John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 3 years ago

Guess who's back? John Emotions' bonus update episode; a little housekeeping before we continue.


I've been on hiatus for a few months, experiencing other parts of America and reconsidering what this podcast means to me. This bonus episode is mostly me rambling and catching you up on my life. I have to get this out of my system in order to produce the cleaner episode that follows ... 
Fast-forward to hear the Newbie's Guide To Bipolar Disorder; 10 Keys to Understanding Your Impairment
3:00 - What its like in Louisiana compared to California
5:00 - Studio update; it's too loud around here!
6:30 - Doctors and med updates
9:00 - Twitter is like a concert parking lot; where I put flyers on windshields
11:30 - I'm not an advocate; I'm a hobbyist
13:00 - What "podcast" means to me
15:00 - What I focus on grows
16:00 - Stereotypes of the South
18:00 - Next episode; Newbie's Guide To Bipolar Disorder; 10 Keys to Understanding Your Impairment

Send comments to or leave a public voicemail response (377) 944-9333

Yes, BAA, BAA, it's only the head and now it's online Bible, this stylecom yes, emotions with Bible, that style. Oh yeah, that's right. What's up? How you been? Come on, step on into my confessional with me. Just you and I take care of a little housekeeping here. So I've been away from the podcast for a while. Nobody else's replaced me. I just haven't made any podcast because I've been moving around. So I wanted to give you an update on that. And sometimes I got to get it out of my system before I make what I call a clean podcast. I have this issue where I like create a podcast idea in my head and I'll write out the notes and kind of do a little formatting and then, when it comes time to get to that information, I turn on the mics and then I start rambling a better bunch of other stuff that's not pertinent to the show topic or the title of the podcast or any of that stuff. So this is that podcast and just get some junk out and the podcast right after this I'm going to call something like the newcomers guide to bipolar disorder, something like that, like the ten things to look for when you first get diagnosed I'll work on that. That'll be I think I might record that after this so you may be able to just fast forward this housekeeping, so to speak, episode and jump right into that if you're into that. Otherwise, here's what I've been up to. I think it's been sense okay. So back in December I started recording some podcast with a cohost and...

I still have those. I'm debating on whether or not to release them, but in hindsight it just didn't like the way they turned out. So they're kind of in the CAN ready to go. I'm just just don't want to put them out because things change. My mind changes, perspective on things changes and you know, think that's how things go. So I did want to put some space between that activity and now and my next podcast, which look right now, right. So what I did was purposefully step back, and I'm not just all during this time. I'm not just not doing things. I'm exploring life and trying to get other people's perspectives on things and just seeing how the world works. I'm very curious. I'm always like trying to find out how and why and what happened and, you know, just general knowledge about everything. So I'm in the south. Now I'm in the deep, deep South. You can't really get more south in a in the United States that I am right now. I'm in a place called Jennings Louisiana, which is south of the eye tend somewhere between Houston and New Orleans. And Yeah, it's a trip. I came here because I wanted some well, I like the Green. I like that it rains all the time, so everything is always green. Back in the bay area it's kind of like a desert, a high desert in some ways, especially as the climate changes. So every summer the hills instantly turned yellow. So you look around, you just surrounded by dried out, hey looking hills. In Louisiana, that never happens. It rains constantly. The first weekend I was here we got hit with a hurricane. I guess I moved in and we brought up Hurricane Berry, which wasn't really a hurricane at all to me, even though we're really close to the edge of America, down with a swamp start right before the Gulf of Mexico, and that fucking hurricane didn't do anything. There was way worse...

...storms after that, big ass lightning storms, tons of rain. You know, a few inches of our kind of rain is pretty wild. Fortunately this area is built for that, so when it rains a couple of inches in an hour, it all absorbs into the ground and drains away fairly effectively. So you get a nice variety. You just get a nice variety of weather and and just sunshine and green and blue sky and big puffy white clouds. That's cool. That's what I came for, to get away from the concrete jungle of downtown San Francisco, and that part worked out pretty well. Happy with that decision. Some of the other things that I had hoped would take place have not yet taken place. It's caused a lot of stress in my personal life. I'm currently in a place where I thought I would be like this is a great place to record a podcast, but where I'm staying now, even though it's a small town, we happen to stay right on the interstate, like the House is address is the highway, so that's the main thoroughfare through town. So there's always trucks and sirens and everything coming by. So every time I want to get up, the intention and you know, the intestinal fortitude to turn on the MIC and do a podcast. Here's a big truck barreling down the road sirens or like a block away from the from a very active railroad crossing. Right there on the interstate there's railroad tracks and they cross right there. We're close enough to where the house actually shakes, and I swear to God the train drivers are really into the horn. They start pulling that fucking horn about a half mile before the crossing gates and they just keep going all the way through town. So there's no peace, and this happens easily ten times a day. I'm not really fastidious enough to figure out when they come or to make a chart or anything, some kind of exhale spreadsheet of when the trains come by. I don't care that much. I'm just thinking love, fuck it. Find a better place to record. So I'm over at a different house in the same town which is a lot...

