Yang's or whatever, eventually words would come to my mind.Event I would capture those words and write the rest of the Journal entry.So that's kind of what I'm doing here with this particular podcast. When Iwas out in the suburbs, I had a fake backdrop that said psych thatmedia behind me. That made it look like I was in a downtown office, but the reality was that was a just the fake backdrop, because I'mjust kind of you gotta see it, you got to name it to claimit, whatever oprah says. You know, the the visualization thing. Basically Iwas visualizing the type of office that I actually wanted. Well, nowI actually have that real view and it's a lot harder to light. Sowhen you have a backdrop, you can make it look like it's a backdropand there's sunlight back there, but when there's actually sunlight behind your window,it washes out the camera. So I've got to figure out a good wayto do that. In the meantime, part of this show will be mecapturing just crazy shit on the street. I'll put it up on my youtubechannel and flash it out to the twitter if you want to look at that, just to kind of see how life is for other people, especially inthis crazy part of town. That will be cool, but again, it'sthat that's like me just scribbling in my journal. I'm not going to holdthe true to any podcast format, except there's going to be a start andthere's going to be an end. And they'll generally be pretty short, butwant to make it just the bigger, funner show. Cool you? Coolwith that? Then I also have to get back to my responsibilities. Inmoving you have to disconnect a lot of things. I didn't have Internet fora couple of weeks. kind of suffering there, and now my some ofmy functionalities are not working. I don't think I'm getting the email notifications fromsome tools I'm using to schedule guests. There's a great podcast have been listeningto call to come to the table. It's religious folks bringing all kinds ofother people, quote unquote, to the table to have a conversation about prettymuch anything, but just acknowledging that their perspective is the religious perspective. Sowe've been trying to hook up for weeks and I encourage you to go checkout that show. But we'll be together soon. Look forward to that.And of course, Becky at that B word podcast. She talks about bipolarand borderline personality disorder. Around the first of the year. See what?I really moved to California because I wanted to have a partner to do podcastswith. I don't want to do them alone. It's kind of. It'shard, but I thought, hey, if we maybe becky and I cando a cohosting thing where we each call in and record our parts and makea two person podcast about mental health. And it was all into that andnice. Totally got off track. But anyway, check out Becky, showthat B word and take a listen, subscribe to that. We'll have herown again. I can need to a publicly apologize for saying, Hey,let's start a show together, that other that and then, like fuck,I have to move and everything's falling apart at my feet. So it's fairenough. I want to hear what her shows been up to. I listento her episodes, but I want to see what she's what are struggles havebeen as far as the new podcast,...

...because both of our podcasts are lessthan a year old, and so this new studio here's there's a funny thing. Okay, so I've been a drummer for most of my life, likeliterally, like since I was like three or four years old, and whenyou play acoustic drums, I really prefer a big boomy open sound, likea pedal on the drumhead in a nice big maple hardwood shell, pushing airout. You make sound when you move are. So I'm like, yeah, the big old boomy sound bass drums, all my Tom Tom's, my snaredrums, all that, just big open sound. Some people like toput pillows in their bass drums give it a really muffled sound. You know, obviously he move less air, he make less sound, but they're trimmingout all the special tones, the overtones that make drum sounds so cool.So, by the same token, this particular studio I'm in I was surroundedby hard things. There's a window there, hardwood floors under my feet, biggestscreen TV over there and, you know, Pai Painted Wall in frontof me, so lots of hard surfaces. Actually stand in my socks while I'mrecording this, so you don't hear me tapping my feet. But thewhole thing is like I want the sound, all of the sound, to beheard. I want the nuances of the cars going up the street,the sound in the background of my studio that you can hear through the MIC. I like that. It adds, I think, flavor and Spotan eightyand you just a little more excitements into the podcast. It's especially cool andI have to step away from the MIC. Catch my breath. There's no deadair. You hear the piano still going. So anyway, back tothe topic of what's new, what's evolving? That that's how I'm doing the podcastnow. It's a lot more more open and a lot more live,a lot more on track of what I've been trying to do. So nowman, just kind of gather the momentum again. I'll do a podcast onguns here momentarily. Maybe this one now I'll cut it up into two becausethe guns podcasts is fresh. It's new, but it's mostly topical for Americans.So if you don't care about guns in America, you probably don't needto hear that podcast. However, I encourage listen to it anyways because gunsdo affect most countries with American influence, and I know America tries to imperializethe world, so there may soon be American guns on your shores if you'renot careful. So anyway, we'll cut loose here. It's been while.I've been long enough talking. I could always tell when I'm running out ofthings to say, but I just wanted to touch base. I'll get tothe guns podcast here today. Try to get them both uploaded and, yeah, subscribe it bipolar stylecom. Go over to twitter, same thing by polarstyle and, like I said, help us build bipolar partycom into like acool bipolar people exclusive social platform, and you can help us move the partsaround. We're all very new. There's probably less than fifty people there rightnow, so your input is greatly appreciated and it's a good place to beif you just want to get off of like facebook. Cool, all right, so let's kick it out of here. I'm going to go get some lunch, come back talk about guns. You have a great Saturday. Chownow styles on our cheese and five following...

...on twitter. Excuse mecom.

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