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Episode · 4 years ago

Stigma in the workplace; Bipolar disorder

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John and Becky (from That B Word Podcast) talk about the stigma against Bipolar Disorder in the workplace and share their personal experiences about whether or not to "come out" as Bipolar at work.

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No, it's online stylecom style. That's it. That's me with Bi Polish styl again, as promised. Becky from that B word is with me. What's up, Becky? Hey, good, good, so hopefully you were just listening to that nonsensical episode and are patiently waiting for us to talk about stigma in the workplace. You know, it's funny because both Becky and I work at jobs where they do not know we have bipolar disorder. Do you do? You want to start? Do you want to tell us what your situation is and to the extent that you're able? Oh, sure. So my work for a lawyer and my job is, well, I say so. My the Laura I work for, is actually bankruptcy trustee. So I have to present in a certain way. I guess everybody does. But not only do I have my boss that I have to impress and appear normal to, I also have the United States trustee that I have to make sure that they think I was saying so. So that can be a little bit differ all the Times. Yeah, but that's a lot of pretending, you are saying. Well, yeah, there's a lot of pretending in general. But yeah, so my current situation is that I have lately, this past six months or so, had a lot more appointments that I've had to get at, you you know, increased go to therapy and go on to my my men person. Yeah, and I'm running out of vacation days and in order to, you know, get some of this time allowed. Why? I don't know what to do. Oh, you have. So you haven't. The explanation has not had to come up yet. No, no, I've just been able to say, Hey, I have an office appointment. I have the same thing. That's so weird and I okay. So back to your industry. Have you been in the legal industry for long? You have worked this job for our fourteen years. So my God, right, right. But it's not just your firm that stick has a I don't know, I get let's call her prejudice or something. And obviously it's not specific to your firm it but the whole legal industry. I would imagine once any of your cohorts or your or the lawyers themselves know somebody else has bipolar disorder,...

...that must be devastating in that industry. I'm just guessing. I don't know. Is it? I mean, I I don't know if anybody else this hmm, well, I don't know, maybe nobody is out. That was out to me anyway that got in trouble or got fired for that, although I do know. Well, there was one person who I knew had bipolar disorder. I don't think anybody else you knew, but she did end up getting fired because of the bipolaris order, because of, you know, her resulting bears. Yeah, yeah, but that's that's an interesting if you don't, because if she did thought something, maybe she didn't gotten some sort of incommendation, because I was fact when that was possible for me. But she didn't because you know, yeah, that that's a hard choice a lot of us have to make. It's like a do I go all in and just say I got bipolar disorder, or do I say I've got fucking Lupus or something? I've got lupus, I can't come in today. Well, I mean not to joke about people with Lupus, obviously, but I mean there are plenty of accepted ailments that will keep you at home, like food poisoning. People fear at my work think I fucking eat at the craziest restaurants because I'm always getting food poisoning to the loss of bad sishy. I totally bad Sushi. I recently I just ate a bunch of iceberg lettuce, whatever that kind of let us Romaine, let us yeah, fucking I was like depressed for two days. I couldn't get out of bed, I could barely even like take a shower, and I work and live in the building I work in. Right. So they missed me, but fortunately I got them all hooked up on slack. So they need be on my hay. I'm just be upstairs typing. You know, let me know what you need. But I'm mass so fucking hard to get and functions sometimes, so I just like, oh, yeah, it's migrains food, but just some bullshit, right, because people will not accept I've got bipolar disorder. They'll look at you crazy and yeah, I'll often compared to other invisible conditions, let's call them, because that's that's my siren, by the way. So the new rule is we don't worry about sirens that go by, okay, we just worry about the ones that stop. Yeah, that's going back, he's still moving. Keep going, buddy. Every time they stop I end up like got to go downstairs and find a dead body or something Shit Fu on the regular. Three, three months, so monthly, I guess. Nikes indeed. So so, for example, good people I get on because I make ridiculous comparison sometimes, like the one I'm about to make. But like, are there any homosexuals that are out at your law firm? Wow, HMM, interesting. Do you think that's it's the similar stigma. Like, do you...