...quieter. You hear that? Good, you shouldn't hear anything, but if you do, I'm still near a road and cars and every once in a while motorcycle or something will come by and you'll hear it. That's temporary, but again this is part of the housekeeping of this episode. So if you hear it in future episodes. Just know that. Oh yeah, still in that one town. That's hell of noisy, hell of a noisy. That said. Okay, so here's what else I did in the past few months. I've been seeing lots of doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, whatnot, and change my meds twice. So I was, and these are all new meds to me. Not Going to go down a list of the MEDS. I take pretty much every antipsychotic that they prescribe for bipolar disorder. Of taking that, I think there's about ten, maybe, maybe twelve. There's a lot and I've tried them all, from Sarah Quel to l Mike. Told those common ones in the more things like DEP COO and a lons of pine and just names I can't remember a purposefully don't remember. I just take pictures of the bottle and file them away anyway. I don't take any anti psychotics now. They switched me to but a bum antidepressant and anti anxiety. Not Too much effect. So well, what do you do? Stop Smoking Weed Right now, not on the Zoloft or the out of facts adder acts, whatever that was called. I don't take either of those. I don't smoke any weed. I got some new meds that I'm not going to tell you what they're called. It's none of your business. I might tell you after I stop taking them, but they seem to be working pretty well. I'm a lot more motivated, got my clarity, got my intention back somewhat, and I think part of the thing with me when I'm depressed. Maybe it's the...

...same with you, but I get depressed when I'm not on track, like being off track, misaligned with my life is what depresses me. When I'm able to get up in the morning and focus on a thing I like, whether it's work or play, a hobby or just, you know, doing something that I'm into, I feel in alignment with myself and the depression fades away pretty quickly. That said, it's dangerous for me to just sit around all day in bed and play on the Internet, especially if I'm on twitter, like mental health twitter, where everyone's always complaining about something. I'm my God. I got a step back from this, so that was part of that. I step back away from social media generally and twitter specifically, which is no dig against twitter, for sure. That's my favorite social media platform. If I were to pick one. Here's how I do social media. Whenever a new one comes out, I go there real quick and I lock down my name. You know, so you user name is your name, and that's primarily so nobody else in the future takes it right. But after a couple weeks and like I don't need this, Tick Tock, I'll that bullshit that. So I don't do snapchat, I quit facebook. I don't use instagram anymore, although I have some accounts with some cool pictures on there, I don't use it actively right now. I really just focus on twitter and to me it's not a stay. Like what is twitter really? So a lot of things I deal with when I do a podcast. I feel like back in the band days, I like to say I grew up playing music. I still play. I've been a drummer and lots of bands played in front of tens of thousands of people. Sometimes, well, twelve thou people. I think it was the biggest show. So cool I have that experience. But I see things through the lens of a band and part of that is when I was a kid, a teenager, I was fourteen, I got kicked out of my house forever. Never went back, and bands saved my life. If I didn't have a band to hang out with, I would have had nowhere to go. And since I play the drums,...

...if there was a place where I could keep my drum set up, that meant there was a place I could lay down. So I would find a place, you know, keep a drums in the garage and will jam on Saturday. Cool. Well, how about you let me sleep in the garage next to my drums the rest of the week so I can go to school? So that's kind of how it worked out. Anyway, I have a affinity for the band metaphor and twitter. Okay, so when you have a podcast, you have to promote it somehow. I'm not going to pay to promote it because it's it's a hobby, you know, I don't even know how to describe that. But you're not going to pay to promote the fact that you're going Snowski in next weekend, as who cares? Like this kind of how I feel. But also there is some gamification to it, like you kind of like, well, let's see if I can get any more download so the podcast itself, in podcast world, gets plenty of downloads because people that are in the podcasts are already there listening to podcast out of a dot, but you got to bring in more people. So the idea of going to twitter and reminding people you have a podcast is one of the tools I use. So the band metaphor connection here is I think of twitter like a parking lot full of cars where I can go put my band flyer on everybody's windshield. Sometimes I run into people on this twitter parking lot and I have conversations. Sometimes you get into fights, sometimes you know, different things happen in a parking lot, but twitter is by giant parking lot where I go to post flyers on people's windshields for the podcast. So I wouldn't say by any means that I am any kind of mental health advocate because that's just not my frame. That's not my mindset. I deal with mental impairments, mental disorders. I have mental health issues, however you'd like to say it. I am not a disorder. I am human and I'm afflicted with certain conditions and they're in my brain and I'm always, you know, trying to think my way through them and get help with medication and doctors and therapists and...

