John | Podcasting
John | Podcasting

Episode · 4 years ago

Postpartum Bipolar Disorder with Dyane Harwood

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John and Dyane discuss her new book, "Birth of a New Brain," about Postpartum Bipolar Disorder. They discuss what the condition is, how Dyane experienced it, and how the book came to be. They also talk a little about their favorite Netflix shows including Black Mirror, Lady Dynamite, and Theo Vonn. Also, we include more talk of a #bipolarcabal on Twitter and lots of bipolar digressions. Keywords; Post-partum depression
Get the book here: http://bit.ly/dyaneharwood
Follow Dyane on Twitter @dyaneharwood

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Hey, welcome back to bipolar style, the podcast for bipolar people and those who love them. Join US online at bipolar stylecom. I now use your host, Johnny motion. Thank you, Jules, the Nice introduction and welcome back to the bipolar style podcast. Today I'm especially esteemed to have such a great guest. She's an author. She actually wrote a book. Do you know hard that is to write a book, especially if you have bipolar? So she wrote a book about something I knew nothing about, called postpartum bipolar depression. She's on twitter. I'm going to give you a twitter handle on a second so you can follow along while we're talking. Her name is Diane Harwood. Thanks for coming on the show, Diane, really happy to be here. I wish I was the first guest. I was a little jealous of Japon B but but he's so cool and goodlooking I'm okay with it now I knew it. I'm like, Dude, when people because there's a it's hard to like, be out like you guys are, so to speak, because of the stigma in the world. So when you put your real name out there and your real face, I give you props. But yeah, I'm all Jason when people start hearing this podcast and seen your face, you know you can have some admirers and your wife is going to be beating him off the stick. So pretty soon we'll have like the bipolar grudge match of twitter people against twitter people. It'll be awesome. No, I'm just teasing. So thanks for thanks for coming on, though you were maybe not the first guess, but you were definitely the first top supporter in September. You kicked everybody's but on my leaderboard, so thank you for that. Right. There's crazy algorithms in that. The reason you couldn't get back up the next month because one of the main point earners for that algorithm is signing up. So when you sign up to your email address, you get like a whole bunch of points and it's hard to get that many points through just tweeting and common anyway, it's angled for me to get more people to sign up so I have a bigger email list ultimately. Yeah, well, I'm glad you explain it to me because I wanted to win again. I wanted to get another shirt. So I love my shirt. You just have to say sign up with another email addressed like I do. I know, I just well, that as the call. I mean really well, I guess I said you could do it because I like the idea of people having the shirts anyways, and it's way cheaper for me than paying for twitter ads to just go buy a shirt for somebody who doesn't love t shirts. Right. Yeah, and you like the shirt. I honestly, I really like hd about wearing like I've never worn a shirt about bipolar before and I like about the shirt. The thing that you haven't doesn't like to say bi polar on it. It kind of needs a little bit to the imagination. Man. I don't like shirts say like by pooler. You know, that's what I was thinking. I'm like, how can we be sneaky about this and get a brand out there that we could recognize each other but without having to explain ourselves to normies on actually a church Guy, that a guy work with that at work who's really in the church and stuff. He's like a pastor on his spare time. He's straight up asked me yesterday. He's all so you're going to tell me what your shirt means? And I'm like, Oh, yeah, it's a Yin Yang. He's all, yeah, I got that. It's a Yingyang. I'm like, well, it's a happy and Yang. He's like, Oh, okay, I see, that was it. I just left it. Yeah, yeah, I just left it with that. That's that that you worked and work, because I know you're on the downlow and you really careful. So Oh, yeah, yeah, but it's such as such an inane graphic and I liked looking at it, you know, just it's pleasing to me to look as though anyway. All, enough about the t shirts. But people could always go to like bipolar stylecom and buy a t shirt that we're talking about. But I know that. I noticed though, like I'm wearing my sweatshirt right now and this logo is cool on me because I'm kind of giant, but that logos humongous on your tank top. So I got to fix that. It's like the size of our LP and I'm like Whoa, okay, so I apologize. So you have like a rare addition. I'm going to make much smaller logos, but I don't want...

...to make it too small look like a third breast in the middle either. So it's right. There's that got to be a happy medium, maybe like a forty five disc funny. Yeah, this is very big. I had to kind of struggle to get the late Selfie to con see the whole thing. I don't know, I think that I screwed up, but chill, you know, it's great the fact that people know that, oh it, that's actually a brand in the real world and not just the icon on somebody's twitter account. It starts to make it more more of a thing. Okay, so we can talk to the entire podcast about this. Let's do that. Just kidding. Okay, yeah, because you should have your own podcast, but your kind of like my other friend who just hops around from podcast to podcast and everybody knows him as like a podcaster, but he doesn't have to do the work of putting together a podcast. And like that's me like going to jam night at the local bar. I don't have to like be in a band or, you know, maintain gear or slip around any gear. I just show up and hit drums. So that's what you guys are. You're like you're like jam night podcast gets it is, you know, and I kind of made like the similar type of mistake thirteen I did my first, very first book train flash. I did twainment educational powerpoint presentation which I saw. That crowd was like the whole room. It was a it was a lot of work and everybody had our hands up asking questions. Yeah, now, how that go? Tell me more about how you set up a book signing and well, let's back up. Let's talk about the book. Well, you can come back on another shown. We'll talk about rejection and how you found out about your own bipolar. But so you have you written a book, which is no small feet, about something called Postpartum bipolar depression, which I totally butchered a couple episodes a guy. I kept calling it something that's not. I can't remember. I mix the words up, but anyway, postpartum depression. But it's not just the depression, it's it postpartum Manias louted in that, which is really the part that makes you feel, or it makes me feel, quote unquote, crazy. Depression just makes you feel like I want to die, it makes me feel like miserable, everyone hates me. But when the mania starts leaking in, then I start to have the energy to take action on some of those negative things and you start to like get your pull your hair out, Bang your head against the wall kind of feeling. So how I don't even know how to dig into this because I don't know much about postpartum depression to begin with. So let's start there. Can Tell me about, or tell them, tell the men listeners about, what postpartum depression is, how you get it and the difference between that and bipolar okay, very, very good question. Especially well, first of all, okay, is called postpartum bipolar disorder because it encompasses this part of depression and post part of media. But all, I'll get back to that one and the second and start with the one that most people have heard about the media, which is just postpartum depression. It's a mood disorder parents to pull a pernial we disorder that strikes after you've had a baby and it can actually happen during pregnancy to where you have horrible, horrible depression and you have all the same symptoms as any guy who's had terrible depression, except you have a baby with you right right. There's you know, there's a lot of awareness with it. Now. There needs to be more, of course, but there's a lot of awareness. It's really obvious, like if you have terrible depression, people notice that around juice. What what was hard. Forgive me for jumping back and forth between these two carnade on new disorders. You look like your bipolar or something. Which one? It's like your bipolar or something. All the jumping back and forth. Hee's. Oh, now, dare I know? I'm for I'm sorry, the unfortunately, and I'm good right now. I'm stable, you're great and I'm totally fault. I'm totally following. So yeah, keep going on. This is totally curious about this. That's that's the miracle. It's not not on your house. But anyway, post from bipolar can be really tricky because they can ash ass...