...think it'd be easier to be out as a gay person or out as a bipolar person at a law firm? Oh, I think gay for certain. Definitely. Yes, absolutely, but we've got the past. We do have to acknowledge our privilege as white people, because I always like to tell others, no matter how bad you think you have it, you could be gay and have bipolar disorder, but you could also be black on top of that. So always consider that white people, if you're out there complained about your lot in life, you could always throw black on top of that and then see how it would feel. Anyway. Sorry to digress, but I always think of that because I've lived around so many black folks and that was remote of that. I'm like, Oh, yeah, that's true. I could be black and it would be worse. Yeah, well, yeah, so, but also being you can't you can't hide being black. You can hide your bipolar, you can hide your gay, you can hide a lot of things, but you can't hide your skin tone obviously your ethnicity. So that's why it's a ridiculous comparison there. But now my comparison was bipolar to gay. anyways. So where we are on California and California here I live in the heart of Super Liberal town, I guess. HMM, and every lay, everybody's good. I think. I think I'm the only not gay person. Maybe if I moved to your state, I'm Super Democrat here. If I moved to your stay, they probably call me a Republican. Fuck Yeah, they call this one guy, Gavin Newsom, who's running for something here, and maybe the governor. I think in California he was the mayor of San Francisco and he fought, he was the first guy that legalized gay marriage in the city, that he said Fuck State Law, it's legal here, it's going to be legal, and that guys considered far right in San Francisco. Yeah, just because, just because he's white. He's white and it looks like you know a model actor kind of guy. It's just to two pretty boy to upscale. He's got fancy guys money from some you know. I'm not sure where he gets his money, from the getty family or something, but anyway, they always follow the money. No matter how liberal your policies or your attitude or your intent, if you're attached to money somehow the super duper liberals will say, Nope, you're not one of us after all. Yeah, had we get off on that? Know, the stigma thing. So yeah, let's get back to stigma, back to that was my bed. So anyway, my point being here in San Francisco, being gay isn't a thing and be you can affect. Mental illness isn't really a stigma downtown. It's just something that's so pervasive Mo this we don't know how to deal with it. So right, the idea of stigmas different here, because if you are able to put on the act and not fall apart, like I have bipolar disorder, I've got myself together over the years and I've stepped up through jobs and experience, and now I have a job. So people know me as that guy with the job. Right, but in my head...

I don't think I'm that much difference different than the dude sleeping right there on the sidewalk outside my window right now. There's not that much of a difference. It's just that they missed their opportunity. They did a did the wrong drug at the wrong point or something. But I'm like, we're just two steps away from each other, Bro. So the stigma is different. So if I even if I told people at work I had a mental disorder, to them, they see mental disorder as sleeping in the gutter. They don't see that in me. So therefore they think, oh, no, big deal, you're probably you're fine, and I'm like, okay, so if I feel sort of dismissed, maybe slightly gas lighted a little bit, but at least in my perspective, it's on the good side. At least they're airing on the good side, but at least they're like yeah, people you work with. No, no, no, not this time before. Let's see, I worked in this industry before, many years ago, and everything was cool until one of my supervisors I told her I had bipolar disorder because it got to that point where how often can you be food poisoned? Right? So I finally told her and within a week she was slamming me with all kinds of micromanagement bullshit, all kinds of extra paperwork, extra supervision. I mean, exactly the opposite of the way you would treat somebody in this situation. Really just made matters worse. So I voluntarily, you know, gave my two weeks notice and found a different job and just left. I took another job in a different industry, and part of that process was all like hey, let's share about your stories and let's be a community at this place. And first thing I thought was, excuse me. I'm like, well, sure, I just moved to a new town and I'll share everything. I'm like, Hey, I have bipolar disorder and you guys hired me because we're diverse and love and all this bullshit. Well, that's great when you're mannic and you're able to feed the machine right. Oh Yeah, they love that, they love that. Credit, creditivity. Fuck yeah, creativity, Manic Energy, works all hours, upbeat, attitude, friendly, all the whole shit, and then you start swinging into that depressive mode, no matter how hard you try. I might be mother's Day or Christmas or some bullshit. I'll just set you off and usually take something pretty big, but eventually it happens. And then I got depressed, not not even little depressed, hard depress, you know, like in bed for a couple weeks. Didn't didn't fucking do my laundry for months. was buying my shit off of Amazon. Instead of washing the underwear, I buy more underwear from Amazon. I'm like, fuck it, whatever, very liberal paid time off policy. I used it all up eventually, of course, and there's things spun out of Control. I just lost the job because of that. There's no two ways about it. And what do you expect, even with the friendliest of...

