Live from Emo Dojo
Live from Emo Dojo

Episode · 4 years ago

That B-Word meets Bipolar Style; Mental Health Podcasters Unite!


John Emotions welcomes Becky, from "That B-Word" podcast as they discuss their motivations for starting their respective shows, and how things are progressing. 

We touch on stigma, why our particular identities are somewhat anonymous, and the challenges of working full-time AND producing something as challenging as a podcast. 

We also mention the various initials involved with our condition ...

Check out Becky's podcast on iTunes at

Engage Becky on Twitter @ThatBWord1

Send comments to or leave a public voicemail response (377) 944-9333

Welcome back to bi polar style,the podcast for bipolar people and those who love them. Doing US online atby polar stylecom Johnny motion. Guess WHO's here? It's that B word.Hi. Hi, you can probably backy. By the way. That's okay,awesome. So, Becky, host of that be word, thanks forshowing up. I appreciate it. It's hard. It's hard. Yeah,it's hard to wrangle people not on, not on their behalf, but juston my behalf, because, you know, it's hard scheduling when you've got certainissues happening in life. So I really appreciate you coming on. Andthings are especially interesting today because I'm traveling. I took a train ride, whichis really fun. I really highly recommend that, and now I'm atmy dad's house up in the mountains with the head kind of suspect audio setup. So I think it's going pretty well, though. So your voicesounds great and that's killer. Hey, that's yeah, the most jealous.I want to take a train ride to yeah, it's so neat, Ilove it. There's a there's a train that is comes near to where Ilive and it's like an express train to DC. So I want to goup there and do that and hit the museums. Oh yeah, it's awesomethem, totally. I love museums, especially they're they're all free. Yeah, exactly. Wow, not really free. I mean we do pay for them. Somebody paid for that. That's right. So how did you getinto podcasting? I think we're both new to podcasting, right. I knowI'm pretty well. Yeah, no, I'm very new. I well,I've been listening to podcast for a really long time and you know I lovethem, and that's pretty much all I listened to. Every buddy's really boredwhen they get in the car with me, because but not a good cast andthey want some music. But so I love the format and I alwayskind of wanted to get into it, but I never had a topic right. I never really thought that anything I had to say would be interesting enough. So, after listening to some other podcast mental podcasts, shout out tothe normal bipolar guy. Yeah, I just decided, you know, I'mjust going to do it. So I did it and here I am.Yeah, was was your drive like? Were you ever into radio? Like, did you want to be a DJ, or was it more of a kindof like I want to have by bipolar voice heard, was it?Well, actually, I did have a radio, Internet radio show for alittle while. There's my dog, all right, so I did that forfor a while. So, but it was never like for Real Dj.It just is that on the side, something to do. You've got agood voice for radio, though, so I was wondering. That sounds likeshe's done this before. What kind of radio show did you do before?It was just local music, like local bands. Yeah, oh, that'sawesome. Yeah, it was fun. It was a lot of fun becauseI got all the demos and I got to play the new music, whichwas a lot of fun. Yeah, I know, that's perfect. What'syour favorite music style? The have a genre that you're particularly in towards?I mean, not really. I kind of love everything. Yea True MusicFan for yeah, yeah, I mean I can't really say that. I, you know, don't like any particular way genre all together because, Imean, maybe I don't listen to the country music station all the time,but there are some country songs that I love, you know, and like. There are some hiphop songs that I don't like and some that I love. So yeah, that's for sure.

