Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 2 years ago

Guess who's back? John Emotions' bonus update episode; a little housekeeping before we continue.


I've been on hiatus for a few months, experiencing other parts of America and reconsidering what this podcast means to me. This bonus episode is mostly me rambling and catching you up on my life. I have to get this out of my system in order to produce the cleaner episode that follows ... 
Fast-forward to hear the Newbie's Guide To Bipolar Disorder; 10 Keys to Understanding Your Impairment
3:00 - What its like in Louisiana compared to California
5:00 - Studio update; it's too loud around here!
6:30 - Doctors and med updates
9:00 - Twitter is like a concert parking lot; where I put flyers on windshields
11:30 - I'm not an advocate; I'm a hobbyist
13:00 - What "podcast" means to me
15:00 - What I focus on grows
16:00 - Stereotypes of the South
18:00 - Next episode; Newbie's Guide To Bipolar Disorder; 10 Keys to Understanding Your Impairment

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Abankagain Bab a as online it style, Oyeah, that's right! What's up how youbeen come on step on into my confessional with me, just you and I take care of a little housekeeping here, so I've been away from the podcast fora while. Nobody else has replaced me. I just haven't made any podcast becauseI've been moving around, so I wanted to give you an update on that, andsometimes I got to get it out of my system before I make what I call itclean podcast. I have this issue where I like create a podcast. The idea in myhead and I'll write out the notes and kind of do a little formatting and then, when it comes time to get tothat information, I turn on the Mikes and then I start rambling about a bunchof other stuff. That's not pertinent to the show topic and were the title ofthe podcast or any of that stuff. So this is that podcast and just get somejunk out and the podcast right after this I'm going to call something likethe newcomers guide to bypolar disorder. Something like that. Like the tenthings to look for when you first get diagnosed I'll work on that that'll, be,I think I might record that after this, so you may be able to just fast forwardthis housekeeping so to speak, episode and jump right into that, if you'reinto that. Otherwise here is what I've been up to. I think it's been since okay, so backin December, I started recording some...

...podcast with a cohost and I still havethose I'm debating on whether or not to release them. But in hindsight it justdidn't like the way they turned out so they're kind of in the can ready to go.I'm just just don't want to put thim out because things change my mind,changes perspective on things, changes and you know think that's how things go.So I did want to put some space between that activity and now and my next podcast, whichright now right. So what I did was purposely step back and I'm not justall during this time. I'm not just not doing things, I'm exploring life andtrying to get other people's perspectives on things and just seeinghow the world works. I'm very curious. I'm always like trying to find out howand why and what happened, and you know just general knowledge about everything. So I'm in the south, now I'm in thedeep deep south you can't really get more south in in the United States thanI am right now, IAM in a place called Jennings Louisiana, which is south of the iten somewhere betweenHouston and New Orleans and yeah. It's a trip. I came here because I wantedsome well. I, like the Green I like that it rains all the time, soeverything is always green back in the bay area. It's kind of like a desert, a highdesert in some ways, especially as the climate changes. So every summer thehills instantly turned yellow. So you look around you just surrounded bydried out, hey looking hills in Louisiana. That never happens. It rainsconstantly. The first weekend I was here got hit with the hurricane. Iguess I moved in and we brought up Hurricane Barry, which wasn't really ahurricane at all to me, even though we're really close to the edge of America down with the swamp start rightbefore the Gulf of Mexico and that fucking hurricane didn't do anything.There was way worse storms after that...

...big ass, lightning, storms, tons ofrain. You know few inches of hour kind of rain, its pretty wild. Fortunately,this area is built for that. So when it rains a couple of inches in an hour, itall absorbs I to the ground and drains away fairly effectively. So you get anice variety. You just get a nice variety of weather and and yeassunshinind, green and blue sky and big puffy white clouds. That's cool! That'swhat I came for to get away from the concrete jungle of downtown SanFrancisco and that part worked out pretty well happy with that decision. Some of theother things that I had hoped would take place have not yet taken place.It's caused a lot of stress in my personal life, I'm currently in a placewhere I thought I would be like this is a great place to record a podcast, butwhere I'm staying now, even though it's a small town, we happen to stay righton the interstate like the house's address is the highway, so that's themain thoroughfare through town, so there's always trucks and sirens andeverything coming by so every time. I want to get up the intention- and youknow the INTENTTI forty tode toturn on the Mike and do a podcast here's a bigtruck barrelling down the roadbo sirens were like a block away from thefrom a very active railroad crossing right there on the interstate, there'srailroad tracks and the cross right. There were close enough to where thehouse actually shakes and I swear to God. The train drivers are really intothe horn. They start pulling that fucking horn about a half mile beforethe crossing gates and they just keep going all the way through town. Sothere's no peace, and this happens easily ten times a day. I'm not reallyfastidious enough to figure out when they come or to make a chartr oranything some kind of Exale spreadsheet, of when the trains come by. I just Idon't care that much. I'm just thinking Lok fuckit find a better place torecord, so I'm over at a different house in the same town, which is a lotquieter.