...organizations, let's say? How I mean, what do you expect? I can't expect them to keep that sick of a person around on the books forever. But then again, what do you do with us? Right? Yeah, that's a problem. You can't see companies points of view. As far as instruments, costs or whatever it was it anyway, because even though, how do I polity disorder makes anybody's instruments go way up, the company still don't cover it right anyway, because they don't tell them, don't hath stuff right. It's bullshit. I Hate Insurance Anyway. Yeah, no, it's extra layer that we don't really need. I mean single pair government provided insurance would be the best. But you know, this ain't the politics show, not yet. Will Get to definitely an episode. There's definitely a place for mentally ill people, let's say, to get involved with politics to help make themselves better. Well, the stigma's definitely strong. Yeah, so ever since I've lost two jobs, I'm not quite in a row. There's a couple sprinkled in in the middle of sales jobs and things like that. Sales is cool because if you sell Shit and you perform, you could not sell stuff for a couple weeks or months, as long as you sold some other shit and your yearly quota is keeping up. That's a flexible job. So I always encourage people with bipolar disorder to find some kind of flexible job like that. But anyway. So after that, being stung and let go from two different jobs, I vowed not to say anything about my bipolar disorder at the next job, and so far so good. So I've now made it through two jobs and actually have three jobs. So work my way through one without ever saying it, and I currently work two jobs and neither of them know anything about it, which is fine, because I also well, that's also what makes it weird about starting a podcast under my own name. Invariably somebody's going to find that. Yeah, but here's here's my here's my cool thing. Unless they're super into podcasts and know how podcast work, which I've found are very few people where I live, like most of them, especially my age or older, they don't. They don't know Dick About podcast. They know the Internet and phones and smart APPs everything, but they haven't taken that leap into podcast yet. Most of them, the old people at the hotel I work, I didn't even know what a fucking podcast is. I'm at it's like public radio. Yeah, I'm going to interview you like public radio. They understand that, but too, sorry, lost my place over there. Well, seriously, we're so where was? I'm sorry, I'm not totally did lost my path anyway. So always getting back to the stigma and...

