Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 2 years ago

Guess who's back? John Emotions' bonus update episode; a little housekeeping before we continue.


I've been on hiatus for a few months, experiencing other parts of America and reconsidering what this podcast means to me. This bonus episode is mostly me rambling and catching you up on my life. I have to get this out of my system in order to produce the cleaner episode that follows ... 
Fast-forward to hear the Newbie's Guide To Bipolar Disorder; 10 Keys to Understanding Your Impairment
3:00 - What its like in Louisiana compared to California
5:00 - Studio update; it's too loud around here!
6:30 - Doctors and med updates
9:00 - Twitter is like a concert parking lot; where I put flyers on windshields
11:30 - I'm not an advocate; I'm a hobbyist
13:00 - What "podcast" means to me
15:00 - What I focus on grows
16:00 - Stereotypes of the South
18:00 - Next episode; Newbie's Guide To Bipolar Disorder; 10 Keys to Understanding Your Impairment

Send comments to or leave a public voicemail response (377) 944-9333

Yes, BAA, BAA, it'sonly the head and now it's online Bible, this stylecom yes, emotions with Bible, that style. Oh yeah, that's right. What's up? Howyou been? Come on, step on into my confessional with me. Justyou and I take care of a little housekeeping here. So I've been awayfrom the podcast for a while. Nobody else's replaced me. I just haven'tmade any podcast because I've been moving around. So I wanted to give you anupdate on that. And sometimes I got to get it out of mysystem before I make what I call a clean podcast. I have this issuewhere I like create a podcast idea in my head and I'll write out thenotes and kind of do a little formatting and then, when it comes timeto get to that information, I turn on the mics and then I startrambling a better bunch of other stuff that's not pertinent to the show topic orthe title of the podcast or any of that stuff. So this is thatpodcast and just get some junk out and the podcast right after this I'm goingto call something like the newcomers guide to bipolar disorder, something like that,like the ten things to look for when you first get diagnosed I'll work onthat. That'll be I think I might record that after this so you maybe able to just fast forward this housekeeping, so to speak, episode and jumpright into that if you're into that. Otherwise, here's what I've been upto. I think it's been sense okay. So back in December Istarted recording some podcast with a cohost and...

I still have those. I'm debatingon whether or not to release them, but in hindsight it just didn't likethe way they turned out. So they're kind of in the CAN ready togo. I'm just just don't want to put them out because things change.My mind changes, perspective on things changes and you know, think that's howthings go. So I did want to put some space between that activity andnow and my next podcast, which look right now, right. So whatI did was purposefully step back, and I'm not just all during this time. I'm not just not doing things. I'm exploring life and trying to getother people's perspectives on things and just seeing how the world works. I'm verycurious. I'm always like trying to find out how and why and what happenedand, you know, just general knowledge about everything. So I'm in thesouth. Now I'm in the deep, deep South. You can't really getmore south in a in the United States that I am right now. I'min a place called Jennings Louisiana, which is south of the eye tend somewherebetween Houston and New Orleans. And Yeah, it's a trip. I came herebecause I wanted some well, I like the Green. I like thatit rains all the time, so everything is always green. Back in thebay area it's kind of like a desert, a high desert in some ways,especially as the climate changes. So every summer the hills instantly turned yellow. So you look around, you just surrounded by dried out, hey lookinghills. In Louisiana, that never happens. It rains constantly. The first weekendI was here we got hit with a hurricane. I guess I movedin and we brought up Hurricane Berry, which wasn't really a hurricane at allto me, even though we're really close to the edge of America, downwith a swamp start right before the Gulf of Mexico, and that fucking hurricanedidn't do anything. There was way worse...

...storms after that, big ass lightningstorms, tons of rain. You know, a few inches of our kind ofrain is pretty wild. Fortunately this area is built for that, sowhen it rains a couple of inches in an hour, it all absorbs intothe ground and drains away fairly effectively. So you get a nice variety.You just get a nice variety of weather and and just sunshine and green andblue sky and big puffy white clouds. That's cool. That's what I camefor, to get away from the concrete jungle of downtown San Francisco, andthat part worked out pretty well. Happy with that decision. Some of theother things that I had hoped would take place have not yet taken place.It's caused a lot of stress in my personal life. I'm currently in aplace where I thought I would be like this is a great place to recorda podcast, but where I'm staying now, even though it's a small town,we happen to stay right on the interstate, like the House is addressis the highway, so that's the main thoroughfare through town. So there's alwaystrucks and sirens and everything coming by. So every time I want to getup, the intention and you know, the intestinal fortitude to turn on theMIC and do a podcast. Here's a big truck barreling down the road sirensor like a block away from the from a very active railroad crossing. Rightthere on the interstate there's railroad tracks and they cross right there. We're closeenough to where the house actually shakes, and I swear to God the traindrivers are really into the horn. They start pulling that fucking horn about ahalf mile before the crossing gates and they just keep going all the way throughtown. So there's no peace, and this happens easily ten times a day. I'm not really fastidious enough to figure out when they come or to makea chart or anything, some kind of exhale spreadsheet of when the trains comeby. I don't care that much. I'm just thinking love, fuck it. Find a better place to record. So I'm over at a different housein the same town which is a lot...