It's but country is a trip,because in California I never listened to it. When I was staying in Louisiana it'sall I listened to and I don't really like it that much, butit's infectious. You start to hear it and then I just start to dissectit and I like, okay, here comes the part or is going tomention an American brand and then he'd go out and mix it up with theboys. Oh, Yep, check, check. You just like driving acrossthe country. You have a checklist of country songs and man, most songshit every cliche on there. It's pretty funny. Yeah, that's true,but I mean I just like music so much I will crank up some countryany old day and get my jam on. So, yeah, I don't wantto spare Jenny music styles, but country is interesting for sure. But, like I gain like when you're surrounded by people that listen to just onetype of music, you just start to appreciate it. I guess it's crazy. Well, and was this all in Ohio, where you are now?Yeah, I'm in Ohio right now. Yeah, that's so. That wasyou did the Ohio music scene? HMM, yeah, it was a Youngstown Ohiowhat when I was doing that. So I love that idea. Itwas it couldn't been that long. Yeah, I couldn't been long ago. Right, you're young, so it's not like our back in the day.Well, not that young, but Um, yeah, I was A it wasabout fifteen years ago. Maybe cool to say. No, can't bethat long. Yeah, Time flies the twenty it's like, think about it, like two thousand and one, like nine eleven was seventeen years ago.Where you know, sixteen years ago. It's crazy, it is. Ican't wrap my own my mom. Can't wrap my mound mind around it sometimesand there goes my mouth now. Yeah, go, go, pick your tongueup over there. I know which just happened. That's funny. Okay, well, here's where it gets kind of interesting. We talked about otherthings to talk about on when we do podcasts, and one of them isstill kind of always on the present ideas that we're always moving and we neverquite feel settled where we are. MMM, so what I hear? We couldtalk about that a little bit, but I also want to hear aboutyour methodology in creating your podcast, in particular because, like myself, youdon't use your real face and I think that's like could we kind of talkedabout that a little bit and what touched the bone especially was that part,like are we hypocritical because we're, quote unquote, fighting stigma, yet wehide behind little icons and things like that? You want to talk about that?Yeah, well, you kind of hit the nail in the head.Sometimes I'm just not sure if I am really doing any good if I amnot out there with my real face, in my real name, you know, saying this is me and you know, fight sticking with that way. orI'm hoping that like the format of my podcast, having people on andtell their stories kind of will do that for me so I don't have toand everybody can stay in onymous. But I agree, I think that's partof the value because, excuse me, have you ever heard of the termshamrock? HMM, pulling the Shamrock, or it's called the Irish goodbye.It's when you're at a party or an event and you just kind of leave, you just kind of duck out the back door. Nobody knows you left, because the idea is that you really don't want it to be about you. And that's kind of my idea with the whole just putting an icon upthere and not using the real my actual photograph, is because I don't wantit to be about a boy or a girl, or a man or woman, or a white person or a black person. I just want to beabout the person, about each each person that perceives their differences. Yeah,yeah, no, that's great, that's...'s perfect. But I also haveto work and that's that's the reality. So I've I've had jobs where thewhole thing was, hey, let's talk about, you know, our personallives and let's share, and invariably I would share about having bipolar disorder,which is wonderful, as you know, when your manic and people can look, people love to take advantage of mania. It's fun and life of the Party. You get a lot of work done. But then when you whenyou really get the press, not not the kind of Daytoday, depression alot of bipolar folks live with, but I mean when you get that harddepression where you really can't get out of bed, you're stuck, you know, in a dark room for months. HMM. You know, do,you tend to lose your job and it's obviously because of the condition and it'sthose times where I don't want to run out there waving a flag that,hey, I have a mental illness. At the same time I'm trying toget top dollar for a new job somewhere. So I don't write. I getthat it could seem hypocritical, but I also understand that I have mylife to live, that nobody else is going to pay me to be bipolaron a podcast. Right, right, yeah, yeah, I mean it'sall well and good to, you know, have your your mission and but Imean there's a practical scientific too that you have to work in, youhave to eat and yeah, yeah, do you have a day job?I do. Yep. Yeah. How do you function work? Sometimes betterthan others. Yeah, yeah, I it's actually have had this job forreally long time. Oh, nice, comparatively. Yeah, compared. What? What's the nature of your work? I work for a lawyer. Cool, so I kind of kind of have to keep it on the download becauseof that, of course, also a really, really small office. Yeah, so, but more so, I would say. Yeah, or thatindustry in particular is very entrenched and old school ways. And Oh, yeah, do you just not gonna have a conversation about these kind of things?So, yeah, it's probably best not to. Yeah, I guess.Yeah, that's cool. We don't have an h our office or anything.It's all yeah, I'm this. I'm work at a real small design firmright now and I'm like, yeah, they don't need to know anything aboutthis, what I'm doing right here at all. Yeah, really, butit's okay. I mean because I think it's fun hosting other folks that aredoing really valuable things, like Diane last week with her book about Post PardonBipolar Depression. And Yeah, she's fun and she's got a lot of coolthings. Plus's super helpful in helping promote other mental health projects, like podcastlike ours. I think that's really cool, and Jason B with this movie Donovan. That is pretty drippy. Oh See, I remember you. See, here's the thing. Now, when you were doing music, the musicradio bit, you got all the demos. Now doing a podcast about bipolar andI get all the demos, so I get to see entire movies andthings like that without that. Yeah, I know, I didn't totally didplan for that from like Oh, yeah, that's a bonus. I get freestuff to watch and listen to. But anyway, I try to domy part in and promoting, you know, pass it on and help promote peoplethat have cool projects, because God knows, it's hard to get anythingaccomplished with saying people. So, yeah, having a mental illness in getting anythingaccomplished is amazing to me. So I applaud you for having the quoteUnquote Day job and putting on a podcast. Thank you. I don't know ifI deserve a clause or if I deserve additional medication, but let's seethis. You know, I haven't told by my therapists about the podcast either. Yeah, I haven't either. Like, oh no, some things are private. What's almost like remember, like...