...why I hide it. So the paywall thing, yeah, the patreon thing. This so like it. Well, we've talked before, but I really have just I talked to this mic, because otherwise I would be talking to myself. I don't have a pet. There's no cats around or dogs for me to talk to. Oh, I'll tell you about the cat and just second. So, anyway, since I'm going to keep talking on a mic. Anyway, I don't really care if people hear it. I'm putting all this shit behind a patreon paywall, like everything except twitter. I'm going to start posting my photos like instead of Instagram, it's going on Patreon. If I ever want to blog something, it's going on Patreon and I'm just going to lock all that shit behind a paywall and if any prospective employer wants to peek on me that it's gonna have the gonna have to pay, which serves my purpose in many ways. I keep it private. I'll definitely know who paid three bucks or a buck or whatever to see it, because I'm like, Oh, my perspective, employers checking up on me, yeah, whatever. So I'll be able to do that. And if they do happen to though the technology of PODCAST, then they're probably pretty fucking cool people and they probably would not hold the mental illness against me if I was already doing my job and they never knew right, and they have to be looking for mentalness podcast anyway to find you. I mean, yeah, exactly. So they just they would have to be kind of Stalkerish, and to which I would say, well, dude, you're the Weirdo looking up on me. So you know who's more weird? You stalking me or me just having a voice in a sea of hundreds of thousands of other people doing podcasts anyway. Yeah, so it should be fun, but hopefully I can get it serialized so where I could get up in the morning to just talk for five minutes about the thing that happened yesterday and regular listeners would be like, oh, yeah, I remember that thing that happened yesterday. Cool. What's the resolution to that situation? Yeah, talk about things that happen in the building. Talk about the other podcast. I'm going to start about the stories of the people that live in the building. That should be fun. But is your job? Is like super interesting from right? Yeah, to me it is, and other people just don't believe it. So I think by telling it in a day by day they'll start to actually believe it, because otherwise you just sounds like a bunch of made up stories and I'm like no, dude, that shit actually really happened. Like that's impossible. That stuff does not happen that frequently to anybody. I'm like, guess it does. It happens to everybody in this neighborhood. So nuts. Was I telling you earlier? Like I was paid a today, so I went and cash to check. There's a bank in America called Wells Fargo, big old bank, like a banking from company whatever. Their main branches over there by the twitter office and right by twitter's headquarters. So I think all the new people from twitter or something that don't have yet direct deposit have to go cast checks at this wells Fargo Bank. And Man it is the dirtiest, most fucked up bank I've ever seen. And you've got these uptight tech guys weren't a little bit too tired...

...of Khaki dockers and they get super uptight in line and they put on the Super White Guy Impression, like who's managing this place? This is a fiasco. Somebody should do something fucking great. There's almost a brawl between some other guys, you know, the guys with the tattoos on their face and start and shit with the they got three security guards and they're all in there like getting ready to brawl. They have their jackets off shoot and then they called the cops, but of course this is the part of town where cops don't really come. So the I still lines. What's that? Even to a bank. I was telling the lady in line, I'm like watch, the COPS will come here fast because this is where the money is, and she agreed and we sat in line another fifteen minutes. No cops. Fortunately, no brawl either, but it's just an interesting like weird shit like that happens every day. That was just two hours ago. Yeah, it's fascinating, man. I dig it and I think other people might find interesting stories there and I won't have to fucking focus on being bipolar all the time or having by olar disorder or having fucking to concentrate on how to say which, how it is do it, you know what I mean, like, Oh my God, just let me be me. I just I just want to talk and it doesn't have to be about bipolar disorder. Let's do other great shit because man, there's so many great creative people out there that do stuff that and they only happen be bipolar or they only happen to have by borderline or whatnot. Man, that borderline is me kicking my ass lately to hmm, it's the worst. Who else has this besides like? I mean a lot of people would bipolar. I'm not sure they're so close to each other. Some of those are really, really similar. Yeah, it's like a joystick on arcade game, and bipolar is up and down and borderlines left and right. I mean it's all the same fucking joystick and sometimes it's the worst thing about it to me is, and it kind of goes with the stigma that experience and the trying to hide my true self in the workplace, is I really have a hard time accepting any kind of compliments and then I complain because I don't feel I'm supported. But yet when people but compliment me, I reject the compliment and I like well, that's fucking stupid. How's that going to work? But just this it's like a perpetual downward cycle. Yeah, it's not. Nah. That's also kind of what keeps me from, like getting on the microphone. I'm like yeah, well, I might even talking, nobody wants to hear, and then the other like the devil on this shoulders, like you're not talking because people want to hear. You're talking because you need to talk. That's right, you. Yeah, yeah, a good blue and or red, I don't know. Once before the Obama election, I got two of those Chinese fighting fish, a blue one and a red one, and I put him in a tank together to see who would win. It's one of those things I wanted to test. Like people are saying, no, you can't feed chocolate the dogs, they'll die. And...

