Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 3 months ago

Personal perspective and parental estrangement

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions talks about what he's recently learned about his skewered perspective of himself after a recent survey of his peers; Parental estrangment and how we set examples for our kids; updates on voice acting and NFT projects

Album art is EMODOJO #4, available as a 1 of 1 NFT at emodojo.art 

Hey now, welcome back to EmoDojo. I'm johnny emotions. Thanks for being here, thanks for letting mein your head once again. Today I'm talking about individual perspective and estrangement.What. What are all these things? Here's what it's all about. Okay, so you know. Now I got to give you an update on theon the voice coach and the nft stuff. Real quick, real quick. Sothe NFT thing, if you've listened to other PODCASTS, I'm lit upon that Shit right now. I'm man almost like hypomanic about it. Tryingnot to be, I'm just really excited and it keeps me up late atnight, not too late, a little bit later than normal. But longstory short, the NFT timing thing is now. If you are a creativeperson, you need to get your ass into nft's just do it. However, you can not listen to me, go listen to other podcast. I'mnot an NFT podcast, of course, but it well, here's the thing. Explaining an NFT to somebody, or even cryptocurrency or any of that stuffit after a while. It feels like maybe back in the day when theytried to get all the people to turn in their gold for paper money andthe people that held gold to like you want me to give me, giveyou my gold for that piece of paper. Now you're fucking you're fucking nuts.No fucking way, and I think a lot of people right now,forgetting those lessons of the past, think the same way of cryptocurrency. They'relike what, you want me to trade in my piece of paper money foran imaginary pixels on a screen? Yes, that is exactly what is happening.So a couple of things are converging. Then the timing for NFT's is now. I need to focus my commitment on that also. I started todo my homework for my voiceover instructor. The particular voiceover instructor I had chosenis into long form nonfiction books, nonfiction. I love it. In fact that'smost of what I consume. I read and listen to long form nonfictionbooks. Well, as it turned out, I can't sit in a booth formore than ten or fifteen minutes before I get really antsy and I losefocus and there's just no way I can do long form anything. So Iam going to put this particular voice coaching session on hold and look for somethingelse and well, here's a strange thing would happen right. So, inbuilding an NFT team of local artists,...

I met with one of them whodoes a bunch of work for a big government agency, let's call it creativework, and they use voiceover talent pretty frequently short form stuff like quick explainervideos and things like that. So when we met up to talk about NFTSfor Brunch on Sunday, he gave me a list of like five local voiceagents, voice talent agents, to check into and also one to avoid completely. So I thought that was cool and kind of fortuitous in that same sensethat once you decide to go in a direction, things tend to align foryou. So anyway, I'm going to not do the vocal coaching for longterm long form. I'm sorry, narration. Going to focus specifically on nfts andthen shopping for more local jobs in the voiceover field, like for carcommercials and things like that. That sounds like a blast to me. I'mnot going to do one right here on this because you know me and I'membarrassed in front of you, but if I have a script and I knowit's for somebody else that's not you, yes, I can read the shitout of a car commercial. So that's the angle we're going for there.The nft thing is pretty amazing. I'm want to not talk about it anymore. You'll figure it out. If you're into making money or a living,you just got to give yourself a chance. Imagine now if we were back likeeight years ago and you had the money to invest in Bitcoin and nowyou just got all kinds of it right. Well, a similar thing is happeningnow with NFTS, except the cost to entry is not money, it'syour creative talent. And if I know anything, I know most of thepeople that, well, almost all of the people I know that are diagnosedwith mental illnesses or disorders. They're creative people. Of course, that's notto say all creative peoplele are mental, but it is to say all themental people I know are creative, and I think a lot of that.The older I get in the more wisdom I gain, I think a lotof feeling out of it, feeling mental, feeling disordered or even ill, hasa lot to do with you simply not being in alignment with the Shityou're supposed to be doing with your life anyway, and I know it's hardin a capitalist world to like be a creative person. The whole you know, trope of the struggling artist and whatnot has been around forever. Well,maybe not struggling so much anymore. Maybe this is the revolution. Maybe thisis the rise of the creatives and it came on so suddenly. I don'tknow if most people have even caught on. It's really wild and it's a funrabbit hole. There's some great podcast I listened to a new one iscalled proof. Just look up for the proof podcast. I think their websiteis proof dot X Y Z, which you'll find is pretty common in thecrypto world, the XYZ subdomain or web...