...the old reality shows where they putyou in a confessional and that booth which just you in the whole world talking. Yeah, I like that. I think that's what I like. I'mlike, okay, it's just me and a bunch of anonymous people, becauseI've always had the best conversations with like anonymous people that bus stops and thingslike that. Yeah, so, and honestly, I've had great conversations twicetoday with animals, with two different dogs. You know, did they just theyjust get it. You just come up to you and I like,Oh, what's up. Whose dog are you? Cool? Yeah, what'syour dog's name back there? Hmm, what's your dogs? Then my dog. He's annoyed that I'm not letting him in the room with me right now, and it's let us towards then, not doing yeah, let him inthe room. Hold on a second. Yeah, totally aloud. Why areyou so loud? And hopefully doesn't Bark to get let out in you'd befine. People get right, people get with dogs. Are Say we hada gotta have dog ugs, gotta have animals. On a road trip wewere taking cats in the car with us to Louisiana and cat crates and Ithink that lasted about ten minutes because just the cats were me owing so incessantlyin the crate and are like we're not stopping this car for hours, solet's let those fuckers out. And it was great. The cats just crawledall around the car the whole way to Louisiana. I loved it. Andthey're pretty good about, you know, just chilling on your lap and notgetting down by the petals, so it's good. Yeah, animals and carswere just a mind blowing trip. Yeah, I know. Going with cats asharder doves is a little bit easier. I think. What kind of dogis? That sounds pretty big. He's a Mutt. Yeah, he'sa yeah, I think he's a gold nerd riever mix, but he's arescue, so it's hard to tell. Yeah, good for you on therescue bit. Yeah, well's the only way to go really. Yeah,I couldn't imagine getting a pet from a pet store. Oh remember. Idon't know how old you are, but back in the day they used tohave actual pet stores in shopping balls, like indoor shopping balls, with petstores inside of them. Yeah, I remember. So weird, gross.He was your Gross Funny Story. So a my friends grandmother brought them homea parakeet that she found at the mall that had flown away from the petstore. Oh No, found it like wandering in the ball and she juststuck in nerberd come home gave to them. It's funny, true. Yeah,too cool. That's probably why they don't have those inside the males anymore. Yeah, Hey, so what's the hardest thing you're finding about producing apodcast? Think the just finding the time to edit, you know. Yeah, a hard something that I'd struggle with, you know, because I edit minepretty heavily. I don't think that you have edit yours as much asI do mine, but can you tell? Because well, you're you know,you're just a lot better at keeping the conversation going, I think,than I am. But and most of half mine is just me. Sowho you know? What I heard today? I was listening really in my headabout it. What I was listening to podcast today. I was listeningto something called ninety nine percent invisible. I've heard of those. Yeah,that MMMM. It's a good one because they have like lots of theme musicwhen they're talking about like an art gallery. They were being very descriptive with thewords, but they also have some really cool mood music in the background. So that was pretty neat. But yeah, I think it's I likeit. That's so far just getting one person and asking how they how theydo what they're doing. That's that's always interesting to me, because I've neverrun out of curiosity about what other people...