...one time we had like this fucking gigantic Massif and he got into the Easter basket, ate the whole fucking thing, including the basket, like, Oh my God, the fake grass, the straw basket, all the candied eggs, the tinfoil. I have fucker didn't die at all. He's shit out, shit out at all. Easter basket. Nope, not a bit, not even a little. Yeah, a little. People will freaking out crazy because I have a dog and he got into some girls stop cookies and like almost die and I take no, no, I shouldn't. I should take that back. I'm not belittling the effective chocolate on dogs at all, because it is dangerous to dogs. I was just and I did obviously give my Easter basket to the mastiff, but I was I was shocked when nothing happened to him. Like we took him to the vantage deck. Well, seems okay. Well, here's a bill, Oh, I got things, God help and no, he was sure. It's fine, like that fucking dog and then he ate the deck, but next week the deck like fucking wooden day. And if you guys want a mastiff, there you go and love that dog also. That's why I like him, just gigantic head. Hey, so, I'm sorry. Back to the cat thing. There's a weird phenomena on Craig's list. I'm not sure if you were aware of this, but if you go to Craig's list under community and the upper left quadrant, there's a pets column in San Francisco. If you go under pets, you could find hold on one second, some stuck in my throat. Get A MS are I'm drinking. I'm drinking my soda. I'm seriously thinking about starting on this podcast. So she yeah, no, you shit. You got the kind of voice that people tuned into just get really up to the MIC. Funny. Anyway. They craigslist cats bizarro world. So you'll reply to these people and they'll like send you. They'll lead you on. They won't tell you what the rehoming fee is and then they'll send you like. But first let I'm I'm happy you inquired about my precious Kitten, but first let me ask you some questions. That and I'll ask you a bunch of random questions, none of from a like give me your bank account or so security, nothing like that. But clearly they have one of your email addresses. Likely Right, not a big deal. They have so little information about you. Is What trips me out about this fiasco, because then email or two later, when they think they've got you on the hook, they'll let on that they're actually not in San Francisco, they're not in the city that you're in, they're in a different city. But if you send them a check for two hundred dollars or whatever the rehoming fee is, and it's usually like kind of exorbitant for a stray cat, then then they'll mail you. They'll ship you the fucking cat on the airplane. I'm like, that is the stupidest scam ever. Who would want? Who wants some mail order cat? For one you would never know what you're getting. It's I mean, even...

...if it was true, I yeah, it's one thing you should never ever, but if you did, that would make sense. But right, right, yeah, and and people do ship animals, don't get me wrong, but I'm in the area on the craigslist looking for for lost and broken animals. I'm just looking to like straight up adopt. I don't want to. And that's the other thing. All the fucking people on craigslist you like Oh rehoming fee of five hundred dollars. I'm five hundred dollars could feed a fucking cat for two years. Are you kidding? If if you're doing that for the money, get out of the business. I'm used to seeing a box full of kittens out in front of the Kmart with the side says pick one. That's that's the kind of kitties I'm looking for. I'll take it to the vet, I'll get it fixed, I'll get it shots, but man, there's so many scammers on craigslist. However, I did find one. He had a local number and I call them earlier this morning and he's real and the cat is real. So in a week I might have a cat kitting. It's only like seven months old right now, but he's got it and he's moving, he can't keep it and he sounds real, so I'm so excited. It's like almost all white, but it's got huge symmetrical black patches over left and right eye and it's got a little black goatee under his chin. Burglar. Yeah, yeah, but what I did, because I'm like super anal about symmetry and design, his markings are like really rad they're like symmetrical and not out of whack, balanced and all that. Sorry, cats, I'm really anal about your markings. Like coifish. It goes shop it for coyfish and I'm like, Nope, that one's fucked up. Nope, that's a little splotchy, that's not even soft. Little left a bit much. So well, I like the weird Fu up looking ones. I like all animl most better than none, let's put it that way. But if I'm taking the time to sort through all these craigslist cat scammera ads and making all the trips over to the SPCA every weekend to see if my cat is there, you know I'm not. I don't have it in mind. I just have what I I don't know, maybe I do. I don't have a specific thing in mind. I just know when I see it. Yeah, and this little guy looks pretty cute, so we'll see. I'm really excited about that, I think you. Yeah, me too. So cool. Um. What people don't realize, until we bring it up, is that while we're recording this and I'm in California, you're in Ohio, nobody actually knows what time it is. So it's actually getting pretty late for you, isn't it? It's like thirty. Can You? Can you do this once a month? Can we like get together and talk to shit about bipolar stuff? Roused Jim into the loop. Sometimes I like oneonone this way because there's no editing involved with the three people. Was Awesome to it just required editing, which was one more thing I procrastinated on. Yeah, and it turned out fine. Don't you hear it? The one you and you...