...quieter. You hear that? Good, you shouldn't hear anything, but if you do, I'm still near aroad and cars and every once in a while motorcycle or something will come byand you'll hear it. That's temporary, but again this is part of thehousekeeping of this episode. So if you hear it in future episodes. Justknow that. Oh yeah, still in that one town. That's hell ofnoisy, hell of a noisy. That said. Okay, so here's whatelse I did in the past few months. I've been seeing lots of doctors,psychiatrists, therapists, whatnot, and change my meds twice. So Iwas, and these are all new meds to me. Not Going to godown a list of the MEDS. I take pretty much every antipsychotic that theyprescribe for bipolar disorder. Of taking that, I think there's about ten, maybe, maybe twelve. There's a lot and I've tried them all, fromSarah Quel to l Mike. Told those common ones in the more things likeDEP COO and a lons of pine and just names I can't remember a purposefullydon't remember. I just take pictures of the bottle and file them away anyway. I don't take any anti psychotics now. They switched me to but a bumantidepressant and anti anxiety. Not Too much effect. So well, whatdo you do? Stop Smoking Weed Right now, not on the Zoloft orthe out of facts adder acts, whatever that was called. I don't takeeither of those. I don't smoke any weed. I got some new medsthat I'm not going to tell you what they're called. It's none of yourbusiness. I might tell you after I stop taking them, but they seemto be working pretty well. I'm a lot more motivated, got my clarity, got my intention back somewhat, and I think part of the thing withme when I'm depressed. Maybe it's the...

...same with you, but I getdepressed when I'm not on track, like being off track, misaligned with mylife is what depresses me. When I'm able to get up in the morningand focus on a thing I like, whether it's work or play, ahobby or just, you know, doing something that I'm into, I feelin alignment with myself and the depression fades away pretty quickly. That said,it's dangerous for me to just sit around all day in bed and play onthe Internet, especially if I'm on twitter, like mental health twitter, where everyone'salways complaining about something. I'm my God. I got a step backfrom this, so that was part of that. I step back away fromsocial media generally and twitter specifically, which is no dig against twitter, forsure. That's my favorite social media platform. If I were to pick one.Here's how I do social media. Whenever a new one comes out,I go there real quick and I lock down my name. You know,so you user name is your name, and that's primarily so nobody else inthe future takes it right. But after a couple weeks and like I don'tneed this, Tick Tock, I'll that bullshit that. So I don't dosnapchat, I quit facebook. I don't use instagram anymore, although I havesome accounts with some cool pictures on there, I don't use it actively right now. I really just focus on twitter and to me it's not a stay. Like what is twitter really? So a lot of things I deal withwhen I do a podcast. I feel like back in the band days,I like to say I grew up playing music. I still play. I'vebeen a drummer and lots of bands played in front of tens of thousands ofpeople. Sometimes, well, twelve thou people. I think it was thebiggest show. So cool I have that experience. But I see things throughthe lens of a band and part of that is when I was a kid, a teenager, I was fourteen, I got kicked out of my houseforever. Never went back, and bands saved my life. If I didn'thave a band to hang out with, I would have had nowhere to go. And since I play the drums,...

...if there was a place where Icould keep my drum set up, that meant there was a place I couldlay down. So I would find a place, you know, keep adrums in the garage and will jam on Saturday. Cool. Well, howabout you let me sleep in the garage next to my drums the rest ofthe week so I can go to school? So that's kind of how it workedout. Anyway, I have a affinity for the band metaphor and twitter. Okay, so when you have a podcast, you have to promote itsomehow. I'm not going to pay to promote it because it's it's a hobby, you know, I don't even know how to describe that. But you'renot going to pay to promote the fact that you're going Snowski in next weekend, as who cares? Like this kind of how I feel. But alsothere is some gamification to it, like you kind of like, well,let's see if I can get any more download so the podcast itself, inpodcast world, gets plenty of downloads because people that are in the podcasts arealready there listening to podcast out of a dot, but you got to bringin more people. So the idea of going to twitter and reminding people youhave a podcast is one of the tools I use. So the band metaphorconnection here is I think of twitter like a parking lot full of cars whereI can go put my band flyer on everybody's windshield. Sometimes I run intopeople on this twitter parking lot and I have conversations. Sometimes you get intofights, sometimes you know, different things happen in a parking lot, buttwitter is by giant parking lot where I go to post flyers on people's windshieldsfor the podcast. So I wouldn't say by any means that I am anykind of mental health advocate because that's just not my frame. That's not mymindset. I deal with mental impairments, mental disorders. I have mental healthissues, however you'd like to say it. I am not a disorder. Iam human and I'm afflicted with certain conditions and they're in my brain andI'm always, you know, trying to think my way through them and gethelp with medication and doctors and therapists and...