...are doing and how they got there, especially once I find out they've got bipolar disorder to start with. Whatelse? What else do you have, have been diagnosed with, or feellike you have? Well, I have been diagnosed with bipolar. They won'ttell me type one or type two, but I'm pretty sure it's type oneand they don't like to commit. Her lane part right. They don't wantto commit because nobody really knows where your head was when that episode, thatqualifying episode, happened. They don't know exactly where your head was. Soyou're right, they don't want to call it one or two sometimes. Yeah, yeah, so I don't know. Maybe it's the other way specified,who knows? But I they also do to diagnosed me with borderline personality disorderand generalized anxiety disorder. So that's troubling effecta yeah, that I have.I have the anxiety myself and I'm certain I have bpd as well, whichis super troubling. That seems like the biggest not in my head, tounwin. That's not the mood shifts. After a while you just kind ofget numb to mood shifts. I mean you still feel them, but it'slike Oh boy, here comes depression, or Oh boy, or comes mania. But with the personality thing, I'm always wondering like way, is thatme? Am I good person? Sure, and then you compound that with anotherlayer of emotion and then maybe throwing some anxiety for good measure. AndYeah, it makes I would just I'm amazed that things get done at atall by by people that have any sort of mental disorders. Yeah, itis amazing. I sometimes amazed I make it to work every day. Soyou have this function. Yeah, you sounds like you have family and apretty close social circle to help you out. Yeah, well, I have myhusband and his two kids and well, we have them every other weekend andthen my family is most of us are pretty close by. I haveone sister who lives in Arizona now, but we're all pretty close by.So it's I I'm lucky because I have a lot more people in my lifethat are around to help me then a lot of people do. So,yeah, I remember that. Sometimes you wonder if people, if people's bipolardisorder is exacerbated by the fact that so many people just give up on themand it kind of creates a downward spiral seven sense, you know what Imean, like, especially if it's not diagnosed when you're younger, and yourfamily, your friends and your school and your employees or whatever, employers,if they all just think oh this, this guy's just an asshole. Fuckthis guy you know? Are they? Then? Finally, and you,especially if you have a personality disorder and bipolar disorder on top of it,you're not sure why you're being perceived as that asshole either. So in away, getting diagnosis somewhat of relief. It's like, Oh, thank God, I'm not an Asshole, I just have bipolar disorder and personally said youdisorder. Did you feel that relief or did it hit you like a likea train? Well, when I was first agnus with bipolar disorder, Idid not feel any sense really whatsoever. So you weren't feeling crazy up untilthen. Like, what can you share? What prompted you to go to thehospital that last time where you finally got labeled bipolar? Yeah, well, so I my dog is whistling. That's a that's a switch. Well, whining, I meant. It just sounds like a whistle. So maybeI'm just daunching the question. Okay, so I was in a relationship witha girl who started started cheating on me,...

