Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 3 years ago

Isn't Bipolar a chick thing? Stop denying suicides! Welcome to the Bipolar Party!?!

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions talks about the death of Delores O'Riordan, asks if Bipolar Disorder only affects women, and welcomes everyone to the Bipolar Party ... dot com

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Send comments to comments@bipolarstyle.com or leave a public voicemail response (377) 944-9333

Welcome back by pollors town, thepodcast for by polar people and those who love them, join US online at by Colarstylecom andnow here's your host Johnny motion, all right. Welcome back to bypolerstyle. I am johnny motions and I am not having a good day today. If you listen to the podcast on theregular or maybe watch the youtube live stream, you may have heard me talkabout trying to get a new job because the current job I have had wis it. Theyjust want for breally pulling their weight as an employer like you know notproviding computers or the particular job was in sales, and they couldn'tprovide estimates for me to get to customers and on the rare occasion Icould get an estimate to a customer and get the customer to buy something. Thecompany had a hard time producing these custom things on time. So as asalesperson not only affected me financially but affected my personalbrand in the marketplace, because it looks pretty bad if you're sellingthings that the company can't produce so anyway, all that led up to me, you know looking for somewhere elseto work, and I found that all is cool. The thing pretty sure. Hopefully thejob I'm leaving will have the courtesy and ethics to pay me the commissions.They owe me and I can start fresh, so that's be neat. I'm moving to downtownSan Francisco have another job lined up there start next week, so that part's cool, but that's not whyI'm having a bad day, maybe maybe that contributeit to a little bit I put inmy notice, I only put in a week notice becauseyeah, I don't know two weeks- seems...

...extensive little excessive these days.So I put in my weak notice we're only halfway into the week and you said Ohwell, tomorrow can be your last day, which kind of offended that, but I I don't really care, I'm over itjust slightly offended by it and yeah whatever moving on from that. But hereanyway, here's why I'm having a bad day, I was downstairs at the place. I liveplaying the drums. You know listening to the headphones and rocking Outo,some of my favorite music and you know just a wave of depression comes overand hits me a D, and then I started to think about it for a minute like. Whyam I? Why am I depressed- and I realized, like I've- had a bunch ofgood news lately pretty solid successes for an average person o, let alone aperson with bipolar disorder. So let me back off tha. Second, there an remindeverybody that does not have bipolar how fucking hard it is to find a job that you can work not because of yourtalents or skills or your intelligence, but because of your emotional ups anddowns, sometimes you're depressed for weeks or months on end and can't showup at work. How was an employer supposed to keep a spot open for youand then you've got to catch up on all the projects that you've been missingout on and it's a mess man I found a new job, which is cool, wasn't surewhat the deal was a lot of times. My selfesteem takes a big hit when I'mdepressed, and I think I'm worke, Litt and so itwas really neat when you canget an interview and apparently, thanks to my borderline personality disorder,I come across as fairly charming and interviews. So people love, meinginterviews, you know it's like three or four months into the work relationshipis when they start dislike. Giv Me, that's it. Okay, it's hard to find jobs.They got a new job cool, but there's nobody here to celebrate with me.There's like fucking people online, especially if you hear this now you'llsay: Oh tweet out something,...