...domain. Another one I like alot is called nft. Now, so if you're a creative, for God'sSakes, please go look into nft's right now and, you know, youmight be able to do something that you've always wanted to do your whole lifeand actually make a living, or a great living. Now, I'm notsaying that you know it. Eventually it's going to become like any other thingthat's cool and fun. It's going to be like, oh well, there'stoo many, there's millions, there's millions of you. Everyone wants to bein a band, you know, or everyone wants to have an nfte ora podcast or whatnot, but NFTS are different. I feel it in mybones. I'm a huge evangelist about it, which is funny because I don't reallyknow shit about them. I just know I'm an artist and I knowthat that's a way to lock in creative value for evermore. So, backingup to the voice coaching thing, I had gone through a lot of thecoaches course work, you know, doing my homework and all that. Oneof the things they talk about is your personal brand. So much like ifyou're in a band, the record stores of the old days or even,you know, modern streaming services need to know what category to put you in. Is it rock? Is Rb Urban, contemporary, country, EDM? Allthat. Well, in the voiceover world, first of all you needto pick a category or a genre, for example, long form nonfiction.That's a thing. Car Announcers, commercial announcers explain, or videos. Thoseare all different types of voice work you can do. But you still haveto brand yourself. You have to be specific. So the questions in thecourse work I was taking ask things like you have to find out what's yourpersonality, and then you know what's your physical presence and what's your vibe.So what I did, based on his description of those terms, because Iput up a survey monkey, survey monkey, I put up a survey, amonkey form. What's the survey monkey form? It's a survey. Iput up a survey on the Internet and sent it out to a bunch ofpeople that have both known me for a long time, since high school,and also people that know me now and are with me every day. Andhere's what is super weird and super fucked up to me anyway. So,okay, here's some of the things. All right, bear with me.I'm not trying to too my own horn, just trying to I'll get to thepoint and you'll see that I'm absolutely not to it in my own horn. Well, describe John's personality. I'll just read through some of the answersthat I don't know who wrote these answers, though that's the cool thing, becauseit's purely anonymous. I just have a timestamp and the words they used. So describe John's personality. Fun, random, friendly, curious, creative, motivated, life experienced. Does that mean old, kidding, driven tolearn new things with an inherent rebellious nature.

Yeah, that person knows me prettygood. Thoughtful, curious, easygoing, intelligent, quirky, energetic, informative, fun loving, intelligent, outgoing and confident, hard worker, thinksoutside the box. Sounds positive but can go negative in a minute. OhYeah, that person definitely knows me. Outgoing, both smart and hilarious.See You, guys, I told you. Creative, charismatic, reliable, energetic, loyal, friendly and soothing. So those are all comments from therespondents of people that have known me since I was a kid and who knowme continually. Now, okay, here's what's fucked up about it. Thatthose all represent the person I want to be. Some like okay, butso I want people to see me as those things. However, I neverthink I'm portraying those things. I feel like it. Just no, Idon't feel like that at all. I have really low self image and Ican't believe that I'm actually projecting what I want to project. So there's botha really profound sadness that I'm actually I am kind of the person I hopedI was, and also I maybe I have been that way for a longtime. When I just didn't know it. That's crazy. See, that meansI've just been wasting opportunity. Of People think I'm this way. MaybeI should just be that way. Wild, physical present stuff is kind of boring. So relaxed and in inviting to conversation. I like that. Actually, nonintimidating, intelligent and extremely friendly, cool, strong presence. If Johnis in the room, you are probably interacting with him. Yeah, becauseI don't leave anybody alone. Welcoming Drummers, tapping, that is for sure.I self stem all the time. My Legs Rock in my footstep andER my fingers. That happened. I probably drive most of the people thatknow me crazy with that one aspect of my behavior alone. I like thisone. Welcoming, sexy, approachable. I don't know who answered at thirtyseven in the morning and said sexy, but high five. Well groomed,distinguished and maintained, always aware, clean cut, looks healthy. Another healthy, inspiring word. I like it. Someone answered at four hundred and threein the morning. Inspiring. That's awesome, impressive, real. That's the way. I think. I put this on twitter. I went if Itwitter followers snuck in there. So yeah, four hundred and three am. Inspiring, impressive, real, genuine, handsome, clean and relaxed. Cool, cool. Now I'm just starting to...