...blah, blah, blah, andwalked and I walked in. Well, I was having I don't know whatI was having with having a some sort of episode anyway, and Iwalked in on them. You caught thegether. That's so, because now you havelike a visual that sucks. Sorry, that happened. Well, you know. Okay, that's a great trigger if people talk about well, justyou bipolar get triggered. Well, you know, I don't want to saytechnically yes, but it sure seems like it from from our perspective. Right, right, yeah, and I mean I guess I reacted pretty badly andkind of got violent a little bit, and so I ended up a properat old spots to me. But okay, yeah, yeah, well, itwasn't entirely approverate. It was a little bit more than was necessary.I could have just left, but so I ended up in the hospital anddoctor looks at me and tells, me, Oh, yeah, your manic rightnow. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. Wow, what do you mean? I'm not bupolar. What are you talking about? He's like yeah, no, you're definitely manic and you're going to stayhere for three days. And after that kind of gotten to therapy. Andafter I was in therapy for a while, that's when they diagnosed me with aborderline as well. That are really take the wind out of your saleshere in that. And, by the way, you get three days inour hotel psych ward. That's is I mean comparatively, I think it's notas bad as some of the horror stories that I've heard other people have togo through. Yeah, it's just born. I mean it was, yeah,so boring. I'm like, you're trying to bore me out of here, On't you? You try to make it so bored. I'm just goingto say, never mind, I don't have bipolar never sorry, I'm justkidding. It's so boring, Oh my God. And then you're also inthere with with, you know, bless them, but you're in there withpeople that are really sick, like with schizophrenia, and people that are almostbouncing off the walls and talking to themselves, and that doesn't help a person withan emotional disorder at all. Like, I no offense, but that's trippingme out, man. Yeah, no, that definitely kind of theyget you started on some meds, like some Sarah Weel or some something.To call me down exactly, it was Sarah. Well, yeah, that'sstuff. I had later asked my therapist. I'm like, what is Sarah Whilreally she goes. It's basically a rhinoceros tranquilizer. Oh, I'm like, well, that explains it, because that's pretty much what it feels like. I never thought of it that way. Yeah, sure. Knocking me out, though, does it drive you crazy as it does me like that? They can only really focus with bipolar folks on the matic side, anyever. Yeah, I mean that's kind of the only fun I have.And then they take that away and they never cured or or deal with iteffectively enough to move on to the depression. At least in my case. It'salways been well, let's try a new and it's psychotic. Let's trya new anti convulsive. Let's try I'm like, how about a happy pill? Where's that? I have lots of friends that have happy pills and theyseem happy. Wow, why me? And then it seems like a personnow that the personality defect comes in and you think the world's after you becauseonly you can't get the happy bill. Yeah, nope. The her partis I think when you have just the bpd and the bipolar, you don'talways the symptoms are kind of similar. Sometimes. Yeah, they will.They mingle together like a DNA strand not, I don't yeah, like as aPun, but I mean just usually I think very visually and when Ithink of those two disorders I think of DNA or really twisted pretzel or aGordian nod or something, because they seem... coexist a lot. Yeah,they do, so to tell. And they've confused the Medisin Gang, youknow, because people with bipolar disorder often use bpd as the initials for bipolardisorder. It's further complicates the matter and I've gotten called pieces of Shit andall kinds of nasty names for simply sorting that out in facebook support groups andlike BP. BP is blood pressure, bed is bipolar disorder. BPD isborderline personality disorder, and they're like like fuck, you fucking know it all. How there you come in here and tell us what's right, like you'reon some high horse. I'm like, Oh, this is not a supportgroup. You're hurting my feelings now, yeah, really, Geez whatever.But I'm like an Ari's and I'm also like a in the Myers Briggs oflike an EANTJ's tie. So I'm like the exact opposite. For me,I'm like very rare come into a room and just jump into stuff. SoI get the blowback, but not in that case, because it's I thinkit's important to like to be specific, especially in these two cases. AreNot trying to be flipping about it either, but because neither ones really curable.One you can take medicine for the other one you can get therapy forboth. You can get there before. But yeah, the personality disorder seemsreally disturbing. I'm more disturbed about that diagnosis of myself than I am ofthe bipolar disorder. What about you? Yeah, well, it's a harderone to deal with it because it's more I mean bipolar disorder stigmatize bit boarding. Personality disorder even more so, at least as far as my experience goes, because people always want to put you pitcheonhole you in the you know,the fatal attraction type hole, and it's the yeah, if you tell somebodythat you have beatty, better make sure that they are on your side.Oh Man, yeah, they will. Well, because a lot of peopleread up on it and one of the first specific personality disorders they'll get toafter borderline, is narcissism. Is Narcissistic. Yeah, now disorder and then thestart thinking, oh, that's right, see, you do act like trumpand are like what worded I come from, and not that it's soit's so bad. But that's another thing that that just really trips me outis mental illness in the public pop culture domain. HMM. Yeah, it'slike who really has it? Who's jumping on the bandwagon? What do wedo about those that kill themselves? There's so many, you know, somany angles. Do you promote a suicidal celebrity because now we can talk aboutit, or do you think it actually encourages more suicides? There's yeah,there's so many controversial ways to carve that piece up. I don't even knowwhere to begin. Yeah, I know, especially with Chester Bennington. And Yeah, I was just thinking that I watched that concert from last night.It was really good. Oh Yeah, yeah, they shot a concert atthe Hollywood bowl with everybody from the Hollywood rock scene was there and they playedall their old songs and the audience sang in the end. They sang.All jesters, aren't the whole audience there? It came out so nice, ohmy gosh. Yeah, at and it's still up on their website,so it's free. You just watch the whole conversation. Check it out.Yeah, you'll dig it. But that was heartbreaking because that was my likedivorce song, like in the end, when I first got divorce or mywife left, being whatever, that was like the song that I was like, that was my sad song, and then it became thus sad song formy divorce. So when it kind of came full circle when he took hisown life by suicide, I'm like, Oh, Whoa, that's heavy.Matt and Chris Cornell, that whole thinks. I'm I just have a like arock background generally speaking. So those...