...either as postpartms repression, as depression after you have the baby, or as Menia. So if you have the mania, which is what I had, I'd post part of mania after my second daughter was born. I seem really happy, but I didn't seem crazy off the hook happy. Right. No one. You know there's a problem here. But what I did over the six weeks that followed was that it just escalated. It got worse and worse and worse. It was undetected and went from Hypomania, which you know means Lesser Mania, into full blown acute media where it was just like not sleeping and I was and then, oh you'll love this I was doing. It's really weird symptoms called Hypergraphia, the condition where you just write like non stop. That explain? No, I haven't, but explains how you were able to write a book. What you even it took me ten years to write the book. When you have Hypergraphia, a lot of times of stuff you write is like, pardon my friends, that Shit and can't even legible. It'll be like a squall. What you think that manic and you think that you're writing like the next Bible. I wrote stuff like that when I want. It's on LSD once and I'd mind, this is so profound, I unlock the secret to the world. And then the next day I woke up, you know, straight saying or whatever, and I'm like this is garbage, this is not profound, this is just this is like kindergard or whatever it was. I was judging myself backwards, but it when you're manic, was a strange, strange similarity to be in on lst with those kind of thoughts that it's like, Oh, this is this is some great writing. I like to think maybe in another timeline it is. But yeah, well, critically it wasn't your brain. And this I should throw this a little factory out of you, cause you'll appreciate this, but most of the people who get hypergraphia they have temporal lobe epilept who don't have but a lot of people would buy fuller get it by calling me and triggers it. They just not talked about that much. So solver really lest activates the temporal lobe of the brain. As what I'm thinking. Yeah, that that is interesting. HMM. We're not scientist folks, we're not doctors, but this, that's totally fast, because the lot like Lamiqutol and things like that, those kind of minds are also given to people with epilepsy's Funny Anti Sus right, I've taken that. Ye, yeah, I mean that's a antiseesiar saying anti. I guess it's called Antiseesiar, but that's given to buy polar folks. Interesting. The brain such a fascinating thing. So Hypographia, Huh, and hypergraph yet hyper okay, hyprography type. If it's Hypographia, then you're like writing, really, my letters are mooting it. Yeah, my husband was like what the Hell Pam with you and he a laptop. I would find it in the middle of the night because I wasn't sleeping, and then when he his hiding places got really good, I would just pret a pencil and like still up and like this other woman, the same as writer, who wrote about it, she would write on her body, and she's right, on her arms. Yeah, Yours, toilet paper, whatever surface you can. So it's like you really do, your brain really does go hanywhere. So I don't not only had put Parmnia that, I also had this other bizarre whoa it was like. And I would even too high, and that's my but I would do it when I's resting both of my kids, because I was still resting the older one, which is total hippie Santa Cruz. So I'd be writing nonstop while breasting to Chom. Well, the writing part, because now I'm just imagining like long passages of paragraph that you'd see in a bathroom stall at the library or something. Now thinking maybe that person had Hypergraphia, like what? Maybe? Yeah, and and I don't know, I'm trying not to laugh at at your condition, because I'm sure it's maddening when you have it, but that explains a lotting. I didn't know that that was a thing. I learned something new. I have to laugh. You have to laugh. There has to be some humor, you know, so I do. Is that related to OCD, sort of the hypergraphical or no?...

I actually don't know. It's long as there's a wikipedia page. Wow, check it out. Yeah, you know wikipedia. It's just plus. It's an awesome name for a band, Hypergraphia Dodd. The probably is there's gonna be now, honestly, is bipolar people. It's cool and a lady, because I did feel like I had I had the grandiose thinking going. So I thought, well, I can finally write and they have all these important things to write about. But you know, they just with the word they evaporated. But at the time you feel like it just if you've ever had witers blocked, this is opposite and it's like a dream in a way. It's like a great thing to do. I mean like, I know you're a musician. It would be like a drum drummer. No, but I think I'm just saying because I'm also a graphic designer. My daytime job is graphic design and when people tickle my fancy with like an idea, my first thought is like jump on the computer or grab a sketch pad or something and and design something like design of visual of what you were talking about, and it comes out really organically. So it works great in the design field because of people come to me with like a logo concept. I spit it out in two hours just because of like Oh, I got it. It's like the force flows through you and it's like Whoa, take your hands away from the computer. Just let it do its thing. It's so you got in talking so much. I've been can't help it. This is funny, but no, it'd be like that that let's they be inspired for eight hours to do the same thing. Yeah, and when you ain't want to stop and you're having that mannic, it feels like the flow, the flow that people are normal people attain, you know, try to try to attain. Sometimes mania feels like the flow. It feels like, oh here, yeah, just coming out that kind I have such a hard time saying that that's bad at all, but while you have it, it's a bit feeling of out of control. This yeah, it was like yeah, I mean it's just a bittersweet thing because I wouldn't really present. Like I what am I saying? I wasn't present for my chime. It's a little little fals who deserved another WHO's there instead of off in Wallah land or whatever. So that's that's such an interesting concept right there. What you talked about like because you were actually there. It's and what you're considering, quote unquote, there is more like the reflection of how there you are now. So you only you look back. It's like, man, I wish I could be as present with my kids then as I'm able to be now. But the realities you were there. I mean you were there and they just saw you as a different kind of person or different personality. But since they grow with you, I think all thing kind of dovetail at the end. So right now they probably think, oh, yeah, that's that's mom, and she's she is present and she does her best. But yeah, they do know that now, but I just like I could have to do over. That's all I'm saying, is like that's what totally feel that way. Good bipolar guilt, the bipolar shame of all the things we think we fucked up. Yep, yeah, yeah, that's cool. So you know, so you got media? Yeah, you got media. When you're preggned it then and you got hypographia. What happens? Okay, so how do you go from there to really finding out you had the mania? How do they determine that, because it wasn't you know, this is still a relatively new thing. I don't hear people talking about it in support groups or anything. And then connect that with how you thought. I think I'll write a book about this. That's a that's awesome questions. Okay, remember, just ten years ago, this is two thousand and seven. So things are reason. You know, even there's nothing going on far as awareness. But because I had been raised by my dad who has bipolar disorder, there was a part of me that knew something was really messed up, and either is part of me that I now believe that was in denial, like I knew I had I think a part of me telling knew I had bipolar but I just wanted to not admitted because I was terrified. Right. But things got so crazy that Craig and I together was like, okay, I have to go down to the Bhu,...