...curious what other answers four or threein the morning answered. Let's go up back to this one. Okay,so they said both smart and hilarious. All right, now, my vibe, but that was a little harder to define. But basically your vibe isthe unspoken or the you know, the I don't even know how to say. It's the energy you bring into a room, which it's not. It'snot smoke it. It's not spoken, you don't speak it out. orit's not the noise you make, of the clothes you wear. It justhow you carry yourself, I guess. Anyway, that's a horrible description ofit, but it was a better description in the survey monkey. The answeris tended out to be chill and easygoing creates, a creative with a let'sget to work vibe, mentality, team guy, innovators vibe, cheerful yetmellow. He makes everyone feel like what they're saying is super interesting. Differentvibe that beats to its own drum. Fun, easygoing. You know you'rewith the friend and ready for interesting conversation. Sometimes a heated debate if he canbeat you enough. Yeah, that's actually true. Positive and peaceful,joyous. Someone thinks a vibe is joyous? God bless you. That's amazing.Next the one said gonna get a rolling looking to have fun. Positive, peaceful, always positive. He always has a smile and can get theroom talking. Knowledgeable, welcoming. All right, cool. So that's myvibe, my physical presence and my personality as described by people who've known mesince I was young and now that work with me on the Daytoday, andyet I don't see any of those traits. I aspire to be like that,but I don't feel like I'm achieving that. So really interesting. Sowhy do I think that? Well, here I was looking up parental estrangement, like this is a running theme in my life because I missed my kidsa lot and I'm like trying to research and like, why don't they talkto me, because I understand why. Well, you know, the situation, just TU TANS or whatever, but I once the situation and it likewe are like living on top of each other and just just stressful. Man, three people and little apartment and in a new town and nobody had jobsand it was pretty fucking wild. Anyhow, now that that's over, I stilldon't hear from them. So I'm first I thought was something I did, and now it's starting to think it's just the way we've been programmed orwhat we've seen as examples in our prior lives and things like that, becausein many ways, I was thinking back, I put my parents on the shitlistfor, you know, a couple of years at a time too.I think my mom made it on my shitlist for maybe two years or sojust because she didn't care. Well, she was on my shitlist for along time when she kicked me out of the house, but up from likefourteen years old to about, I don't...

...know, my early s when Igot married. But in my mind that was on her she kicked me out. So I'm like, I'm just trying to live and any time I'd askfor help, but I got none. So just kind of pointless and seemedto be just dragging me down. That reconciled. reconciled. Yeah, thatreconciled and my mom was at my wedding and all that stuff and we talked. Now, in fact, I'm going back to California for the Christmas holidayand I'm excited about it. I'm so so they're and my dad and I. We've been estranged when, first of all, he just moved out onus, like my mom didn't kick him out, he left us and hebasically went and started a new family and then eventually they got divorced after severalyears, but by this point it had been like ten, twelve years sincehe was in the bay area where we had lived. And Yeah, itwas just a mess. So, you know, again he ended up comingto my wedding in my early S and we talked off and on. Youknow, it was about pretty comfortable relationship. Just talked on the phone a coupletimes a year whatever. Lived maybe two hundred miles away from each otherand of course, since I had no real reason for estranging him, everythingI thought was normal. Later, more recently, let's say, when Ineeded my truck, like I my SUV, it of the most, because Ihad just been let go from a job, surprisingly, oh, becauseI was being a whistleblower, and he had my my suv, up inTahoe, like a few hundred miles from San Francisco where I'd lived, andlong as short of it, he had put my truck in his name andrefused to give it back to me when I needed it to move, tojust get my shit, like basically try to steal my truck. He saidhe didn't, but regardless, if you keep something from somebody when they needit, it's effectively stealing. And he ended up, you know, nevergiving it back at my kids had to go get it from him, whichis ridiculous to even involved them at all. So and he the okay, that'sthe thing. He never apologized for that. He had never acknowledged thatwhat he did was nefarious or malicious. He just is clueless about the wholething. So until he can figure out, you know, what he did wrongand he see all the emails back and forth, he was mad,Talking Shit about me, you know, making up psychiatric disorders that I don'thave, you know, telling his friends, you know, he's not sure ifhe wants to kill me or not, you know, and the dudees xcop with a gun. So fuck all that, you know, untilhe comes right, comes correct and actually acknowledges what he's done and apologize forit, then yeah, he's on my shitlist and I think that's a validreason I just don't need that in my life, and so with my kids. I just don't know what it is, but apparently on my research with parentalalienation, which is when the divorce wars parent kind of poisons the kidagainst the other parent, that's one main...