...were kind of the guys that werefive, ten years older than me that I looked up to, and andhere they go taking the back door out see you. It's really hard.Yeah, it's hard to talk about sometimes. Yeah, it is, and Idon't know whether or not talking about it, I mean talking about it. It's got to be helpful, but is it like glorifying you? Theythey're already larger than my figures. Is it glrifying to talk about their suicide? You know what I mean? Yeah, no, I totally do, butI'm making any sense. No, I that's where is the line?Like it or can you be on both sides? Because there's scientific data thatshows every time you start reporting on more suicides, more suicides occur. Right, that's there. But when somebody that already is a celebrity, you're notgoing to be able to duck and dodge the TMZ's of the world. They'realways going to be out there promoting it. Maybe it is better to take controlover the messaging and do your family's suicide the best way you can.You know what I mean, because I know Bennington's wife and his son seemedto be really kind of assertive out there on twitter about the whole thing,and I think that's great and what awesome way to handle grief, you know, with you know, thousands or hundreds of thousands of other people sharing itand sharing their own stories. So it's kind of in the same way whatwe're doing. We have our own burdens, which happens to be our disorders,and now their burden is the death of a loved one by suicide.So yeah, I guess it gets back down to you can't really knock peoplefor for living out there their thing, their own way. Yeah, yeah, that's true. So what's on the horizon? For Your podcast. You'regoing to keep doing it. She's doing all right. Huh. Yeah,yeah, and myself. Yeah, that she seemed pretty strong in the videothat she did a bit. She talked after after a couple songs. Yeah, anyway. So, yeah, what are you doing with your podcast?Like what's on the horizon? You're going to keep having more guests and sharingmore stories. Yeah, well, I think that, like having guess,is going to be my focus, or it's going to I'm going to tryto make you make it my focus, as long as people, when itcome talk to me and and then just sharing a little bit of current events. I think that's where I'm going to stay with it, because I thinklike the personal stories are I go back and forth, or like I feellike they help people my you know, letting other people know that they're notalone and things like that, and then sometimes I wonder, though, isit it's helpless? I think it is, like I guess. Well, here'sthe thought about it, because I think you're right. I think itis very helpful to hear that you're not alone, right, and but thenhow many times will great one to hear that if they're a regular listener?So then I look back, just like the development of some of these facebookgroups, and I see that they add like two or three hundred people aday. Not that our podcast add two or three hundred listeners a day,but if they got to that point, then I think it would be okayto be somewhat redundant because you're catching new people all the time that just foundout. Like the imagine that hundreds of people or thousands of people each dayare just finding out they have bipolar disorder or borderline or you know anything.That's that's amazing to me and I tend to forget that because I've been,you know, trying to manage it for so long that there are always goingto be brand new people. They are freaking out like, Oh my God, what I do? Is this medicine dangerous? How will I feel?What happens to my life? So man right, get on a tangent.Yeah, so I would have tried to...