...which, ironically, we used to live like literally done. You live one block away from the White Unit went down to the what what do you call it? The Ha? You're all unit health, Behavioral Health Unit, you're still over there. But the Bhu, Oh, yeah, you've pretty familiar with it. If you start to call it by its initials, that's that's it. Say. It's a bit relationship with the old Bhu. Okay, so that's right. And I used to drive by it to work every single day. It was in a wonderful position, directly across from a hundred year old cemetery, which I found kind of ironic, and I used always drive by thinking, oh, there's no way in hell I'd ever be in that play. That's for crazy people. Yeah, all yell. I had an exployfriend in there and he told me it was so bad he didn't want me to go visit him because people were shitting on themselves and doing all kinds of stuff, and so I got off the hook with that. But little did I know I was going to admit myself voluntarily with baby and a toddler by. This is all like, this isn't your hometown there in the downtown area Cruz. I love, I love down Santa Cruz all, I love Santa Cruz in general. You live in a nice love it's a beautiful place and yeah, this place we just live. It was like, yeah, it's technically Funda crews and I so we went there was the kids and I just walked in and a test and the the head psychiatrist guy talked to Craig to gain idea of what I had been doing, because I wasn't going to tell them everything, and he sat down with me and just look me in the face and luckily he wasn't one of those arrogant asshole type. Yeah, very human, and he just said, you know, you have by polar one and this is the post part of time. Who Straight to one. Huh, he really did give it to me straight that I was manic. was like yeah, yeah, well, yeah, that's true. I so I didn't freak out, but then I went they have just one pay phone for the entire place, like for the patient, and I soon as I stopped talking to him, I went out both to the pay phone and luckily it was empty and I called my dad, and this is before cell phones were so ubiquitous, and he actually picked up the phone himself and I told him and he just started to cry, which he never done before and he felt he felt guilty. He was, he was very like, he was emotional that he would keep it in sight a lot, but he felt responsible, he felt like it was his fault. Yeah, and I did. I kept reassuring him. It was like one of those things where I became the parents. He was kind of like the child and I'm like, don't want to dad, you know, everything's fine, right, I'll makes sense. And and he knew I was in for it, you know, so he couldn't feel comfy. Do worry about it. So, yeah, that's that's tough. Is Dead. I know what I was in for. Yeah, and now its yeah, no, you're and you're a parent to now and I have I have three boys, so I'm always like any time any of them feel sad or isolated and like what can I do? How can I help? But I'm like, I'm kind of on the outs from their social circles, so I don't have a lot of opportunities, so I just do my best through texting or whatever. But yeah, just you. It's I don't know, it's hard because you don't want them to get sick or get it illness or disorder that that we have and then have to suffer alone when like hey, we're right here, we can help. But right, well, my daughter's of puture, like are we going to get it? The protectitudes like Oh, don't worry, if you get it, you know we will be able to care of you and you know, but that you know what, if to get it, I will feel like Shit. I won't feel terrible and I'm praying that they don't. Can't we just start framing it as a super power that we haven't yet harnessed properly? Is Like Hey, wait, we're evolving. I had to do the next evolution of the gene. You should be happy about this. We just have to learn, like the Hulk, you know, to to maintain the power within and not let...

...it erupt. And heard others. Man, I had all kinds of ways when my kids were grown up. Like I kind of explained my bipolar episodes is like a sneeze where you know, gives sense is that it was coming. You couldn't really stop it while it was happening, and then after, after it was over, you knew if you sneeze, done anybody, or you certainly knew who was around when you sneezed. So then you simply say excuse me, but nobody ever said bless you to me when I had a bipolar episode. That's funny. The cool I like that. I like an analogy. Yeah, it's a good one for young kids. Yeah, yeah, I know. No, no, no, it's perfect for young kids. I don't know, I mean my kids ten and twelve. I mean I think they would actually relate to that more than the intellectual explanation. Yeah, and the whole the whole idea that we have a disease is so freaky because, man, we're no different than we were the day before. The doctor told us that. We're the same people and we still feel and experiment with a different medicines and therapies and all that. But, you know, self exploration, I think, is important and we were forced into it. So I think that's kind of good. There's a lot of people that live, you know, relatively stable, normal lives that never have any self exploration. They don't dig deep into what really moves them, so they might not ever achieve the same levels of happiness that we can. So I mean there I think there are some benefits that can be looked at, especially for kids. Say, kids always have so much heart that good, because think to me, and you know, there are so many creative people, famous people who have it who I admire. So I like I'm actually being the same club as Prince with layout right. Yeah, and I always wondered, like what, are they even famous because of their bipolar or, you know, despite it? Either way, I mean maybe it maybe just a label. I was, you know, I start spinning off and doing this kind of fantastical thinking. We're like, HMM, remember the Truman show, for example, that movie with Jim Carrey. Yeah, so what if we do live in a giant simulation? This is just fun, folks, it's just talk. I'm not like serious. If this triggers you, stop, stop the PODCAST, go to a different one. So so say we're we're in a big simulation here. And Fuck, I gave that disclaimer and I totally lost my train of thought. God Damn it. That's okay, that's okay, be gentle with myself. That movie was really, say, and long time ago. Before you know, it was one of those burviers, you know. Yeah, and it well kind of also speaks to the whole idea of that were in a a matrix, in a simulation, and that we are here to play a role. However, we accept to choose this role because it's also really cool. Like in the future, when we talk machine learning and AI, the thing that computers, machines will always suck at is emotion, and those of us with a wider range and a higher tolerance for emotion, I think, have a lot to teach the machines of the future, which, again, is kind of a wacky subject to get into, but I think we're definitely going the way off ai and machine learning real quick. So how do we get our emotions into the machines before they just take off on their own without emotion at all? Actually, yeah, that'd be fun. Black Mirror episode. I love that. You Watch Black Mirror, you guys, every single episode. That things amazing, isn't it? The one thing that first first episode you're Golden. Yeah, I love well, yeah, tried to turn some people on and they're just not into it that much, but I love it. It's just the right amount of futuristic dystopia mixed with social commentary and decisionmaking, like well, what would you do in that situation? Yeah, I can talk, I serousally. Don't mind me, because I'll talk to the whole episode about that. I just can't wait. When are they coming out with a new season already? Jesus, been forevers so slow. Still tripping out, like. I mean it's one more thing about blackmor like, if you're going to see one of them, well you...