Your that good. You shouldn't hear anything, but if you do, I am still near o roadand cars and every once in a while motorcycle or something will come byand you'll hear it thit's temporary. But again this ispart of the housekeeping of this episode. So if you hear it in future,episodes just know that Oh yeah, still in that one town, that's Helv, noisyhell, oven the Oise that said, okay, so here's what else I did. In the past fewmonths, I've been seeing lots of doctors, psychiatrists, Erabist, whatnot and change my medstwice. So I was- and these are all new meds to me- 'not, going to go down a list of themeds. I take pretty much every antipsychotic that they prescribe forbipolar disorder of taking that I think, there's about ten, maybe maybe twelvethere's a lot and I've tried them all from Sarah Quell to Li make to allthose common ones and the more things like depicote and alons of peam andjust names. I can't remember I purposelly, don't remember. I just takepictures of the bottle and file them away anyway. I don't take anyantisticotics now they switched me to, but a BA antidepressant and antianxiety, not too much effect so wel. What do youdo? Stop Smoking Weed Right now, not on the Zooft or the adevacs atteract,whatever that was called, I don't take either of those I don't smoke anyweed.I got some new meds that I'm not going to tell you what they're called it's.None of Your Business. I might tell you after I stopped taking them, but theyseeme to be working pretty well a lot more motivated got. My clarity got myintention back somewhat and I think part of the thing with me when I'mdepressed, maybe it's the same with you,...

...but I get depressed when I'm not ontrack like being off track. Misaligned with my life is what depresses me whenI'm able to get up in the morning and focus on a thing I like whether it's work or play a hobby orjust you know doing something that I'm into I feel in alignment with myselfand the depression fades away pretty quickly. That said, it's dangerous forme to just sit around all day in bed and play on the Internet, especially ifI'm on twitter, like mental health twitter, where everyone's alwayscomplaining about something and my God. I got Ta step back from this, so thatwas part of that. I step back away from social media generally and twitter,specifically, which is no dig against twitter for sure. That's, my favoritesocial media platform. If I were to pick one, here's how I do social media whenever anew one comes out, I go there real quick and I lock down my name. You knowso you user name is your name and that's primarily so nobody else in thefuture takes it right. But after a couple weeks, I'm like I don't needthis tick talk I'll lat, bullshit fuck, that so I don't do snapchat I quitfacebook. I don't use instagram anymore, although I have some accounts with somecool pictures on there. I don't use it actively right now. I really just focuson twitter and to me it's not a Stanin like what is twitter really soa lot of things deal with when I do a podcast, I feel like back in the banddays, I like to say I grew up playing music. I still play 'v E, been odrummer and lots of bands played in front of tens of thousands of people.Sometimes we twelve thousand people, I think, was the biggest show so cool. Ihave that experience, but I see things through the lens of a band and part ofthat is when I was a kid a teenager I was fourteen. I got kicked out of myhouse forever. Never went back and bands saved my life. If I didn't have aband to hang out with, I would have had nowhere to go and since I playd thedrums, if there was a place where I...

...could keep my drum set up, that meantthere was a place I could lay down. So I would find a place. You know. Oh,keep a drums in the garage and well jam on Saturday cool. Well, how about you?Let me sleep in the garage next, my drums the rest of the week, so I can goto school, so that's kind of how it worked out anyway. I have a affinityfor the bands metaphor and twitter remokay. So when you have a podcast,you have to promote it. Somehow I'm not going to pay to promote it, becauseit's it's a hobby. You know it's like. I don't even know how to describe that,but you're not going to pay to promote the fact that you're going snowskiingnext weekend. This, who cares like this kind of how I feel, but also there is some gamification toit s like you kind of like well, let's see if I can get any more downloads, sothe podcast itself in podcast world gets plenty of downloads, becausepeople that are in the podcast are already there listening to podcast thatoute duck, but you got to bring in more people, so the idea of going to twitterand reminding people you have a podcast is one of the tools I use. So the bandMataphor connection here is, I think, of twitter like a parking lot full ofcars, where I can go put my band flyer on everybody's wind shield. Sometimes Irun into people on this twitter parking lot and I have conversations. SometimesI get into fights. Sometimes you know different things happen in tha parkinglot, but twitter is by giant parking lot where I go to post flyers onpeople's wind shields for the podcast. So I wouldn't say by any means that Iam any kind of mental health advocate, because that's just not my frame,that's not my mindset. I deal with mental empairments mental disorders. Ihave mental health issues, however you'd like to say it, I am not adisorder. I am human and I'm afflicted with certain conditions and they're inmy brain and I'm always you know trying to think my way through them and gethelp with medication and doctors and...

