Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 1 year ago

It's just another manic Monday ...

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

I'm feeling pretty agitated today. Not sad ... kind of a fast melancholy.

* ADHD is acting up, stressing me out
* Opted out of the medication
* The pressure of being a creative
* When ADHD starts feeling more like mania
* tCDS — Transcranial Direct-Stimulation
* Shout out to Ames and Mr. Bipolar Joe

Well, it's Monday, November sixteen, which means it's a Monday. Who what a rough day. It wasparticularly hard because I've been enduring I don't know, well, stress, ofcourse, but stress triggers my adhd and I don't take the meds. Idon't have the MEDS for age adhd. I had a choice. Basically,I was tried some new meds called Concerta, worked pretty well, but the medsfor adhd are basically speed, which raised my blood pressure. So thedoctors are like, well, we can give you matter of medicine for bloodpressure. I'm like, how about I just not take either? I'll nottake the blood pressure medicine and not take the ADHD medicine that makes the bloodpressure high. Oh Yeah, you could...

...do that. So, yeah,that's what I'm doing. But man, fucking Adhd. Dude, when you'retrying to focus and in this case, like I'm trying to do, creativework, design like creative work. Imagine if you were, I guess,if you were, a comic and someone just came up to you and said, Hey, make up something funny right now, say a funny joke,make a new joke, like a new joke. That old joke. Makeup something funny right now, make it good it. That's what it's liketo be a designer sometimes on deadline. I like deadlines generally because you know, it's a great way to get things done. Use a calendar, Iuse a clock. I'm into calendars and clocks and maps. I like thosethings. But man, it's just anyway. The point is the ADHD is crippling. It's my number and it stops me in my tracks. I can'tbe creative in the spur of a moment sometimes, which you know that thatputs pressure even more pressure, especially if...

...you like that's how you get paidand you don't want to piss off the boss with a client or anybody likethat. So then it kind of compounds. I had this problem back in gradeschool where I would cut class and go get high and I would cutthe lamest class, the one I thought that was the Lamest at the time, which was Algebra. And in Algebra back in that grade, and I'mthinking it was like ninth grade in the S. I'm not sure kids todaya pretty good at Algebra to younger age, seems, but in the s ninthgrade Algebra like Algebra to it got complex. If you missed the dayand your kind of high generally in high school, and you come back thesecond day you're so fucking far behind. So it's much easier to cut thesecond day and then put it off another day. Oh, then it's theweekend or whatever, so it compounds.

The anxiety builds. You don't wantto show up for class. Then they're going to say something when you finallyshow up to class. took him like, Oh, where you been, andthe whole thing. It's the same way with design work. You feelthis pressure and pressure and pressure. The more days go by, the morethey expect like a fucking Mona Lisa or something, and so you just gotto do your best. Anyway. I had some projects I was do onFriday and then we lost power for a minute. That kind of fuck withmy head and then I just spun out, like all weekend long. I didn'treally get anything done except think about getting things done. I paste alot, took a couple showers, rode my bike. Hmm, I thinkI made some cookies. Yeah, now I just couldn't get it together,couldn't like. I still have this it's almost cause a headache. It's notpain, but man, so my adhd gets so bad sometimes it feels likeit's becoming mania, like, not quite...

...to where you hear voices, butmy can't focus on the thing. When I look straight and you shake yourhead left and right, back and forth real quick, like something out ofa crazy Stanley Kubri to movie or something. Just a feel like a fucking Weirdo. Can't hold it together anyway. But I feel like, I guesshappy generally. So as long as I'm not trying to focus and be creativefor I don't even know how to say it, as long as I'm notworking, I'm fine. But that's sometimes what it feels like. And Ithink a lot of the stress, though, comes from, like I was sayingthe other day, this sales job I'm working at hasn't paid me.So I have the stress of like what the Fuck, dude? On theflip side, I have another job coming up that starts in a little bitand there's tons of possibilities there. So the mania, folks, it's ugly. Head Up. This morning I'm just watching all kind of youtube how tovideos and how this particular industry works and now this particular segment of the industryworks and how to do it better.

And Oh my God, I haveso many great ideas. So I've got all those great ideas. They're onthe left hand side. I'm stressing about money because the current job isn't payingme, and then the side job is just stressing me out because it's tryingto be creative. I don't know. All those things kind of combined itonce today and I finally broke through after dinner time. Drive you crazy whenyou feel that way. How I know you go through it too. Imean, not every day. We can't do it every day. I thinkif I do it too many days in a row, it really does becomemania and I need to get myself to a psych ward. Here's this.Here's the thing, though. I don't want to go to a hospital oranywhere near a hospital, because are covered with Covid, nineteen germs, andespecially where I am now, this particular city, it's a bunch of likerugged individualist that don't give a fuck about anybody else. So covid is runningramp in here. The hospital beds are all full up. So from mystandpoint, I'm like, well, I...

...would go to the hospital the seakelp for my my mind, but I don't want to die trying. Notthat. Okay. So here's the thing, right. I think I told youthe other day I was checking out kinesiology and magnets. Shit, runningmagnets or the top of my head, trying to trying to get something tobreak loose. I don't I don't disregard that science. I don't think it'sit applies in two thousand and twenty. We just don't have it all together. We don't know enough about it. What we did know the ancient astronautkind of history. That's gone for now. But I think there's something to well, there's obviously something to magnets, to the MAGNA fucking controls the universe, right, but how does it control our mind? Don't know. SoI found out about this other thing. Here's how I found out about it. Right, I was watching shark tank...