...have to see all of them. That there's the one with the guys from happy days, Ron Howard's daughter, who is a wonderful, brilliant actress. Oh, Dallas, Bryce, Dallas Howard. She plays the girl. Did you see that one? I don't know her. What happened? What happens in the episode? Okay, I know, I know, I'm wasting time, that it's such as a really amazing episode. And she's the one who lives in the society where they used they all have to use their cell phones. Oh What Otter? Yeah, totally, that's a great episode. I didn't know that was Ron Howard's daughter, dog Jun how yeah, happy days like you. Look what happen? Yes, she looks like him a lot. Yeah, now that you mentioned it. So yeah, for people that haven't watched, there's an episode where basically, what would say ten years in the future, maybe seven years. It's not far in the future. Everything works the same cars, cars and sinks and toil. Everything's normal, except your phone. Now everybody you're in a proximity to will come up on your phone and you rate your interaction with them right there and then it's kind of like an uber ride, but with the dude in front of you at the grocery store because he's being a jackass and you brought twenty items. So you just give them a hard stare. You look to at your phone. You think you get, you know, down star him. So, yeah, this episode was I think it was called a downward spiral, and it's just this poor gal is trying to compare yourself to her fancy friends off facebook, kind of effectively, you know, the social media in the future, right, yeah, and she compares herself to someone like that. She finally gets invited to a wedding and on the way they're all kinds of bad stuff happens in a rating keeps going down and down and down. It's it's amazing. That's just one episode. My other favorite from that season was the little killer bees. That where they picked, Ye, pick somebody to kill off of twitter and like Oh, that that's amazing. Little drones, like Whoa that could happen too. I love futuristic stuff. I think that's have to see this, almost everyone. Yeah, now Black Mirror on Netflix. Check it out season one, two, and that you get. You should really get paid for, you know, advertising from them, but I guess they probably won't do that. Yeah, it's still to me it's cheap content. I lived in Los Angeles for about three years and now I'm so amazed that anything at all gets produced, just because of so many egos and so many little fires to put out in so many moving parts to any kind of production. So yeah, black Marre's a great one. So anyway. Okay, so now back to from our Netflix advertisement, which is totally cool with me as a Oh, you know it, because it's also the home. Let's do this. It's also the home of lady dynamite, Maria Bamfood. Oh Yeah, yeah, I know you're such a fan, and she did. Are you going to the show then? I think it passed because I have bipolar disorder and I can't keep track of show dates. I think it was like October twenty or something, and we're I don't know. But Anyway, sometime later this month the the next season of lady dynamite will come out, which is is it's great if you love comedy. She's got lots of standup comedy, Cameo appearances from other stand up comics and her approach to filmmaking in general is really unique. So anyway, so Netflix, Black Mirror and ground down. Yeah, yeah, if you see lady dynamite at all, that's that's the thing. It just because it tells, it really tells the story of her, because she used to be the target lady. Remember the open market? Remember the target as the Manic Lady, the Manic Shopper on target commercial? That's her. That would her. They hired her for that because she was manic at the time and then she crashed. So during the first season of lady dynamite they flash back to certain periods of her life. One periods called the blue period, where she's in mental hospital in Duluth and they coat every scene with this light blue hues. So it's like, oh, that's the blue period. But then they come back to regular time and she kind of tells the story back and forth a little bit of how they kind of well, what I perceived of the story is that the target took advantage of...

...her while she was manic and the classic scent. She kind of lost it and got depressed and then they're like we still need you to work it. Come on, do your thing, do your thing, be your manic person. And didn't happen. She had the pull out. But so long, long and short of it, she's apparently been a stand up comic way before that and that was just right. One gig she got and now she helped leverage into a Netflix show. So pretty cool. But and she's also yeah, she's also does the voice of a whole bunch of cartoons that your kids probably watch. Yeah, you know, I've read about her. I needed to give lady done, my not a chance because I we watched the first episode and you know, sometimes things don't catch you, but I just feel like I would get hooked if I just got into against I do. She's really responsive on twitter, like I noticed he liked. She liked stuff that you tweeted and one time she liked something that I tweeted and I did get very excited about that. Okay, here's my starting to have a theory, though, because I also got that same kind of interaction from Theo Vaughan, another stand up from Louisiana. He's really funny, he's young guy and stuff. Then then I'm cynical and I'm like, Oh, these motherfuckers just have the same really good social media management team or something like that. You know, I don't know it's as possible to check their own stuff, but that's baby in Schenical. I hope she so. They Y. I definitely want to give that another try. Yeah, but you're right, though. Sometimes you turn on the show and it's like, I don't get it. What's this? What's all the help of about the ozarks? Yeah, I mean I don't get that. There's something called the OS arcs are on right now with Jason Bateman, and I gave it. I always give everything like I give it like three episodes, like that should be plenty. If I'm not into it by now, like this is just like a knockoff of Breaking Back Dad. That's not not as good. Yeah, anyway, he failed. I know that's one thing. Like I just do love. I have to admit, I love just showing in the evening. Watch too much goes, but when I'm depressed like you, watching the best shows, like don't even feel see. You know, I think you forget there's a whole universal there you can just show. There's also that kind of thing like whenever you first see something, whatever space your head is at is kind of you'll lock that in. Like I first saw star wars and whatever one thousand nine hundred and seventy six or seventy eight or whatever, when I was that specific age. So it had a lock in my brain like, Oh my God, this is the best movie and will always be the best movie ever. So I it's stuck in that Rut in my brain. So I first saw the lady dynamite when I was super depressed and I didn't think anything was funny. Nothing. That game shows that sad movies are happy. And then I saw this whacky if just edited the right way, and it spoke to mental illness in such an uplifting, kind of upbeat way, I'm like, oh, that's everything's gonna be okay, I get it. So let's get let's get back to your book. How did your book come into existence? So this is my manic segue everyone. It's funny. Thank you. Those very food for a lot of people say I want to write a book and it's a night. It is a fun thing to be able to say, and it's even more fun to take, Oh yeah, I'm writing a book, but then right when it takes you ten years to do it. It's kind of like you can send people and you're like when, yeah, right, you're not going to really get it on or you're full of it. Yeah, ten years. And because I go in and out of depressions, right, of course, mostly in yeah, mostly in depression. So when I finally got stable in two thousand and thirteen, finally, you know, finding the right medications that worked for me, which took forever, that's when I really was able to start working on it. And so, yeah, the book, I just it's weird. I it was incredibly stressful, I'm not going to lie, and I just had weird compulsion to do it kept me up a lot of night, which we know is not good. It keeps you up or you are already up, or are you? Maybe you were just up and needed something to do. I mean, I didn't write, I just was seen. They're just stressing out about it. And Yeah, about about the book specifically. Yeah, well, yeah, and but I just I...