...reason for being estranged, if youwill. In other words, is not one thing I did. It justkind of a way they've been brought up. You know, it's funny when youhear the theme music. That's my what I call my brother, that'sRay, my let's call him brother Ray, and we've been close since the seventhgrade when he was a drummer in the jazz band and school and Icame in and I was an actual drummer, and so ray went back to trombonefor a second. But in the interim there's a school talent show,so ray and I both played drums. Is like just two drummers doing drumZell was together. That was our talent show and we fucking rock the wholelike seventh grade, everyone loved it. The yeah, fucking great long storyshow. It's kind of like the van Halen Story. Ray picked up guitarand the rest of his history band he's a phenomenal guitar player. Well,so that's how close ray and I are to this day. We have apsychic connection. Even if we don't talk, we communicate. And so what happeneda few years back, after all these years of my ex you know, swear and she didn't Talk Shit. Oh No, never see anything.No, right, of course that you know in your heart of hearts.The fuck is she's just lying to me right now, and she hell ofTalk Shit. Well, my oldest son has a pretty unique name. It'snot a weird name, but it's unique enough, especially for someone his ageand raised niece started dating my son, my oldest son, and she wastelling Ray when she went over to raise house. She goes, Oh,yeah, you know, my new boyfriend's Dad's a drug addict and does thistalk and all this match shit. And they didn't take them long to puttwo and two together. When ray found out that his niece's boyfriend, I'mgetting my terms confused, when his niece's boyfriend my son his name because,like I said, it's a unique name. I'm not going to say it onpodcast, but anyway. So Ray said, blah, blah, blah, my last name. She goes yeah, so basically she's heard the whole story. So my ex used to talk mat shit about me to everybody thatwould listen. She just crafted this whole story. Well, of course mykids are in the mix of it all for their whole lives and they justdon't know any better. And you could tell when I hear stories. Theyremember all the bad things. They don't remember all the fun times, likehow many times, how many hikes and bike rides we went on on,how many concerts we went and how many nights I would, I mean everynight I'd read them books, read them to bed, we'd play King ofthe ring on the mattresses, all that fun stuff. They don't seem toremember it. They remember just anything negative, like Oh, that time I brokemy arm or that time you almost...

...drowned me or stuff like that.I like what? Okay. So, anyway, your environment directly affects howyou see things and other people, and so that's how people become a strangedis, you know, through parental alienation and just small things that happen overtime that if you think somebody is one way, then your brain has ahoyuristic mechanism inside of it that clumps everything to that ideal. For example,if I want to buy a Red Porsche, now I'm going to start seeing redporses everywhere I go. You wouldn't think there are that many of them, but they're everywhere. Once you think about that's the thing you want.That's the story I'm going with. I want a red porse. And thesame thing goes with kids. If you're raised to believe that your father's adrug addict, asshole, blah, blah, blah. Well, every new storyyou're going to hear you're going to first compare to that story. Doesit match? Yes, I'm going to stick it there. Does it notmatch? No, I'm going to discard it. So you know, Idon't blame them at all for that because, you know, I explain minute agoI'd estranged my own parents for specific reasons and then made up. Sowhat I'm hoping is that eventually they'll see that we're a strange for reasons thatare no longer valid and maybe we can be a family again. So that'swhat I've learned it. It's kind of help mellow me out a bit thethought process this and also focusing more on the art right now, because I'vealways been an artist, like actual artists, like graphic designer artists and stuff likethat, and I kind of tucked it aside. I never really thoughtlike that was a valid way to make money. But it seems like thedoor might be open, so let's go through it, let's check out andFT's make some money, relax, get back into the swing of things andmaybe not feel so mental. So I appreciate you for listening and I'm goingto try to get some of these nft artists to come on the the probablywon't come on as their real name or anything because, honestly, they're makingso much money they're at risk, you know, for hackers or thieves andreal life or whatever. That's how much money some of these folks can make. But some of their stories will amaze you because they sound just like meand you and that, you know, people always shut them down. Theywere never good enough. You try to submit work to a gallery, youget laughed at the whole thing. And now who's laughing? These motherfuckers,US motherfuckers like us, can now go make a money, make it themoney with some artwork. So that's worth a shot. That's what I'm goingto do. Thanks for listening and I look forward to hearing from you ortalking to you next week. In the meantime, just keep living, andnow back to the wall.

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