...congratulations and semimogis and thatthat's fine but mean there's nobody here, there's like there's nobody in mylife that congratulates me in person like there's no support circle, there'sno, no people that re like yeah, we're rooting for you dude! That's fuckingawesome, I'm glad you got a new job, doing something more that you like, oryou know that type of thing I don't have a pet. I non't have a wife or agirlfriend. My kids aren't here to say fucking cool, Dad, that's awesome!We're proud of YOU GO DAD! No! I got. I got nothing and then people say oh, butyeah, I'm right here now your fucking not right there you're on the internetor, on the other end of a phone or some other place in time and space. You arenot right here. Nobody is right here. If you were, I probably wouldn't bedoing a podcast. I would be hanging out with you and talking with you. Sothat's the thing when and I'm not blaming you listenerof, obviously I'mjust being emphatic because I'm upset, but once you've pushed the way all ofthe people in your life because of the disorder that you have, because youdon't realize that you have at disorder, maybe or you can't quite control it orthe meds, don't work or the therapy isn't working for whatever reason youburn out all your relationships and then when goodshit actually happens,there's nobody there to celebrate it with which makes life infinitely lessenjoyable makes it that much less fun to live overall, as if being depressed,wasn't bad enough. The Times when you're, not depressed and good thingshappen. There's nobody to support you and celebrate with thisit's sad, and this all comes on the heels of thenews. Yesterday we learned about the death of Delora, so reden from thecranberries who died by suicide, but nobody fucking says it. How are Wewe'regoing to you know, address the stigma of suicide if the people closest tothose who die from it, don't even say the word Justsay, the fucking word when someonedies of suicide say it. Suicide is like...

...a disease, you catch it, it's catchy ifsomeone dies by suicide and if you don't address it, somebody else thatwitnessed that or hears about it could catch it. It's like a contagious virus,so you've got to address it by name and you got to go straight to the sourcefind out why people catch suicide, unfortunately, by polar folks folkswith bypolar disorder. However, you want to describe yourself. We getkilled by suicide at a much higher rate that the average person upwards. Twenty percent of US die bysuicide. So suicide is a disease unto itself we're never going to be able tofight it unless the people who lose loved ones to suicide start callingthat shit out immediately play Koy with the media. We know what that means died.Suddenly you know, respect the privacy Blah Blah Blah, just fucking say it.Okay, if you guys won't say a person died by suicide, who will what justwe're just going to blow it off? She mysteriously turned to fairy. Dustanwent off into heaven, okay, that makes you feel better, but it's not going tostop the problem of suicide, and while I was talking to somebody about thisparticular situation, the tha they said well like by Polars, that's like achick disease. Anyways, I'm like Holy Shit. Here we go again. This is likesomebody saying that to me is like having trump as president. It's likejust pushing us so far backwards. A hundred years back in evolution ofmankind, fuck so check it out. Yeah by polar disorderis not a chick disease, because apparently, whoever thinks that is onlyfocusing on the chicky motions. Let's call them NOWI DIVn't want to go there, but thereare other emotions. We like right now, I'm fucking agitated, I'm angry on thegrand spectrum of emotions. I would rather be angry than in despair. Atleast I have some energy. I have some...

...hope, ind, just I'm just fucking pissedabout way the way things are right now and I'm that way frequently some peoplecall me a spas, call me what you will B, but these are my emotions, I'm notalways sad, not always depressed and not alwayslonely, not always angry or agitated or aggressive, sometimes I'm all of thoseat once, and sometimes I'm none of them. But emotions are part of all of us: men, women, probably animals, notrobuts in the future, as we all turn to machines, emotions will abe our mostvaluable currency so embrace your emotions. If you're feeling somethingthat's human, do that embrace that feeling embrace your emotions and youknow enjoy life the best you can try to avoid the bad emotions, encourage thegood ones. You know healthy balance, but yeah stupid no by polar disorder.It's not a chick disease. It's going to make for a great headline on thispodcast is by polar disorder at chick disease can see that now is theheadline in fact yeah. I think I'll do that anyway. So yeah by polar is foreverybody and if someone dies by suicide, acknowledge its suicide, if itseems like suicide, it is suicide. Anyway. Remember last week, maybe theweek before last, when I was talking about the five people that you arearound the most and about the Darmapunks podcast, where they talkabout surrounding yourself with just five supportive people. Well, I putsome thought into this and I'm like Wel, the Internet kind of is good for thatstuff. Twitteris not perfect, for I use twitter a lot to save news particles ofmy own that I like to read later. I use twitter to communicate when I'm activeon twitter, like I', I don't sit in front of the computer and play ontwitter necessarily very often so. T's,...