...therapist and things like that. But atthe end you know I'm not an advocate, I'm a guy with a podcast hobby, that'sout there putting flyers on people's windshields, and that is my twitter. So anyway, if you see me on twitter-and you happen to like engage just that- that's the that's the frame right there.It's like! Oh you caught me in the parking lot, putting stuff up onwindshields how you doing oh cool, how about you, oh you're, putting someflyers up to what do you do so, I'm really into other people who docreative projects, whether it's the podcast or film projects, documentaries,writing, books and have well established blogs, and things like that.I like meeting those folks on twitter and it like sharing their projects withmy audience. SO THAT'S COOL! So if you find me on twitter- and you havesomething you want to share or say hit me- I'm happy to share it witheverybody else and Ju's kind of build a community. That way, I guess, is thebest way to put it. So, with regards to this podcast by polar style, I feellike I'm beating to dead horse with a podcast. It's not like hey we'restarting to radio station. We got to be on the air every day or we got to showup every Saturday at ten. That's that's not how I think of podcast at all. Ithink a podcasts more like TV series, where you go in seasons or with theband Ometaphor, I think, of a podcast more like an album where each episodeis a song and the whole album would be the season of podcasts. The great thingabout that is that after each quote, unquote album you can change things up. You canchange the cast. You can change the band members. You can change your logo,you could do all kinds of things for season to or your second album or.However, you like to think about that, but the idea that podcasting is likeradio or TV where you you got to show up each time. It's not that way.PODCAST don't have to be live at all. In fact, the nature of a podcast is notlive. That would be broadcasting or you...

...know, live streaming or something likethat. THAT'S NOT A PODCAST! The podcast is an individual file that people candownload whatever the fuck they want to. Like you you're listening to this rightnow, you don't know when I recorded it, but you know that I'm listening to itnow. So, given that context, I think podcast should be more like albums orseries of shows or seasons. So, instead of continually flogging, the bipolarstyle show. I have another project, I'm working on that you may or may not findout about on twitter. I'm not really going to talk about it here, because just n't don't feel like it. I guess,and that show will be people with mentalhealth problems producing an actual show. That's not about mental health atall, so know that if you find us in the future, you know that we're the samecrazy people just doing quote unquote regular show, I don't think justbecause we have a mental illness that that's the only thing we have to focuson. That seems dumb. If you got other things to do, do those things what youfocus on grows. So if I continually focus on the downside of bipolardisorder? Well, that's that's what my life becomess the downside of bipolardisorder. So I think it's good when you create things like bodcast or blogs,just to know that the world doesn't need us, we don't there's plenty ofother content out there. So if you need to take a break, just fucking take abreak as long as you want come back as a new person shit, I'm using a littleanime chick icon on my bi polar style. Twitter Account Right now, just becauseI'm trying to shake people tick, not shake them like upset them, I'm trying to lose people,people that are on Mi on my trail, I'm trying to shake them off so they're,not paying so much attention. It's just too much. I'm a hobbyist like as, like,I said, I'm a hobbyist, and I consider this my little confessional booth withyou. I don't see this is me standing on...

...the stage going: yess, hey everybodyoute there in podcast las it's dumb to me. THAT'S DUMB! Anyway,you got it so I'm roaming around America gathering insight. I've got alot of experience from different places and I like to fill the cracks with reallived knowledge. So when I talk as a Californian, you kind of tend to talkabout people in the Midwest or the South Derisively, and I know thatthat's bad obviously to do shouldn't talk that way about people anyhow, butsome of the stereotypes about the South I've kind of dispelled firsthand. Sonow I know that not everyone's a big racist, not everyone's Anti Gay, notmost people, do go to church, not me, but I mean to each their own lots ofpeople go to church in this town. When they ask you what religion that you are,they don't mean Christian, Muslim or Jewish. They mean which version ofChristian, like mephodist Protestant Presbyterian Baptist. They want to knowthat they assume you're a Christian already. That's kind of weird but again, first hand live knowledgehere in the south so that when they talk about things like mental healthissues, I know more, of which I speak from living it and that's what I hope to bring to thetable in the new podcast and with these next couple of episodes of bipolarstyle as well cool. So let's get back to that rambled long enough, but like as borngin the beginning, you could have fasted forwarded this the whole time just tojump to the actual podcast, but I'm glad you're back, I'm glad I have it inme to like record another podcast. I always like hearing my own voice in myheadset. You know not because I want you to hearmy voice, but because I just like talk, it's fun, that's ID, let's get on withit. Here we go I'm going to Oh yeah, thisnext episode.

I do want you to share because there'sa lot of information. I've gathered from both living it and from all of the fans of the show the peoplehave talked to on twitter and the people have argued with people in thesouth, the people in the West e people in North all these people have startedto develop. You know I've see certain patterns with the way we are with the way people that arediagnosed with by polar disorder or or become so I'd like to kind of Jeil Bosdown into just like ten bullet points and we'll do that. Coming up next WITOUT MEO Y.

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