...don't know. I just was like I have to share this because I felt like I had I did have one advantage because I had something different to write about. That never had no it's ever written about this topic before. Right. I researched it and I felt like that was my strength. If to be honest with you, if I didn't have that particular diagnosis, I probably wouldn't have done it, because I feel like there's already enough books out there about, you know, bipolar memoirs and stuff. Yeah, there are quite a few. There are in there. There's some brilliant writers out there, and I clearly see myself as just kind of the middle of the pack. I not terrible, but I'm not you know, whoever. Whoever's your favorite writer, you know, and and I know that. So I was like, well, you know, I have this going for me to get a message out, because I did also want to let people know about this dis our diagnosis. I wanted other people who had it just finding my book and hopefully get some kind of comfort. That's that is key, right, because people with bipolar are empathic and they like to Provide Comfort to others that find out or like our our newcomers to the to the ailment, let's say, because I see all like the big facebook groups, they get hundreds and thousands of new people each day. So that means thousands of people each day are just finding out that they have bipolar disorders. So I think your compassion as well placed in writing a book, especially for something as rare, or not, let's not say rare. Pretty sure it's probably pretty widespread, but something is unheard of until now called postpartum bipolar depression. Or is it post polar? I'm sorry, postpartum bipolar disorder, or does it really matter what it's called? Is always actually postpartum part by polar, since it has both the media and the depression, such as postconm by polar. That's there's another technical terms. You want me to share it with the listeners? Yeah, of course, and remind them first. This book is called birth of a new brain. Search for it on Amazon and you could also go to the facebook group called birth of a new brain. Just simply type it. Easy to find on Amazon and Facebook, bird of a new brain. Okay, sorry, go ahead. I love. I love promoting stuff because people are there, like it's, staring at the screen or listening to their ipods or whatever. Like. Go do something to get on the screen and look up this book. Like download, go, go, buy it right now. Well, yeah, but now by the book, by the book. What am I say? So in the gas M five, which is, you know, has the ridiculous name of diagnostic and Fisticle manual of mental disorders. Yeah, like the Bible of crazy. The Bible of crazy called bipolar pre apart of the on set, which is really difficult to say, but it means pair, apartment. Just means that it can happen during pregnancy. You can actually get what I'm what I have during your pregnancy now, or up to four weeks after childbirth, which is not accurate because it can be later than for weeks. It's sure technical. So we so there's actually some really awesome carnadal psykidhus who are arguing that right now, arguing the ideas from five people, saying you need to change, change that specifier because it's not accurate. So just because it's the Bible, means, you know, doesn't mean it's the truth. Don't you like that, or that it's accurate, right, or the no dig on God or anything. But I mean it, they are humans that write the DSM. So now I get it. Struck down by lighting. No, no, but just get back to the what do they think is a better time frame? Or is there a time frame? Is there a fair time frame? I mean it's kind of like, is there is it? Is it fair to put a statue of limitations on rape or something like that? Is it fair to put a statue of limitations on this time frame where you can get post pardon bipolar? I seriously like some of this questions I've been asked. And the person who I admire the most, this guy up in Canada, pernial psychiatrist, doctor for Winder Sharma, believes it should be up to six months after birth instead for a week six...

...months. But, like you said, I mean who you know he although I totally believe in his research, it could be even you know, it could be six months in the day right. I mean used to say it. I'm thinking like you could be on your kids sixteen birthday when they're drive their car or I mean because you always have that really innate bond with your child, no matter where they are on the planet, no matter what they're doing, and if there's there's some kind of change, an abrupt change in your relationship to that that person, whether it came out of your womb or it's going to kindergarten. Now I'm just I agree it would be hard to put a time frame, but that's only as a person that suffers from bipolar currently on the man side of things. But yeah, that's interesting. So I wonder what the rationale for six months is. You think like it's a Oh, because your chemicals balance out, which kind of lends itself to the quote unquote, chemical and balance theory, which right, which drives me crazy. Y, I'm starting to hear different things about that chemical and owns theories. That's what he seriously great podcast topics for you to talk to this guy. I've been reading his book. Got It. It's a little bit of a depression what we're yeah, yeah, I know, that's okay. I get seed on terms sometimes and I like to just see. Yeah, no, I know, I'd like to dig in, like any of it. Well, I thank yeah, if we go, yeah, if they're gonna label us, let's let's clarify the labels and let's dig deep into what each of these things mean. But so, yeah, how then, now that you got the book out, because I'm curious, like the life of author. It took you ten years to write it. How did you pitch it to a publisher? How did it go from your mind into tangible product? I did write a couple proposals. I actually got one proposal accepted through the different publisher that my current publisher, and that that entire proposal was based on how to live a life free of meditation. Is Bipolar Disorder? It and it's interesting enough. I wrote that when I was me on it. YEA TO SING is, yeah, I guess. But the proposal got accepted and I actually found someone who's going to endorse it, who it's staymous and respect it, as psychiatrist, I'm sorry, a neurosurgeon. Cool. And so the publisher, I know she she was able, she had by pole and she was able to be Med free and stable. So she backed me up. I wrote the forty five page with proposal based on, you know, I just studied books on how to do that, and it's accepted. But then guess what? I really have not one of those people who can live Med free in these stables. So the first proposal went down the toilet. Then, excuse. Years later I came up with a whole new concept for prise, surprise work. I wanted to talk about this disorder and also about what helped me get better, which included medication. Right. So I wrote another proposal. I sent it to Berkeley Base culisure. got rejected. You know how I feel about Brad. And then I had a friend. She's a successful author. Her name is Wendy K Williamson, and she told me like, don't give up. She's written, I don't know if you've heard these books she wrote. I'm not crazy, just bi polar, and she wrote two bipolar chicks, guy to survival. For either of those. I've heard of. To bipolar chicks. I think they have a podcast and it might be too new. Bipolar chicks. But I'm really bad with names. I'm yeah, was super visual person. If I see someone's name written, I recognized the shape of it more than the sound of it and I'd like recognize their faces more. But so I trust you. I believe you. She said good, don't give up. You know just might you go ahead. And and I did and they accepted it. And and that's why I needed because I actually had my book yet, but I knew I needed a deadline to light fire, you know, the fire underneath me. So I did. I had an extension because I didn't get it done within the year that I had hope I get it done. So I flipped out about having to ask them that because I need it. Could have said no, but...

