John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 1 year ago

It's just another manic Monday ...

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

I'm feeling pretty agitated today. Not sad ... kind of a fast melancholy.

* ADHD is acting up, stressing me out
* Opted out of the medication
* The pressure of being a creative
* When ADHD starts feeling more like mania
* tCDS — Transcranial Direct-Stimulation
* Shout out to Ames and Mr. Bipolar Joe

Well, it's Monday, November sixteen, which means it's a Monday. Who what a rough day. It was particularly hard because I've been enduring I don't know, well, stress, of course, but stress triggers my adhd and I don't take the meds. I don't have the MEDS for age adhd. I had a choice. Basically, I was tried some new meds called Concerta, worked pretty well, but the meds for adhd are basically speed, which raised my blood pressure. So the doctors are like, well, we can give you matter of medicine for blood pressure. I'm like, how about I just not take either? I'll not take the blood pressure medicine and not take the ADHD medicine that makes the blood pressure high. Oh Yeah, you could...

...do that. So, yeah, that's what I'm doing. But man, fucking Adhd. Dude, when you're trying to focus and in this case, like I'm trying to do, creative work, design like creative work. Imagine if you were, I guess, if you were, a comic and someone just came up to you and said, Hey, make up something funny right now, say a funny joke, make a new joke, like a new joke. That old joke. Make up something funny right now, make it good it. That's what it's like to be a designer sometimes on deadline. I like deadlines generally because you know, it's a great way to get things done. Use a calendar, I use a clock. I'm into calendars and clocks and maps. I like those things. But man, it's just anyway. The point is the ADHD is crippling. It's my number and it stops me in my tracks. I can't be creative in the spur of a moment sometimes, which you know that that puts pressure even more pressure, especially if...

...you like that's how you get paid and you don't want to piss off the boss with a client or anybody like that. So then it kind of compounds. I had this problem back in grade school where I would cut class and go get high and I would cut the lamest class, the one I thought that was the Lamest at the time, which was Algebra. And in Algebra back in that grade, and I'm thinking it was like ninth grade in the S. I'm not sure kids today a pretty good at Algebra to younger age, seems, but in the s ninth grade Algebra like Algebra to it got complex. If you missed the day and your kind of high generally in high school, and you come back the second day you're so fucking far behind. So it's much easier to cut the second day and then put it off another day. Oh, then it's the weekend or whatever, so it compounds.

The anxiety builds. You don't want to show up for class. Then they're going to say something when you finally show up to class. took him like, Oh, where you been, and the whole thing. It's the same way with design work. You feel this pressure and pressure and pressure. The more days go by, the more they expect like a fucking Mona Lisa or something, and so you just got to do your best. Anyway. I had some projects I was do on Friday and then we lost power for a minute. That kind of fuck with my head and then I just spun out, like all weekend long. I didn't really get anything done except think about getting things done. I paste a lot, took a couple showers, rode my bike. Hmm, I think I made some cookies. Yeah, now I just couldn't get it together, couldn't like. I still have this it's almost cause a headache. It's not pain, but man, so my adhd gets so bad sometimes it feels like it's becoming mania, like, not quite...

...to where you hear voices, but my can't focus on the thing. When I look straight and you shake your head left and right, back and forth real quick, like something out of a crazy Stanley Kubri to movie or something. Just a feel like a fucking Weirdo. Can't hold it together anyway. But I feel like, I guess happy generally. So as long as I'm not trying to focus and be creative for I don't even know how to say it, as long as I'm not working, I'm fine. But that's sometimes what it feels like. And I think a lot of the stress, though, comes from, like I was saying the other day, this sales job I'm working at hasn't paid me. So I have the stress of like what the Fuck, dude? On the flip side, I have another job coming up that starts in a little bit and there's tons of possibilities there. So the mania, folks, it's ugly. Head Up. This morning I'm just watching all kind of youtube how to videos and how this particular industry works and now this particular segment of the industry works and how to do it better.

And Oh my God, I have so many great ideas. So I've got all those great ideas. They're on the left hand side. I'm stressing about money because the current job isn't paying me, and then the side job is just stressing me out because it's trying to be creative. I don't know. All those things kind of combined it once today and I finally broke through after dinner time. Drive you crazy when you feel that way. How I know you go through it too. I mean, not every day. We can't do it every day. I think if I do it too many days in a row, it really does become mania and I need to get myself to a psych ward. Here's this. Here's the thing, though. I don't want to go to a hospital or anywhere near a hospital, because are covered with Covid, nineteen germs, and especially where I am now, this particular city, it's a bunch of like rugged individualist that don't give a fuck about anybody else. So covid is running ramp in here. The hospital beds are all full up. So from my standpoint, I'm like, well, I...

...would go to the hospital the sea kelp for my my mind, but I don't want to die trying. Not that. Okay. So here's the thing, right. I think I told you the other day I was checking out kinesiology and magnets. Shit, running magnets or the top of my head, trying to trying to get something to break loose. I don't I don't disregard that science. I don't think it's it applies in two thousand and twenty. We just don't have it all together. We don't know enough about it. What we did know the ancient astronaut kind of history. That's gone for now. But I think there's something to well, there's obviously something to magnets, to the MAGNA fucking controls the universe, right, but how does it control our mind? Don't know. So I found out about this other thing. Here's how I found out about it. Right, I was watching shark tank...