...and Jim, and I did. Yeah, as sometimes I don't listen to the ones with me on it. I don't hear my own voice. It's such a weird thing. Even like listening to my voice in headphones right now, like, who is that creep? Get that weird out of my yeah, I don't mind my voice so much as I just don't like the things that I say. I think I saund like a stupid person. Mess of the Times. I think I sound like a I don't know me, I know it all. I think that's not the words I say, it's just the emphasis I place, because I'm really in fat just okay, and I say things like Oh, here, okay, here's one thing. I'll just will leave kind of on maybe this note. So do you get really enthusiastic about others projects in your life, like when people come up and say, Hey, I'm going to school to learn Spanish, or hey, what's up, I just got a new card. Do you are you like into it? You get excited for them? Well, yeah, I mean if there's a yeah, for sure. And well, I get excited for almost anything, like and it's genuine because I'm really curious. And if someone approaches me, I don't like to say I'm an empath because that sounds fucking hippieish, but when someone comes up and I could tell they're really excited, I'll jump on that and I'll amplify their excitement. So my problem has been in the past and it's becoming again, is when I put out that excitement for their project, that person assumes I want to help them with it, I want to give my time to it, or that I'm going to do it for them. Even yeah, and I don't realize this because it's not stated in words or actions or writing, but you know, a few days later we'll come back and I'll be like, hey, how's that project you're working on? Oh, yeah, yeah, I thought you were going to X Y Z or say some shit, you know, like hmm, no, no, I didn't actually say that at all. So I feel like I get roped into people's projects by being overly enthusiastic about it and then, on the flip side, like with my own kids, there's the issue of being too enthusiastic, where they're like mom, dad's wrecking it. That's okay. It's rubbed off on them now and I think they've got just enough. Oh, here's the latest thing. All right, one more thing. This is funny. I don't think we've talked about this on podcast yet. So I grew up long hair, rock and roll, tattoos, sex, drugs, rock and roll, right, and I look like a regular White Guy Cop. Look now, shaved head, Dude, whatever. So I was trying to trick my kids. You know, thinking I'm a square, keep my tattoos covered up. But because you possibly do that? What happened was that reverse psychology shit. So we were sex, drugs and rock and roll. The parents, the mom and I, and the kids turned out now they're all square. My kids are all square. That's the weirst think, Yacht Rock,...