...things like that. But at the end you know, I'm not an advocate. I'm a guy with a podcast hobby that's out there putting flyers on people's windshields and that is my twitter. So anyway, if you see me on twitter and you happen to like engage just that, that's the that's the frame right there. It's like, Oh, you caught me in the parking lot putting stuff up on windshields. How you doing? Cool, how about you? Oh, you're putting some flyers up to what do you do? So I'm really into other people who do creative projects, whether it's other podcasts or film projects, documentaries, writing books and have well established blogs and things like that. I like meeting those folks on twitter and I like sharing their projects with my audience. So that's cool. So if you find me on twitter and you have something you want to share or say, hit me. Yep, I'm happy to share it with everybody else and it just kind of build a community that way, I guess, is the best way to put it. So with regards to this podcast bipolar style, I feel like I'm beating the dead horse with a podcast. It's not like hey, we're starting to radio station. We got to be on the air every day or we got to show up every Saturday at ten. That's that's not I think of podcasts at all. I think of podcasts more like TV series where you go in seasons or with the band metaphor. I think of a podcast more like an album, where each episode is a song and the whole album would be the season of podcasts. The great thing about that is that after each quote unquote, album, you can change things up. You can change the cast, you can change the band members, you can change your logo, you could do all kinds of things for season two or your second album, or however you like to think about that. But the idea that podcasting is like radio or TV were you you got to show up each time. It's not that way. PODCAST don't have to be live at all. In fact, the nature of a podcast is not live. That would be broadcasting or, you...

...know, live streaming or something like that. That's not a podcast. A podcast is an individual file that people can download whatever the fuck they want to. Like you, you're listening to this right now. You don't know when I recorded it, but you know that I'm listening to it now. So, given that context, I think podcast should be more like albums or series of shows or seasons. So instead of continually flogging the bipolar style show, I have another project I'm working on that you may or may not find out about on twitter. I'm not really going to talk about it here because now just don't feel like it. Yes, and that show will be people with mental health problem. was producing an actual show that's not about mental health at all. So know that if you find us in the future, you know that we're the same crazy people just doing a quote unquote regular show. I don't think just because we have a mental illness that that's the only thing we have to focus on. That seems dumb. If you got other things to do, do those things. What you focus on grows. So if I continually focus on the downside of bipolar disorder, well, that's that's what my life becomes, the downside of bipolar disorder. So I think it's good when you create things like podcast or blogs, just to know that the world doesn't need us. We don't. There's plenty of other content out there. So if you need to take a break, just fucking take a break as long as you want, come back as a new person. Shit, I'm using a little anime chick icon on my bipolar style twitter account right now, just because I'm trying to shake people. Jake, not shake them, like upset them. I'm trying to get lose people. Look, people that are on my on my trail. I'm trying to shake them off so they're not paying so much attention. It's just too much. I'm a hobbyist, like I like I said, I'm a hobbyist and I consider this my little confessional booth with you. I don't see this as me standing on the stage going Yo,...

...sir, hey, everybody out there and podcast, let's that's it's dumb to me. That's dumb anyway. You got it. So I I'm roaming around America gathering insight. I got a lot of experience from different places and I like to fill the cracks with real lived knowledge. So when I talk as California and you kind of tend to talk about people in the Midwest or the South Derisively, and I know that that's bad, obviously to do. You shouldn't talk that way about people anyhow, but some of the stereotypes about the South I've kind of dispelled firsthand. So now I know that not everyone's a big racist. Not everyone's anti gay. Not Most people do go to church. Not Me, but I mean to each their own. Lots of people go to church in this town. When they ask you what religion that you are, they don't mean Christian, Muslim or Jewish. They mean which version of Christian, like methodist, Protestant, Presbyterian, baptist. They want to know that. They assume you're a Christian already. That's kind of weird. But again, firsthand live knowledge here in the south, so that when I talk about things like mental health issues, I know more of which I speak from living it, and that's what I hope to bring to the table in the new podcasts and with these next couple of episodes of bipolar style as well. Cool. So let's get back to that. rambled long enough, but like as barns you in the beginning, you could have fast forwarded this the whole time just to jump to the actual podcast. But I'm glad you're back. I'm glad I have it in me to like record another podcasts, always like here, in my own voice, in my head set, you know, not because I want you to hear my voice, but because I just like talk. It's fun that said, let's get on with it. Here we go. I'm going to Oh yeah, this next episode. I... want you to share because there's a lot of information I've gathered from both living it and from all of the fans of the show, the people have talked to on twitter and the people have argued with, people in the south, the people in the West, the people in North, all these people, I've started to develop. You know, I've seen certain patterns with the way we are, with the way if people that are diagnosed with bipolar disorder are or become. So I'd like to kind of gelbows down into just like ten bullet points, and we'll do that coming up next. Following. Follow me, empty style Je following joy, excuse me,.

In-Stream Audio Search


Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (132)