...focus on people, other, othermental health people like ourselves that are creating things tend yeah, I tell you, slipped in the beds really awesome. Yeah, I did. That wasby accident. But so you create a podcast and Diane wrote a book andJason made a movie. So as long as a stay on that tip,that should be pretty interesting, I think. But what? So gonna try toget sorry, go ahead, no, no, go ahead. I'm lookingat how much I talk versus how much you talk, and my meteris so much more red than yours, so you have to talk more.Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, I have too much. I know it'swell, that's okay, because we're talking about the the Myers Briggs and it'sit's funny because your says almost exactly the opposite of mine. I'm IINFP andyou're like, Oh yeah, well, the other start other side of aquadrant. Totally. That's funny. So I'll let you talk. Is Whatdid you want? But that, I was going to say. Yeah,I think that I'm going to try and get some people on the podcast whoare like providers, like mental health writers, to and try to balance it outsomewhat so that's not always actual professional somebody right Pol there. Yeah,that's a good idea. Like, oh my gosh, my dog. Yeah, the dog agrees. That was the bark of agreement. You think myhusband would help me out and runs interference. But no, no, this actuallyall adds for flavor for the PODCAST, because the talk of the husband helpingyou, that the dog barking on Q. That's perfect, that's great. That's podcast cold, you know, is it? Yeah, I thinkso. I don't know, I'm making this up as I go. Ijust I know what I like to hear at that that's actually real. Ialmost recorded this podcast from outside where we've got squirrels and bears running around,but there's also a car traffic, so I'm like, yeah, right,but and bears don't make a noise, so I kind of diminished that fun. I was going to ask. Oh, I mean they do, but youdon't want to hear it. Yeah, the sound of their teeth on yourskull crushing it. Okay, here's something I would be totally remiss ifI didn't ask, because I'm me. Okay, so on the bio forthat be would it says? I'm not reading it directly, but it sayssomething about you covered talk topics, including sexuality. Let's talk about that because, yeah, nobody ever talks about sexuality, almost in a way like Oh,you crazy people should not be breeding. That's the feeling I get. Buttell me, tell me what you guys cover on your show? Andhave you had some guests that specifically talked about that? I haven't. Ihave somebody on deck who is a mother to two kids. Who are youwho are gender fluid. So that, I think, is going to bemy part sexuality topic. That's going to be interesting. How old are thekids? Do you know? One is in college now. I think she'stwenty and the other one, I believe, is fifteen or sixteen, something likethat. That should be fascinated because I was just talking about yeah,the Wakowski brothers to my friend, you know, the guys who made theMatrix, who both are now women. They both transferred. I found thatamazing. It's really interesting. Yeah, so like wow, is it environment? Is it? Is it, you know, genetic makeup for for thenI think definitely some genetics in there. But I'm no professional, but it'sgonna be some genetic component to it.

You know, I have so manysome genetic, just bro Dude kind of friends and the only way I canexplain it to them is like out of a freaky Friday movie and I'm like, dude, lay down on the bed now, imagine you woke up withboobs and a vagina, and they're like like me now. I'm like likeyou now, your penis is gone, you've got a vagina, you gotboobs. What do you do next? I'm like exactly, imagine waking uplike that every fucking day, man. And because they're like oh well,that's different, I'm like how's it different, dude, and like well, I'mbored this way, and they start to get lost in some logic.Less are argument. So anyway, that should be fascinating. I look forwardto here in that one. Yeah, yeah, I think so. Andyou know I'm bisexual, so that's kind of I'm buy everything. So that'spart of what I'm trying to hope to cover a little bit. Just like, yeah, Inter section of Sexuality and Mental Health and and all of that. It is because it all kind of leads to that term that I lovecalled neuro diverse, and I think they're all kind of the same way.We just looking at life differently doesn't inherently make us bad, and I'm notentirely sold on the idea that looking at life differently means we have a disordereither. So that I'm always going to bat for that idea, like well, just because those people say we have a disorder. All all conclude thatbipolar is a good adjective for the way I feel when my moods swing,but I'm not sold that that feeling is necessarily a bad thing or not anevolutionary step in the human kind of existence. Maybe, maybe we're advanced, Idon't know. Just because they haven't caught up, why are they callingUS disordered? You know, I love getting in that kind of philosophical ideal. So yeah, I I think. I think about it sometimes like is, as far as like survival goes, I feel like people who are moresensitive or who, like us, have have more emotions. I guess Idon't know. Yeah, I think repressive to their surroundings are probably, youknow, better equipped to survive and a prehistoric type world where we didn't havecell phones and starbucks and all that. Right. Yeah, it's like theopposite. Our skills are good for the opposite of capitalism, in the capitalistworld, right, our skills are like but yeah, I think you're right. And the way I likened it is like a bipolar disordered brain. It'skind of like a very sensitive scientific device that looks awesome in a room.It's super sensitive. It has a wider range of all these things, butyou can't really take it outside and use it in the real world because you'llbreak it. All the all that dynamic energy in the real world will actuallybreak this very sensitive and valuable device called the bipolar brain. Anyway, yeah, I know, I kind of get I like it to look at it. Well, I like to think that we're kind of superheroes, that wejust haven't figured out how to harness it yet. We should. There shouldbe like a Xmen Academy for people with certain mental disorders, if not allof the right disorders. Yeah, and then we could find out what's trulydisorder and what's not. So, you know, give a few years withnanotechnology, AI development in the medical fields and all that sort of thing andwe might get to the bottom of this eventually. So, you know,then we could stop using cartoon memes for our podcast twitter accounts. Yeah,could be certain CAPES and lead hearts.