...luckily they said yes. Isn't that hard? So, because that's like when you're where you're experiencing an up or down in the bipolar cycle. Sometimes it just feels like you don't even know how to approach people, like I feel, and then you start like hating on yourself because I'm not even sure how to approach. Should I even am I worthy? Should I just take it as it comes? It's it's easier if I stay in bed. So good for you for slect sticking up and asserting yourself. Well, if you do to do. I did it the eat way to you know, the cheating mace, through email. If I had to have face to face interaction, it would have been very different, right. Yeah, that's hard. That's hard for me even tell. Yeah, and yeah, to telephone too. That's hard today and a lot of kids are offendaged if you call them. They're like no, we don't do telephone, text me or snapchat, mean or something. Don't what are you calling me for? Yeah, it's the society's weird and it kind of entrenches the thinking that I have already, like I really want to go out, but in order to make really cool things happen you have to assert yourself. So I'm glad you got that. So you you got an approval. How did that go to? So this is all digital, like you're writing. Do you have any notes in a journal, like a Leather Journal, or is this all like in your board process around your computer? I just did it on words. There's like a fancy scrivener and just than that. But I just did want a word thing and I did have a stack of journals, but I found myself I rarely went to them for anything. I just and this is amazing because I have had a ton of elect you're provoltive. Herapy gone and it was maybe I'm able to Chappene memories that I thought I wouldn't be able to tappen too. So once I started doing it, I just was able to do it, but it was not fun. It was not fun. Yeah, I could amass that. I think that's story. Now go ahead. I think that just that's why a lot of books don't ever get written. It's or a lot of screenplays don't get finished. It's the same type of thing. It's like it's a great it is a great thing to talk about. So to hear somebody make it through and get a book published on paper, put into stores, you know, put into other people's hands so they can read it forever. Like once the third coming of whatever comes and there's no more digital anything because the world's wiped out all that stuff, books will still be here. So you have something very tangible out in the world. I think that's super impressive. So give yourself a pat on the back. Yeah, right, is a lot of that content. I don't I can't believe it actually be onto you. I sell much. How did I really truly do that? It was it was up there with childbirth, says, like the hardest thing I've ever done. Childbirth without medication. Yeah, yeah, and the childbirth. You know, once once you're committed to the one, the pregnancy, you childbirth is inevitable. Right, there is a deadline and you don't really have any control over it. But write in a book. It takes a lot of that internal motivation, which is really hard to come by sometimes, especially with your when you're depressed like a lot of people that might listen to this podcast by have depression, might be actively depressed right now wondering how the Hell do you get anything done? I could barely find figure out how to play this podcast. I'm late here in the darkened bed right because I think we that's what I want is yeah, yeah, I mean I it took me a long time to do this. Mean ten years is the longest time and most of that time I didn't do it. So I kind of just I hustle at the end, you know, as well as last three years of it, and also would also many huge difference for me was that I couldn't really make progress until I was able to get my kids to school like they were probably okay, I would do it in the day. You know, there's people out there men and when and to write when their kids are home and screaming, but I just can't do that. I have to have it be quiet or also the plus cause. So yeah, I made a big difference. Plus, when kids are around. Honestly, I kind of like playing with the kids, like whatever they're doing is way more fun than when I was trying to do if they're out there back hitting rocks with sticks, I'm like, AH, yeah, let's get bigger sticks and more rocks. Or if great playing video games or something, I'm like, Oh,...

...teach me how to play this one. I'll kick your butts. So it was always hard when, yeah, to get anything done. I had a design business actually when I was home, but it was cool to see your kids grow from zero. You know, I'm swinging him in the little wind up swing chair while I'm on the computer design in a logo or something like this is fun. I had a band back. Yeah, yeah, it's cool to be around kids in general, but it is hard to get anything done, that's for sure. So so good idea here. Stage was fun. Yeah, and doing that you just put them in their boom by so, yeah, the g force force just pulls all the life out of them. The gravitational map. That's funny. So that's great. So then birth of a new brain. How did you come up with the title? I mean it's a very appropriate title, obviously, but how did kind to think of it? Yeah, you know, I've been I have enough question a couple of times and it's interesting now because there's a there's so much Tony Studies now being done about the brain. Yep, it's kind of like a trendy thing and but I just I seriously, and other sounds super cheesy that it just came to me. It's probably like in a shower, not on the toilet. And Yep, and my and it's just cute. I'm sorry, I'm seriously only on shy right now and tieing with him. I'm not. No, no, everything you're saying makes total sense. I there's something about the bathroom itself proper with sometimes you got the sailing vent fan as white noise. You know, it's kind of perceived as a very private place. So then you start you just think your mind wanders, especially in the shower, because I hear like music in the running water. Are Very distracted. But and you go through your routine. You probably wash your body the same way every time for the past ten years or twenty whatever, you know, so you're kind of on autopilot. But then use your mind starts going, Oh yeah, we could do this and Oh that, we could do that. I'm always thinking of those ideas. And that's that's the place. So birth would here that. Yeah, and I'm sure lots of people do. Right. What do you think? I'm sure lots of people do. Like most of the things I tweet out in the morning are me in the bathroom reading my flipboard on my IPAD. I'm like, Oh, yeah, that's interesting and a lot of times I'm like I don't care if anybody reads it. I'm like, Oh, I need to save this and read it later. So I pre pretended my own brain. I'm going to get back to my twitter feed and read the articles I've saved for myself. But I never do. But I'm like, well, all the other people should read these two because these are neat. But it's all done from the bathroom. I mean literally. I'm like this is part, this is my office, base of creativity. Yeah, it's pretty power place. And my I had an old title from my other book. Is called quest for rest, because I was away, was manic and I was just seeking being asleep. But that's also question. Is In a lot of book titles, including My ballider and on my husband's book titles. So we joke about that and it's like so, I don't know, I'm just really happy. I like my title, I like my cover, I love the design. I had an amazing graphic designer. I found her on one of those websites because I worked with my publisher separately on the type on the cover, and she's turning Sinessa Minard and she is just gifted. So I was able to work with her and just get the kind of cover. Actually, the concept of the cover was from my my two daughters came up with the idea and it's really simple. But I since your graphic designer, you understand the importance of a book cover and stuff. Yeah, for sure. And a name. I love the whole idea of daming the fact that there are agencies dedicated to naming businesses and products. I love that. I wish I got paid to do that. Maybe I should look into that one. But anyways, I prefer to be closer to the actual product I can. This case, I want to create the podcast and then I also get to design a get to name it. So that's part of the fun in creating and being close to the product. So like you're close to the product, you got to name it, you got to design it, and the fact that it's it's provocative birth of a new brain causes that knowledge gap to people think way, I don't know about new brain. What's that? My missing out on something and then obviously alludes to birth. So there's something about that. Once they find out it's about postpartter. Fuck, I can't say postpartum. Pretty well, I don't worry. I...