I'm not always chattable, but I do wanta place where folks, with bipolar disorder, can congregate online andperhaps make tight enough bonds to where we could meet in person, and thenwe could start building actually true life support network of those fivepeople were talking about going through the list of type ofplatforms. I've tried over the years and Tnot such a Pai in the ASS, sofacebook is okay. facebook groups are okay, but the thing with facebook, bypolar groups and mental health awareness groups and all those type ofgroups is they get so huge and become poorly managed. So there's lots ofstocking there's lots of inappropriate behavior a lot of it. Just gets kind ofcreepy, not very supportive, so I wanted to make platform away fromfacebook in particular, I'm not a huge fan of facebook. Oh Hey! That was mynew year's resolution. I quit facebook, so I deactivated and deleted my accountwhat you have over there in some of the groups, I left the keys sue the Bakdoor with a good friend of mine, so I can get in if I need to but yeah I'mnot on facebook anymore, not not a fan and that's what led me to search outother platforms to do this on. So I tried something called Yamer y, a mmerused to be a great platform, really simple, really cool to use and peoplecould share ideas and congregate, and I kind of like a online water cooler justthat sort of thing like facebook used to be before they had all the ads. Butthen, of course, Microsoft came and bought Gammer and fucked up the log inprocess so that when people try to sign up yoand try to invite new members,it's confusing and invites go off into space and people can't get in. So it'svirtually useless so had to cross that one off. I tried something else calledthe mighty networks, which is like a...

APP web based thing mostly at based,and it seemed cool because it was kind of geography based location based. Theproblem with that was the APP itself was Super Clunky and slow, and theinterface was just kind of crappy, not very intuitive, at all grost mighty networks off the list, sothe last one I found was also one of the first ones. I'd found few yearsback, it's called Ning and I ng Ning Ning Network Ning had been around andfell out of favor. I think they had some financial difficulties with theirold node media or mote media, whatever they were called before anyway longstory short, they seem to have new money and a new focus. It is a payplatform. I have to pay for it, so maybe I'll put up a patreon page orsomething so if it becomes a thing, maybe other people cand help me pay forit anyway, not a big deal, but it's a paid platform. So there are no ads,which is one of my key criteria. I can't stand ads, especially in bipolargroups. What are they going to do? They gon t advertise the SAMOLS. Yet to us.You know what they'e ging to advertise no want to talk about it, because Idon't want ads in our little area and the next thing was like okay, what do we call it? And at first I,like I, like the jungle, I like adventure, let's call it bi polarjungle. Two words, I think are cool. You put them together, like apple pinand by polar jungle yeah. It was cool enough right. It has a funring to it, but it also has kind of that dangerous connotation to somebodythat might be anxious or you know a little depressed or just I don't wantto go to the jungle. No, that sounds like too much, so I backed off thebipolar jungle idea by polar junglecom still goes to this new place, but it'snot called that now. What's it called Okay I'll be happy to tell you we werechatting on...

...twitter, you know a couple of froks. Ithink I was becky over Chicago and I were chatting. One of US was depressed.I think I was and wher she was what Hav doesn't really matter and we were kindof cheering each other up with like hey, let's listen to the same songs togetheror the same band together at the same time you do it in Chicago and I'll. Doit here in San Francisco, so I think we had like some ramones or some kind ofold school punk rock, going very cool she's. A big Mor Sea fan, so maybe wehad more to go. Maybe that's why we were depressed the moment anyway. We'relike hey. Let's share these songs O we shared the songs and we hashtagged itby polar party, and so going back to that memory. I'm like! Oh, that was funyeah. Let's call the new by polar group by polar network by Polar Party. Sothat's the name. If you go to bypolar partycom right now, log in you couldsign up I's free jump in there set up your profile and Bam. You'll knowyou're in the right place, because you'll see the little smiley face.Yinyang logo emo Joe you'll, see him on the corner there or whatever it istried to make the place look kind of fancy. You know homy like comfortableto hang out in and know that when you sign up you're only giving your emailaddress to me to John that's it I'm not a corporation, I'm not going to sellyour email address. I think the platform lets me email blast you once amonth if I want to, but I haven't yet to the people that sign up at Johnny.Motionscom have an email list there as well, and those folks can attest that Inever email them. It's just the way to get in that. We're not going to usefacebook login or any of that I don't want any facebook tentacles touchingthe bipolar party you here and, of course it's private. Theoutside world can't get in there. They can't search for content in our networkand you'll also notice that those of us who are diagnosed with bipolar have alittle star by our profile. Pick like...