That's funny, cool, cool.All right. Anything else you want to talk about? I don't think.So. You got anything to promote? I'm good. I think you shouldpromote your twitter handle more. I do have a twitter. It's at thatB word one, the numeral one, not spilled out but one. Andthen I have my podcast, that B word, and you can find thatpretty much everywhere, their podcasts. So, yeah, you got up into theITUNES, into that. Who Do you use? The hose, gotin the Itunes, got in the stitcher. HMM. Who Do you use tohost your podcast? Oh, I use a blue host and then Iuse wordpress. Oh yeah, yeah, it's complicated. Yeah, you're prettytecntical, but that's complicated. It's yeah, it's complicated enough to turn a lotof people away. So good for you. That's yeah, not thesimplest way to go. And it looks good, sounds good. Let's filly. Actually it's more satisfying. So I guess it would be more filling,cooling or I don't know. Well, I'd like to check in with youin a few weeks to see how things are going. I really appreciate youcoming on the show and I appreciate your podcast and I look forward to theupcoming episode with the Gender Fluid Kids. Yeah, I'm really open forwarded toit too, and will be a good episode. Cool, cool, I'mhoping to learn enough. I'm hoping to learn a lot myself. So yeah, that would be great. So excellent. Okay, come back at any timeand we'll get this broadcasted out to the twitter world and we'll start sharingabout because I'm really like to get some crossover audience happening and I think it'sgreat. I think we started roughly about the same time, like after summer, right, I think so. I think you might have had been aweek a little bit before me. Yeah, put your Beta upside out before itthen. Yeah, now that's really neat. So it's cool to watcheach other grow. I appreciate that. Yeah, awesome. Okay, well, cool. Well, tell the husband and kids high, tell the dog. We appreciate the input and we'll talk to you real soon. So thanksagain for coming on by polar style. All right, thank you. Cool. So I would I'll cut there. We're done, but I don't knowif I stop the record, but I'll probably hang up on you. Butthat's cool. That's awesome. Yeah, so that explodes a lot. So, yeah, you few are the opposite of me. What's your son signedthen? Like your astrology? Yeah, Leo, Oh, no, wewere matched. There were both fire signs. I'm at areas. Yeah, thatthat explains that part. Okay, well, good. So cool.That's why your leader, that's why you put the podcast together. You're likea Leo. You're like I'm in charge of some shit over here. MyKids Mom was Leo. My roommate currently is a Lilo. My best friendin life was a Leo. Good Company. I never met it. Introverted Leo, though. It's weird that you're I in. Yeah, it isweird. M Yeah, can't help it because I've tried to. I've triedto keep taking that test over the years the hope it would change, becauseI want to be an introvert. But nope, I'm just a shy extrovertwith an anxiety disorder. That's all says. It's the worst of all worlds.Yeah, all right, I don't know. Maybe I'm not in forit, maybe I'm just always anxious, but maybe just a bad test taker. Yeah, that could be hit. Yeah, yeah, awesome, awesome. If you liked what you've heard, subscribe on Apple Podcast by Itunes andjoin us at my color stylecom. Thanks Bill. It's.

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