...see it in my to it some very visual and I'm reading it, but I just get stuck at the word postpartum. I hate not, like I told you, I don't like any of these labels. It's just it's just postcard bipolar. Just think of bipolar, but then you tack on Postpartum before it. Okay, so I'll get I get people call me names and things like this over the initials of bipolar depression, I mean bipolar disorder. So everywhere I read it's bed, bed one, bedtwo. There's one called PBD, which is pediatric bipolar disorder. My God, yeah, there's too many of them. And then so what this one be? This one be bipolar prenatal. What was the other word you use earlier? Oh, I'm bipolar pre partum on set. So it's specifier, technically specifier of bipolar disorder. It's a different it's a form of bipolar disorder. So this case is yeah, it doesn't matter. Okay, you do not have to memorize it. I'll keep you know on twitter. I'll just every day. I'll just gone R guy, I'll I really had you did on the earlier episode. I'm like post bypartum depression, post bipolar depression, man, is really bad. It's retarded. Don't worry about like. You See, I love words like that slip out sometimes. Now I might have to go edit that out, man. All right, so birth of a new birth of a new brain, not birth of a new nation, birth of a new brain. Look at that on Amazon and facebook. So here's the thing I was wondering about. You're easy to find on twitter because you spell your name differently. So if you're listening and inclined to be checking out twitter, followed Diane. She's a great supporter of all things mental health. That's how we came to know each other. She was really supportive of bipolar style. She is at Diane her wood, which is just like it sounds, except for it's D Y Any. So how did you get dy any? Did you make that up yourself or just give it to them? She loves Dan Cannan, the actress. That's how Dan came spelling. Yeah, yeah, but she added to eat an kennants felled, the DYA and interesting. I don't know that. Yeah, so, yeah, like a hybrid of Diane Cannon and Old, old style Diane Interest Today. Very cool and, like I she in a band. We're her parents hippies. How did that happen? But as kind of the branding thing coming up nowadays, excuse me, I'm having a name like that really stands out. So if you're inclined to follow on twitter, Dy A. Any Diane Hardwood? Hr Wood, Diane Hardwood, and do you still write at your block on Word Press? Oh, the blog? Could I give use a yeah, yeah, do you still right there? Proudly Bipolar Doctor Stych? I do. I write every Friday. I'm really like pedantic about it. It's like a superstition in mine. Some things I should tell you, like I cris you are all like I you need to change it, like I don't like it, but it's probably by polar dot wordpresscom. I need to change that. I guess you can ask if it gets popular, you could just get proudly bipolarcom and point it. They're right, I know, but I kind of well, I kind of want to have it after the title of my book, but I just have been lazy and I can just change it. But I'm lazy. Sometimes Lazy. There's so much to do when you're promoting anything. It's so tedious. All the different social platforms. You have to be on all the details involved. If you want to change one thing, like Oh, I'm going to change the tag line for this, Oh Geez, and I got to go to five different social websites to change the tagline or when to update my do it. You're good at these things. I can fell as I I mean, look at you created a podcast, you gave birth to the podcast. So much...

...work all during the week. I'm like, do I want to do that? But so what I really like lately is is having guests. This is great, like I had Anka and Jason. Now you there's a that B word area is unpacked, sparkle. There's a whole bunch of people and then there's actually people that have signed up on the website at bipolar stylecom that indicated they want to be Paul podcasts. Byeah forgetting out of talk. My mind is unwinding as we speak. Anyway, they indicated they want to be podcast guests, which is great. So I think I'll just keep linding folks like yourselves up, because I don't mind. I'll kind of like being a ring leader of folks and I really like getting other people's stories out there more, particularly people that are creating, because I think people like yourself that wrote a book or Jason that made a film are really inspiring to people that might be feeling really down right now, just knowing that, hey, we have the same condition and it does get better. You know, you can harness the good things too. That's right. That's right. That pe win us to press. So I couldn't spend want to, probably shouldn't save to handle people who are successful or whatever, because, like, I really never thought would happen for me. I really really didn't think, do you know what I mean? So, so she out when I at the end of my booked or whatever it was on Thursday night, I said it's a Cliche, but I used the cliche. I said there is hope if I can get better, you know there's you can get better, because I'm pretty much like, if you read that book, I'm a horror story. Like my whole life after I got dignos is like now down the street, part ten, and it did have like a semi happy ending, but because I am really proud of having this book published. that. You know, no one can take that away from me, even with the putdowns I've gotten recently, which which you and I can always talk to another episode about. HMM, no one to know. One can take that up for me. Right, right, right, yeah, and you've got a really good team. It sounds like your kids and your husband form a really nice support circle around you. So that's great. Good on Y'all for keeping it together, for sure. Oh Yeah, people who are study times as a book. So many people already read the book and they looked at my husband. We've been the other like eighteen years or so, and they knew all the creating as we've been through under like they were like giving him prop so, yeah, give that man a high five, like right. I didn't. Luckily, I didn't go out, like a lot of marriages almost break up, or they do break up because of, you know, the hyper sexuality thing, and that's like pretty much the only thing I didn't do. But he had every reason to leave me and he didn't. You know, he has a threatened divorce at one point because she probably get me back on my med that was because he didn't know what else to do. Yeah, and and I can't blame them because, yeah, we it's kind of like that whole that whole sneeze thing. You realize when you're sneezing, you know you just sneeze. I can apologize, but yeah, and they're just seeing saying here, take your allergy medicine, stop sneezing, right, right, and now I see that. I didn't want to be on that. I understand both sides, but it's like, Damn, you know, these things for me, things I can get up bed now, like in bed every day for hours, and it's like, yeah, that's ridiculous. Okay, yeah, okay, like I don't have to be Miss Medfree pust. No one on this planet walks around as like a same to like everyone has all kinds of crap in her bodies, even if they don't want to admit it. Right, yeah, well, we live in a toxic environment that's destined to kill us if we don't do something. So you might as well feel better, you know. There you go. Tell me. I can talk to you all days, so tell me if I'm like take robbing you of your activities. Oh No, no, no, I want to make sure we got to the end of the bookstore. We interjected with our Netflix Plug, which will be sure until that Fox about, so they can plug our stuff as well or something. But you want, yeah, go ahead, you know what it in the book. You have to read about. Okay, Yep. But I every...