...right. So they work at the gym, they're straight edge with their diet, very healthful eaters, all that good stuff. And you know, I'm like, oh, that's great, at least of not doing some weird shit. And then, sure enough, one day I thought one of my kids was fucking with me when he sent me a we like chat back and forth on Apple, like Apple Music, and we'll send each other songs. Well, he starts sending me this weird ass shit like Asia, not the country, the band Peter Satara, Chicago, all the set and like he's kind of digging deep into the into the deep cuts here. What's going on? And I thought he was fucking with me, being ironic. NOPE, if you didn't know, I'm not sure what age you are, not you becky, but the listener. Like there's a small thin slice of American society right in that. Maybe one thousand nineteen to twenty one year old range that are into old, sappy songwriter rock songs, bands like America Seals and cross billy, Joel maybe. And they call it yacht rock, like yacht, like a boat. Go Google it, Yacht Rock. If you go to fucking itunes right now, there's a yacht rock playlist. They've already curated a yacht rock playlist and you can go just drip sap all down you playlist all night long, liquid listening like my kid. Okay, here's the here's the apex of this issue. My kid emails me, text me, says, Dad, this is probably the greatest album of all time. I looked down at my phone. are supplies great as hits are supplied, and like, I'm like slayer, Van Halen, Pantera, fuck it. All that right. And here's my kid and he's a jock. You know, you know, she just assist gendered Jockey Kid that you would think, I don't know what he's listening to, but nope, it's fucking being Peter Satara, being air supply. I'm like, Whoa, Whoa, whoa. So, if you've got got any good yacht rocks B sides that I can throw Adam, because we're to the point now. We're just trying to trick each other with even deeper cuts that we hadn't heard before, which did funny game to play with a twenty year old getting Jim Croachy in there. Oh, he loves Jim Croachy. Yeah, you would. Yeah, operator, build the roller, roller, Derby Queen, all that stuff, not just the the main hits like bad, bad Lou Roy Brown or anything he likes. He looks for the B sides. He's flipping me some mountain John I never heard in my whole life, like our. Okay, I'm like, well, Ellen John's got like eight million albums. So there's boundarby stuff we hadn't heard anyway. Yacht Rock, it's where it's at. People cool then. So see, we just had another bipolar style podcast where we weren't heavy into the therapy. We weren't into like medicine. We should. We should do one on...

...medicine next time, though, because there's some new meds coming out and I saw an awesome commercial for vrai lar, not for Ai Lar. Have you seen the commercial with the ladies going mannic making sandwiches? It's funny. I think it was on the CBS news APP that I watched through the Rocou stick, but so vrai lar and I look for the commercial on the Youtube. It's not there. Nobody, I mean it's kind of gone now, but it showed a lady making like bologney sandwiches and peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches and she's sandwiches for like kids lunches and she's going real good there for a minute and then she starts cutting like crazy and putting peanut butter on the cheese. It just fucking up all the sandwiches like that looks like me. And then Vrai lar for bipolar disorder, and like Oh it is me. That's a pretty good depictions. Just wonder if anybody else with bipolar disorder has seen the new VERI lar commercial with the lady fucking up all the sandwiches. It's probably have to try and find it now I'd look. Yeah, totally, look on Youtube. Look very lar sandwiches or I don't know who's going to pull that out, but good stuff. Yeah, I want to talk more about mats. I'm starting to see a new psychiatrist shortly and I'll investigate meds, not hip on it, because I'm doing okay without but I'm always open to new ideas. So we'll see how that goes. And you just you started rail are you said? Yeah, we oh shit. Well, let's do a podcast in about a month from now. We'll see how that's going. That should be enough time to tell yeah, hopefully nice. Okay, what do you want to promote? You want to say anything before we cut this out? That be word one, that bewordcom, Becky at that be word. Canny much anything with that be word. You, guys, are hearing what she's thrown down right, you're picking up what she's throwing down at that B word, just the letter B W R D, The number one at. That be word one. That's her twitter handle and that's what that B Wordcom is where you can find all of her other goodies. and Oh here, listen to this for a quick give me six seconds. Join the party at Bipolar Partycom, like she said. You could join the party at bipolar PARTYCOM. And Hmm, yeah, I'm good. Follow me at Jay Lily show on twitter and, of course, at bipolar style. Bipolar stylecom due to do. And let's kick it over to your stuff. And thanks for coming on again, back. I really appreciate you and well look forward to a mad update on the next episode, styles on cheese and five following on twitter joys. Excuse mecom.

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