...things like that. But at theend you know, I'm not an advocate. I'm a guy with a podcast hobbythat's out there putting flyers on people's windshields and that is my twitter.So anyway, if you see me on twitter and you happen to like engagejust that, that's the that's the frame right there. It's like, Oh, you caught me in the parking lot putting stuff up on windshields. Howyou doing? Cool, how about you? Oh, you're putting some flyers upto what do you do? So I'm really into other people who docreative projects, whether it's other podcasts or film projects, documentaries, writing booksand have well established blogs and things like that. I like meeting those folkson twitter and I like sharing their projects with my audience. So that's cool. So if you find me on twitter and you have something you want toshare or say, hit me. Yep, I'm happy to share it with everybodyelse and it just kind of build a community that way, I guess, is the best way to put it. So with regards to this podcast bipolarstyle, I feel like I'm beating the dead horse with a podcast.It's not like hey, we're starting to radio station. We got to beon the air every day or we got to show up every Saturday at ten. That's that's not I think of podcasts at all. I think of podcastsmore like TV series where you go in seasons or with the band metaphor.I think of a podcast more like an album, where each episode is asong and the whole album would be the season of podcasts. The great thingabout that is that after each quote unquote, album, you can change things up. You can change the cast, you can change the band members,you can change your logo, you could do all kinds of things for seasontwo or your second album, or however you like to think about that.But the idea that podcasting is like radio or TV were you you got toshow up each time. It's not that way. PODCAST don't have to belive at all. In fact, the nature of a podcast is not live. That would be broadcasting or, you...

...know, live streaming or something likethat. That's not a podcast. A podcast is an individual file that peoplecan download whatever the fuck they want to. Like you, you're listening to thisright now. You don't know when I recorded it, but you knowthat I'm listening to it now. So, given that context, I think podcastshould be more like albums or series of shows or seasons. So insteadof continually flogging the bipolar style show, I have another project I'm working onthat you may or may not find out about on twitter. I'm not reallygoing to talk about it here because now just don't feel like it. Yes, and that show will be people with mental health problem. was producing anactual show that's not about mental health at all. So know that if youfind us in the future, you know that we're the same crazy people justdoing a quote unquote regular show. I don't think just because we have amental illness that that's the only thing we have to focus on. That seemsdumb. If you got other things to do, do those things. Whatyou focus on grows. So if I continually focus on the downside of bipolardisorder, well, that's that's what my life becomes, the downside of bipolardisorder. So I think it's good when you create things like podcast or blogs, just to know that the world doesn't need us. We don't. There'splenty of other content out there. So if you need to take a break, just fucking take a break as long as you want, come back asa new person. Shit, I'm using a little anime chick icon on mybipolar style twitter account right now, just because I'm trying to shake people.Jake, not shake them, like upset them. I'm trying to get losepeople. Look, people that are on my on my trail. I'm tryingto shake them off so they're not paying so much attention. It's just toomuch. I'm a hobbyist, like I like I said, I'm a hobbyistand I consider this my little confessional booth with you. I don't see thisas me standing on the stage going Yo,...

...sir, hey, everybody out thereand podcast, let's that's it's dumb to me. That's dumb anyway.You got it. So I I'm roaming around America gathering insight. I gota lot of experience from different places and I like to fill the cracks withreal lived knowledge. So when I talk as California and you kind of tendto talk about people in the Midwest or the South Derisively, and I knowthat that's bad, obviously to do. You shouldn't talk that way about peopleanyhow, but some of the stereotypes about the South I've kind of dispelled firsthand. So now I know that not everyone's a big racist. Not everyone's antigay. Not Most people do go to church. Not Me, but Imean to each their own. Lots of people go to church in this town. When they ask you what religion that you are, they don't mean Christian, Muslim or Jewish. They mean which version of Christian, like methodist,Protestant, Presbyterian, baptist. They want to know that. They assume you'rea Christian already. That's kind of weird. But again, firsthand live knowledge herein the south, so that when I talk about things like mental healthissues, I know more of which I speak from living it, and that'swhat I hope to bring to the table in the new podcasts and with thesenext couple of episodes of bipolar style as well. Cool. So let's getback to that. rambled long enough, but like as barns you in thebeginning, you could have fast forwarded this the whole time just to jump tothe actual podcast. But I'm glad you're back. I'm glad I have itin me to like record another podcasts, always like here, in my ownvoice, in my head set, you know, not because I want youto hear my voice, but because I just like talk. It's fun thatsaid, let's get on with it. Here we go. I'm going toOh yeah, this next episode. I... want you to share because there'sa lot of information I've gathered from both living it and from all of thefans of the show, the people have talked to on twitter and the peoplehave argued with, people in the south, the people in the West, thepeople in North, all these people, I've started to develop. You know, I've seen certain patterns with the way we are, with the wayif people that are diagnosed with bipolar disorder are or become. So I'd liketo kind of gelbows down into just like ten bullet points, and we'll dothat coming up next. Following. Follow me, empty style Je following joy, excuse me,.

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