...the other night and this dude comeson with this crazy head band, little metal band across us it and stimulatesyour brain or whatever. Typical kind of off the cuff shark tank invention.Well, I'm into this kind of stuff anyway. I just think it's neat. I look at it all the time. There's been a couple of things I'veseen on the Internet before, but they look like they're from the S, like they're that kind of light yellowish gross color plastic with the is allfucked up there, and I'm like, Dude, this two thousand and twentylike get some industrial design and you might sell this. Anyway. It lookslike the guy on Shark tank the other night got it together. He puttogether this thing with some some cooler industrial design. It's not something you're goingto wear in public, of course, but it's not intended for that.And of course my favorite I don't know. My favorite shark, I think,is Kevin. Watched Shark tank for...

...a long time, even dragons donfrom the UK, and I think Kevin over here is my favorite. He'ssubtle, like my favorite person on the simpsons is mow the bartender, andmy favorite dude on shark tank is Kevin because he always sneaks in there withthat little you know, I'd like to add on a two cent gratuity inperpetuity. But anyway, with this crazy electric headband. Of course, MarkCuban hates what he considers junk science, he said, and they're reading thebox. Of course the box has a disclaimer. This is not a medicaldevice. Is that intended to cure anything? That it and of course mark isall over there. So what's it? What? What's IT for? What'sthe even the whole point? And the guy was kind of a presenter, the guy who invented it or something pretty agro, kind of really intoit, like he's been studying it for a while. So he gets itand he doesn't. He's like, I...

...get this way too sometimes, whereI just know something and I forget that I have to back up about ahundred steps to explain it to a new person and I don't always have thepatients and I come off like, you know, someone time to drink froma drinking fountain and instead they get a fire hose. That good thing.That's the way this presenter was to the Shark Tank and they threw him outon his ass. Anyway, I fucking look into this shit. I'm lookingbecause I'm like, I like it. I look into this device and Ifind it, it turns out. So here's what it's called. This thing. I'm not gonna tell you what the name of the device is yet,but what it does is called t DCS that's transcranial direct current stimulation. Canyou figure those words out? So transcranial means outside just goal. Direct currentis electricity stimulation. So there's this device basically uses electricity on this headband throughyour skull to stimulate your brain. Apparently the study is work and it actuallydoes work, as it was designed for...

...people with major clinical depression, likeespecially long term, hard to cure a clinical depression. And I'm like,oh well, shit, this is this is more than magnets, because Ican't find any anything like this on magnets. So we've got all kinds of studieshere. I went to the company's website. They've got a Harvard scientist, neuroscientist, on the board, putting his face, his image and hisidentity with the product. So most doctors won't do things like that unless it'svalid or they really believe in it or get paid a shit ton of money. I don't think there's a shit ton of money involved in this yet,but if it works, God bless America, it would be awesome. Of course. I'm me. I send an email to these people and say,Hmm, I will review your crazy headband on my daily podcast. I'm doinga podcast every day and that would give...

...me something to do. And alsoI'm a perfect candidate because I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and none of thebipolar disorder medicines work. I've tried them all over fifteen years. They don'twork. I don't mind the mania or the HYPO mania. I'm sorry,I don't mind the HYPO mania. I dislike the mania. I dislike thedepression. If this little electric headband can help my depression, that's amazing right. So I invite you to stick around for the next well, it's Novemberseventeen now, to probably be here on the twenty, so pretty much likefrom Thanksgiving and tell about Christmas every day. I'm going to do a podcast onthe same day that I try twenty minutes of this transcranial direct current stimulationheadband. So stick aroom for that. That was a cool upside thing thathappened today. I'm not sure if how...

...aware you are of Adhd or ifyou have it or whatever, but anyway, so the idea that helping adhd withspeed or amphetamines is based on a cool concept that a doctor finally explainsto me in a way I could explain to you. Imagine your brain istraffic at intersection right, back and forth and back and forth. There's atraffic cops and thoughts, feelings, data, logic, think too right, okay, all good, right. Well, in the adhd mind, the trafficcop there fell asleep and everything's just going through the intersection at all theones any which way it wants to go. Amphetamine concert a riddling even adder.All other I don't think adderalls given as a treatment for adhd might be. I don't know. I'm a growing up. They don't give that growsfor that. The Concerto is based on an amphetamine and it wakes that littletraffic cop up. Traffic cops start sorting...

...your thoughts, you can start seeingthe future and you start feeling much more hopeful. So my idea that Italked with my therapist works and that if let's treat my Adhd, maybe it'lllet a light shine at the end of the tunnel. I'll feel more hopefuland I'll naturally lift out of the depression. Cool. That actually was working untilthe ADHD medicine gave me high blood pressure. So I said fuck itto both of them. Well, maybe this electoral I was going to callit electro shock. It's not electro shock. This transcranial direct current stimulation, thistdcs. Maybe this will also wake up the little traffic cop and helpwith my adhd. I sure hope so, because I'm feeling it bad this weekand it could use some relief from the suffering. So, lastly,a shout out to aims. Thanks for checking in, aims. I reallyappreciate you and Bipolar Joe. Mr Bipolar...

Joe has a new podcast up.Appreciate you both and thank you for listening. It's nice to be heard. Andnow back to the wall.

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