...we're, verified we're cooler than youguys that are not by polar at least at the bipolar party. That's how it worksso come on in sign up it's free, hang out with us. Give me show ideas you can come on the show too. We couldtalk about ideas that should be talked about, maybe on a podcast like this I'dbe happy to hear your input. But if you already know you want to be on thepodcast, go to Johnny, motionscom S, guests and sign up it'll. Take you tomy calandly link. That's a mouthful! Basically, it's a show calendar withall the available show times and dates that I have hopin and I love to talk toyou there, but anyway, back to the bipolar party. Yeah share what you want,just if you got pictures of yourself for your kids or you got videos orpoetry or or working on a project, an yeed help with do it all. There's alsoreal time chat, an area to blog for yourself. If you want to do that or ifyou already blog, I would like it if you copied and pasted some of thatstuff or linked it to by Polar Parti. So we can all see what each other areup to and try to be more supportive in a kind of a real time way so anyway,yeah right. This is how the mind of a madic person works. I need fivesupportive friends, so I'm going to build an entire world just to findthose five friends. Okay! Well, that works for me, sothat's that's where my skills lies starting things and seeing what happenscool right so bypolar Partycom, like I said, if you go to bipolar junglecomitll, go to the same place now and again go to Johnny Motionscom. If youwant to sign up to my email list or become a guest, there's some other stuff there, too,hey. If you sign up to my email list and share a bunch of stuff the winnereach month gets an emo jot shirt. So that's worth it right, yeah sure, okay, I think I'm done man. I justwanted to get that off my chest a lot...

...of times. I don't I'm not like one ofthose persons who likes to talk. I'm a person who likes to have said somethingI like reason I do talk is so I can get thingsoff my chest and get on with life. So I appreciate you being here and listeningto me rant and rave about different things. How O you feel, like I'm,getting more settled, tomorrow's going to be the last day at my old job, get aday or two off to clear my head and boy yeah so anyway, get hold of meon twitter at Johnny emotions also for the podcast that bipolar style canlisten to the podcast directly on the web at bipolar stylecom. We are onItunes, apple podcast. We're also on spotify, now trip that if you listen tospotify, just search by polar baam right there by polar style, listen tous there and also visit the facebook channel. No facebook shout fuckfacebook still stuck in my brain visit. The Youtube Channel go over to youtubeand look for Johnny Motions Sill Se the Johny motions presents. When I get tomy new place. I'm going to be doing hat check this out. I'm Goit a stream livejazz concerts. What it's not that Weird Youl like it!It's in the Hart of Downtown San Francisco and Super Crazy, toughneighborhood, you'll love it I'll put the camera out the window. We can watchdrug deals ill put the camera inside. We can watch the jazz bands play it'll,be a hoot, so stick around subscribe to this podcast. If you want to see thevideos go over to youtube and track down, johnny motions show cool allright. Let's get back to life, I'm glad you made. It will y appreciate t if you listen tothis show af there's anything I could do for you. Let me know have a greatday talk to you soon, bye. If You'e, like Lhet, you heard subscibe on applepodcast by itunes and join us at Bi...

Tolarstylecom, thanks for listening.

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