...day for two years I interacted with the founder of Netflix. I actually touch the same cowl that he touched because I worked to the gym, you remember, and he was totally cool and Nice. You never would know who he was. You never we noticed guy's like Oh, cuture billionaire. He would just and I think you know that shows that exercise is good for you, because the guy like was totally retastings. I don't know who is. Yeah, Oh, yeah, you know that. There's something about the power of exercise, because he was one of the regulars who totally showed up every day first thing in the morning. So that's kind of like I just I just need to create that with you know, gave him the stability he needed to make Netflix into a super powerful for yeah, for sure. Yeah, if you build exercise in touch with him. Yeah, well, how would you know? You never do no, right. But yeah, it's interesting because I always think of depression as kind of like a crust forming around me and if I don't get up and exercise, it continues the form and pretty soon it's like I can't move. I just stuck under this dark, duse ugliness. But breaking free when I sense depression starting to incrust me usually does a pretty good job of shaking everything off, so I appreciate it. I'n for me, I've been I've been off the wagons some being sick, and there's been the fires, and that's like those are both great excuses not to work out. But I used to be a certified personal trainer and I now. I know, I really go into it in my book about a certain kind of exercise for people with bipolar or like. Totally that works and helps keep you stable and nothing complicated. But you've been good because you've thinking on your bike and doing ten mile. Yeah, well, that's that's my thing. I'm a bicyclist and I'm a drummer. Those are like to have hobbies. I picked up when I was a young kid, like, you know, second grade or whatever, and that's a lot of my exercise now, because I'm well and also because when you're bipolar you don't have the best job steadiness record and I tend not to have a lot of money most of the time, so I commute by bicycle because, well, I'll save for a car. Belong to JEM yeah, yeah, no, I like being outside, I like being active, for sure, and I think it's very helpful. But I'm not like judging anybody that can't get up. Obviously neither neither of us are doing that. But so if you cannot get up out of bed, we hear you. I sometimes, yeah, yeah, hear you. Yeah, sometimes I get too far, like I'll be on my bike and I'm like man, I'm like twelve miles from home and I'm like kind of depressed. I mean I just want to crawl in bed right now. But that's where it's like, Oh, well, nope, you got yourself into this one. Now, it's not going to kill you. Just pedal your ass back home and then you can relax. But by the time you get home you're like I did it now, but champion. And Yeah, this a whole thing about just having the grit to push through. So creative people that actually produce things into the world always impressed me. So your book was a great achievement. You had the grit to push through. Took ten years and yeah, now that's really awesome. So birth of a new brain, everybody, all those three people that are listening to the podcast on the bus right there, those three people, go listen to birth of a new brain or download birth of a new brain and read that book. Can you download it digitally or is it all all paper? Yeah, you can get it on Kend on and please leave. Leave you know, if you feel some time, free to leave a good view, even if you hate it, I don't care what. Yeah, it's not hard to leave reviews and I appreciate reviews when people leave them on the podcast as well, because I know it takes extra amount of time. So, but it does help because people wonder about things, especially new things, and postpartum bipolar depression is a new thing, so people should check into it and read up. Keep up with you on your what do you what do you hang out most? Twitter? Twitter, yeah, you know it. You see me there. Yeah,...

...but how often do you blog? Again, just once a week. And actually, when I think, judge, leave US weeks of a big deal. Anybody. Once a week is a big deal. Ze's that's a lot. Yeah, oh well, good for you. So we should post your blog more often to on twitter, because I don't actually see it as often as I should, or maybe I know it. Thank uses me. I get confused on twitter when people start retweeting retweets of comments of original post and I'm like, I like these people, but I don't exactly know what I'm jumping into here. R is this a train I want to be a part of? I don't know, but I know I still don't know. I only know something that you know. I'm still learning. I need to mess with twitter lists. That's my new thing to learn. Apparently, lists of the way to start sorting people and communicating more effectively with the people that you're really close to and not just your Rando followers. Okay, guys, see, that's what they need to learn. So, yeah, me too, and it sounds like a nice, solid thing to learn up over the weekend that I could probably make some coolest I want to make a bipolar cabal of my own on twitter. Right, right, just the piece. I'll tell you something about caball, because I look at us after you used it. You inspired me to do that. Isn't supposed to be rich. Are we supposed to be a secret? Yeah, that's the irony of it. Okay, the irony of it. It's it's a secret cabal that they found out about but they cannot be a part of because it's secret. They're not supposed about it. It's a double twist. Yeah, okay, you're you're a little yeah, you're, you're sneaky. I live kind of in a Dimeta verse where I'm kind of like in on my own thing. I'm in on my own life and the simulation of it. So sometimes I try to reprogram you up, you know. Yeah, yeah, seriously, so cool then. Well, I'm going to get out. I think I still have enough time to take a shower and get to San Francisco to my Dbsa meeting, which is good because, okay, they might download and like to listen and hear about this as well. And it's beautiful in the bay area. I hope the moisture kind of tamper down the fires where you live. That's pretty narly. Yeah, not'so much better done here at saying goodness awesome. Well, you guys enjoyed the weekends. I'll get this podcast put together and I'll probably put it up like, you know, Sunday night or Monday morning and time for the crowds and and do my normal promo. So we'll see what kind of damage we can do and see how many people we can enlighten. All right, all right, are we still being is is still recorded or yeah, this is still recording. We're still going. Okay, okay, right now. It's just so that's what's a nice is. It's just like a it's just talking to someboddies. I'm trying to yeah, I'm trying to make her seem like so other people would like. Oh yeah, I'd like to tell my story. I'll tell my story with that dude on. Yeah, so, cool, let me see this. Let me just take that was what I totally look forward with you, as opposed to past, because I just thought like wow, it's John. I feel like I can really do myself with him and it's not as scary as some of the other things that I've encountered at all. So I thanks urged everyone to do it. Yeah, go with the flow because, yeah, I'm not real glad. Yeah, I won't dig too deep, but I am a curious person, so I kind of digress into different things, but I guess my whole idea about this particular show is it's the show isn't necessarily about bipolar. It's about life from a bipolar person's perspective, like what we find interesting and the wacky things we think about, like the futurism stuff we were mentioning. I got a well written and very eager and engage in email from a customer. That from a not a customer I'm getting used to work now, from a listener that said too much politics. So I will in the future, if I ever need to rant about politics, I will keep that encased in their own episode and clearly label it, because I get politics is part of my life, but I understand a lot of people get triggered by this, especially nowadays, so I won't go into that any further. But yeah, keep it cool and I'd love to have you back for lots of things. So that that's part of my cabal. Is that like almost a cast of a cast of people that we can turn to for interesting content. You like Howard Stern and his little name. No, yeah, one of my own rat pack,...

...whatever he calls them, holds it well. Well. I'll think of a topic list where you know what's the first one? The rejection thing. So I'll make a few more notes and just sound them your way. So that would be awesome. We could also figure out how to do like multi callers. I would like to get like you and Jason or you and the B word. I think I'm going to do that B word next. I don't see her name begins the be but I think she hides her name like I do now. Right anyway. So we'll here. We'll take care to have a good make sure you make it to the go all the way to the meeting. You can do it. You can do it. I'm choking over here. That's funny. I will do my best to get all the way into the DPS A circle today. The host of it all, thanks for having me. It's a total honor and you know the pleasure mine. Thanks, Diane. Have a great weekend and I tell your family thank you for your time. I really appreciate it. Sure enough. Okay, take care. If you'd liked what you heard, subscribe on Apple Podcast by Itunes and join us at by color stylecom. Thanks. Will listen. Name.

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