...the other night and this dude comes on with this crazy head band, little metal band across us it and stimulates your brain or whatever. Typical kind of off the cuff shark tank invention. Well, I'm into this kind of stuff anyway. I just think it's neat. I look at it all the time. There's been a couple of things I've seen on the Internet before, but they look like they're from the S, like they're that kind of light yellowish gross color plastic with the is all fucked up there, and I'm like, Dude, this two thousand and twenty like get some industrial design and you might sell this. Anyway. It looks like the guy on Shark tank the other night got it together. He put together this thing with some some cooler industrial design. It's not something you're going to wear in public, of course, but it's not intended for that. And of course my favorite I don't know. My favorite shark, I think, is Kevin. Watched Shark tank for...

...a long time, even dragons don from the UK, and I think Kevin over here is my favorite. He's subtle, like my favorite person on the simpsons is mow the bartender, and my favorite dude on shark tank is Kevin because he always sneaks in there with that little you know, I'd like to add on a two cent gratuity in perpetuity. But anyway, with this crazy electric headband. Of course, Mark Cuban hates what he considers junk science, he said, and they're reading the box. Of course the box has a disclaimer. This is not a medical device. Is that intended to cure anything? That it and of course mark is all over there. So what's it? What? What's IT for? What's the even the whole point? And the guy was kind of a presenter, the guy who invented it or something pretty agro, kind of really into it, like he's been studying it for a while. So he gets it and he doesn't. He's like, I...

...get this way too sometimes, where I just know something and I forget that I have to back up about a hundred steps to explain it to a new person and I don't always have the patients and I come off like, you know, someone time to drink from a drinking fountain and instead they get a fire hose. That good thing. That's the way this presenter was to the Shark Tank and they threw him out on his ass. Anyway, I fucking look into this shit. I'm looking because I'm like, I like it. I look into this device and I find it, it turns out. So here's what it's called. This thing. I'm not gonna tell you what the name of the device is yet, but what it does is called t DCS that's transcranial direct current stimulation. Can you figure those words out? So transcranial means outside just goal. Direct current is electricity stimulation. So there's this device basically uses electricity on this headband through your skull to stimulate your brain. Apparently the study is work and it actually does work, as it was designed for...

...people with major clinical depression, like especially long term, hard to cure a clinical depression. And I'm like, oh well, shit, this is this is more than magnets, because I can't find any anything like this on magnets. So we've got all kinds of studies here. I went to the company's website. They've got a Harvard scientist, neuroscientist, on the board, putting his face, his image and his identity with the product. So most doctors won't do things like that unless it's valid or they really believe in it or get paid a shit ton of money. I don't think there's a shit ton of money involved in this yet, but if it works, God bless America, it would be awesome. Of course. I'm me. I send an email to these people and say, Hmm, I will review your crazy headband on my daily podcast. I'm doing a podcast every day and that would give...

...me something to do. And also I'm a perfect candidate because I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and none of the bipolar disorder medicines work. I've tried them all over fifteen years. They don't work. I don't mind the mania or the HYPO mania. I'm sorry, I don't mind the HYPO mania. I dislike the mania. I dislike the depression. If this little electric headband can help my depression, that's amazing right. So I invite you to stick around for the next well, it's November seventeen now, to probably be here on the twenty, so pretty much like from Thanksgiving and tell about Christmas every day. I'm going to do a podcast on the same day that I try twenty minutes of this transcranial direct current stimulation headband. So stick aroom for that. That was a cool upside thing that happened today. I'm not sure if how...

...aware you are of Adhd or if you have it or whatever, but anyway, so the idea that helping adhd with speed or amphetamines is based on a cool concept that a doctor finally explains to me in a way I could explain to you. Imagine your brain is traffic at intersection right, back and forth and back and forth. There's a traffic cops and thoughts, feelings, data, logic, think too right, okay, all good, right. Well, in the adhd mind, the traffic cop there fell asleep and everything's just going through the intersection at all the ones any which way it wants to go. Amphetamine concert a riddling even adder. All other I don't think adderalls given as a treatment for adhd might be. I don't know. I'm a growing up. They don't give that grows for that. The Concerto is based on an amphetamine and it wakes that little traffic cop up. Traffic cops start sorting...

...your thoughts, you can start seeing the future and you start feeling much more hopeful. So my idea that I talked with my therapist works and that if let's treat my Adhd, maybe it'll let a light shine at the end of the tunnel. I'll feel more hopeful and I'll naturally lift out of the depression. Cool. That actually was working until the ADHD medicine gave me high blood pressure. So I said fuck it to both of them. Well, maybe this electoral I was going to call it electro shock. It's not electro shock. This transcranial direct current stimulation, this tdcs. Maybe this will also wake up the little traffic cop and help with my adhd. I sure hope so, because I'm feeling it bad this week and it could use some relief from the suffering. So, lastly, a shout out to aims. Thanks for checking in, aims. I really appreciate you and Bipolar Joe. Mr Bipolar...

Joe has a new podcast up. Appreciate you both and thank you for listening. It's nice to be heard. And now back to the wall.

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